


Long Goodbye

by Bunnytaichou



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Overwatch, Amnesia, Angst and Tragedy, M/M, Mentions of Non-Consensual Sex, Sexual Content, young mchanzo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:51:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 103,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14477031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunnytaichou/pseuds/Bunnytaichou
Summary: What if after building a beautiful relationship with the love of your life, suddenly all of those memories are taken away from them?  Would you give up or would you start anew for the sake of love?





	1. Prologue

3 AM. At a time when most people should be sleeping, he finds himself staring at the time and wondering if the minutes are taking an eternity to pass on purpose. The obviously American person sitting beside him smells of too much cologne and sweaty armpits. He would move, but all of the seats near this gate are taken, and he wants to be right here when boarding is called. By the looks of things, it’s going to be a very packed flight. If he could just wait until morning, he could fly First Class, but this can’t wait. 

The clock turns to 3:01 and he sighs as he pulls up his picture folder. Immediately, he goes to a picture of a man with ear length dark brown hair and matching eyes with a glimmer of mischief in them. One brow is raised and the full pink lips show a hint of a smile. With his thumb, the looker touches the triangular patch of hair beneath those lips and then shuts his phone. Then he leans back and closes his eyes with a long sigh. 

Sleep seems to want to come now, just minutes before boarding time, but the obnoxious country music playing through his earbuds keeps him awake and also reminds him of why he’s doing this. He wants to see the picture just once more, and so he sits up to open his phone again. As he tries to open the picture folder, a large yawn surprises him, making him shut his eyes. When he opens them again, it is not the other person’s face, but his own that he sees staring back at him. He can see that his dark eyes have bags, but he chooses to ignore them in favor of adjusting the jewelry through his bridge piercing. Then he reaches up and redirects some stray hairs back into the top knot and smooths his fingers along the shaved sides of his head. Who he’s preening for, he doesn’t know. He is getting on a plane. No one will be seeing him on this 10 hour flight -- at least no one that matters.

He starts to pull up the picture again, but is interrupted by an announcement over the airport intercom system. “Flight 7426 to Los Angeles now boarding at Gate 12.”

This is it -- the reason that he’s here at this time in the morning. Standing, he shoves his phone into the pocket of his parka and moves quickly towards the boarding gate. Since he confirmed his boarding pass early, he is cleared to be one of the first people on the plane. He chooses a window seat in the third row and buckles up. Then he tries shutting his eyes again, but when he does, all he can see is those eyes and those lips. 

He thinks that sleep won’t come now that his mind has gone here. His heart is racing and it feels as though a hole has opened up inside of him. In his earbuds, some girl is singing that she hopes whoever she’s singing to will, if presented with the choice to sit it out or dance, will dance. In his mind, he travels back to a time when a pair earbuds are thrust at his face by calloused hands that were like lightning with a gun, but gentle when it mattered.

“Just listen,” a voice he has been yearning to hear speaks.

He isn’t even aware that he’s fallen asleep as the plane takes off. Thankfully, he will never see these people again. Otherwise, he would be embarrassed by the fact that while he dreams his dreams, he turns towards the window and mutters a name.

“Jesse…”


	2. The Shimada Brothers

In Japan, there is a quiet, beautiful village by the name of Hanamura. When one arrives, especially in spring, if they are momentarily released from the awe of the cherry blossoms' beauty, what they will next notice is a large castle looming above all, appearing to keep watch. This is Shimada Castle -- a place that was once called home to Hanzo. In his youth, he would have never imagined leaving it or calling another place home. It was where he was born, and where he spent much of his time growing up whether it was learning from private tutors or training for the day that he would take his place as head of the family. On the surface, it was a quiet, happy life, but what lay beneath was a bit more complicated.

Of Sojiro Shimada’s two sons, the eldest, Hanzo upheld the family honor with ease from the moment he was born as a son. His tutors never had anything but glowing reports, and his instructors in martial arts and weaponry wished that every student could be more like him. On the opposite side, there was Genji, the younger brother. While he excelled especially in stealth training, the number one complaint that those placed in charge of him had was that he never seemed to apply himself unless it was to mischief. That is why it was only a bit surprising to find the young master in the garden being subjected to the punishment of balancing himself on a wooden post.

Sitting in seiza on the ground in front of him so that he could keep an eye on his brother at all times was Hanzo, who at noon, was served tea and rice cakes by a family servant. At only 18 years old, he looked much different from the person who would board a plane to Los Angeles years later. There were no bags under his eyes, and instead of an undercut and top knot, he wore his hair long and gathered just at his shoulders, tied off with a red band. His face hadn’t been pierced yet, as it was something that his father would never have allowed. Instead, it was smooth with just a little bit of roundness leftover from the childhood that he was leaving behind. That spring was especially warm and so instead of a parka, he was fine in a blue, dragon patterned yukata and a black haori with gold trim over black hakama. Especially when he was home, Hanzo liked to dress traditionally like this, but once again, his brother was the opposite. To begin with, he had practically beaten Genji into the black Gi that that they used for training, and he was also the one to put the younger up on his perch, at their father’s behest, of course. 

When it came to Genji, Sojiro was very lenient. That was why the youngest brother was allowed to cut his hair short and wear it in spikes at the top of his head. He had also wanted to dye it some crazy color, but that was beyond the limits of how far their father was willing to bend the rules. And speaking of the rules, Genji seemed to love to test the boundaries. Even now, he didn’t look ashamed as one who is being punished should. Instead, Hanzo found the other to be smirking.

“Father is angry for real this time, isn’t he? Giving me a real punishment and all.”

Hanzo’s stern tone sounded more like a father than an older brother when he replied, “Less than you deserve. If you were my son, I would beat you.”

“Believe me, the worst nightmare I’ve ever had was one where I was your son.” Hanzo gave the other his sternest glare at this, but Genji only laughed and shrugged his shoulders. “What would you have done?”

“Beat you,” Hanzo replied without missing a beat. “One stroke for every crime you’ve committed before, one for the current crime, and two more to make you think.”

“That is terrifying. I now fear for my future nephews. I’m assuming you wouldn’t actually beat the nieces.”

Hearing this put a bit of a smile on Hanzo’s face, but it was brief. Picking up his tea, he had a sip and then sat it down to his side again before picking up a rice cake. “My children will be better behaved than you, so they won’t have to worry the way you do.” He shook his head at his brother and tutted. “Joy riding with the granddaughter of the ramen shop owner -- what were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that pretty girls love fast cars and adventurous men. I was right.”

Hanzo sighed before biting into his lunch. The eldest son barely thought about girls himself, but at only 15, his younger brother was already girl crazy enough to pull stunts like this. As much as he loved his brother, young Hanzo sometimes found himself wanting to choke him out. Today, for instance, he had wanted to spend with a book in the garden along with his tea and rice cakes. While they weren’t big plans, they were his own. For a son who was constantly kept busy with all it took to bring up the next head of the family, reading for leisure was truly a treat. But now that had fallen by the wayside because he was tasked with watching over his brother. Of course, he didn’t blame his father for asking; he would happily do anything that the patriarch commanded. Who he did blame was Genji, whose behavior caused so much trouble for the family. While Hanzo babysat and Genji was being forced to balance on the pillar for eight hours consecutively, Sojiro found that his list of family business to take care of today had now been expanded to include paying various fines, surveying the damage to the stolen car that his child had crashed into a pole, and apologizing to the ramen shop owner. It was so much trouble with one source, who stood on one foot, smiling because he had the balance of a well trained ninja. If he fell, it would only be to add further ruin to Hanzo’s day.

Now he looked up at his brother with a sigh, thinking to himself that this could be ramen. It was not what he had originally planned for lunch, but a wander to the Rikimaru ramen shop would have been nice. At the very least, he would have enjoyed the option. Because of Genji, he had no choice but to stay here and to wonder which brother was the one who was truly being punished.

“We could tell father that I did my time and he would never know the difference,” Genji spoke as though reaching inside of Hanzo’s head to his most forbidden thoughts. “Who would tell him? The servants don’t care.”

“No.” Hanzo would not allow himself to truly examine that possibility. Instead, he resumed eating his rice cakes, hoping his brother would take this as a sign that their conversation was done.

“Do you always do exactly what father tells you, even when he’s not there to see it?”

“Yes,” Hanzo nodded. “And so should you. You are a disgrace to the clan, Genji. Father gives you so much, but you take even more. When will you learn to behave properly?”

Genji fired back, “And be like you? No thank you, brother. I would rather not be 18 going on 30. Did you pluck that grey hair you found? You should leave it because it won’t be lonely for long.”

Hanzo could feel rage inside of him like turbulence beneath the surface of waters that were still in appearance. Instead of giving in, he took several deep breaths and began to recite haikus under his breath. This would be enough out of Genji, who knew not to bother his brother any further once the poetry started. Four hours had been completed of Genji’s sentence in the garden. The remaining four would be in silence.

\----------------------------------------

“Father, you wanted to see me?”

The room that Hanzo had let himself into was brightly lit by several lanterns. Just further from the center, his father was seated at the low table, filling the room with the scent of sweet tobacco as he smoked from his kiseru. The patriarch’s sharp black suit that he had been wearing this morning had been traded for a comfortable grey yukata, but the man’s salt and pepper grey hair was still slicked back in a western style. Sojiro had put on a smile when the door slid open to reveal his eldest child, and he still wore the expression after Hanzo shut the door and knelt before him to bow.

“How did Genji do,” he asked when the young man rose into the seiza position.

“Well enough, though he became only a little wobbly at the end. I don’t think it was much of a challenge for him.”

Sojiro shook his head, “The point was not simply for him to be punished, but also for him to reflect. I hope that you also took the time to do the same.”

Hanzo nodded, but he would not dare voice some of the thoughts that had come to mind while watching over his brother. After a few moments of silence, his father understood that there would be no follow up. Sojiro blew out a puff of smoke and then addressed his son again.

“Hanzo, would you like to go to the US?”

Being that they had just been discussing the serious matter of Genji just moments ago, Hanzo was caught completely off guard by the question. Now he searched his father’s face, particularly around his eyes for any hints of changes to his laugh lines. When he found none, he knew that the elder Shimada was serious.

Hanzo’s words were slow as he asked, “Me? Go to the US? Why?”

Sojiro blew out a puff of smoke and then his laugh lines became slightly more prominent as a hint of a smile graced his face. “Just answer the question. Would you like to go?”

“If you tell me to go, I will go,” Hanzo began, but when he noticed his father starting to frown, he abandoned formality and spoke while nodding quickly. “Yes! Yes, I would like to go.”

“Good,” his father’s smile began to return. “I’ll have you fly out tomorrow. It will be mostly for pleasure. However, there is a bit of family business that I want you to see to. Once that’s done, you’ll have three days to yourself.”

Three days in the US to do whatever he wanted? Finally, being the older brother to a spoiled brat like Genji was paying off. There had been trips before, but this was the first time that his father had sent him on his own, and to handle family business. Hanzo was so honored that he immediately tipped forward in a bow to thank his father.

“Alright, alright,” Sojiro chuckled, gesturing with his kiseru for his son to stop. “I am not sending you to New York, or Los Angeles -- no place exciting. You’ll be going to Santa Fe.”

Sitting up, Hanzo could not help the deadpan tone of his voice as he asked, “Where?”

“Santa Fe, New Mexico,” his father answered. “You will be meeting with a person of interest there. I want you to find out where his head is and what he’s willing to put on the table for the family. Perhaps see if his people and ours can have a long term relationship. I trust that you are the right person to do this, Hanzo.”

The young man bowed immediately, “Yes, father. I’ll start packing right away.”

“Go on then,” his father nodded. “You will be leaving early in the morning, so get to bed at a reasonable hour.”

“Yes, father,” Hanzo repeated as he quickly stood. 

Though his demeanor was calm, inside, he was filling to bursting with excitement. This would be tempered, however, when he got to the door of his father’s room.

“Oh, and Hanzo,” the family head called, causing his son to pause at the threshold and turn with his hand still on the door. “Genji will be going with you.”

\--------------------------------

Hanzo could not erase the frown on his face as he started to pack for his trip to the US. There was some frustration with his father, though he would be hesitant to admit it. Much of the anger was towards himself and his brother, however. When it came to himself, he felt that he should have known there would be a catch. A vacation on his own paid for by his father? It would never happen. The young heir was not bothered that family business would have to come first, of course. He was more than honored to be trusted with this, even if he was going to some place that did not sound particularly exciting. What did bother him was the fact that he would not be able to relax and have a real vacation because he would have to spend the entire time keeping Genji out of trouble. He didn’t even want to look at the younger Shimada, but at 3 AM, he found himself seated next to the family nuisance in a car bound for Tokyo.

Because they were going to America, the brothers had traded their traditional dress for more western attire. Hanzo always thought he looked best in pinstripes, and so he wore a vest and matching slacks over a crisp white shirt, and a blue tie. Once he was outside, he gave his brother a quick once over to be sure that he was in appropriate attire, approving of the outfit that was very similar to his save for the fact that the brother’s tie was green. An uncreative color, if Hanzo had to say so himself, but he wouldn’t make a fuss.

Once they were rolling, Hanzo propped his chin up on his fist and began to stare out of the window at the scenery rolling by. First, it was the beauty of Hanamura itself, which reminded him why the name meant ‘city of flowers’. No one was out at this hour, which made it perfect for a walk to clear one’s head. How he wished he could be out there, but he was in the car with this younger brother of his, the driver, and Shuichi, the man that served as a bodyguard for the Shimada brothers.

As the scenery switched from the flowers of their village to the more urban landscape of the city, his attention was stolen by a throat being cleared at his side. When he turned, he found his brother giving him the smile he always would when he realized that the eldest was angry with him.

“Are you going to be grumpy the entire trip, brother?”

“Yes,” Hanzo replied, turning back to looking out of the window.

Genji clicked his tongue, “I hope you’re not serious. We’re supposed to be on vacation.”

With his brow furrowing, Hanzo turned quickly to glare at his younger brother. “We are SUPPOSED to be taking care of family business. Furthermore, father isn’t here to protect you, and so you should behave properly or I will beat you myself.”

This wiped the smirk right off of Genji’s face. The punk swallowed twice and then held up his hands in defeat, moving towards his window and as far away from Hanzo as he could get. “Alright, alright. I know how serious this is for you, Hanzo. I will behave, brother. I swear it!”

Hanzo was satisfied with this reaction, and so he turned back to looking out of the window. In the meantime, he felt the seat shift as Genji moved back into place. After a few moments, he cleared his throat again. “So what do we know about this American? I like his name. McCree.”

“I suppose it does roll off of the tongue,” the elder brother agreed as he finally started to lighten up. Perhaps this trip wouldn’t be as horrible as he had initially been imagining.

Unfortunately, the brothers had quite a bit of traveling time ahead of them. From Tokyo to Santa Fe was a 14 hour flight, most of which Hanzo spent reading or napping while Genji listened to his MP3 player and flipped through magazines. He was in the middle of a nap when his brother began to shake him awake.

“Look,” Genji said, pointing out of the window. 

Hanzo had claimed the window seat, so he had only to turn his body in order to look out at the city lights. Genji, who was seated next to him, had to lean over. Shuichi, on the other hand, was largely uninterested. More than likely, he had seen it a hundred times, but for the brothers, this was a breathtaking experience.

Their father had sent along 12 men in total to watch over the brothers with about six more waiting for them on the ground. While the brothers were ushered into their waiting car, their men were armed and briefed for what they would be going into later today. At present, however, the sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon. 

By the time they made it to their hotel, Hanzo had nearly fallen asleep in the car. He walked through the lobby in a half asleep daze, and when they got to their room, he immediately crashed on the bed. Back home, it was 9 PM, but he was exhausted and jet lagged. It was all he could do to kick off his shoes before falling completely asleep.

He stayed out until 2 PM, when he woke to find that he had somehow rolled onto his back in his sleep. Not only that, someone had covered him with the blanket from the other bed in the room. It took him a few moments to adjust to the fact that he was no longer home. When he did, he started to take a look around the room. It was very rustic with all of the furniture being made of wood and hardwood floors. Light grey curtains blocked out a fair bit of sunlight and swayed a bit in the breeze created by the air conditioning. Directly ahead of him was a giant wooden structure which, upon exploring the inside of it, he found it to be a wardrobe. There were already several outfits hanging in it, none of which belonged to him. As he closed the doors, it hit him that he was in this room alone. Where was Genji?!


	3. McCree

Fury built up quickly in Hanzo as he rushed outside of his hotel room and down the hall. Then it occurred to him that he actually didn’t know where he was going, and this stopped him in his tracks. Anger died down to bitter resentment as he returned to his room and opened his phone to see if his brother had at least thought enough of him to text where he was going. There was indeed a message from Genji saying that he was going to “see the sights”, but it didn’t say where to find him. With a sigh, the elder brother closed his phone and put it on the charger. Then he started to unpack while his resentment devolved even further into sadness. He wanted to call their father and tell him that they had arrived safely, but what if the patriarch asked to speak to Genji? Hanzo supposed he could lie and tell his father that the younger brother was sleeping, but a guilty conscience would nag him for the remainder of the trip. Not calling was the best option until he found his brother, but he didn’t even know where to look.

Once Hanzo had his things put away, he returned to his phone and texted his brother a simple threat, “Be here on time or prepare to smell dirt.”

He had only gotten a few steps away in the direction of the bathroom before his phone’s text message chime sounded. Genji had wisely replied, “I will. Promise brother.”

“Must be nice to have fun,” Hanzo muttered to himself as he put his phone down and started for the bathroom again. 

About halfway there, it finally hit him that their father was not there. Genji was already gone, and so it was too late to worry about stopping him from leaving. Since he didn’t even know where to find the brother, it was also impossible to closely monitor his behavior. He COULD sit here and wait for him to come back or he could enjoy his freedom just this once. After today, he could knuckle down and keep a close eye on the younger Shimada. In the meantime, he was beginning to think to himself that he might as well take this chance to have some fun of his own.

To start off with, he took a very long shower. Back home, cleaning himself was almost constantly a rush either to get ready for the day or because he was carefully rationing his very limited free time among all the things he wish he had more time to do. But today, he didn’t have to race the clock in order to spend as much of his last hour before bed as he could reading or rush because his tutor would be arriving soon. For a good while, he stood under the spray of water and enjoy the feeling of it running through his hair. 

When he finally grew bored of showering, he took his time with getting dressed while watching a television documentary about a girl whose mother forced her to pretend that she had cancer. By the time it went off, Hanzo managed to dress himself in a blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, a pair of blue jeans, and tan boots. He geled his hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. Then he retrieved his phone from the charger before setting off.

The good thing about the men that their father employed to watch over them was that they never asked questions. When Hanzo stepped out of his room, he was immediately met by two men who shadowed him in silence as he took the stairs down to the lobby. 

Hanzo had been dead to the world tired when they had first arrived, and so he had not paid much attention to the beauty of the hotel, but now that he was wide awake, the first thing to draw his awe was the giant chandelier hanging from the ceiling at the center of the lobby. Along the cone shaped structure was what appeared to be candles. However, the “flames” were actually bulbs shaped and painted that way. Directly below it was a fountain that was surrounded by more electric pillar candles, and there were more near the front desk, which was made of the same wood as the wardrobe. 

As he walked, his footfalls sounded lovely echoing off of the shining floor. Truthfully, he didn’t know where he was going, but when he spotted a family coming from a corridor to the far left, he got curious and headed that way. His reward was a heavenly scent that made his stomach growl. Following his nose, he found himself in the hotel’s restaurant. The interior, being mostly lit by sunlight coming in from the large windows around the room, was a beautiful sight to behold with many round tables covered in crisp white table cloths and beautifully folded napkins next to crystal clear wine glasses. But Hanzo, after taking note of the sign directing him to sit anywhere, wandered out onto the patio, which looked and smelled lovely. All of the tables out here were arranged so that they would have a good view of a calming fountain at the center of the area. The outer walls of the hotel were covered in beautifully fragrant leaves and vines while planters along the perimeter were filled with lovely blooms of hyacinth.

Immediately after Hanzo seated himself at a table close to the fountain, a waiter filled his glass with water and then promised to give him a few minutes to look at the menu. But the young man already knew what he wanted and ordered right away. Once the water had gone, Hanzo opened his phone and let his thumb hover over the camera button as he pondered. Should he take a selfie? This place was so beautiful that he wanted to preserve the memory, but what would his father think if he discovered the picture of his eldest son having fun while Genji was nowhere in sight? He bit his lip for a few moments in contemplation before finally pushing the button to switch to camera mode. Then he took a picture of his very serious expression that was carefully framed to include the fountain and the hyacinth in the background. There. It was done. Hanzo put his phone down on the table next to his fork, but then quickly picked it up again and went through all of the necessary actions, only pausing when his phone asked him if he was sure that he wanted to delete his picture. Sighing, he closed the device and sat it down again. No, he wouldn’t. As much as he hated the idea, he decided that if things came to it, he would lie. 

With this decision made, he started to think about his agenda for tonight. While his father wanted Genji to be present at the meeting, a guilty part of Hanzo hoped that his brother would screw up and not make it back in time. Then he wouldn’t have to deal with the anxiety of worrying that the punk would embarrass him in front of a prominent gang leader. Speaking of, his thoughts wandered to that person as he imagined how all of it would go. While his English was fluent, he was told at least once that his accent was heavy. Hopefully, this McCree would understand him alright.

While he mentally rehearsed things he might say, his food arrived to momentarily replace his anxiety with joy. He had ordered something that he would have never taken the occasion to eat back home -- a cheeseburger and fries. Hanzo was in awe of the fact that the burger itself took up half of the plate, while the rest was occupied by fries and a single pickle slice. 

“Wow,” he remarked to himself as he stared at his meal. He couldn’t possibly hope to eat all of this himself, but as he picked up a fry and dipped into the provided tin cup of ketchup, he silently vowed to do his best.

Hanzo made it a little more than halfway through the burger and finished a good portion of the fries before he finally couldn’t take any more. His plan was to end his meal there, but then the waiter started to talk to him about desserts. A short while later, he was presented with a sundae composed of coffee ice cream garnished with cinnamon crisps and a drizzle of Mexican chocolate. Despite his full stomach’s protests, he finished it, but not without consequence. Getting back to his room was torture, and when he arrived, it was all he could do to set an alarm for 6 PM before falling into a delightful food coma.

\-------------------------------

Instead of his alarm waking him at 6, it was Genji to wake him at 5:30 by gently shaking him and calling, “Brother? Brother, wake up!”

The sleepy young man moaned as he sat up, “What is it, Genji?” 

“I’m back in time for tonight, brother!” Genji was beaming with pride in himself for having done the right thing for once. Still, Hanzo found himself in no mood to praise him for something he should have been doing all along. The younger brother didn’t seem to mind, though. He continued wearing his smile as he put a small plush Pikachu on his brother’s leg. “I won it for you, brother!”

“You did?” Hanzo was caught off guard by this. Picking it up, he gently pressed down one of the character’s long ears and then poked at its nose. It wasn’t often that Genji gave him gifts. Birthdays and Christmas were a given, but he could recall only one time where the younger sibling had presented the elder with a present for the sake of it. Turning back to Genji, Hanzo rose his brow, “Thank you… but if this is a preemptive apology for something you’re planning to do later, I will still beat you.”

Genji slightly pouted at his brother’s mistrust, “I’m not planning to do anything. I’m sorry that I left without telling you as well, but you were so tired. I covered you with the blanket and stayed with you for a while, but I got too excited to get out and see everything.”

Again, Hanzo was caught off guard. Why was his brother being so… like this? It was hard to fault the younger for wanting to go out and explore a little, especially when Genji had kept his promise to come back on time. And his gestures of brotherly affection? They were melting right through the cold exterior that comes with being an aggravated elder sibling. Right now, Hanzo couldn’t even be threatening because he was thinking to himself that he really did love this punk despite all of the trouble he caused.

Despite all of these positive feelings, Hanzo still made a ‘pff’ noise as he sat the Pikachu aside. At this, Genji’s face fell and he started to look down at the floor. “Brother, I…I know this is important to you, so I want to behave properly. I know you didn’t want me to come…”

Hanzo felt an urge to hug his little brother, but instead, he rolled his eyes and walked right past him to the bathroom. On the way, he spoke over his shoulder, “Are you hungry? Did you eat?”

The question seemed to be enough for Genji, who picked himself up and followed, “I had pizza. I’m sorry I didn’t bring back any for you, but I wasn’t the one who paid.”

Of course, Hanzo thought. It was only their first day here, but his brother had already found a girl who was willing to spend her allowance on him. How typical. While Genji leaned against the doorframe, Hanzo started getting ready for tonight with brushing his teeth. The younger seemed to get the hint that they needed to get ready and so he started undressing. At the moment, the younger brother was wearing sneakers and black jeans with a black button up short sleeve shirt and a green tie, but he started with undoing the latter while stepping towards the shower.

“Oh,” he paused in his actions. “Should you go first? I usually take longer…”

“I showered earlier, so go on if you haven’t,” Hanzo removed the toothbrush from his mouth and replied with a mouthful of foam. He rinsed his mouth afterwards and then headed back to the bedroom to get dressed.

As he laid his planned outfit on the bed, he found himself wishing he had saved the pinstripes for tonight instead, but once he was dressed, he felt reassured that he looked just as good in a grey figure flattering waistcoat, a crisp white shirt, black slacks, and a blue and white striped tie. While he rolled up his sleeves, he sat down on the bed and stepped into his new shined up black shoes. Then he grabbed the remote and began flipping through television channels, hoping to find something as interesting as the documentary from earlier. 

Hanzo was usually quick to get ready, but Genji was another story. It was 6:30 by the time he finally exited the bathroom clean and with his hair all styled up. The younger brother dressed in a waistcoat as well. However except for his shirt, Genji was all in black, including the tie, much to Hanzo’s surprise. If he was not wearing the green tie, Genji must have been really serious about behaving tonight. Wanting to show the boy just a little affection, Hanzo stood and tied his brother’s tie for him.

“Father would be proud,” he remarked as he worked. “You look like a true Shimada heir.”

Genji didn’t have a quip for once, but his smile said everything. Once his brother finished helping him with the tie, the younger sibling looked at the time on his phone and then started for the door. “We should go now, Hanzo. Better to be a little early than late. Isn’t that what father says?”

The elder’s face lit up with pride as he followed out. “Yes, that is in fact what our father would say.”

“Because then we can scope out the place before they arrive,” Genji added enthusiastically as they started down the hall with their men falling into step behind them.

At this, Hanzo chuckled, “Yes, that as well.”

He was in a good mood right up until they got into the car and started rolling towards their destination. Genji behaving so well was a positive, but he was beginning to become suspicious of it in the belief that if his own brother didn’t pull some stunt, something else would go wrong. Again, he thought of his Japanese accent. Americans can be rude, especially when it comes to language barriers, or so he had heard. There was also a scenario that he had not considered until now -- what if this McCree had an accent of his own? The only thing worse than the other party not understanding him would be himself not understanding the other party and looking like a fool for it. Nervousness made his fingers want to be busy, and so they picked at nothing on his pants and checked the knotting of his tie several times.

“Brother, tomorrow we should go shopping,” Genji spoke up, breaking the silence.

“Why should we do that?” Hanzo’s tone sounded very cold, but it was all he could do to mask his anxiety.

“The weather here is very hot. My legs sweated and made my pants stick to them. That’s why I needed to shower again.”

Hanzo considered it and then nodded, “If you behave properly tonight, I will take you tomorrow. Also, after today, don’t leave the hotel without getting my permission first.”

“Yes, brother,” Genji obediently nodded. Then a smile appeared on his face. “After today, you said. That means I could leave later tonight.”

“Do it,” Hanzo spoke flatly. “You must like how dirt smells.”

“No! I just… thought I should confirm.” Genji inched away from Hanzo towards his window and started to look out at the scenery. That was the end of their conversation.

\-------------------------------------------------

“Brother, are we going to a train?!”

The car ride here had been a short one into what was known as the Railyard Arts district, if the writing on the water tower that loomed above the place was to be believed. They were met in a parking lot across the way from a brewery by several men who immediately made them feel that they had stepped into a western. At least two had shotguns slung like yokes around their necks, but Hanzo couldn’t take his eyes off of the tallest man he had ever seen. This burly lad had on a leather vest with knives that definitely weren’t tucked into it for decoration.

Hanzo and Genji had been told to meet the Deadlock Gang here, and so they assumed they were going inside of the brewery, despite all of the weapons that the gang had. However, they found themselves being led in the opposite direction of the building to the railroad, where a train with two cars waited. 

The eldest brother didn’t need to answer the whispered question as they were all escorted onto the last car. In here were even more men and a single girl with long dark hair leaning against a rifle that was as tall as she was. Unlike the cowboys she was surrounded by, she wore a tan Native inspired top, short denim shorts with frayed edges, a necklace and bracelet of turquoise and a single long feather tied in her hair right above her left ear. Genji tried giving her a flirtatious smile, but she responded by switching the rifle to the other side of her body and turning up her nose. 

Both brothers, Shuichi, and one other man were escorted into the first car, leaving behind the rest. When they arrived inside, the brothers were frisked by two of the gang and then directed towards the comfortable looking passenger seats at the center left of the car. This would leave two of their men guarding the door along with two of the Deadlock Gang’s men.

Upon arrival, both brothers stood before two seated people and bowed before sitting across from them with Hanzo allowing Genji to take the window seat. The younger brother had sat across from someone that Hanzo noted to be a rather scrawny lad. He didn’t give that person much of a look, as he was more focused on the man directly across from him who appeared to be in his mid twenties. This person was wearing a red flannel shirt and blue bootcut jeans over boots and had brown slicked back hair under his brown stetson. Hanzo was about to address him when the silence was broken by the drawling voice of the one across from the youngest Shimada brother.

“Genji, good to see you again.”

Confused, Hanzo looked at the young man and then at his brother, whose face lit up as he replied, “It IS you. I thought so, but I didn’t think I would see you here.”

The scrawny youth smiled and tipped his hat, “Well, I had a feelin’ I’d be seein’ you.”

Now this person had earned Hanzo’s attention. His baby face didn’t have a single follicle of hair that didn’t belong to his eyebrows. Wisps of brown hair underneath his black cowboy hat stopped just above of his collar. He was wearing a red bandana over a white shirt and black vest, and his long, twig-like legs were clad in black denim and leather chaps.

“The two of you know each other?” Hanzo questioned the duo near the window.

“We met today,” Genji answered. “At the arcade, and he bought me pizza. This… wasn’t what he was wearing, though.”

“You weren’t dressed so nice either,” a sly smile graced the other’s face and remained as he turned to Hanzo and tipped his hat at him. “And you must be Hanzo.”

“I am,” Hanzo nodded. He was being very polite when he really wanted to outright ask who the hell this kid was. They had been told that they would be meeting with the boss of the Deadlock Gang and given the name McCree. There had been no description, which was why Hanzo kept looking to the stoic character directly across from him. Surely, the leader of a notorious gang couldn’t be…

“Heard a lot about you, mostly from Genji,” the kid continued to talk. “Can I get ya’ll somethin’ to drink? We got water and Coke. Nothin’ strong. ‘Pologies.”

Before Hanzo could say a word, Genji answered, “Coke!”

The other young man turned to the older at his side and held up three fingers. Then, much to Hanzo’s momentary surprise, that person stood and headed to the seats behind them. While the sounds of fishing around in ice could be heard, Hanzo thought to himself that he should have known things would go this way. Their father had insisted on sending Genji along -- he had trusted them with this because they were meeting with a child. Though McCree’s voice had enough bass in it to be worth something, Hanzo still couldn’t see him as a man.

“How ya’ll likin’ Santa Fe so far?” McCree was asking them.

Genji immediately piped up, “I’m enjoying myself. Thank you. Thank you.”

The last thanks was for the man who had returned with three Cokes. He gave one to each brother before handing one over to their host, who further displayed his position by dismissing the older man with a few whispered words. Hanzo watched him go and then turned to look at McCree again. Salt laced his words as he asked, “So you’re the Gunslinger? You.”

Genji nearly choked on the Coke that he was drinking. Hanzo was going to just let his brother sputter, but McCree was the one to reach over and pat the hunched over boy’s back. “Take it easy now. Guess American Coke’s got a little more bite to it.”

“I’m sorry,” Genji apologized when he could stop coughing like an idiot. “I thought that other guy was the boss.”

Well, at least Hanzo could agree with his brother on that. When he turned his attention to McCree, he found the other one smirking. “Who, John? Nah. The only boss of Jesse McCree is Jesse McCree unless someone’s gonna pay Jesse McCree real nice to do somethin’. Then, maybe that guy’ll get to be Jesse McCree’s boss for a while.”

“Do you always refer to yourself in the third person?” Hanzo shot out and then regretted it. Even though he couldn’t take this kid seriously as the boss of anything, he reminded himself that he still needed to be respectful for the sake of the deal.

“S’a bad habit of Jesse McCree’s,” McCree replied and then winked. “I get it. You’re serious and wanna get down to it right now.”

“You can get us guns,” Hanzo started.

McCree interrupted, “I can get you anything. It really just depends.”

“On what it is, I’m assuming.” Now that they were actually talking business, Hanzo started to feel a lot more comfortable. Grabbing the cap of the Coke bottle, he twisted it off and had a quick sip.

McCree, in the meantime, left his untouched and resting between his crossed legs. He nodded, “On what it is, and on who’s askin’. If it’s for you, I can definitely get anything ~”

Hanzo’s face began to feel a little hot, but this only aggravated him. After a self reminder to stay polite, he spoke again, “We could always get guns ourselves…”

“Oh, I’m sure you can,” McCree folded his arms behind his head and leaned back. “There’s a Walmart we can drop ya’ll off right in front of. You can go right in ‘n grab yourselves coupla guns right now. You shoulda been told we don’t get children’s toys. If ya’ll want water guns, go to someone else. If ya’ll want military grade hardware, you’re hangin’ around on a train with who’s gonna get it for ya. But if ya’ll think I can’t cuz’a my cute face…”

Hanzo wanted to punch that cute face, but instead, he turned and gestured to Shuichi, who brought along a black briefcase. The elder Shimada waited until his man was gone to place the case on McCree’s lap. With a quirked brow, the young man sat up and opened it. Then he closed it with a grin.

Hanzo wouldn’t give him a chance to say something annoying. Instead, he spoke quickly, “That’s a retainer fee. You’ll get the rest when you deliver.”

“Nice,” McCree smiled, opening the case again and taking out a stack of rubberbanded American cash to smell. “Smells real nice. You can tell your boss that we’ll be deliverin’ in a week or less. Until then, I’m gonna put a chunka this to work tonight. Let me show ya’ll a little hospitality. Steak’s on me tonight, boys.”

He had a polite decline all ready, but before Hanzo could say a word, Genji was already saying, “Great!”

Hanzo wanted to strangle him then and there, but it wasn’t worth it. If the damn cowboy wanted to treat them to free dinner, why not? What was the worst that could happen?


	4. Water to Whiskey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a double update because I got sick when I meant to edit and upload this chapter and I had already finished a large chunk of next chapter, so I just rolled with it. Also, Genji is a precious cinnamon roll that must be protected from Hanzo.

The steakhouse that they were being treated to turned out to be in walking distance of their hotel. McCree took them in a back entrance, one arm slung around Genji as though they had been friends forever. In the meantime, Hanzo felt like a third wheel who had been driven through salt. He lagged behind the duo with Shuichi and the others following. None of the Deadlock Gang came with the damn cowboy because, according to McCree, he was in good company and could “take cara myself”. 

In the restaurant, McCree took them up a set of stairs and into a closed off room with wide windows overlooking the patio. Upon seeing it, Hanzo wondered why they couldn’t have met here instead of on a train, but decided to keep it to himself. Genji sat next to the other young man, and Hanzo sat across from them while Shuichi decided to stay outside with the other men. 

As soon as the other two boys sat down, their phones were pulled out while they babbled over whatever it was that they were mutually interested in. Hanzo barely listened, and he kept his eyes on the menu in front of him instead of watching them exchange phone numbers. When they were done, he overheard McCree saying, “I’ll get it to you before you leave, ‘specially if you call me so I don’t forget.”

Feeling done with this entire situation, Hanzo became so ready to get back to the hotel that by the time the waiter came in to fill their water glasses and take drink orders, he was already set to order his entree. McCree was just rolling in the dough tonight, wasn’t he? And so Hanzo had no qualms about ordering a $200 Kobe steak. Hearing this order, the punk cowboy in fact remarked, “Well, that does sound mighty good. Make mine medium-rare.”

“Oh yes. Mine as well,” Genji chimed in. 

Once the menus had left those two’s hands, they were back at it again, with McCree describing some gory scene that had apparently happened in some trash that he had been reading. At least Hanzo was sure that it was trash. He didn’t take the cowboy to be any kind of connoisseur of fine literature. 

After a long sigh, Hanzo stared down into his water glass and began to daydream of places that weren’t here. Home immediately came to mind. He wished that he was back there with the cherry blossoms instead of seated across from two children who were playing gangster for fun. Lost in his own thoughts, he barely heard McCree talking to him. He would have gone right on ignoring him if he hadn’t heard his own name.

“My apologies. What was the question?”

McCree’s smile was full of patience and amusement, “Said how bout you, Hanzo? You like doin’ anything fun?”

Why was McCree asking him this? Furthermore, why did Hanzo care that he couldn’t think of anything that the other two would call fun? He shrugged as he picked up his water glass, “I like to read.”

“It’s true,” Genji chimed in. “He reads all of the time.”

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that,” McCree was still smiling at him, and there was something about it that couldn’t go ignored. 

It was perhaps too long that they sat there looking at each other, but the moment was interrupted by the waiter bringing in a bottle of honey colored liquor and three shot-glasses. Once it was sat on the table, their host’s face lit up as he started to pour out three shots. “Here we are! Do a shot with me, fellas! Let’s call it sealin’ the deal. Ain’t a man you can trust like a man you had a drink with. Someone or another said that before, I think.”

Hanzo started to say no, but of course Genji had already grabbed a glass, and McCree had one of his own. He was too old for peer pressure, wasn’t he? So why did he find himself picking up a glass and half heartedly joining in the toast? 

Hanzo downed the liquor quickly, grimacing at the way it burned his mouth and throat. “It’s horrible,” he complained bitterly when he could speak.

“It’s an acquired taste,” McCree shrugged as he tossed the water out over his shoulder and then poured some of the liquor into the now empty glass. “Been at it since I was 15, so it goes down like Koolaid.”

“What is Koolaid?” Genji questioned.

Hanzo zoned out before he could hear the answer because he had a more important question. Would their father approve of them drinking if it was for the sake of a business partnership? He didn’t have to know did he? Just like he didn’t have to know about the burger meal that Hanzo was still slightly full from eating. Sojiro also didn’t have to know that his eldest son was about to waste a $200 steak because he had thought ordering it would take McCree down a peg. That damn boy was just too confident and cocky. He was just throwing around money like he did with that water on the floor, and he kept smiling...

When Hanzo looked up, the cowboy was looking right at him and had the audacity to wink. Who did he think he was? If it was Genji behaving this way, a lecture about behaving properly would surely happen. But Hanzo couldn’t do that with McCree, could he? And so he had to endure those little smiles, and he had to wonder what they were about.

One good thing did come of the night, and that was Hanzo learning of an American concept known as the “To Go Box”. He only managed to finish a quarter of his steak and couldn’t even touch the accompanying vegetables. American restaurants gave out entirely too much food, he had learned. And now he was amazed to learn that the waiter would pack up the leftovers in a box that could be popped into a microwave to be reheated and eaten at a more convenient time. Unfortunately, the only reason he learned this was because McCree saw his struggle to finish his meal and requested it from the waiter on his behalf. Once the food was packed up, McCree scooted his chair over and used the handle of his fork to scratch letters into the lid of the styrofoam box.

“See? Wrote your name so you can tell it from Genji’s,” he smiled again, and Hanzo felt his face turning red. He also felt like stabbing McCree in the nose with a fork. Instead of acting on either of those, he stood abruptly and headed for the door with his box.

“Genji, we are going. It’s late.”

“Aww,” his younger brother complained. But he stood obediently with his own box and started to follow the eldest out. “Thanks for everything, McCree. I will see you before we leave, right?”

“Promise,” McCree nodded. “Cross my heart and hope to die and all that. I’d walk you fellas back, but I think I’mma help myself to mor’a this…”

Hanzo rolled his eyes at the sight of the young cowboy pouring himself another drink. It was proper to say goodnight, but at this point, all his tongue held were bitter words. Only when they were in their car for the short drive back did he allow some of them freedom. 

“A fucking kid,” he grumbled as he glared out of the window. “I should have known father wouldn’t trust me to handle anything serious.”

“Did you say something?” When Hanzo turned to Genji, he found his brother using his finger to trace the letters that formed his name in the styrofoam box on the boy’s lap. When had that happened? Why did he even care? The younger brother started to frown as he fidgeted with the box lid. “Hanzo? Brother? Are you… angry with me?”

Was he? Or was he angry with McCree? Or was it their father? Or was it himself? Their car came to a stop, and Hanzo got out quickly before storming into the hotel to avoid giving his brother an answer that he didn’t have.

Once he was in their room, Hanzo immediately dropped his box in the trash. Then he went into the bathroom to shower away some of the salt. The water running all down his body from head to toe was soothing enough to wash away his anger, leaving him with guilt caused by how he had acted tonight, especially towards Genji. His little brother was a nuisance, true, but the boy’s heart was mostly good. Mostly. Genji had his wicked ways every now and then, but he was much slower to anger and quicker to show love than his older brother. With this in mind, by the time Hanzo stepped out of the shower an hour later, he had decided he would make it up to Genji.

By the time he returned from the bathroom, all of the lights were off and the TV was being watched by no one. Genji was lying on his side in the second bed with both arms dangling off. The clothes the younger brother had been wearing were thrown all over one of the chairs so that the former wearer was now clad only in his green boxers. Smiling a little, Hanzo gently pulled the TV remote from one of his brother’s hands. Then he covered him with a blanket and gave the other’s head a pat. 

Once he was sure that Genji was ok, Hanzo got into bed. Tomorrow, he would make things up to him by having an entire brothers only day with him. It would be a long time in the making and probably a lot of trouble. Hanzo couldn’t wait.

\--------------------------------------------

Traveling and all of the excitement of yesterday must have taken its toll on Genji because the youngest Shimada brother didn’t wake up until a bit after noon. Once he was awake, the first thing he did was start whining that he was hungry. Hanzo had already gone down for the free continental breakfast, but he felt like he could eat again, and so he suggested that they go to the hotel restaurant. This allowed him to take more pictures not only to fool his father, but also because he really loved the scenery and he did want to remember this time with his brother. As Genji put it, “It’s rare that we get to spend time together that isn’t you watching over me while I’m being punished.”

Hanzo looked down, at first not knowing what to say. He didn’t want to come across as overly sentimental, but his opinion on his brother coming along for this trip had changed. How he felt about his sibling was also changing.

“You did well yesterday,” he spoke at length. Looking up, he found his brother’s smile to be as bright as the sunlight that lit the patio area. This should have been encouragement to follow through with more kind words, but instead, he added, “But I was angry with you for not telling me beforehand that you knew McCree.”

Genji’s face fell, and he immediately protested, “But Hanzo, I didn’t know it was him! At the arcade, he didn’t look like some cowboy. Not really.”

“But he said that he knew he would be seeing you…” Hanzo trailed off, and Genji picked up immediately.

“I haven’t seen many Japanese people around. He must have known that way. It was McCree to approach me first. We didn’t talk about the meeting at all. Just played Area 51 together. He’s really good at it. That makes sense now, knowing he’s the gunslinger…”

“Hm,” Hanzo steepled his fingers. There was a lot going on in his head, but seeing that his brother was no longer smiling, he made the decision to try to put those things aside in favor of having a good day with his only sibling. Getting the dessert card that was still left on the table, he pointed out the sundae that he’d had yesterday. “Look at this dessert, Genji. The chocolate isn’t like anything you’ve ever had before.”

“You ate this?” Genji asked with slight disbelief showing on his face.

Hanzo nodded, “I did. Today, I’ll eat it again. You should try it.”

“I think I will,” the younger agreed. 

Hanzo would wish that he was able to say that they had a lunch that was full of sharing and getting to know each other, but the truth was that he often found himself struggling to relate to this younger brother. Though they had the same parents, they were raised differently. As a result, Genji was outgoing and friendly while Hanzo was introverted and could seem abrasive. Other than the trip they were currently on, what could they talk about?

He might have thought that the day was a waste, but going to the clothing store and a pair of black and white plaid shorts in particular saved it. It was Genji’s idea for Hanzo to try them on. The older brother protested at first, but then the youngest showed practicality by reminding him of the Santa Fe heat. Besides, Hanzo rather liked the pattern and decided to pair the shorts with a black t-shirt with a white dragon on the front. 

“Wow,” he remarked upon looking at himself in the fitting room mirror. He did like the casual clothing, particularly how they made him look like the teen that he sometimes forgot he was. It was his legs that made him question if this was a good look. “I didn’t realize that I am so pale…”

“Just your legs. They don’t match the rest of your body,” Genji was cracking up at the moment, and this helped Hanzo to find the humor.

“What are you saying?” He pointed as his brother’s own exposed legs, which were not quite as pale as Hanzo’s but they were definitely scrawny. “Honestly, it appears we are both victims of skipping leg day.”

“My legs are well toned,” Genji crossed his arms, but continued to be amused. “I’m shocked that you would confess to skipping leg day.”

Hanzo shook his head as he started to study his pale limbs, “It must be some Shimada curse to have pale bird legs. Suddenly, father’s pet name for you makes sense.”

“That isn’t why,” Genji stuck out his tongue and then stood so that his legs could be easily compared to his brother’s in the mirror. “And look at this. How are you older, but your legs are even thinner than mine?”

“I’ve skipped more leg days than you,” Hanzo smirked as he started to look at his whole outfit. Aside from the pale bird legs, he thought he looked pretty cool.

“So you DO skip it too,” his brother gasped. 

“No, I don’t, but now I know that you do.” Though he was teasing his brother, he became suddenly worried that Genji would think the eldest was going to go tattling to their father. To dispel this, he gathered up the clothes that they were wanting to buy and started out of the fitting room. “I’m going to wear this today. We have today and tomorrow for our legs to get some sun, don’t we?”

“That’s true,” Genji agreed as he grabbed what was left over and followed his brother.

“Good! What do you want to do now?”

Genji replied without missing a beat, “Let’s go to the arcade. I can show you Area 51!”

The younger brother worked in mysterious ways. Hanzo didn’t know why Genji wanted him to play this game, but since he had vowed to make this day for his sibling, he didn’t protest. Once they were finished shopping, their purchases were put into a car to be taken back to the hotel by some of their men. Then they went to the arcade.

Hanzo wasn’t a complete stranger to fun. As small children, he and Genji had a lot of it together; stepping into the arcade made him remember this. The younger brother wanted to go right for Area 51 once they had two cups filled with tokens, but Hanzo grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Hold on. Look.”

The game he was taking his brother to was skee ball, and it certainly brought back memories. Hanzo stuck his token in and Genji immediately hit the button. Then he grabbed a ball and held it out to his brother.

“Like when we were small.”

Hanzo felt all of the warmth in the world as he replied, “I was thinking about that too.”

Taking the ball, he turned and then bowled it up the lane, aiming for the 100 point cup, but just missing it narrowly. When he turned, Genji had another ball for him. Blushing slightly, he admitted, “I’m out of practice.”

“I know you can do it, Hanzo,” his brother looked at him in a way that was too much like when they were kids. It made the eldest Shimada sibling both happy and sad. After all the things said between them, the brotherly love was still there and they could have this moment of fun the way they used to as children. It was bittersweet because Hanzo didn’t know when they might have another chance like this.

But for now, Genji was smiling and encouraging, “Maybe a few games to warm up.”

“No,” Hanzo shook his head as he rotated his arm. “This time.”

So he promised and so he delivered. 

Earlier, he had worried that there was nothing for them to talk about, but this simple arcade game had taught him two things. One, they didn’t need to talk for the sake of talking. Just being together while doing things that they both loved was enough. Two, they did have things they needed to talk about. Hanzo just didn’t know when to start those conversations or how to begin. 

But the time passed quickly, seemingly measured by the increasing amount of tickets that Genji held onto while Hanzo continued to earn them. Eventually, the younger suggested that they go cash in what they had, and Hanzo agreed with a nod, “My arm is a bit tired, anyway. Use them to get something you like.”

“Hm, I don’t know,” Genji replied rubbing at his stomach with a slight frown. “I don’t really like stuffed things anymore.”

“Well then, get something cute to give to your girlfriend. The ramen shop owner’s granddaughter, isn’t it?”

“No, I don’t really…” Genji started and then grimaced more.

This made the elder brother frown, “Are you feeling alright? Your face is starting to look like my legs…”

“I feel strange,” the younger admitted. “My stomach…”

“I’ll take you back,” Hanzo felt panic threatening to rise in him. Sadly, the first thing he thought was that his father was going to blame him for letting his beloved Sparrow get sick. Pushing that thought away, he put an arm around his brother and started to move him towards the door. 

“But the tickets,” Genji protested. “And we have so many tokens left. And I didn’t show you Area 51.”

“We’ll come back,” Hanzo promised him. “For now, you should get in bed and I’ll...I’ll call father and find out what to do.”

Because he sadly didn’t know what to do when his brother got sick. Hanzo was used to taking care of himself, which mostly meant powering through whatever was ailing him with the help of herbal remedies and over the counter medications as needed. 

It was just a short walk back to the hotel, but it felt so long with him worrying about Genji. As soon as they were in their room, he laid his brother down and then moved the trash can within reach right on time. The younger brother immediately grabbed it and emptied his stomach into it. 

Now Hanzo was feeling the panic. Going to the bathroom, he wet a towel and brought it back to clean his brother’s face with. While he did so, he used his freehand to pull up his father’s number.

“I think I’ll be alright now,” Genji spoke from bed. “Don’t call him.”

“I have to tell him something,” now panic stricken, Hanzo closed his phone again and looked at his brother. “We haven’t even checked in with him.”

Hanzo was only realizing this now, and it was not helping him to stay calm at all. Covering his face with both hands, he slid them up and towards his hairline, pulling up his features and then letting them drop. Sadly, he muttered, “I am the worst.”

“You are not the worst,” Genji argued. “You do everything that he tells you exactly the way he tells you to do it. You can’t even have fun because you worry about what he will think.”

“But you have plenty fun,” Hanzo shot at his brother. “You are always doing things you aren’t supposed to do. If anyone is punished for the things that you do, it is ME!”

“I’m sorry,” the younger brother looked down. “I ruined today. This was your chance to have fun, and I… ruined it.”

Sighing, Hanzo got onto the bed next to his brother and put an arm around him. There were a lot of things that he could have and should have said, but he was at a loss for words. At length, he sighed, “I have no right to complain about my responsibilities. Try to rest now.”

Genji seemed as though he was going to protest, but Hanzo grabbed the remote and turned on the television, effectively ending their conversation. 

He knew very little of American TV, and so he flipped through, hoping to find something interesting. After about fifteen minutes of this, he heard his brother’s breathing pattern change, and looked over to find that he was sleeping. Good, he thought. A little nap would be good for the both of them.

Just as he started to nod off, he heard his phone’s message chime and snapped awake. His father! That was the only person he could think of that would be messaging him. Sojiro was probably demanding a phone call to find out how everything was going. This meant that Hanzo would have to tell him what happened with his brother; he couldn’t bring himself to lie. 

Swallowing against a lump in his throat, he opened the phone, but then blinked at the unfamiliar number. Confused, he read the message twice. Then he looked at the face of his sleeping brother. After a bit, he sighed and slipped away from him. He covered Genji with a blanket and tucked his phone into his pocket. Then he quietly left the room.


	5. Love Games on Children's Playground Equipment

When Hanzo reached the lobby, he looked around before spotting who he was looking for leaning against a column. As he approached this person, he could see why Genji hadn’t assumed that this was who they were supposed to be meeting. McCree’s hat was completely gone, giving Hanzo a full view of his chocolate brown hair. The cowboy was also wearing a dark grey Johnny Cash shirt, tan shorts, and black sneakers over white ankle socks. In other words, he looked like every other teenage boy that Hanzo had seen here. 

After taking in a breath, Hanzo asked, “What do you want?”

McCree chuckled as he held out a box shaped object, “Helluva way to greet your new business associate, boss.”

Rolling his eyes, Hanzo all but snatched the gift from McCree as he retorted, “I thought the boss of Jesse McCree is Jesse McCree.”

“Shh,” McCree hissed as he pulled Hanzo closer to the column. There was really no one out here except for the front desk person, and they weren’t paying attention, but still the damn cowboy insisted on discretion. “Don’t say my name so loud. I’ll hav’ta take pictures and sign shit. Why d’ya think I’m dressed like this?”

“Because you have no taste,” Hanzo fired immediately. While Jesse recovered from that, the young Japanese man finally looked down at his gift to find that it was actually a box made of jade and trimmed in gold. It was beautiful, and now Hanzo couldn’t stop running his fingers along the smooth stone. “Where did you get this?”

“Told ya I could get you anything,” Jesse was found to be smugly smiling. 

Surprisingly, or perhaps not, Hanzo found himself staring at Jesse while lost for words. After a few moments, he looked down at the box again and then brought it to his nose. “It smells funny. Is there something inside?” Opening it, he caught a glimpse of a small plastic bag with something green inside before McCree hastily shut the lid.

“So that’s where that went,” the cowboy laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, not like I can’t get more. Call it a two for one.”

Hanzo was a bit speechless again as he looked over this person. Trouble was the word that immediately came to mind. Jesse McCree was definitely trouble with his brown eyes and his damn smile and those lips. Wait. Why was Hanzo even looking at his damn lips?

“I have to go,” he turned quickly. “My brother is sick.”

“Oh no, Genji!” 

Hanzo was starting to rush away, but he could hear footfalls right behind him. Turning again, he sighed, “Listen, I have to take care of my brother. I don’t have time for…”

“Well, can’t I see him? I just wanna see if he’s alright. Please?”

What the hell was this - puppy dog eyes? Hanzo wanted to punch him, but then he thought that would just lead to more of this pathetic look. Grumbling for Jesse to come on, he led the way to the stairs. “I thought you were supposed to be some hard criminal.”

“I get hard when I need to,” McCree replied.

“I should push you down the stairs,” Hanzo grumbled, but the damn cowboy only laughed. What kind of odd person was he?

At least he knew how to be quiet. Once he was done laughing, he didn’t say another word until Hanzo opened the room door and let him inside. Genji was up again and was flipping through the channels, but when he saw the cowboy, his face lit up.

“McCree, what are you doing here?!”

“Yes, what IS he doing here?” Hanzo gave his brother a suspicious look. 

“I gave him your number, but…” Genji was cut off by McCree flopping on the bed next to him and immediately getting comfortable.

“This is nice, ain’t it? I always wanted to stay in this place, but you gotta be 18 to a book a room.”

“And you’re not 18?” Hanzo’s eyes nearly rolled out of his head. Once again, he was ready to go mining for salt.

“I’ve got a few months. You wanna come to my birthday party?”

Hanzo rolled his eyes again as he went to his bed and sat the box down on the nightstand. “Genji, should we start to think about dinner?”

“I can take you guys some place again,” Jesse immediately suggested.

“You two go,” Genji grimaced. “My mouth has a disgusting taste.”

“Kay, well it’s just me and Hanzo then,” the damn cowboy didn’t seem too upset about this at all. In fact, he looked happy with his ankles crossed and his arms behind his head. “Or we can order room service.”

‘Or you can get out’, Hanzo was thinking. But he knew enough not to say it that way. Instead, he shook his head, “No, I will be alright. I have leftovers from yesterday.”

“You threw that away,” Genji spoke, immediately ruining the excuse. “And maid service took it out while we were gone, I think, because the trash is empty except for puke.”

“You threw away a $200 steak?” McCree stared at him in disbelief and then shook his head. “Wow, that’s some privilege right there. I mean, I got money, but I ain’t got it like that…”

Now aggravated, Hanzo started towards the door, “Whatever! Take me to get food then!”

“Alright! See you later, Genji,” Jesse sat up and pat the other’s leg before following Hanzo out.

The eldest Shimada brother was grumpy yet again, and much the same as last night, he was unable to put the why into exact words. Instead, he let his angry feet carry him out onto the sidewalk in front of the hotel, where anger turned to embarrassment at the fact that he didn’t know where to go from there.

“This way,” McCree stepped in front of him and led to a parking lot across the way. 

Hanzo followed Jesse to the passenger side of an orange-red pickup truck. The cowboy got the door and then pulled out a stack of books, which he threw into the bed. Then he smiled and went around to the driver’s side. Hanzo was a little curious, and so once he and Jesse were in and rolling, he asked, “What were those books?”

“Algebra, European History, and some other second hand textbooks,” McCree shrugged, looking straight ahead. “Just grabbed them today before stoppin’ in to see you.”

“You’re going to read those?” Hanzo found himself impressed to see the other’s nod. Now endlessly curious, he asked, “But why? Aren’t you an outlaw?”

“Just in case the outlaw business stops payin’ the bills, gotta have somethin’ to fall back on, don’t I?” Jesse shot him a smirk. Then he turned serious. “No, I um… didn’t get much out of schoolin’ mostly cause I didn’t go a lot of the time. Could pass the hell outta any math class, though. Last teacher I had said I had real aptitude.”

“So why don’t you just go to school?” Hanzo asked.

Jesse’s eyes were on the road as he made a turn, but he answered, “Cause school’s the first place they go lookin’ for you.”

“Who is they?” Hanzo furrowed his brow. For once, the cowboy wasn’t smiling. This situation seemed bad.

“Well, I’mma outlaw, right?” the reply came with a shrug.

Hanzo had so many questions, but they were put on a backburner when he saw that Jesse was turning into the parking lot of that steakhouse. Reaching out, he put his hand on the other’s to stop him from turning off the truck’s engine. 

“No,” he shook his head. “Not here.”

“What’s wrong with here?” McCree asked with a wrinkled brow.

“Here is where you go when you’re trying to impress someone with a $200 steak. I don’t want to be impressed. Take me somewhere you go when you just want to eat and not worry about impressing someone.”

“You’re… a really strange man, Hanzo. But ok!”

\------------------------

Hanzo was a little unsurprised that they ended up in the Railyard Arts district again, this time walking together through the farmer’s market. They entered an area of dirt and gravel where several food trucks were parked in a large circle around a group of picnic tables. The trees in this area were strung with bauble shaped lights, and at the center of the ring of trucks was an icehouse serving beer. Jesse led the way to one truck and ordered while Hanzo looked around. A few minutes later, the smiling young man presented a cardboard food container.

“Here ya go! Frito pie!”

“What?” Hanzo asked as he was given the container to hold. 

Jesse grabbed one of the two forks stuck into it and immediately dug in, “It’s the best, I swear it. Fritos on the bottom, then chilli and cheese and a little tabasco sauce for extra kick.”

Hanzo grabbed the other fork and had a cautious taste. Making a face, he ate a little more before pushing the rest into Jesse’s hands. “Too spicy, but it isn’t bad.”

Jesse had a little more before throwing the remainder in the trash. Then he pulled Hanzo to another truck. “Ok, this’ll be a change of pace then. I always get the meat sampler.”

They were at a barbecue truck now. Jesse ordered and they were given another of those containers, this time holding a chicken leg and wing, two slices of brisket, two ribs, and a few pieces of sausage. 

“Pick a table, will ya? For this, we need beer!”

Hanzo chose a spot in the shade of one of the trees and the furthest away from other people that he could get. A few minutes later, McCree joined him with two plastic cups of beer, sitting one down in front of Hanzo. 

“They let you buy beer?”

McCree grinned as he pulled out his wallet and put a driver’s license down in front of Hanzo. Picking it up, Hanzo read the name aloud, “Joel Morricone. Is that your real name?”

“Naw, that’s my super secret name,” Jesse chuckled as he took the license back. “I mean, I really do have a valid driver’s license if that’s what you’re worried about. Just ain’t 21.”

“And you don’t look it, either,” Hanzo remarked as he used one of the plastic forks to try some of the sausage. While chewing, his face lit up with delight. This wasn't bad at all! In fact, he liked it so much that he ate all of the pieces without saving McCree any.

But the other was content with eating his half of everything else. He seemed to be just happy that Hanzo liked the barbecue. Once they were finished, he got up and threw out the container. Then he briefly returned to the table in order to tell Hanzo, “Stay there. Next course!”

Hanzo had to admit that he was looking forward to seeing what this would be. Usually, he didn’t mix foods like this, but everything about today was unusual. For one thing, he was starting to have fun.

Jesse came back and sat down a container with two tacos and two bottles of Coke. Grinning from ear to ear, he announced, “Street tacos! The best in all of Santa Fe, in my humblest of opinions. Go first.”

Hanzo did just that, biting into one while Jesse drowned the other one with the contents of a hot sauce package. Once again, Hanzo that he liked what he was served, and he finished it quickly. Then he started to eye what was left of Jesse’s taco.

“Go on,” the other offered. “It’s gonna be hot, though.”

“I can take it,” Hanzo spoke confidently.

Too confidently. While at first it seemed he was going to be alright, he had finished the taco too quickly. The burning happened all at once, and he started to sweat as he chugged the Coke and then what was left of his beer. 

“Oh no!” Jesse laughed. “Nooo, the Coke was the worst idea! I’mma get you another beer. Just drink what’s left of mine while I’m gone!”

He did just that, and when Jesse returned with another cup of beer, he downed that desperately. Then he belched, making the other laugh even more. “That was spicy, yet satisfying,” he said, making McCree nearly fall over.

Hanzo was amused with his amusement, and actually chuckled a little as he helped himself to the other’s leftover Coke as well.

“Ok, I think I can fit one more place,” the cowboy said when he recovered from laughing. 

“What about that one?” Hanzo pointed to a truck that read Goomba’s.

“I never ate at that one,” McCree replied as he turned to look at it. “Think it’s new.”

“Then this will be a new experience for the both of us,” Hanzo replied, getting up and then going around to pull Jesse up. “Come on.”

They walked over together and then stopped to look at what was on offer. Hanzo had never really eaten anything other than pasta when it came to Italian food, and so he was unfamiliar with a lot of what was available. Thankfully, he had McCree.

“Ok, I got this,” the cowboy said as he stepped up to order. “We want the meatballs and the Italian beef sandwich.”

“That is a lot of food,” Hanzo cautioned when the other stepped away to wait next to him. 

“I know, but we’ll make it somehow. The good thing’s I’m drivin’, so there’s that. You ever walk on a full stomach?”

Hanzo nodded, “I have. And also stairs. It was torture, but worth it.”

He couldn’t believe he was going to repeat that mistake, but sure enough, they went back to their table with two more containers of food. It was a struggle. They finished the four meatballs and marina, but only half of the sandwich.

“I can’t eat anything else,” Jesse complained as they started to walk back towards his truck. 

“Same,” Hanzo agreed.

But then he saw a gelato stand, and that sealed their doom. He did take pity on poor Jesse and got a single cup of green tea for them to share. They found a children’s playground and sat next to each other on the swings to have dessert.

This was oddly quiet. Every now and then, they would share a glance, but neither of them seemed to have anything to say until they finished and McCree threw out the cup. A bit after returning, he pointed to one of the tall climbing structures connected to a slide.

“Let’s go up there. I wanna lay down a bit. I think I’m dyin’.”

“You want to go on the children’s playground equipment?” Hanzo questioned even as he got up and started to follow Jesse.

“Ain’t that long ago we were kids, right?” Jesse shrugged before jumping up onto the monkey bars and climbing over to the platform. 

Not one to be shown up, Hanzo did the same and then laid down on the metal surface next to the other. By now, night had fallen and they were staring up at a beautiful sky full of stars.

“This was… actually fun,” Hanzo remarked at length of staring up.

“Did’ya think it was gonna be horrible?”

“Maybe,” Hanzo smirked while still looking up. “I didn’t know where to expect we would go.”

“Guess that’s fair,” McCree answered. “I thought it would be horrible cause I thought you’d hate everything.”

“Hm, that seems like me doesn’t it? It seems like I’m allergic to fun.”

He heard shuffling and turned on his side to see that Jesse had done the same. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but he chose to endure it in order to continue looking at the other young man’s actually rather handsome face.

“You’re not even that much older than me, are you?” McCree questioned. “How old are you?”

“18,” Hanzo replied with a shrug. “And you are what? 17?”

“Mhm,” McCree nodded. “You seemed surprised before, but I’m used to it. I’m a criminal child prodigy.”

“I’m not sure you should be proud of that,” Hanzo frowned. 

But Jesse only shrugged, “It is what it is, ya know. I gotta get by, same as anyone else. There ain’t a lot of prospects for a high school drop out. ‘Sides, ain’t you from a whole criminal family? Oh yeah, I do my homework. I know all about the Shimada family.”

“Do you really do your homework?” Hanzo retorted, hoping to change the subject as well. “You’re a high school dropout, after all.”

“Hm,” Jesse turned onto his back again. “Ain’t by choice. It’s like I said. The first place they look for you is at school. Can’t just enroll myself in a new one. Can’t go back to the old one.”

“Because you are a criminal?” Hanzo asked, turning onto his back again as well.

“Somethin’ like that,” Jesse replied. “I’ll tell you someday. Prolly aint as complicated as I make it sound, but…” He paused with a sigh and then scooted his body closer to Hanzo. “Tell me somethin’ bout you. Make it somethin’ I wouldn’t know by researchin’ your family or anything like that.”

He actually did try to think of something, only to end up frowning and shaking his head. “No, there’s nothing really to tell. I am not interesting.”

“Wouldn’t keep botherin’ you if I thought that was true,” Jesse replied. 

“All you know is about my family, so how can you make that assessment?”

McCree turned on his side again, “I think the best judge of what interests me is me. Come on. Tell me something. Anything.”

Hanzo sighed, “Fine. I’ll tell you that my life is very strict and boring. At home, I would never have eaten so much food in one night. I certainly would not be up here with you. I am only doing these things because… well… I don’t know why.”

“I think I knew that, actually,” hearing this, Hanzo turned to find the other smirking at him. The young man nodded, “Yeah, I’m sure I knew that. I can see it when I look at you. You’re all reserved and well behaved and all, but there’s somethin’ in you that’s just wantin’ to burst out, and it does every now and then, but only just a little. I’m right about that, ain’t I?”

Maybe too right. Hanzo didn’t want to talk about it any further, and so instead, he deflected by asking, “And you? Make it something other than ‘I’m a delinquent child prodigy’.”

“Damn, that’s my whole identity,” McCree chuckled and then shrugged. “I can tell you somethin’ you guessed already, I bet. I ran away from home.”

“I thought so,” Hanzo sighed and then laid on his back again. “It bothers me because family is so important to my culture. You ran away from yours.”

“I know,” Jesse laid down as well and sighed. “I know. Running away was stupid, but I did it, and I don’t know how to go back.”

Sadly, Hanzo couldn’t say that he hadn’t thought about it at least once. There were times he had received the harshest of punishments, and while his body was sore and bruised, he had felt bitterness at seeing how carefree his younger brother seemed to live. But it had always been just a thought. He could never imagine just leaving his family. Either McCree was very brave or his life had been very terrible. Hanzo found himself wanting to know which it was, and so he turned to ask. 

“Why? Why did you run?”

“It’s a long and complicated story,” McCree answered.

“Tell me,” Hanzo demanded, moving so that the other had to look up at him.

He saw the other young man swallow several times before sighing. “It’s because I was stupid. I didn’t know how to see a good thing for exactly what it was. So when things got too good, I panicked and ran.”

“Are you going to be just vague?” Hanzo frowned.

“Yeah, tonight,” McCree smirked. “It’s a heavy subject. Don’t even know why I brought it up. Or well, I mean, I thought if I told you somethin’ heavy like that, you’d open up just a little.”

“Why do you care if I do?”

He didn’t know why he asked something that he knew the answer to. Later on, he wouldn’t be able to say who moved first, but before he knew it, his lips were meeting Jesse’s. His eyes closed and he moved his elbow so that his upper body rested against the other’s. Their tongues wrestled a bit before he finally shoved Jesse’s aside to be the one in the lead. In response, he felt the other’s arms around his neck, pulling him closer. 

By the time they pulled away, he was breathless. Looking into the other’s eyes, he asked, “You like men?”

Jesse closed his eyes as he moved his face towards the other, clearly wanting to kiss more. On the way, he whispered, “Of course. Don’t you?”

He would let his kiss be his answer. His body seemed to move on its own so that it completely covered the other’s, and then his hips began to grind. He could feel that Jesse’s body was responding well to this, but to his surprise, the spell was broken by the other pushing him off. 

Now realizing what he had been doing, he shook his head, “I can’t do this…”

“Do what?” Jesse asked and then frowned. “Oh, I get it. Thanks for implyin’ that I’m easy.”

“No, I… I’m…” Hanzo didn’t know what to say, especially when his eyes caught sight of the front of Jesse’s shorts as the other stood. Looking down at his own, he spoke words that he didn’t mean to say aloud, especially because they weren’t true. “I’m not gay.”

The other huffed at this and then slid down the slide. It took him a few seconds to realize this, but when he noticed that he was alone, Hanzo stood and called after Jesse, “Wait, where are you going?”

“Home,” the other shouted back. “And I assume you know how to walk to yours. Bye.”

“Jesse, wait,” he called after him as he jumped down.

But the other wouldn’t stop, and instead spoke over his shoulder. “It’s McCree to you. Find your own way home, boss.”

Stopping in his tracks, Hanzo looked down and muttered to no one, “Jesse… I’m sorry…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case of weirdness, I think that the fancy hotel would probably be better equipped and trained to recognize a fake ID than a beer seller at the food truck park, which is why McCree never got to stay at the hotel. Poor kid. Also, poor kid because Hanzo is the worst. He doesn't mean to be, but Oh, Hanzo...


	6. Boss

We all have times in our lives where we stop to take a look at where we are and we ask ourselves, “How did I come to this?” A more experienced Hanzo would have that mostly figured out by the time he boarded that 3 AM flight to Los Angeles, but as a young man alone on a Saturday night in Hanamura, he would begin to wonder.

No matter how many times his eyes passed over the same sentence in a book he had already read three times, his brain would just not process the words. Instead, it wanted to dwell on a word that he was beginning to loathe. Boss. He kept trying to tell himself that it shouldn’t matter, but something deep inside of him had decided for him that he never wanted to hear that word again, especially if it was being said by a certain someone.

The walk back to the hotel had given him plenty of time to come to this conclusion. According to his GPS, it was going to take him about an hour to get back. Normally this wouldn’t have been daunting for him, but with a full stomach, it was a nightmare. Thankfully, Shuichi had shown up in a car about half an hour in, rescuing Hanzo from the consequences of his own actions.

“Young Master, why did you go so far on your own?” the man’s eyes were covered in dark sunglasses, but still Hanzo had been able to see the outrage behind them. 

Hanzo had thought of explaining that the distance was not really that far by car, which the bodyguard should have been able to realize on his own, having driven to get him. In the end, he decided it was best to keep that to himself because more questions would follow, and he didn’t want that certain someone to be blamed. It was no one’s fault but Hanzo’s for always waving that sharp tongue of his around so carelessly.

He had carried feelings of guilt and defeat back with him to the hotel room, but that quickly became anger due to misplaced words from his unsuspecting brother. Poor Genji. As always, he had only been seeking fun banter with the brother he loved and admired so much, but this backfired on him, as it had too many times in the past.

“YOU are getting in late?! You instead of ME?! Well, I think someone had fun with McCree tonight ~”

The implications had been too much at the wrong moment. In an instant, all of Hanzo’s emotions became fury, which he then fired at the young boy who had done nothing wrong. The smile on Genji’s face had sadly become fear as his elder brother was at his bedside in an instant and shouting his rage.

“Who do you think you are to give him my number without asking?! Why didn’t you tell me that he was going to come here?! What did you think would happen?!”

Only three sentences in, but Genji’s eyes were glistening as he stammered, “I...I didn’t think…”

“No, you never do,” his brother had cut him off cruelly. “Not unless it is about yourself!”

“I...I thought…” the youngest was closer to crying than Hanzo had seen him in a long time as his fingers nervously worried the remote’s buttons as if he could mute the furious demon that his beloved brother had become. “I thought...he asked me, and I...I…”

“You what?!” It was like he had split in two in this moment and now a part of himself was watching helplessly as this monster was yelling at Genji. He had wanted it to stop, but the demon never obeyed once it was free. 

“I’m sorry,” Genji looked down and then used the butt of his hand to swipe at his eye. “I like him, so when he asked about you…”

“Of course,” Hanzo grumbled as he flopped on his bed. “Do not talk to me from here as though we are friends. We are not.”

He was sorry the moment he said that, but he would become even more so when Genji replied, “Okay.”

Just like that, he had ruined the relationship with his little brother that the two had spent a day rebuilding. Evidence of that would come the next morning when he woke to find himself alone in the room. He should have called Genji to find out where he was, but guilt made him leave it alone. Instead, he started to pack his things to leave for home, making the jade box last. 

At first, he thought he would not keep it, but then he considered that it would be just another insult to McCree to leave it here. Using one of the t-shirts he had gotten on his shopping trip, he wrapped the box up and then set it inside of his suitcase with the rest of his things. Then he went down to have breakfast alone.

Genji had returned about an hour after Hanzo had and he immediately started to pack. Both brothers had avoided looking at each other, but the eldest found himself curiously looking on when the youngest put a stack of mangas into his suitcase, saving one to be stuffed into a backpack of things he wanted to have with him on the flight. This made it apparent where his brother had gone. Curious, Hanzo pulled out his phone, but of course he had nothing new other than an hour’s old reply from his father. No one in Santa Fe had wanted to say goodbye to him.

The flight home had been long and silent. Their family’s private jet felt even bigger than normal because Genji sat in the furthest seat away from Hanzo, and the entire flight, Genji had either read while listening to music, played handheld games while listening to music, or slept while listening to music. It had been clear that he had nothing to say to his elder brother. Not once did he even glance in that direction.

Hanzo had mostly slept and did his best to read his book in between bouts of trying to convince himself that everything was as it should be. He and Genji had not been close before this trip, so why did it matter that they were not upon returning home? And before going to Santa Fe, he hadn’t even known this McCree person, so why did it matter that he hadn’t even said goodbye? Why did it matter that Hanzo had managed to hurt Jesse with a lie?

Boss. It was a word that he had most often heard in reference to his father by the men who were on retainer, but not blood members of the Shimada clan. Hanzo and Genji had cousins, aunts, uncles, and other relatives who used other words when formally addressing Sojiro, largely depending on if they were trained or not. There were some lucky cousins who had never touched a sword in their lives and would never have to. But while some are born with a silver spoon in their mouths, Hanzo was born with a sword in his hands. Sometimes, he just wanted to throw it somewhere, especially because the path of the sword had somehow led him to the damn word. 

Boss.

Upon arriving home in Japan, he had stood before his own boss -- his father -- with hands that wanted to nervously tremble. As children, Genji had not been above running to Sojiro in tears, tattling that Hanzo had been mean. In those days, it had earned him a punishment. As a young adult, he was certain that not much had changed, and now he waited for the scoldings in regards to Santa Fe to begin.

Instead, his father had smiled and gestured for the eldest son to sit at his table. “I am happy and relieved to have you home.”

“I am happy to be home,” Hanzo had spoken with relief as he gracefully eased himself down before his father. “Father, I am sorry that I did not update you right away. I…”

“You were having fun and going a little wild, I imagine,” the patriarch chuckled as he lit his kiseru. He then spoke in a voice full of scandal, leaning closer to his son. “On my first away trip, I became very drunk while partying with beautiful German women. This was before I married your mother, of course.”

“Of course,” Hanzo smiled a little and nodded. He was a bit uncomfortable, though, as we all are when thoughts of our parents partying and doing who knows what try to invade our minds. “I did have some drinks, but only because McCree insisted, and I did not become drunk.”

For some reason, this was amusing to his father, who waved his hand, “Of course not. You? Becoming drunk? That is as likely as a fish learning to fly.”

Hanzo could only half-heartedly chuckle at this because he had definitely done something that felt close enough to a fish trying to fly. Thinking back on it, he had found himself questioning his relationship with his father. There were things he wished that he could talk to him about, but he didn’t feel that their bond had the strength for this, and he also didn’t think that his father’s mind was open enough. So he kept it to himself and tried not to remember that kiss under the stars on children’s playground equipment, even though it was the son’s equivalent to the father’s partying with beautiful German women.

Even if he had wanted to talk about himself, it was always inevitable that the conversation would soon shift to Sojiro’s favorite subject, “How did Genji do?”

He could feel himself wanting to sigh. Hanzo wanted to be the one who was fussed over even just once. He craved his father’s attention and concern. Sadly, he wouldn’t dare let himself identify it as a need even though that’s what it was. In this moment of confusion, he needed his father to tell him that it was ok. But for all of the sharp words that had been easily hurled at McCree and Genji, when Hanzo was around his father, most of his words cowered beneath his tongue.

A forced, practiced smile was given to Sojiro as the eldest son replied, “He did well. You should be proud of him, father.”

Just a few nights later, as he would lie on his bed next to the book he couldn’t read, Hanzo would find himself asking if he said that for his father’s benefit or because he hoped the words would get back to Genji. And did he hope this because he wanted to lift his brother’s spirits or because he thought that hearing kind words from Hanzo would ensure that what happened in Santa Fe stayed in Santa Fe?

At the very least, Hanzo didn’t have the chance to spill anything of his own. His father looked at the time and then gave his son one last smile before saying, “I have a meeting, but we will talk more later.”

Perhaps silence was to be his punishment for Santa Fe. Genji started to avoid Hanzo at home, and when they were near each other, the younger would not even spare a hello. And later? Well, it never came. At least not that day. Instead, Hanzo had moped about the castle like some pathetic princess that didn’t even have an evil dragon to chase away the prince because the dragon hated her too.

Of course, he still had lessons and training, but a lot of those things were winding down now that he was beginning to take his place in the family. His first away trip had been a success by everyone’s else’s standards. This didn’t explain why he felt like a failure.

Almost an entire week passed before his father called for him again. By this time, Hanzo had somewhat settled into home life and was back to diligently honing his skills. He was still dressed in the orange and white gi that he liked to wear for archery when he entered his father’s room and dropped into seiza before him. The older man was a stark contrast in a sharp black suit, white shirt, and black tie. As Hanzo was settling down, Sojiro himself was just taking off his sunglasses and sitting them down on the table. Now he began loosening his tie as he spoke to his son.

“The Deadlock Gang has come through,” Sojiro was smiling. “We are all very pleased with your work in acquiring their services, and very impressed with their skills, as well.”

“I am glad,” Hanzo nodded and then smiled himself. Finally, some good news to temper the cold silence between himself and Genji.

“We want to retain their talents on a more permanent basis,” his father went on as he placed his removed tie on the table. “From here on, I am going to trust you to handle business with them.”

Hanzo’s face immediately fell at this,”Me?”

“Yes, of course,” Sojiro nodded. “This is one of the many things you have been training for, isn’t it? You have already built the foundations of a working relationship with them. I am trusting you to cultivate that relationship and to make the best judgments in regards to doing so.”

But poor Hanzo did not feel confident in his ability to do this. He didn’t worry about drawing up the contract terms or money, which is something that these things always came down to. He knew how negotiate well when it came to the business end of things. The problem was his relationship with McCree had crossed a bit over the line into something that wasn’t working.

“Is something wrong, Hanzo?” his father’s smile had shifted into concern. While it was refreshing to see that expression, it put the son in a bit of a panic. 

“No, I…” he began and then cleared his throat in the hope that some of the strength would return his voice. “I thought that they would want to work directly with the head of the clan.”

Sojiro shook his head as he began to pour tea that Hanzo hadn’t even noticed was in the room. The poor young man’s head seemed to be everywhere but here these days. Today, he had even missed a few targets. This wasn’t like him at all. 

“Hanzo,” his father spoke as he passed a cup to the son. “Someday, the head of this clan will be you. You must have the confidence to never allow anyone to question that, including yourself. For now, perhaps it will help to know that when I spoke with McCree today, he quite respectfully requested to continue to work with you.”

Hanzo’s idiot heart fluttered and his stupid lips began fighting to smile, but he was a master of forcing a stoic expression for his father’s sake. The young man nodded and then picked up his tea as a cover. Having a sip would stop him from smiling like a moron.

Once he had himself under control, Hanzo shook his head, “Father, are we certain that the Deadlock Gang is a good relationship for us? Their leader is a child…”

“17,” Sojiro nodded slowly. “I know. I was very skeptical of this as well, but the other families have been offering the Deadlock Gang quite large sums of money to retain their services, and with good reason. Somehow, this gang with a 17 year old leader has managed to get their hands on things that even the US military cannot touch. In fact, there is a rumor that said US military has them on their payroll to begin with.”

“That seems absurd…” Hanzo couldn’t help but mutter.

His father chuckled, “Perhaps, but the other families are convinced enough that they are scrambling to outbid each other and us. What’s more, it is McCree himself that most of them want. He was here in Japan before, Hanzo. More than one source says that he killed half the men in a room before anyone on either side could even touch their weapons. By the time that anyone else knew what was happening, the head of that family had McCree’s gun pressed against his head.”

“The Amano family,” Hanzo spoke with his wide eyes full of intrigue. “I did hear of this. The head was forced into a hard bargain for his life with an American. That American was...”

“Your 17 year old McCree,” Sojiro nodded. “As soon as I learned this, I sent you to visit him in the United States.” 

Having met and kissed that same boy, Hanzo was stunned into silence to be finally hearing these details. True, the Amano family was a smaller, newer, and thus more inexperienced family. There was also the fact that not every family was like the Shimadas -- born and bred from a line of ninjas that traced as far back as the Tokugawa Shogunate. Some families only dealt with drugs, weapons, and other illegal activities. The Shimadas were the ones that families like the Amanos called when they needed the services of someone whose number one business was death. But if a family like the Amanos could retain the services of someone like McCree...

After a sip of his tea brought back his senses, Hanzo shook his head, “Father, why didn’t you share all of this with me?”

“I have my reasons,” Sojiro waved his hand. “I will tell you that I wanted to test you. I was curious to know how you would approach all of this and how you would judge McCree without having heard these details, and so I made sure that even the men wouldn’t speak of them to you. You are very critical of his age, which surprises me considering that you aren’t even a full year older than him.”

“I have been privileged to have you to guide me, father,” Hanzo spoke with conviction. “He has not had that privilege.”

“But did you not consider that what he lacks in privilege, he makes up for in skill and talent?” When Hanzo could not answer this, his father shook his head and then chuckled as he puffed his kiseru. “I have taught you many things, Hanzo, but there are many more things that you must learn on your own. Though, I cannot entirely fault you. In truth, I am relieved that he prefers to deal with you. I am not sure that I know where to begin handling business with a 17 year old.”

Hanzo could at least join his father in chuckling at this. The conversation should have been putting his mind at ease. Yet, the future head of the clan still felt that this was one thing that he could not do for his father.

“Father, he behaves even worse than Genji,” Hanzo shook his head. “We went to a restaurant with him, and this McCree threw water on the floor so that he could drink whiskey instead.”

“Oh?” Sojiro laughed at this and picked up his tea. “I would shake my head and say 'Americans’, but even the ones that I know usually don’t behave quite that way. Well, I will leave it to you to decide whether or not you will teach him to behave properly. As it seems, you have already had an influence on Genji.”

“Teach an American to behave?” Hanzo rose his brow slightly as he sipped his tea.

“Quite the undertaking, isn’t it?” His father laughed. “But I am confident that you will be able to do it. In fact, you will have your chance soon. McCree will be coming to Hanamura and ‘lying low,’ as he calls it, with us for a time. Of course, I will leave it to you to take care of him. However, let us make a wager of sorts. If you can teach him to behave as a proper young man within a week, I will send you to wherever you want to go for a week. No family business. No Genji. No worries of checking in with father. The time will be completely yours to enjoy.”

“Hm,” Hanzo began to stroke his chin. “One week?”

He didn’t know if he could do it, but he certainly planned to try.

\-------------------------------------

McCree arrived via the Shimada family’s private jet late on a Friday evening, bringing with him only three members of his gang. Hanzo recognized one of them as being John from the train. The other was the huge man with the knives in his vest, and then there was the demure little lady with the big gun. Upon seeing the way they were dressed, Hanzo thought to himself only briefly that he might have an easier time of getting Jesse to behave than he had thought. John and knife man were both wearing black suits and ties, while the lady had on a long black skirt over heeled boots, a white blouse, and a black ribbon tied around the collar. Her hair still had a feather in it, but it was black to match her clothes. She had even tied a ribbon around her gun’s barrel, perhaps sarcastically. 

They looked nice, but Hanzo’s eyes became stuck on McCree, who actually looked very good in a waistcoat. Pinstripes did well for his figure, Hanzo would say. And with the sleeves of his white shirt being rolled up, it was the first time that the Shimada heir was noticing that Jesse had a tattoo. How he had missed it before, he wouldn’t be able to say, but he was certainly noticing it now -- that and the gun in the holster at his hip. 

Of course, when he had announced to his father that he was leaving to meet the gang, Sojiro had insisted that Hanzo take Genji along. Unsurprisingly, the younger brother was who was greeted first. McCree tipped forward in a respectful bow to each, addressing them as, “Genji. Boss.” The damn word again!

“Ya’ll should remember John,” McCree followed with introductions. He next gestured to knife man and said, “And this is Big John. Don’t get ‘em confused. They hate that. And this lovely lady who could pit the ace from 900 yards is Faye.”

“I could recognize your beauty from 900 yards,” Genji said, taking her hand and giving it a kiss.

She looked as though she wanted to swing her rifle and hit Genji across the airport with it, but after a look from McCree, she put on a smile. “Aren’t you charmin’? And young. VERY young.”

“Youth is like diamonds in the sun, and diamonds are forever,” Genji replied.

“Damn,” McCree whistled. “Writin’ that shit down soon’s I’m near a pen.”

Even Faye was amused by it. Her hard gaze softened as she chuckled, “Come on then, diamond boy. Walk me to the car while they talk boss stuff.”

McCree was all smiles until the rest of his gang had gone on ahead of them and he found himself walking alone with Hanzo while the Shimada men trailed them with the Deadlock Gang’s luggage and such. At this point, Jesse might as well have been talking to the ground because it was all he would look at while addressing Hanzo with a business only tone.

“So ya’ll got your goods on Tuesday. Mr. Shimada told me that you’ll be payin’ us.”

Wow, Hanzo thought. The words were so cold and devoid of the cowboy’s usual laid back charm. He wasn’t sure that he liked this, but what could he do?

Taking on a business tone of his own, Hanzo nodded, “It’s in the car. You’ll get it then. In the meantime, the Shimada family would like to...”

“Yes,” McCree cut him off.

“You’re saying yes like that? Without even hearing the terms?”

“Mhm,” the reply was more a sound than actual words.

Stepping in front of the other young man, Hanzo had to ask once McCree had paused as well, “Jesse, are you saying yes without even hearing the offer so you don’t have to talk to me?”

“Nope, cause I’m a little dumb, but I ain’t stupid,” McCree replied, looking at him with cold eyes. “Outta all the families in Japan, this is the one I wanna do business with. I got my reasons, so put your offer on the table if you feel like talkin’, but I already said yes.”

Now Hanzo just wanted to grab the cowboy by the shoulders and shake him. To be someone that the other families were practically afraid of, this damn boy was infuriatingly close to being a bigger brat than Genji.

“So if I offered you two dollars, you would be fine because you’ve already said yes?” Hanzo asked bitterly.

“You might be a little dumb yourself, but you ain’t stupid either,” Jesse replied flatly. 

After saying this, he walked around Hanzo to the car, getting in and then frowning upon realization that it was only going to be the two of them in the back seat. The rest of his gang had gone to a seperate car with Genji, and they were already having way more fun than these two were. Once Hanzo was in and the doors were shut, McCree crossed his arms and huffed. Then he pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and huffed some more. Was this a tantrum? Why did Hanzo think it was actually a little cute? 

“Smoking is bad for you,” Hanzo said only to see what he would say.

“Yeah well, so’s runnin’ around shootin’ bullets while other people’re runnin’ around shootin’ bullets, but I do that too. You my dad now?”

“If I were, I would definitely tell you that the way you’re behaving isn’t fitting of a Shimada son,” Hanzo spoke calmly. The unfriendliness still bothered him, but he had to admit that he was having a little fun aggravating Jesse right now. Wanting to space out the instances of annoyance, he placed a briefcase on the cowboy’s lap. “That is what you’re owed along with gratuity from the family for a job well done. As for a long term arrangement, I want to have a trial first. How familiar are you with New York?”

McCree, who had started to sniff a stack of his money looked up with a shrug, “Not very, but I can get that way.”

“Do it,” Hanzo replied and then added, “But worry about getting started once you leave here. For now, I am going to present you with an opportunity to earn extra. The only thing you have to do is a favor for me.”

“Hm,” Jesse raked his fingers over his hair. “More money. Don’t really feel like doin’ you no favors. I do like money though…”

“Alright then, it’s settled,” Hanzo smirked at him. 

Jesse rose his brow, “Why do I suddenly feel real terrified?”

“There is no time for terror. Starting tomorrow, you will be learning to behave as a proper Shimada son would.”

“Ooooh,” Jesse replied and then nodded. “Yup, no, terrified was exactly what I shoulda been. Whatever you were thinkin’ on payin’, double it. I'm gonna need the extra money to get drunk with afterwards.”

“Done,” Hanzo smiled. This was easy because Jesse didn't know what he had been planning to pay to begin with, so he was just going to pay him the same amount. “Let's get you into the habit of rule one.”. Grabbing Jesse's cigarette, Hanzo threw it out of the window. Then he turned with a triumphant smile in the other’s stunned face. “From now on, you are Jesse Shimada, my younger brother, and you are not allowed to smoke.”

“Jesse Shimada,” Jesse repeated as he folded his arms and turned to look out of the window his cigarette had been tossed from. “Jesus Christ, kill me now.”

“Do you want to back out,” Hanzo’s tone was teasing.

“No,” the other replied in a sulking tone. “I mean whatever. I gave you my word, so I’m fuckin’ Jesse Shimada. You better be payin’ real good. Threw out my fuckin’ cigarette. This guy…”

While McCree trailed off into grumbling, Hanzo could only smile. He was probably horrible for this, but he was sure that this whole thing was going to be a lot of fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God save us all from the wrath of Hanzo. I'm sorry, Genji!  
> Also as I get used to this platform, I think I'll go back and give the chapters names and I'll name them from here too!


	7. Jesse Shimada

The Saturday night spent alone with a book while questioning his life choices would come later in the day that followed, but Hanzo began that morning just before dawn. As the sun was rising, he let himself into one of the guest rooms, where he found Jesse lying face down on the futon with his arm curled around his head and the blankets drawn up to his neck. It felt slightly wrong to be waking someone who looked so peaceful. Also, it felt a little dangerous because there was a six shot revolver lying right next to Jesse’s head on the pillow. 

“Jesse,” a very cautious Hanzo called into the room, hoping to do this from a safe distance. Of course, the Jesse in question didn’t move an inch or show any other signs of waking, and so Hanzo had to enter all of the way and yell louder. “JESSE!”

“Huh, what?!” As he sat up, McCree also drew his weapon and aimed it right at Hanzo with his eyes still closed. This made Hanzo close his eyes until he heard the other speaking again. “Oh, Christ, boss! You coulda got shot! Don’t do that!”

Though he was shaking a little, Hanzo managed to sound confident when he asked, “Who were you going to shoot with your eyes closed?”

“You in the face,” Jesse answered as he holstered his gun again and then picked up his phone to look at the time. “Thinkin’ bout doin’ it anyway. Why are you botherin’ me so early? Aww, look at that! The sun ain’t even all the way up yet!”

“That may be so, but you’re a Shimada now, and so this is the time you’ll start your days for the next week,” Hanzo explained to the complainer as he slid the door to the room open further to allow the entrance of a maid who began to set the table in the room for breakfast. 

“Why are you like this?” McCree asked as he got up and started to pull on his pants from the night before. 

Hanzo blushed as he turned away. Speaking over his shoulder, he replied, “Discipline. Also, if you need things to wear to sleep…”

“No, thank you. I’ve slept like this for’s long as I can remember, and I ain’t gonna stop cause you wanna come in here wakin’ folks up all hours of the mornin’. I’ll get myself up from now on so you don’t get shot in the face. Now can I get some coffee or do I have’ta drink this bullshit leaf water cause I’m Jesse Shimada now? Oh, and you can turn around.”

“Bullshit leaf water?” Hanzo turned to find Jesse rubbing deodorant under one of his raised armpits. How on earth was he going to teach this boy to behave properly?

Jesse tossed the deodorant into an open duffle bag when he finished and then began running a comb through his hair. He shrugged and pointed at the pot on the table with his comb, “Well, that’s what that shit is. Tea? That’s all it is.”

Raising his brow, Hanzo eased himself down at the table, “Then what is coffee? Bullshit bean water?”

A still shirtless Jesse was coming over now, sitting on his butt on the floor with one leg raised and the other relaxed. He made a face and then shrugged again, “Never thought of it like that.”

Hanzo frowned as he looked down at the table to avoid looking too much at the gratuitous display of flesh, “Tea is very important to Japanese culture. You should be more respectful.”

He expected some sort of smart remark, but was surprised when Jesse spoke softly, “‘Sorry. Bein’ an asshole cause I’m still sleepy, I guess. I’ll drink it.”

“Good,” Hanzo smiled as he poured for the two of them. “Also, new rule. No more swearing.”

The other young man pointed a finger at Hanzo, “You said bullshit earlier!”

Hanzo nodded, “I did. You used the word and I used it back. We won’t have that problem from here on because you aren’t allowed to say those words anymore.” Of course McCree grumbled at this, but his steadfast teacher was unphased as he continued, “Now, we’ll start with breakfast. Actually, a lot of people skip breakfast, but our training is so rigorous that we must begin the day with a balanced meal like this.”

“This is a lot of food, though…” Jesse remarked as he looked over everything.

For Hanzo, this opinion was surprising to hear considering they were given small portions of rice, miso soup, grilled fish, and tamagoyaki. All he could think of was the size of that burger at the hotel and how the fries were practically falling off the plate. If Jesse was used to eating like that, surely he could handle what someone like Hanzo considered to be much lighter. 

The poor American boy looked perplexed as he picked up his chopsticks, one in each hand. Then he put them both into his right hand and stared at them a bit before poking around at his food. After a few minutes, he sighed and put them down all together.

“I can’t...I can’t do this…”

“Yes you can. Let me help,” Hanzo got up and went around to sit next to him. Taking the chopsticks first, he then gently took Jesse’s hand and guided him in holding them. “You move this one that you’re holding like a pencil to pick things up. Rice is the easiest, so let’s try that first.”

For the first attempt, he actually guided Jesse’s hand to help the boy feed himself. He would have kept going, but their eyes met, and Hanzo moved quickly back to his spot and picked up his own bowl of rice. 

“Here, just watch me…”

Jesse watched with a furrowed brow and then resumed trying on his own. It was slow going, and for every bit of rice he managed to feed himself, he dropped even more. Finally, he all but slammed the bowl on the table and crossed his arms.

“Why are you doin’ this to me? The only thing I can eat at this table is soup!”

“Are you like this?” Hanzo asked calmly while continuing to eat. “Do you often behave like a spoiled child when something is new and difficult?”

“No,” McCree replied with his arms folded. “Only like this when I get woke up after two hours of sleep and told to eat with sticks!”

“Would you like to quit then?” 

Jesse was sulking now, but he shook his head. Hanzo smiled and spoke to him as though he was trying to soothe a child. “Then take a deep breath and go slowly. There is no need to rush.”

McCree sighed as he picked up his chopsticks and fixed them in his hand the way that Hanzo had shown him. “Sorry. Just… usually eat a bowl’a Lucky Charms or somethin’ in the mornin’’. And by mornin’ I mean whenever I end up gettin’ up.”

“So you’re not used to discipline,” Hanzo nodded slowly. “It will be a hard week for you, but I think you can do it. I’ve learned something about you.”

McCree had picked up his bowl again and managed to get a good portion of rice in his mouth. Now he looked at Hanzo, “Yeah, what’s that?”

“You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met,” Hanzo smiled at him.

Hanzo’s saying this caused Jesse to smile directly at him for the first time since that night they weren’t talking about. It made his heart flutter a little, which should have been concerning. However, he was too caught up in that smile and the words coming out of it to notice. 

“D’aw, I thought you were gonna say you learned to don’t wake me up to avoid gettin’ shot in the face, but your answer’s fine too ~”

The rest of breakfast was spent helping McCree learn to eat with chopsticks and correcting bad habits such as leaning with his elbow on the table. Once the two of them were finished, Hanzo instructed the other boy to get properly dressed and then to meet him in another room so that they would be out of the way while the house staff cleaned. About twenty minutes later, Jesse joined him wearing black jeans, a very soft looking white collarless shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, a black vest, and a black bandana around his neck. Again, Hanzo had a glimmer of hope for this American boy because he was carrying his hat in hands, and before he stepped into the room, he left a pair of black and white hi-top converse sneakers outside. Now, if only he’d left the gun. Because of how large it was, it was hard to miss the six shooter in its holster at Jesse’s hip. This left Hanzo wondering where it had been on the train and at the steakhouse. Surely he would have noticed if Jesse had been strapped then, wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t complain now if the firearm made Jesse feel safe. After all, Hanzo always had something tucked away on his person, but his hands were deadly enough to make anything a weapon if the need arose. It was only fair that he let the American keep his protection.

Once he was a few feet away from Hanzo, Jesse flopped on the floor and asked, “So, what now, boss?”

Hanzo took in a breath and then replied, “You mentioned that you brought a gift for my father. I’ve arranged a meeting for the three of us so that you can present it to him then.” Getting up, he took down one of the many swords that decorated this room and then brought it over to sit down in front of McCree. “Pretend that this is it. I am going to teach you to present it to him in such a way that will honor him. He will be very impressed. What?”

McCree had gone quiet and was just looking at the other young man sitting in front of him. At the question, the American shrugged, “You look nice today.”

Hanzo paused to look at the orange and white gi that he practically lived in when he was planning to do archery, which was pretty much daily since returning home. “In this? Why would you say something like that?”

“Reasons,” Jesse shrugged and then picked up the sword. “So, this is the thing for your father, and I’m s’posed to present it to him to bring honor to the Shimada family.”

“Yes,” Hanzo replied, giving him a suspicious look. First getting up, he continued as he got a cushion and sat it down next to Jesse. “Honor to the Shimada family, as I was saying. Sit there and be my father.”

“Aw man, he’s such a cool man!” Jesse’s face lit up as he moved over to sit on the cushion. He then became comically serious. “Ok, I have to be cool. I am cool. I am your father. Ok, go, my son.”

Hanzo cleared his throat as he took the sword and stood, going to the furthest wall of the room. He looked at McCree a moment and then shook his head before clearing his throat again. “Walk forward and then sit before him like this,” Hanzo narrated as he performed these actions. Once he was a short distance away from McCree, he went to his knees gracefully and then sat back against his legs in the seiza position. Then he gently placed the sword on the ground in front him, bowing as he did so. 

“Oooh, question!” Jesse raised his hand.

“Yes?” Hanzo asked.

“So um… do I have’ta do my legs like that because…”

“Well, the way you usually sit isn’t going to be acceptable,” Hanzo shook his head and gestured to the way that Jesse’s legs were splayed out across the floor.

“I mean, I hit six feet a long time ago. I don’t know no other way to sit, son -- I mean, boss.”

“Jesse,” Hanzo started, meaning to ask the other to stop calling him that word. But when the cowboy tilted his head and gave him his full attention like a decently behaved student, he decided there were more important things to deal with. “Look. Just stand on your knees and then sit back against your legs. It isn’t hard.”

“Probably cause you been doin’ it since the beginnin’ of time,” McCree complained as he got up to do as he was told. Once he was sitting like Hanzo, he looked at the other and spoke bluntly. “This hurts.”

“Once you become used to it, the discomfort will pass,” Hanzo assured him.

“Once I become used to it or once I lose all the feelin’ in my legs?” Jesse asked, earning a glare. Still the cowboy went on. “Cause one of those things’s gonna happen sooner than the other.”

Hanzo stared at his pupil for a few moments before sighing, “Are you always like this?”

“Probably shoulda told you I got in trouble in school a lot. I mean A LOT,” Jesse replied with a smirk and a shrug. He then picked up the sword and repeated the actions of presenting it, saying, “To honor the Shimada family, I present you with your own sword that I definitely did not steal.”

“You will never learn to behave properly, will you?” Hanzo sighed and shook his head. “But your form was good, at the very least. Stand up now and do everything from the beginning.”

“You know,” Jesse grunted as he pulled himself up, taking the sword with him. “You ain’t the first guy ever to say to me I’ll get used to it and it’ll stop hurtin’ so much. That never stopped hurtin’ either.”

“You would share details like that with someone you barely know?!” Hanzo asked with wide eyes.

“Why not?” Jesse smirked. “A man’s first time is a special moment. I'll never forget the first time I got inked.”

When McCree held up his arm, Hanzo glanced at the gang insignia with narrowed eyes. In his opinion, it wasn’t a bad design at all. The only thing he would be critical of, aside from the too obvious detail of a padlock directly beneath it, was the fact that the skull with wings was nestled in between the words “Deadlock” on top and “Rebels” on the bottom with the banner that matched the above seeming to be held in place by chains extending from the skull. It was bold move, basically stamping himself with proof of his gang affiliation in plain sight, but bold was a good word to describe Jesse. 

“Why would you out yourself this way? Why don’t I get “Shimada Ninjas” tattoo’d on my lower back?” Hanzo shook his head.

“Like a tramp stamp? That would be pretty sexy,” Jesse was grinning from ear to ear at this, making Hanzo want to go outside in search of a branch to beat him with.

Hanzo let out a slow breath before speaking again, “I think I may have liked it better when you weren’t talking to me.” This entire conversation and the grin on Jesse's face was further proof that there was a lot of work to be done here. In his experience, discipline and punishment went hand in hand, and so he stood with one in mind for his wayward ‘little brother’. “Right. I will get you a book to read. You’ll be in that position for a while today.”

And he meant it. Hanzo made Jesse stay sitting that way and didn’t even let him up for lunch. After they finished eating though, the now satisfied teacher led his student outside and waited while the other put on his shoes and laced them up. Then he took him to a space set up with six humanoid targets. Upon seeing it, Jesse’s eyes lit up and he immediately reached into his back pocket for a pair of gloves made of rough dark leather. 

“Now, we’re havin’ fun!” He spoke as he pulled them on. “These’re for me, right?”

“They’re all yours,” Hanzo gestured towards them. Really, he just wanted to see if what happened in that meeting room could be possible. He wasn’t disappointed.

Jesse took a few steps away from him and then in the blink of an eye, he drew his weapon and fired all six shots in rapid succession. Once he was done, Jesse winked at Hanzo as he twirled the gun in his hand and then smoothly put it back in the holster.

To say that this was impressive would be an understatement. Every target had been shot in the head, except for the last, which had been shot in a place that no man would want a bullet. While Hanzo looked at the cowboy's work, Jesse stood back with his hands behind his head. 

“Well, that was fun. What’s next, boss?”

“Well, it’s still early, but let's have a short break. Come sit with me.”

Hanzo led the way back to the engawa outside of his room and the two sat down with Jesse being allowed to splay his legs out the way he wanted. 

“So,” the cowboy began. “This is what your day is like? A real strict schedule like this?”

“Not entirely,” Hanzo shook his head. “After breakfast, I used to have a tutor, for example. He's stopped coming now because the trip to Santa Fe was like graduation for me, I suppose.”

Jesse nodded and then asked, “Where’s Genji? He do all this stuff too?”

Hanzo didn’t know why, but he suddenly felt salty being asked about his brother. He shook his head. “Genji doesn’t have my discipline. He is likely running around, doing whatever pleases him. Even so, we've always had separate tutors, so I don’t see him very much during the day. What is your day like?”

Jesse seemed to think about it for a moment before shrugging, “Not like this. I get up when I get enough sleep. I eat whatever I find or I go buy somethin’. I shoot cans and practice my quick draw if I feel like it. I study and take practice tests I find on the internet. Take a buncha naps if I don’t feel like bein’ awake. Write shit.”

“Write shit?” Hanzo turned to the other with a curious look. “Also, I’m taking a dollar from your pay.”

“Kay, that’s fine because you have to put it back cause you said shit too,” McCree shrugged.

“Well, you said it again, so I’ll take a dollar, put it back, and then take it again,” Hanzo smiled at Jesse and was happy to see him make an amused face as the other boy started to lie down. Still curious, he prodded, “Tell me. What do you write?”

“Just stuff,” Jesse shrugged as he put his hat over his face so that only his lips were exposed. “It’s not good or anything. Just do it when I’m bored.”

“I would like to read it someday, if you would let me.”

“Really?” Jesse moved his hat to look up at Hanzo. When the older boy nodded, the younger’s cheeks turned red and he immediately covered his face again. “Nah, I can’t do that. It’s bad and I saw how you were lookin’ when I was tellin’ Genji bout Priest.”

“You mean those books you gave him,” Hanzo guessed.

“Mhm,” Jesse replied. “I mean, not everything I write’s like that. There’s some stuff about my opinion about stuff too, but my opinion’s the last thing anyone wants to hear.”

Hanzo should have told him that he was actually interested. Instead, he looked out over the garden and stared off for a while. At length, he turned back to Jesse, meaning to talk to him. However, he noticed the way his chest was rising and falling. Gently picking up the hat, he found the other’s face to be peaceful in a way that only happens when someone is sleeping. He would say he didn’t know why he did it, but there was a reason for why Hanzo got his camera from his room and snuck a candid photo of Jesse. Leave no evidence was the Shimada way, so he returned his camera to his room when he was done and then flopped down next to the other boy, managing to accidentally wake him.

“Hm,” Jesse said as he sat up and replaced his hat on his head. “Fell asleep. Sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Hanzo smiled and then stood. “But we only have a few hours until my German tutor arrives, so let’s get back to work.”

“You’re learnin’ German, huh?” Jesse asked as he took Hanzo’s hand and was helped to his feet. 

“I thought it would be fun and easy. English is the worst second language, and I seem to be doing well enough with that.”

“Yeah, your English is nice~”

“Thank you,” Hanzo smiled and then blurted out. “I like yours too.”

Maybe he should have been ashamed of that, but when he saw how saying this made Jesse smile, he abandoned regrets. Aside from that, he learned that compliments and praise made for a happier Jesse, which made for a much better student. 

Dinner was still frustrating for the American boy because of the chopsticks, but with encouragement, he kept at it without complaint. He was even mindful of his table manners by pouring tea for his elder when he noticed that his cup was empty.

Hanzo would actually say it wasn’t a bad day. In fact, the last few hours seemed to pass quickly, especially because he had found a sudoku book in his room, and they had started to do puzzles together, which seemed to get Jesse’s mind off of complaining about his legs. But at 7:30 his room door slid open and there was Genji rudely interrupting, “McCree! I’ve come to save you! Let’s go.”

“What are you...?” Hanzo started, only to be cut off.

“Oh, Hanzo, I was supposed to tell you that your German tutor won’t make it tonight. Have fun!”

It was only fair to let McCree go, especially because he had actually worked pretty hard today. Still, there was a sinking feeling in his chest to see the other leap up so enthusiastically and all but run after Genji while shouting, “Later, boss!”

With a sigh, Hanzo got up to close the door behind them. Then he pulled out his book and laid down, flipping open to the chapter with the sentence that he would not successfully read. 

“What a fun Saturday night,” he sighed, finally giving up and closing the book. 

He was only 18, but he felt so old, with nothing but a German lesson to look forward to on Saturdays, and even that was cancelled. Why did he care, though? Why did he wish that he had been invited to wherever Genji and McCree were going? Why did it bother him to think that maybe they would have more fun without him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My advice for today. Sitting in seiza actually does hurt if you're not used to it. My favorite smart ass wasn't exaggerating.


	8. Hanzo Dear

Sunday morning, Hanzo was surprised to find Jesse fully dressed and pouring tea for the two of them when he entered the guest room. When complimented on being awake and prepared, Jesse’s smile was full of pride, “See? Told ya I could get up! Also helps that back home it’s like 3 PM.”

“So you sleep until 3 PM?” Hanzo rose his brow as he picked up his tea.

“Nah,” Jesse shook his head. “Well...sometimes. Told you I only got two hours of sleep yesterday, though. Point is, I’m up and ready to go, so let’s get to it!”

Jesse's go get em attitude this morning encouraged Hanzo to dive deeper, and so he decided move further into teaching Jesse proper etiquette when it comes to formal dining with elders. They had breakfast in Jesse’s room, the same as yesterday, but for lunch, Hanzo took him to a larger room with a long Western dining table. This was covered in a crisp white cloth and set with the family's blue floral patterned bone China, sparkling crystal glasses, and heirloom silverware. 

“Why do I have so many forks?” Jesse questioned as he picked up the smaller fork to the left of his dinner fork. 

“That one is for salad,” Hanzo explained. “The smaller spoon is for tea and the larger is for soup.”

“I don't like salad,” Jesse made a face.

“Well, just eat a little to be polite and then leave the rest,” Hanzo instructed. “I don’t know where we'll be eating with my father, but it's polite to at least try what's offered to you unless you have an allergy.”. 

“I'm allergic to…” Jesse started, but Hanzo held up a hand and shook his head.

“No you're not.”

“Yeah, I'm not,” the mischievous boy grinned at him. “Fine. I'll just pray we ain't goin’ anywhere with salad.”

Hanzo shook his head again, “Oh, Jesse. Well, at the very least, I now know that I can force you to eat salad if I must punish you.”

“There's nothin’ anybody'd do to deserve that,” Jesse shook his head slowly.

“All the same, if you can't behave from here, I will fetch the lettuce and if you're especially out of line, it will be kale.”

The look on Jesse’s face was priceless as he responded with, “No! I'll be good, boss!”

The fear of kale might have even been a serious one. Hanzo’s pupil actually behaved and listened well through his lesson, but of course, one had to learn to accept that there would be McCree commentary on certain things. It was best just to let him have his moment and then continue on, Hanzo quickly began to realize.

He decided that this would be their routine from now on, minus the target range, because he had already seen his evidence that the rumors might be true. There were still questions, but those could wait for another time. For now, he had a bet with his father to win. 

His student began to do well with retaining the lessons, but on Tuesday Hanzo noticed that Jesse was just a little quieter than usual. By Wednesday, it felt for sure that something was wrong. 

On Tuesday evening, instead of just running after Genji the way he had on other nights, McCree he had waved the younger Shimada off, saying that he wanted to stay with Hanzo and read. But after about an hour of silent reading, Jesse had then departed to his room and no one saw him for the rest of the night.

On Wednesday, there were no quips, arguments or complaints, even about his legs hurting. Jesse just did what he was asked and only nodded if he didn't have to answer with anything further. The worst of it all was that he didn’t smile once. This was not at all like the boy that Hanzo had been getting to know.

A couple of hours after lunch, Hanzo finally decided enough was enough. Closing his book with a sigh, he stood and looked down at the other, who was looking back with a curious expression. 

“Let's try going for a walk today, Jesse,” he suggested, hoping that would perk him up. But his only response was a shrug and a nod before Jesse got up and went outside, where he sat on the engawa to put on his shoes and hat. 

Their walk was equally silent, but Hanzo didn’t want to interrupt Jesse as he was taking in the sight of the shops and the many cherry trees. The older boy kept looking at his junior, wanting to ask what was wrong, but he worried that Jesse would think him prying. 

There was only one remedy that he could think of for this poor mood, and so Hanzo took him to a coffee shop. Seeing the other’s face finally lighten told him that this was the right choice. 

“I can read the menu if you don't know what you want,” Hanzo offered for him.

“Thanks, boss,” Jesse smiled. “But all I want is a black coffee. No sugar. No cream.”

It sounded gross to Hanzo, but if it made Jesse happy, he wouldn't say a word. For himself he got a matcha latte, and once the two were served with two disposable cups, they walked to a park nearby.

The cheerful Jesse appeared to be back as they sat together on a bench overlooking a koi pond. Once he had a sip of coffee, he turned to Hanzo and smiled brightly, “Thanks, boss.”

“It seemed you needed to be cheered up,” Hanzo nodded gently. “Is something bothering you?”

“No,” Jesse shook his head and then shrugged. “Why?”

“You've been quiet,” as he said this, the elder studied his companion’s face, but was met with a blank, unreadable expression.

“Oh, I didn't notice,” Jesse trailed off to have some of his coffee. “Sorry. There's somethin’ on my mind and I guess I don't wanna be annoyin’ you all the time either.”

“You don't annoy me as much as you think you do,” Hanzo again studied the other boy’s face and was rewarded by the return of his smile. 

“That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, boss. Thought for sure I got on your last nerve.”

Hanzo made an amused noise as he shook his head, “I hope you'll start to feel like yourself again. I'll take back the kale threat if it helps.”

“I feel better,” Jesse smiled and then looked away quickly. While Hanzo wondered what that was about, the other started guzzling coffee. Then he leaned back and stretched out his legs. “Might be grumpy tomorrow though. Bit late to be feedin’ me coffee.”

“That's ok,” Hanzo nodded. “Sleep when you can and come get me when you're awake and ready tomorrow.”

This lenience brought on more smiles as the other sat up and moved just a little closer to Hanzo. The sentiment was oddly infectious, as Hanzo found that his usually stoic facial expression was giving away to something that felt a little kinder. All of this felt so silly to him, but it also felt as though he couldn’t help but to behave in this odd way. Like when he noticed that they were both wearing blue today. Hanzo was dressed traditionally, but Jesse was wearing a blue and grey unbuttoned flannel over a grey wife beater, dark blue jeans, and those Converses. 

“How many hats do you own?” the older boy teased as he noted the younger had a sheriff's hat with a golden cord around the head.

Jesse started to uncurl his fingers while counting in his head. He replied after a bit, “I brought like three of em here. Dunno though. Like twenty somethin’?”

“Why so many though?”. Hanzo asked, turning slightly.

Jesse turned as well and shrugged, “I’mma cowboy, ain't I? Mostly, I just like hats, but everything a cowboy wears is for function too, you know. Hat keeps the sun outta your eyes and doubles as a fan and shade for nappin’, for example.”

“That is pretty functional,” Hanzo agreed with a nod. “You're not much of a cowboy today though.”

“Nah, not today,” Jesse smiled. “I'm casual Jesse today. I can go get all dolled up and pretty for you, though.”

Hanzo found himself smiling like an idiot as he turned away to sip his latte, “I'm beginning to think there isn't much you wouldn't do for me.”

“You finally catchin’ on to that?” Jesse replied. “Been sayin’ since the first time we met.”

“You'll change your mind.” Perhaps this was said with too much confidence. When he turned back, he found that Jesse had put his chin down on the back of the bench and was looking at him in a way that made him feel many conflicting things. 

“You gonna try and make me?” Jesse asked. “Is that why you said what you said that time?”

“It seemed that it worked,” Hanzo replied seriously.

Jesse shrugged, “Did for a minute, but I don't see it as a reason we can't be friends.”

Friends…  
Oh…

Why did this feel like an ‘oh’ moment? Should he have expected something more?

Hanzo put on a smile to try to mask the confusing feeling of hurt that he had no right to feel, in his own opinion. Jesse was still smiling and looking up at him, but he turned away, not wanting to see more of those brown eyes. He had already noticed too much, like how they weren't solid brown at all, but had flecks of gold that were revealed if the sun managed to hit them just right. 

Trying to play cool, Hanzo brought his cup to his lips. “Yes. Let's be friends.”

“Then, I really feel better.”

“Pff,” Hanzo took a drink and turned back to find Jesse doing the same. “Is that what was on your mind?”

“Maybe it was part of it,” Jesse shrugged after he swallowed. “Guess I have this habit of dwellin’ on things and over thinkin’ em too. Doesn't matter though. I'm over it.”

“Hm,” Hanzo softly replied. After a breath, he decided to change the subject. “Tell me about the Amano family. Did you really kill half the room?”

“I killed six men,” Jesse shook his head. Putting his coffee down on the arm of the bench, he pulled his revolver and then popped out the cylinder to show Hanzo that it was loaded with six bullets. “Ammo’s the limit, but in my experience, six people droppin’ with holes in their head makes everyone else panic. They don't even think to count the shots.”

“You were empty when you put the gun to the boss's head,” Hanzo spoke with wide eyed appreciation.

“Mhm,” the cowboy smirked. “But they sure didn't catch on to that, and even if they did, I was backed up pretty good. You wanna play with my gun?”

“What?” Hanzo deadpanned. Jesse laughed as he spun the cylinder and snapped it shut. Then he held the gun out to Hanzo, who blushed as he took it by the grip. “I knew what you meant. It's heavier than I thought it would be.”

“Pretty sweet, ain't it?” Jesse grinned. “Not my first peacemaker but the only for me-- as in it's custom made and fingerprint locked.”

“Wow,” was all a very impressed Hanzo could manage as he turned the weapon over in his hand, admiring the craftsmanship. He turned to Jesse, “Suppose I wanted something custom made as well…”

“Like a gun?” Jesse asked, putting his head down again to watch while Hanzo played with his gun.

“Hm, not quite,” the elder shook his head. “But for now, say that I did.”

“Well, like I keep sayin’, boss. I can get you anything. Just wait until you see what I'm givin’ your old man.”

“That will be Friday night, by the way,” Hanzo informed him. “You'll be free of me after then.”

Reaching over, he put the gun back on Jesse's lap and then watched as the younger boy holstered it. Then he went back for a sip of his latte. When he turned around, Jesse was still lazing, but his eyes never left Hanzo, who decided to deal with the risk of looking at those eyes a little more.

“So what do you get out of this?” Jesse asked.

“A one week trip to any place I want to go,” Hanzo replied with a small smile. He was happy just thinking about it.

“Where ya gonna go?”. 

“I don't know,” Hanzo shrugged. “I was thinking Spain. My Spanish is limited, but I think I can manage.”

“You can take me with you,” Jesse winked. 

“You speak Spanish?”. Hanzo rose his brow.

“Si. Cada hora que paso contigo me parece un segundo ~” The smirk that followed this phrase made Hanzo feel that he had better try look this up later. For now, he watched as the other twisted his upper body around to grab his coffee. 

“Pretty impressive,” he remarked. “You seem fluent.”

“I better be! I’m told my first word as a baby was galleta. Plus, I took it in school for a class I could go to sleep in or cut all together, but still pass.”

“Wow,” Hanzo shook his head. “You really have no discipline. Sleeping in class. Skipping it all together. But then you say that you study on your own.”

Jesse shrugged, “It’s different when you’re by yourself and can go at your own pace. I can’t tell you how many classes I wanted to scream at the person taking forever at the board, holdin’ up the whole damn class. I ain’t a genius, but I can at least remember you do the parentheses first.”

“So you don’t have any patience,” Hanzo noted as he shifted to get comfortable. “All that said, thank you, but this IS my vacation. I just want to be alone.”

“Sounds borin’,” Jesse replied.

Hanzo only managed a shrug because he was having a sudden intrusive thought about the lips he shouldn't have been looking at. He couldn't forget what they felt and tasted like, which he should not have thought of at all because now he wanted another taste. And Jesse seemed to know it. His eyes closed right before Hanzo’s did, and the distance between them disappeared all too quickly. 

Was this really happening again? After all his scolding about discipline, was he really going to give in to desires that could only lead to trouble? As if in answer, their lips tentatively brushed and then Jesse’s head tilted in clear invitation for something deeper. Hanzo only slightly hesitated before desire for this kiss took over. He tasted a little more of black coffee than he would have wanted, but he wouldn’t complain. The breakaway for air was very brief before he moved forward again, reaching out with a slightly trembling hand that meant to pull the other boy closer. But where he expected to feel the soft flesh that made up the Jesse’s lips, this time he was met with nothing. Opening his eyes, he found Jesse holding his phone to his ear and standing up.

“Hi, Genji! You’re where? Oh, I see you!”

“What?” Hanzo asked as he turned to look behind them. Sure enough, there was his brother and Faye, both waving at Jesse, who was waving back like an idiot. Seeing his brother and the girl coming to join them, Hanzo sighed and spoke under his breath. “You have to be kidding me…”

“Jesse!” Genji said happily as he slung his arm around the other’s waist and started to lead him away with Faye walking at their side. “We’re going to get yukata to wear for the festival on Saturday. Come and I’ll get something for you too.”

“Ok!” Jesse said enthusiastically as he started to walk with them, seemingly forgetting that he and Hanzo had just shared one more regrettable kiss. The elder Shimada got up and was preparing to just go home, thinking to himself that none of this mattered. He and Jesse were done for the day, so let him go. It was Genji that he blamed. 

He could feel bitterness rising like bile within him. This was quelled, however, when Jesse stopped and turned back.

“But what about Hanzo? Is he comin’? Hanzo, are you comin’?”

He wanted to say yes, especially when he saw the way that Jesse was looking at him, but he felt like he would not fit in with their happy group. “No, I…” he began.

But Jesse wouldn’t hear it. Breaking away from Genji, he came back and put his arm around Hanzo’s waist, pulling him forward. “Yes, you’re goin’. I want you to come. I’m trustin’ you to help me pick out somethin’ nice cause we’re friends like that, right?”

He mostly just wanted to go home because he had a feeling that this would not end well, but with Jesse pulling him along, he felt he had no choice but to say a very reluctant yes. 

“Well, finally!” Faye said as she went to Hanzo’s other side and looped her arm with his. “McCree’s been drivin’ me and Diamond Boy here up the walls goin’ on and on about how he wishes you would hang out with us. Then he decided to just stay in his room all night yesterday ‘cause he was butthurt about it.”

“Shut up!” Jesse spoke loudly. “I wasn’t butthurt or any other kinda hurt! I just wanna finish my book!”

When Hanzo looked at Jesse, he found the boy to be blushing furiously as he grumbled something about killing everybody. This amused Hanzo, who made a noise as they started to walk. For a few moments, he actually started to believe that this might be a good idea and that they could possibly have a good time. Then he saw the look in his brother’s eyes, and he realized several things that he wished he hadn’t.

\-------

Of the two Shimada brothers, it was always Genji that others remembered for his charm and how friendly he was. Also, it was always Genji that was likely to be seen with someone good looking on his arm as he walked the streets of Hanamura. But today, here was Hanzo with a beautiful girl on one arm and a handsome young man on the other. Was this what it was like to be Genji? Hanzo was so used to being left alone that this amount of attention made him slightly uncomfortable. Still, it was not as uncomfortable as he would have previously imagined it to be, perhaps because of the people that were with him as he weaved his way through tourists and long time residents of Hanamura alike. 

Jesse, who had been so quiet earlier, was a chatterbox now, pointing out how beautiful the flowers were and the shops Genji had already taken them to, as well as the shops he still wanted to visit. If Hanzo wanted to retreat into his thoughts, this cowboy was not going to let him. Every few seconds, he was poking the young Japanese man in the side saying, “Look, Hanzo!” or “See, Hanzo?” as though the Hanzo in question had not lived here his entire life. But this was hard to be annoyed with. Seeing someone falling in love with Hanamura warmed his heart. He would just not think of how much more his heart was warmed due to Jesse being the one to do it. 

“I'm surprised Faye is bein’ so nice to you. She must think you're cute,” McCree teased as they were nearing the shop where they needed to go.

She was being nice, Hanzo supposed. The girl didn’t strike him as someone who talked overly much, but there had been a smile on her face the few times Hanzo thought to glance over at her, though now, her brows were raised and she looked outraged.

“Excuse me, Mr. Hanzo,” she said and then tightened her lips. Reaching around Hanzo, she then slammed the side of her fist into Jesse's chest.

“See?” Jesse laughed. “She hates everybody. She hates the gang. She hates ME!”

“I don't hate you! Shut up!” Reaching around again, she punched Jesse even harder, making Hanzo wince. But Jesse was still laughing, which made Hanzo feel a bit more comfortable with this ridiculousness. His smile faded, however, when he remembered Genji walking behind them. 

How was his brother feeling right now? Usually, it was Hanzo who trailed behind, wishing that he could be anywhere but with Genji and all the people who were showering him with attention and flirtation -- usually Genji’s many friends and lovers. Then again, this was a nice turn of events. He was having fun on an outing for a change and maybe even making friends. 

“So you DO think Hanzo's cute,” Jesse went on teasing. “Oh, Hanzo. I wanna hold your arm forever.”

“That's not all he wants to hold,” Faye winked. 

“Stop sayin’ stuff like that!” Jesse yelled, but he sure didn't leave Hanzo's side, even as the three of them squeezed through the door of the shop they had been looking for.

Once they we're in, Genji grabbed Jesse and pulled him away towards a wall of already made yukata. “Let's find something nice for you. My brother has no fashion sense.”

Offended, Hanzo crossed his arms and followed to where Genji started admiring a pattern in a vivid green. “Green is NOT a creative color. He looks better in blue.”

“Well, I like r-” Jesse started.

But Genji cut him off, “He is not your student right now, brother. So he can decide what color he wants.”

“Re-” Jesse started, but Hanzo cut him off by walking away and beginning to recite haikus under his breath. But from where he went, he could hear McCree asking, “You ever get that piece of meat feelin’?”

“You're a sexy piece of meat,” Genji replied without shame.

“Well, thanks, Genji. Let's try to keep me that way. One piece and all.”

Hanzo let out a breath as he began to look for something for himself. He would go back to the group when he was ready and felt less like throwing his brother through a wall. 

While he wandered alone, he lost track of the others for a bit, but as he was considering a pretty silvery blue iris pattern, he felt himself being poked.

“Yes?” He asked, turning to see Faye.

“I just came to say hi, I guess. Get to know you since I'm gonna be your hired gun and all.”

“Oh,” Hanzo said, turning back to the yukata. This was awkward and unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome. She had a point that she would be working for him, and so he tried his best to start a conversation. “So...I hear that you're a good shot.”

“That's me. I can hit a target from 900 yards for realsies. Maybe not an ace, though.”

“How did you learn?”

“Same as Jess,” he noted her shrug out of the corner of his eye. “On the reservation. Not much else to do there. Learn to shoot. Go huntin’. End up in a gang.”

“You're the only girl?” Hanzo asked.

“Mm,” she nodded. “We’re equal opportunity employers, though. Just so happens there ain't many girls with my skills and the stomach for what we do.”

“I don't know many that could fire a gun as tall as them,” Hanzo nodded. 

“It don't do much for a resume, but I've made it work,” she smiled as she went over to a lovely peony pattern in a shade of lilac. 

“Do you like that one?”. Hanzo asked.

“Mm,” she nodded and smiled sheepishly. “I've been lookin at it since I got here. They're all pretty but…”

Hanzo grabbed the tag and then started to lead the way towards the few accessories that the shop offered. “You can pick something for your hair.”

“You're so nice, Mr. Hanzo. You should be buyin’ for Jess though.”

He wasn’t sure if he was really being nice, considering that he knew of a shop with a much better selection of things for her hair. However, he was insisting on her getting something here because he was in no mood for a long shopping trip, especially if Genji was going to be there.

“Genji is taking care of him, apparently,” Hanzo shrugged.

“Yeah, but you're the one he wants to take care of him, if you know what I mean,” she poked at him. 

“I'm sorry?” He asked, moving away from her touch.

“You and Jesse. That whole thing y'all have goin’on,” she replied much too loudly.

Hanzo rose his brow and began gesturing with his hands for her to bring it down, “What thing? Me teaching him proper manners?”

Faye waved her hand, “Jess would never agree to that if he wasn't tryna get some.”

Hanzo nearly choked on air at this. With wide eyes, he looked at the girl, who was holding a wisteria barrette against the side of her head. Noticing him looking, she shrugged, “Well, he is.”

Hanzo knew enough not to ask what it was that Jesse was trying to get. Besides, he had his doubts, especially because he could hear Jesse and Genji laughing about something, and when he turned, there they were.

Hanzo turned away from them even though they weren't even paying attention. At least they didn’t seem to be at that moment. The girl with him gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and that seemed to be enough controversy to gain attention.

“Thank you for being so nice,” Faye smiled and then looked past him.

When he turned, Jesse was looking their way with an expression that Hanzo couldn't quite interpret. The other boy was soon after pulled away by Genji and the shop owner. Jesse went, but a few steps away, he glanced back again. All Hanzo could think of to do was nod his way. Jesse made a face at this and then turned back to talk to the shop owner.

“I hope that Jess can get a glass of water soon,” Faye remarked as she tried another barrette.

“Is he thirsty?” A very confused Hanzo asked.

“You have no idea,” the girl replied as she moved towards the other boys, carrying her chosen hair accessory.

Hanzo did briefly wonder if there was an alternate interpretation than the one he was thinking she meant. Still, being told that a guest was thirsty was concerning to him as a host. It stayed with him as he paid and their yukata were carefully packed into flat boxes to take home. Once they we're all back on the street, each with a box under their arms, Hanzo moved next to Jesse.

“Jesse, do you want to go out for ramen? I can get something for you to drink then.”

The boy's face lit up immediately, “Oh, free drinks! Ok! Let's go get ramen, then.”

Hanzo smiled as Jesse's arm fell on his shoulders and the two began to walk away with the former basically forgetting about his brother and Jesse's gang member. He was stopped in his tracks, though by Genji clearing his throat.

“Are we not invited, brother?”

“Oh,” Hanzo softly replied as guilt overcame him. In truth, he wanted to say no. Faye was fine, but he had begun to build a list of reasons for why he didn't want Genji to come.

“I'll pay if it's a problem,” Jesse said, turning to look at Hanzo.

“No,” he spoke with perhaps a little too much bitterness in his voice. “I will pay for all of us.”

“Well, come on then,” Jesse spoke to the other two as he started pulling Hanzo. “A man wants a drink!

“Yeah, we know you're thirsty,” Faye remarked as she and Genji started to walk behind them. “Can McCree get sausage at this place we're goin’?”

“I'm gonna kill you in your sleep tonight,” Jesse replied, making Hanzo raise his brow. McCree noticed this and smiled. “Don't worry. We're cousins, so I'm allowed to kill her.”

“Through adoption,” Faye added with emphasis on the last word. “We found Jess in the garbage.”

“Stop tellin’ people that!” McCree yelled, but then started to smile as he turned to Hanzo. “I wasn't really.”

“Found in the trash or adopted?” Hanzo asked.

“Adopted,” Jesse answered. “It's complicated. I don't want to talk about it. I totally came out of the trash though.”

This had to be a joke, but Jesse's smile didn't reach his eyes. Hanzo wanted to ask questions, but Jesse immediately went back to pulling him towards the ramen shop.

They got a table for four and piled up their boxes underneath. Hanzo had a feeling it was going to be a race, and so he was quick in sitting down next to Jesse, who smiled to see the eldest Shimada brother sitting next to him. 

“Let me order for you,” Hanzo spoke immediately. “I think I know what you'll like.”

“Thanks,” Jesse smiled, starting to put his elbow on the table, but then stopping himself.

“We're relaxing,” Hanzo waved his hand. “Go on.”

Jesse smiled more as he did so, which was a contrast to Genji, who was glaring daggers across the table. This was probably trouble in the making, but rather than dwell on it, Hanzo kept finding himself distracted by how lively Jesse was. 

There was just a brief moment that Hanzo thought the mood was ruined, and this was when Jesse realized he wasn't getting alcohol right now.

“Oh, I thought...cause you said drinks, so…”

Genji saw this as his chance, of course. He immediately piped up, “I'll have something later for you, Jesse.”

Hanzo wanted to point out that they weren't allowed to drink, but what good would that do, other than make him look like the unfun brother? By his own standards, their perception of him shouldn’t have mattered more to him than following his father’s rules, but one glance at Jesse made him hold his tongue. 

Besides, he felt like a winner once their food arrived. Faye was perplexed with her chopsticks, and so Jesse practically dove over the table to show her how to do it.

“I'm so proud of you, Jesse,” Hanzo smiled when the cowboy returned triumphant.

“Why don't you pay him on the head and tell him he's a good boy too, Hanzo?” Was Genji's smart ass remark.

But to the surprise of both brothers, Jesse took off his hat and offered his head to Hanzo, who gently pat the top. The hair was surprisingly soft and fluffy. He had a thought about running his fingers through it and then turned to drink his 'bullshit leaf water’ in order to distract himself from musing on that any further.

His chance to forget came soon, when McCree tried his food. As soon as his mouth was clear, he turned to the brother next to him, “You were right, Hanzo! You did know what I like! I'm so happy you remembered!”

“Is it that easy to make you happy?” Hanzo leaned on his elbow and looked over at Jesse. If the spiciest ramen option was all it took, he was willing to buy another bowl right now. 

“Sometimes,” Jesse smiled as a hint of red crept up in his cheeks. “It depends on who it is and what they're doin’.”

“Are you happyl now?” Hanzo thought he probably looked like an idiot with the way he was smiling while asking this, but for some reason, he couldn't care.

“Oh, very,” Jesse nodded. “You're bein’ so not disciplined right now all on account of me.”

“I'm finding myself doing a lot of things that I normally don't lately.”

“Like?”. Jesse quirked his brow.

Now Hanzo was the one blushing. Lowering his eyes, he replied, “If you think about it, I am certain you'll know the answer.”

A brief moment of silence passed between the two, but then the quiet was broken by the sound of something sliding across the table. Looking up, Hanzo saw that Faye was gently pushing her glass of water over to Jesse, who was glaring daggers at her.

“Oh yes, she did tell me that you were thirsty,” Hanzo unwittingly mentioned. “That’s why I offered to get you a drink. I thought you needed water.”

Jesse shook his head, “She knows what she meant and I oughta punch her dead in the left titty.”

Hanzo couldn’t condone such behavior, but Faye was laughing, and so he chuckled rather nervously. Whenever he threatened to do something like that to Genji, he usually meant it, but perhaps this was how those two bonded -- with threats of bodily harm. He didn’t have much time to ponder this, though, as a young Japanese girl was now approaching them. Her eyes fell on Genji first and then Faye next to him. She looked angry at first, but then she smiled as she stopped at the table. 

“Genji, hi! You didn’t call,” she said without bothering to acknowledge anyone else’s presence.

“Oh! Oh, yes! I’ve been very busy and I lost my phone,” Genji began lying with practiced precision. “I’m so surprised to see you. I thought you were going home to Sapporo.”

“No, I told you,” the girl began with all of the patience that these girls always managed to muster for Genji because they believed he would come back. He never did. The boy just liked the option, and now he was already spinning his web to leave this girl hanging in. 

Hanzo stopped listening there. Instead, he pulled out his phone and called Genji’s. He saw his brother start to reach for his pocket out of habit, but then the younger sibling looked up and gave the elder a glare. At his side, Jesse seemed to catch on and pulled out his own phone, starting to text. Looking over, Hanzo started to laugh at the message: ‘Genji! Genji! Answer your phone!’

Hanzo started to text as well, sending, “You cheating bastard! Who is she?”

When he showed Jesse, the other boy nearly fell over. This resulted in the two cackling and trying to one up each other with texts to Hanzo’s cheating brother. They continued this with Faye looking at them as though they’d lost their minds right up until Genji’s girlfriend left. He had been wearing his most charming smile, but once she was gone, he turned to them with a glare that would have obliterated them if looks could kill. 

“Oh, hey Genji! Find your phone?” Jesse asked and then he and Hanzo returned to laughing.

Let Genji be mad. For once, it was nice to see this playboy sweat a little while he lied. Also, it was nice to laugh with someone instead of being laughed at and called stiff or square or an old man.

From the time he was born, it had been rare for anyone or anything to stand in the way of something that Genji wanted. Hanzo could think of one very special time, back when their grandfather was still alive. Unlike their father, their grandfather treated them as equals. Genji never got extra because he cried, and it was never asked of Hanzo to give up something that was his or even share it to make Genji happy. 

For reasons Hanzo was sure he would probably never understand, when he was 8 and Genji was 6, their grandfather gave them both money and then took them to the sweet ice stand. Naturally, the younger brother managed to somehow lose his coin on the way, but the elder, more responsible brother still had his money, and after happily paying for a sweet plum, he tucked away the change. Genji, in the meantime had cried and cried, begging for more money, but Grandfather wouldn’t give him more or buy it for him. He also wouldn’t force Hanzo to give up his treat for his brother the way Sojiro would have. 

Of course, later on, their father had complained to their grandfather, asking, “Father, why would you give a small child money?”

To which Grandfather had replied, “I have been giving Hanzo money since he was five. Hanzo never lost his money. Genji has. Now he has learned about responsibility.” 

At the sweet ice stand, the little brother had been too busy crying and begging for his brother’s treat, but when he saw that Hanzo was not going to get in trouble for not sharing, he turned to his brother and gave him a look that Hanzo would never forget.

He would see that look again today because, seemingly out of nowhere, Jesse threw an arm around Hanzo and pulled him close. “Thanks for cheerin’ me up. I feel better now, and I’m ready to go back and practice now.”

Hanzo wanted to tell Jesse that this wasn’t necessary, but before he could, the corner of his eye caught movement across the table. Genji was standing up now, saying that he needed to go the bathroom. Jesse shrugged that off and started to take selfies with Hanzo, who forced on a smile. However, he glanced his brother’s way again and there it was -- the face from years ago -- the face that said, ‘From now on, we are enemies, you and I.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update. I had to adjust to a weird schedule, only to have a schedule change 2 weeks later. This was my first week at a completely new job starting Tuesday, and on Monday, I was getting back from an awful road trip to Iowa, so I've been wiped. Also, I had all this typed out before, but my cat keeps walking across my computer for no reason and he closed the browser window.
> 
> Anyway, I've been reading a lot of TWD articles lately, so somehow, Carl Grimes!Jesse became a mood. Why not? If he can be Sherlock Holmes to inspect Hanzo's left titty, he can be Carl.
> 
> Finally, have the song that inspired the chapter title: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApOz85yC4ws


	9. The Jesse Shimada Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter touches on racism and includes a character being racist. As a person of color who has dealt with a very similar experience, it meant a lot to me to be able to touch on this. However, if reading this will make you uncomfortable, I recommend to skip this chapter.

The moon hung like a silver talisman against a clear sky filled with stars. Through Hanzo’s open bedroom door, the breeze carried stray petals, which fell on the floor around the couple entwined on the futon. 

The body beneath his was scrawny and bony in places where others might have expected more curve. Yet, it felt right to touch and caress it as he in turn was touched and caressed. Each kiss was slow and sweet. He sucked on the other’s bottom lip each time he was just about to pull away and caressed the light brown skin of his lover's face while their lower halves grinded together. The flannel shirt went first, followed by the wife beater. Outside, a kitten played with the golden cord on a sheriff's hat sitting on the engawa. A dragon flew overhead in the sky. 

The kitten began meowing, but he ignored it in favor of the words being whispered in his ear. 

“Hanzo, I want you.”

And he wanted him too, but he wanted to go slow. Jesse's mouth was intoxicating, though it tasted a little of what he imagined black coffee tasted like. Long brown fingers moved through Hanzo's hair, pulling him closer while the arm around his waist did the same. He wanted to touch more of the body beneath his, but with them so close, it was difficult. Instead, he settled for caressing Jesse's face and stroking his hair.

Finally, Jesse loosened his grip, and Hanzo took his arm, entwining their fingers, and then gently placing his partner's hand on the pillow next to his head. He then slid his palms up the other's sides, feeling the definition of his body. He wanted to commit every inch to memory by touch so that he was free to stare into those heavenly eyes, but there was a sudden sharp, very distracting pain in his back, which was accompanied by the sounds of purring.

Turning with a start caused the cat to bounce off of him and to the floor. Hanzo started to curse it, but was startled into gasping. The cat's fur was green.

In the real world, Hanzo pushed himself up from his bed and reached for a small blade under his pillow in one trained motion. All of this movement was enough to fully wake him, upon which time he spotted a calico cat casually licking her paw near the foot of his bed. Sighing, he flopped down on his back and then pulled away his blanket to look into the soft light grey shorts he had worn to sleep. 

“Of course,” he sighed at the sight of the hardened flesh begging to be free. 

What else could he expect? It was an erotic dream, though some elements had been odd, to say the very least. The best part of it, whether he wanted to admit that he liked any part or not, was kissing Jesse. As he placed a hand on his lower abdomen, he wondered if it was time to stop denying that he wouldn't mind kissing the American boy again and for longer. He had been frustrated with his brother's interruption of their last moment, for certain. But did he want to do...this? His fingers drummed nervously and then moved closer to his waistband, freezing in their tracks when the cat walked on to his chest and sat down. That answered the question.

With a long sigh, Hanzo got up and pulled on a robe to hide the leftovers of his naughty dream. Then he picked up the cat and took it out of his room and down to his father's room, where it belonged. He slid the door open only enough to throw her in. Then he closed it and turned in time to see Jesse leaving Genji's room. 

Rubbing his face, Jesse had a shirt in his other hand. He was heading away from Hanzo, but the elder had already seen that Jesse's belt and fly were undone. That killed the remnants of his arousal.

He waited until Jesse had returned to the guest room and shut the door to return to his own room, where he sat down heavily on his bed. Angry fingers worked their way through the long strands of his hair for something to do that wasn’t strangling Genji. Their owner felt restless, and so he stood, going to his shelf to grab the book that he could never finish. With it in hand, he flopped down again and held it against his leg.

“Fine. It’s fine,” he muttered to himself. “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter.”

But it did. Hanzo wasn’t one to self pleasure, but he had almost lowered himself to do it. In his anger, he told himself that he should be thanking the cat for distracting him into sparing his own dignity. 

“I don’t care,” he repeated as he slammed his book down on the floor and stood.

The angered and hurt (though he would not admit to this last part) young man went off to shower, telling himself that today his time was his own. He convinced himself not to worry about tonight because it would be Jesse that would look like a fool if he failed. Forget about Spain, he grumbled as he scrubbed at his skin. His father was probably going to force him to take Genji along at the last minute, anyway. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. 

Except that it did.

Jesse showed up about an hour after Hanzo finished his shower. In his attempt to calm down, the latter had started researching hotels in New York. Sadly, this was only frustrating him, as he couldn't help but to continue thinking on how he felt played. Thus, by the time Jesse knocked, he all but growled.

“I'm sick. Go away.”

“But what about tonight?” Jesse's muffled voice asked.

“Practice by yourself,” Hanzo replied with a sigh. 

“Okay…” he could hear the disheartenment through the door. 

Too much like Genji -- that was Jesse's problem. Both of them thought they could do what they wanted when they wanted to without consequence. Hanzo was determined to show them both, even if there was always a nagging feeling of wanting to give in when it seemed like their feelings were being hurt. He had a hard time resisting when Genji acted like a kicked puppy. For some reason, it was even harder with Jesse. 

“I'll come back and check on you later,” the younger boy’s muffled voice promised through the door.

“Sure you will,” Hanzo rolled his eyes and laid down on his bed. He wouldn't hold his breath.

Going back to sleep only felt wrong because it was against his usual schedule, but he had already decided that today was going to be his day. He woke when he felt like it and started his day with lunch instead of breakfast because that’s what he felt like doing. When he was done, he grabbed his bow and headed outside because that is also what he felt like doing. For once, his schedule would not be dictated by someone else’s.

But unlike Genji, Jesse would not be ignored or forgotten. When Hanzo stepped out of his room and shut his door, he found a note stuck to it, and stuck to the note were several hard candies: two reds, two green, and three blue. The note was written with letters that appeared to be formed by a Japanese child in how shaky and imperfect the lines were. It read:

Hanzo please feel better.  
Jesse

All Hanzo could think upon seeing this was wow, Jesse tried. It was so cute that it made him want to punch something. The stupidest smile formed on his face as his heart began idiotically fluttering. 

“Annoying,” he muttered, but his face said that it was anything but.

He went back into his room to put the note on the table and had one of the blue candies to start with. It wasn’t bad at all. He wasn't fond of how much sucking he would have to do to get rid of it, but it would do for a treat on his way to the range.

Out here is where he would vent all of his stress and frustrations. He had a playlist of Yo-Yo Ma that he would always play from his phone, which was tucked into the obi of his clothes. Once it was on, he would just forget himself as he moved through the obstacle course of targets that he had designed.

He felt like a cat as he navigated through the landscape: stepping from rock to rock, picking out a target that he had placed in a tree, firing straight across the pond to hit a bullseye on a small chunk of land. This was his element, where he didn’t have to think about his brother and the boy that they were waging a silent war over. He also didn’t have to think of his father and the constant pressure being the Shimada clan heir that Sojiro placed on his son. Here, Hanzo was deaf to all but the song he was listening to and the targets in front of him. 

But momentarily forgotten does not mean gone. 

As he turned back to the house, meaning to shower after a satisfying work out, he spotted Jesse standing standing there. The other boy saw him as well, evidenced by his waving. Hanzo started to think of lies to tell him about his mysteriously vanishing illness, but as he neared the other, Jesse turned and went into Genji’s room, causing the pangs of jealousy to begin anew.

What could he do other than try to forget everything? Even though it was a bit late to be eating again, after showering away the sweat he had worked up, he sat down to have a snack of a few rice balls with fish. 

While he was eating, his father passed the tree that Hanzo was sitting under. “What do you think, Hanzo?” the older man smirked in a way that was too much like Genji’s expression. “Will McCree be ready tonight or will he throw water on the floor in front of the family?”

“The family?” Hanzo’s eyes were as wide as the dish he had been served on. He had food in his hand, which he put down before continuing to address his father. “I thought it would be the three of us. You made no mention of the entire family!”

“Yes, of course,” Sojiro nodded, staring at Hanzo as though he had missed a mark. “We’re investing quite a lot of time and money into the Deadlock Gang, aren’t we? And we’re letting them associate with us, besides. The family will of course want to meet someone we’re attaching our name to.”

“We haven’t attached to anything yet, father,” Hanzo argued, trying to curb the annoyance that he was feeling for the man he usually revered. Why did this man find it funny to continuously do this? What did anyone gain by this game of leaving out details? He continued to speak to his father with an even tone, “Nothing is set in stone until after I go to New York.”

“That is not…” his father began.

But Hanzo for once felt bold, perhaps due to his frustration with Sojiro. His tone was respectful yet firm as he interrupted his father, “You trusted ME to handle this, and that is what I am doing. If I see something in New York that convinces me that this isn’t right for the family, I will not go forward with it.”

Raising his brow, his father asked, “Do you anticipate anything going wrong?”

“In fact, I don’t,” Hanzo spoke confidently. “You will see tonight. In fact, Jesse has something he wants to give to you in private before we go.”

“I see,” Sojiro nodded slowly. “Tonight at 7:00 then.”

“Yes, tonight,” Hanzo also nodded.

He was calm as his father walked away, even going so far as to resume eating while he watched him leave. 

It hit him all at once as soon as he was alone, and so he rushed to his feet, leaving his food and running for Genji’s room. Just outside of the door he paused, hearing the sound of a guitar and someone singing. As he stepped in, he saw that it was Faye. Her voice was lovely, and he normally would have told her so. However, his heart broke to see his brother lying on the floor with a triumphant smile on his face while Jesse was lying with his head on the other boy’s chest, fast asleep with his mouth hung open. 

“Oh, hi brother,” Genji was practically singing at his victory, and even went so far as to stroke Jesse’s back as he smirked at the visitor. 

“Tell him to be ready before 7,” Hanzo coldly pointed at the reason for their rivalry. “Before 7 or everything is off.”

With that, he turned on his heel and started out of the door. Faye had stopped playing and singing, and in the quiet, he overhead Jesse’s groggy voice asking, “Hm? Was that Hanzo? Does he feel better now?”

“Yes, but he’s doing that thing he does where he’s trying to be scary because he’s butt hurt about something,” Genji’s voice replied. “Go back to sleep.”

“I wanted to see him…”

That last sentence was enough to tip the scale for Hanzo, who rushed away to his room and slammed the door shut. This was all just too much confusion. He was hurt and angry when he felt he had no right to be. Jealousy was making him feel sick. At the same time, he was happy to hear that McCree had wanted to see him. Or Jesse...rather. He hardly ever thought of him as McCree anymore. Maybe it was because he thought the boy’s first name was nicer -- Jesse. Because he could read and write English, he had never even thought of writing it out in Katakana, but there it was on that note that the other boy had left for him. Standing over it, he traced the lines with his finger and sighed. 

“Stop this,” he spoke to himself as he stepped away. “You’re too old for this. It has to stop now.”

He could say it, but why couldn’t he feel it? Why couldn’t he stop thinking of himself to be the one to stroke Jesse’s back? Why did it hurt to think that Genji might win yet again? 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

At 6:45 PM Hanzo stepped out of his room onto the engawa, and when he did, he was in time to witness Genji tying a red tie around Jesse’s neck. From where he watched, he couldn’t help but think that the American cleaned up nicely. It still didn’t stop him from wanting to push them both over into the dirt, however. Where was all of this pettiness coming from? It was never like him to look at his brother and feel so spiteful.

“Are YOU going?” he asked his brother as he stepped over to the two. 

“I am part of the family, brother,” Genji replied. “I know that you wish it wasn’t so.”

“No one said anything like that,” Hanzo answered as he went around them. “Come this way, McCree. We’ll go meet my father. Where is your gift?”

“Oh,” Jesse replied and then muttered, “I’m McCree again…” After saying this, he dipped into Genji’s room and came back with a hard leather case. “For my protection and all, my men will be coming with us well. It’s just business, right?”

“Yes, just business,” Hanzo didn’t bother looking back as he replied. He entered an empty room that was usually set up for guests. Then he opened the door leading to inside of the house. 

His father had a favorite room where he liked to hold casual meetings. Hanzo himself couldn’t wait to inherit this room, with its stunning garden view and indoor pond filled with koi that were rumored to be 60 years old now. Every time he saw them, he thought of how his father would tell him that one day, their spirits would jump the waterfall and they would become dragons to watch over the Shimada family. Because of that story, whenever he entered this room, he gave them food to show respect.

Today, he stood near the pond and watched as Jesse performed the gesture that they had practiced for a week. It was funny to think that when this had all began, Jesse had complained that sitting in seiza was painful for him. One would never guess it by the graceful way that he eased himself down and presented his gift.

“Mr. Shimada, thank you for taking care of us. Please accept this small gift to honor the Shimada family.”

Beautiful. He could tell his father was thinking the same because, though Sojiro’s face was serious, the laugh lines around his eyes were crinkling just a little bit. 

“I had expected a ruffian who throws water on the floor, but the young man I see before me is even more well behaved than my youngest son. Please consider Shimada castle your home until you decide to leave us, which I hope will not be soon.”

“Thank you,” Jesse bowed again and Hanzo felt so proud that he ended up smiling towards Genji, who stood in the doorway playing with his tie. Oh, that’s right, Hanzo thought. Jesse had just shown him up a little bit, hadn’t he? The pressure to behave was going to tighten just a little bit on the youngest Shimada. Hanzo smiled even more as he mentally chalked up a small victory.

Sojiro was opening his gift now, his eyes widening with pleasure as he pulled a long gun from the case. “A tanegashima rifle -- what a surprise!”

”A favorite of Nobunaga Oda himself,” Jesse nodded. “It has a few modifications to the firing mechanism and it’s finger printed locked, so I suppose it’s not really a tanegashima anymore, but I thought you would still appreciate it.”

“Thank you, McCree. I will treasure it.”

And just like that, Jesse earned the respect of Hanzo’s father and the double pay he had demanded when all of this began. He also gained more of Hanzo’s interest in him personally, which went against the plan to pretend that none of this mattered.

Since all of this was technically Hanzo’s project, Sojiro chose to ride to the restaurant with other members of the family. That left Hanzo to take a car with Genji, Jesse, and Faye, while John and Big John followed along in a separate car along with Shuichi and another Shimada man. 

Once they were in the car and rolling, Jesse held out his hand to Hanzo, who shook his head. “Not yet. You survive dinner first.”

“Oh is that why you’re doin’ this?” Faye started to laugh. “I thought this guy was gonna bite my head off over a cigarette the other day. He said he threw his out because you told him he can’t smoke, Hanzo.”

“Yeah well, with the money I’m gonna make from this ‘Jesse Shimada’ deal -- which I ain’t sharin’, by the way -- I can afford to get some nice fat cuban cigars,” Jesse replied as he swung his hands behind his head. “I always pictured myself as more of a cigar man. Makes you look like a real badass motherfucker like Clint Eastwood.”

“You’re gonna be a throat cancer motherfucker,” Faye shook her head.

“Nah, cigars give you less cancer than cigarettes,” Jesse shook his head.

He was wrong, but Hanzo decided not to tell him. Instead, he turned to look out of the window and to think of other things, like how one day he was going to be the head of the Shimada family, and then he would be able to force his son to deal with annoying things like 17 year old cowboys. There just seemed to be one problem with these future plans, and a symptom of that problem was sitting directly across from him, arguing about cigarettes and cigars. 

Then there was the problem to his right. He was certain that Genji meant for him to hear every word when he said, “As soon as this is over, we should drink and cuddle more.”

“Mm, let’s,” Jesse agreed all too eagerly.

Fine. It was fine. Let them cuddle like idiots. He was going to be in charge of everyone in this car some day, and so he had no time for their petty cuddling… even if he did wonder what it would feel like to have a certain someone in his arms…

Dinner was held at the most cliche place he could have imagined -- a steak and sushi house that the family took their few American visitors to because they assumed that all Americans loved steak. Jesse liked it, but Hanzo could have told his father that their future retainer liked a frito pie with lots of hot sauce even more. He also liked tacos and barbecue with sauce that was both sweet and spicy. Jesse liked a lot of things, and some of them were quite unlike his family’s stereotyped idea of Americans.

Still, the American cowboy seemed in awe as he stared at the fishtanks filled with large silvery fish and lobster. He insisted on stopping to feed the koi, and so Genji and Faye stayed behind with him while Hanzo continued following his father. 

At the table, Sojiro being the head of the family, was seated at the head while Hanzo’s aunt and uncle sat at the right. Hanzo sat at his father’s left and Genji sat next to him, of course putting himself between Hanzo and Jesse. That left the rest of the important family members to take up the rest of the table.

They were all served beer immediately. Once their glasses were full, Sojiro stood and raised his in a toast. “To our honored guests, McCree and Faye of the Deadlock Gang.”

“To our honored guests,” Hanzo repeated and raised the drink to his lips. But he felt too nervous to do anything other than pretend to sip and then set it aside. He was all butterflies, but Jesse looked just fine chatting with Genji, Faye, and Kotaro, the eldest son of Hanzo and Genji’s aunt and uncle. 

Feeling a little shaken, Hanzo looked towards the foot of the table, which they had been leaving unoccupied for years. His grandfather would always sit in that spot after having retired when Hanzo was ten due to a debilitating illness that left him unable to walk, and thus unable to perform as an assassin. Sojiro had taken over then, and even after the former head’s passing, no one sat in Grandfather’s spot. 

With the old man on his mind, Hanzo remembered a time when he had gone to him and sat at his feet. When he was asked what his trouble was, he had spilled it, hoping to be punished. 

“Grandfather, I am in love with another boy...”

“You’re too young to know what love is,” his grandfather had waved his roughened hand. “If you come back in a few years and tell me that you’re in love with a boy, I’ll believe you then.”

 

Grandfather, it’s been five years. I’m falling in love with a boy. Please help me…

 

He dared to look Jesse’s way and found him pouring a drink for Kotaro. Good, he thought. Kotaro was 22, which made him their elder. The younger was also pouring with the label up. Very good. Hanzo felt proud, but also slightly saddened. He wished Genji wasn’t between him and Jesse so that he could join in the conversation. Instead, he could only critique the boy’s table manner from a distance.

It didn’t occur to him that he hadn’t taught Jesse about sushi until a plate was offered, but his moment of panic was blessedly brief, coming to an end when he noted with relief that Jesse helped himself using his chopsticks with ease and put the pieces on his own plate. But the biggest moment of triumph was when his star pupil ate the food with his chopsticks instead of his fingers and even poked Faye when she started to use her hands. Bravo! His father had noticed all of this too, and gave Hanzo an impressed look. That made the decision to give Jesse more money. After all, he’d more than earned it.

For much of dinner, the family chatted quietly amongst themselves. But as dessert was brought around, the individual conversations began to meld into the dreaded round of questioning with focus on Jesse.

“You’re quite young,” another older cousin remarked. “Where is your family?”

“Los Angeles,” Jesse answered politely as he poured beer for this elder cousin. “My parents are, anyway. The rest’re here and there.”

The answer made Hanzo very curious, as this was the most he had heard about Jesse’s parents. Another uncle asked him how and where he’d learned to shoot, and Hanzo was made even more interested in Jesse’s past by the answer.

“I had all the best teachers, specially my aunt. She’s the best there is. Even better than Faye.”

The rest of the questions were a steady stream of ones that could be answered with “Yes ma’am. No ma’am” or “Yes sir. No sir”. There were plenty of remarks at how polite McCree was and how they loved his accent. Kotaro remarked that he would like to see Jesse all cowboy’d up, and Hanzo found himself glaring down into his glass with the thought ‘back off’ in his head. The last thing he needed was yet another Shimada fighting the silent battle that he kept telling himself he was going to stop fighting.

The cowboy seemed as though he was a hit, and it seemed the night would end without incident, but he had underestimated his aunt. 

Sakiko Shimada was Sojiro’s younger sister, and a very skilled and disciplined ninja, which was why she got away with the things that she did. Hanzo showed her the respect she deserved as his aunt and a valued member of the clan, but whenever she talked, the fine hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun? With a name like Jesse McCree, I was expecting someone a little whiter.”

“Oh no she didn’t,” Hanzo muttered, putting a hand to his forehead and looking down at his plate.

“She did,” Genji muttered at his side. For the moment, they were united by a common enemy -- an aunt that they expected would upset and offend Jesse by saying the most bigoted of things without filter.

“Oh… well… no ma’am, that’s just my face,” Jesse answered politely. “I actually used to be browner when I was little and would play outside all the time.”

“So you’re not white?” Sakiko’s question made Hanzo look to his father with wide eyes, pleading for him to do something about his sister. But of course, Sojiro wouldn’t. It occured to Hanzo that several people at this table must have been thinking the same things as Sakiko. In his eyes, skin color shouldn’t matter, but his family thought it was fine for her to be asking these questions.

“This isn’t happening,” Hanzo could hear Genji muttering. Unfortunately, it was. 

But Jesse handled all of this by answering gracefully, “No, ma’aam. Well, maybe a little somewhere along the line, but I’m actually half Native American, half Mexican so I’m just this brown.”

“So you’re from Mexico?” Sakiko asked, making Hanzo want to throw a plate.

He wanted to grab Jesse by the hand and save him from this offensive mess, but still the boy had only patient answers. “No, ma’am. New Mexico, like the state in America. I’m American.”

“America is so confusing, isn’t it?” Sakiko’s husband broke into the conversation. 

“Oh yes, it is,” Sojiro took over. “But I am fascinated by the diversity of its people. You never know who you’ll meet when you come across an American. It’s better to approach with an open mind.”

The conversation was over. Hanzo hadn’t even realized he had been barely breathing until the topic moved on to different places in the US that various members of the family had visited. Jesse then started to tell them about New Mexico, and that conversation carried on until everyone was ready to head home.

Once they were in the car and rolling, Hanzo looked at his two guests and sighed, “I am… I am sorry for my aunt.”

“Yes,” Genji quickly chimed in. “She is horrible that way.”

“She’s stuck in the era when darker skin meant that you must be a peasant,” Hanzo added. 

“Well, we come from a country where some people still think darker skin makes you ain’t even a whole human bein’, so I can deal,” Jesse shrugged. “And I’m used to it. Everybody hears the name McCree and expects a white boy, and they think all cowboys are white too, so…”

“Hm,” Faye replied quietly, turning to look out of the window. 

Hanzo felt like he needed to say something, and so he blurted out, “I think you’re beautiful. Both of you, I mean…” Because god forbid he give Jesse any sort of ideas that he might find him attractive. The kisses they’d shared completely meant nothing, right? After all, hadn’t someone in this car come from Genji’s room barely dressed?

“Well thank you,” Faye turned to Hanzo. “But even if we were butt ugly, we’re still whole human beings.”

“Yes, of course,” Hanzo nodded quickly and then turned away. Maybe it was better to just shut up. Racism and prejudice was not something he dealt with often, so he didn’t know what to say. Maybe it was better to just listen.

But Jesse clearly wanted to move on and was holding out his hand again. “I owe Genji like a lot of drinks, so can I get my mula now, por favor?”

Reaching into his breast pocket, Hanzo produced an envelope that he had tucked into it in anticipation of Jesse wanting his money post haste. Putting it into the waiting hand, he nodded, “You earned it. I will double that before you leave.”

“A pleasure doin’ business with’cha, boss,” Jesse smiled as he opened the envelope and sniffed the contents. With his eyes alight, he pocketed the money and turned back to Hanzo. “You just be sure and let me know when you want me to play nice for money again or if there’s somethin’ else you want me to do. Maybe you can fake sick again and I’ll wear this little ol nurse outfit I have in my closet. I look pretty cute.”

“I’m sure you do,” Hanzo replied, turning towards the window again. He felt called out, but what could he say? It was obvious he had been lying earlier. 

And then there was ‘boss’. That word again. They were back to it. So much for the small amount of hope that Jesse would invite him to drink and cuddle. 

When they arrived home, Genji and McCree immediately went off to their plans, leaving Hanzo to stand around and wait for his father. Faye started to follow the other two, but before she got too far, she turned back to Hanzo and spoke, “You know, for someone who is gonna be the whole head of a family like this, you sure don’t go after what you want.”

“What are you talking about?” Hanzo rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He barely knew this girl, but she was making assessments about his personality that were actually true? How dare she?

“Get yourself a drink, boss. You look thirsty,” she said before going to join the others.

“I am not thirst-” Hanzo began before he finally began to understand what she was saying. “Oh… OH!” 

“Yeaaaah,” Faye laughed at his expression of getting it. “I’m gonna go change and check out that Shimada cousin of yours some more. You go grab that drink.”

Hanzo had to admit he was curious about which Shimada cousin of his she was checking out, but he was already being shooed towards Genji’s room. This was against his principles, but to hell with principles. Genji never played by the rules, which was why he always ended up with what he wanted. Surely it couldn’t hurt the elder brother to try quenching his thirst just this once.

He felt his fighting spirit renewed as he followed the sounds of laughter to his brother’s room. However, his resolve began to bleed out as he paused at the threshold. Both boys had thrown their jackets on the floor and were now sitting in front of the TV with game controllers in their hands, while a bottle of whiskey and several cans of beer sat on the floor in front of them. He didn’t know if he could do this. Their father would not approve of the elder brother drinking this much, which was why he never did it. A few sips of sake was the most he was ever allowed. Yet, it was evidenced by the way Genji popped the tab on a beer and began to gulp it that the 15 year old already knew how to party. 

With his nerve all but lost, Hanzo slipped in and sat on the couch behind them, but he wasn’t really there to them as they were too busy yelling to each other over the loudness of their in game characters shooting guns about pizza toppings to notice him. 

After a few minutes of this, he got up and left, deciding that this scene was not for him. As he was leaving, he heard Jesse asking Genji, “Shit, was that Hanzo in here the whole time? How’d he get in here?”

“He’s not that good. I heard him.”

“Well, you coulda said somethin’. He probably thinks we’re assholes that just ignored him now.”

“Trust me, he doesn’t care. He thinks everything we do is stupid and he’s always yelling, anyway. Did I tell you he yelled at me for giving you his phone number?”

“Wow, he’s like that? Thanks for telling me…”

Hanzo had a few stories of his own about what Genji was like, but he decided to leave it alone and just go back to his room to read. What did he care about what Mccree did anymore? The ‘Jesse Shimada’ deal was done. He’d give him the rest of the money he was owed when the damn cowboy came to get it. Then both he and Genji would be out of his hair. They could go get married for all he cared. It wasn’t as though Genji was expected to produce future heirs to the clan anyway. That was Hanzo who needed to be looking at marriage to a woman in the near future. He had no time for little boys. It was time to grow out of this.

That’s what he told himself as he settled down with the book he had been trying to read since the trip to Santa Fe. He was still on the same page, and tonight he was not getting anywhere either. There was this dry feeling in the back of his throat that kept bothering him until he finally rose in silent admittance of the fact that he needed a glass of water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure why it took so long to update, other than I'm a scrub. I'm sorry I'm a scrub!


	10. Become Flowers On This Stage

In their childhoods, the Shimada brothers had enjoyed the experience of festivals together. During those days, which felt like a lifetime ago, Hanzo hadn't worried that he didn't have friends the way the children of lesser families did. He didn't feel jealousy as he watched them running around or walking together while excitedly pointing things out because he’d had Genji, and back then, that was more than good enough. 

Today, he wandered alone, coming to a stop at the goldfish game. Watching children giggle and scream as they tried to scoop up fish with paper nets, he remembered how he had once won a white fish for his brother, which had oh so creatively been named Shiro by the then five year old. How long had that really been? Ten didn't seem a big enough number to count the years. So much had changed since then, mostly because Hanzo's childhood, if it really could have been called that, had ended early. And Genji...well, when the interest in sex found the youngest Shimada, it was his relationship with Shiro that became lost first. The fish that he would always sing to and whisper words of love to as a child became neglected. Genji forgot to feed her. He stopped caring about cleaning her tank and changing the water. When she died, the boy had shrugged and said, “It was just a fish.”

And festival, for Hanzo became just festivals. The magic died when he stopped wanting to go to them with Genji. So too died his ability to see most things from childhood as fun. It was hard to feel much joy while staying focused on his duty to walk a certain way, talk a certain way, and to listen to business discussions at his father's right hand. Somewhere, in the years of all this, he had lost the ability to be a child and had never replaced it with being a normal teenage boy. Now he was in that phase of life where the laws and traditions of his family said he was a man, but even that didn't feel entirely true. All of the men in his father's festival group talked about business and other adult things that he understood but couldn’t quite relate to just yet. His thoughts were elsewhere, namely on someone he wanted to stop thinking of.

“You should go entertain our guests,” his father had said earlier when he noticed Hanzo tagging along at the back of the group and not speaking. ‘Go act like a teenager’ was what he had essentially been told. He wasn't sure he quite knew how to do that. Besides, with all of the village packed with tourists and residents, all dressed in beautiful spring colors, Hanzo didn't think he would find his brother's group, and Genji would do his best to make it even harder. So here he was, alone and reminiscing like an old man, his parasol casting a shadow over his face that somehow made him look even more unfriendly than usual as he stared at goldfish and wondered if his brother ever thought of Shiro anymore.

Even if he was alone for it, at least the day was beautiful. He had tied his hair up in a high ponytail that fluttered in the breeze along with the long yellow seigaiha patterned cloth that he had used to secure it. Wandering in the direction of this breeze, he came to a vendor that was selling pachimaris. He thought of purchasing one for himself, but was interrupted by giggling nearby. Turning, he watched as a handsome young man presented a pachimari to a blushing girl, who hugged it close. 

‘Maybe that is what I should do’, he thought as he walked away. Would finding a girl to date and fool around with help anything? Could he even find a girl that he liked? Hanzo paused in his musing long enough to pull his phone from his obi to check the time. Then, as he tucked it back inside and began to walk again, he continued his train of thought. Faye was certainly pretty, with her clear skin and eyes that were such a dark brown that they appeared as black as one of his favorite suits. She had those high cheekbones too, just like a boy he knew that he was supposed to not be thinking of.

No.   
Focus.

He was on his way to see a pretty extraordinary girl now -- one who had done something that most girls he had met had not. 

An open area of the park had been set up with hundreds of chairs before a large stage. There had been a play earlier in the day that he had decided to skip, but this, he could not miss because a special young woman would be performing.

He found a seat near the end of the third row and closed his parasol after sitting. While he was getting situated, he heard a commotion of familiar voices, and then the empty seat next to him became occupied by Jesse.

“Oh no,” he muttered under his breath. The last thing he wanted was a conversation right now, which is why he was pleasantly surprised by silence at his side.

Behind him, though, he could hear Genji complaining, “Why did he choose the one seat left up there when there’s plenty of seats back here?”

“Shush, Diamond Boy,” Faye’s voice scolded. “You keep complainin’ like that, you’re gonna start gettin’ grey before your time.”

‘It runs in the family’, Hanzo thought. Genji’s time was probably within the next few years, if the fact that Hanzo had found two by now was any indication. But that was their conversation. He would tune them out, and he would also not turn to look at Jesse, who was still quietly sitting at his side. Hopefully things would start soon, giving him something else to focus on.

Hanzo would not be disappointed as shortly after, the curtains parted to the sounds of fast paced shamisen accompanied by traditional drums. But this was no traditional band. While the cut of the shamisen player’s dress did resemble a kimono up top, the fluffy skirt was very short and worn over fishnet style stockings and many buckled platform boots. 

He was fascinated with the mixture of traditional and modern rock style musicians, but he only gave the rest a passing glance before his eyes settled on the girl he was here for. Like the shamisen player, her dress was short, but instead of fishnets, she wore thigh high black stockings with her toes bared. Wiedling two fans, as she danced to the music and weaved her way through and around the playing musicians, her long sleeves whipped and flowed around her small body. The colors red and black were not for this season, but she was always the type to get away with it and so many things, including abandoning her training as a ninja to become a most hypnotic dancer.

As the song reached its climax, he watched her twirl in a way that would made him puke if he tried it. The thigh highs and the short dress made her little legs and feet much easier to follow, leaving him amazed at how sure her footing was as she moved along the stage as though there was not two guitarists thrashing and hopping about. There was also the lead singer, the shamisen player, a traditional drummer, a rock drummer, and a chinese guitar player to navigate around, but she did it with all of the ease he would take in sneaking into a mark’s home. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, but as the song ended, he knew there was one other person that would be watching this intently, and so he turned, finding Genji’s stare fixed on the dancer as the beautiful girl was now fanning herself, making her square-cut bangs rise and fall while the long waist length strands of her hair blew in the wind.

The lead singer was a beautiful girl as well, dressed more traditionally in a very dark purple kimono. After she addressed the crowd, the band went into another song that was just a bit slower in tempo, but still as energetic. The music really wasn’t something he would normally listen to, as he didn’t really like rock, but it wasn’t bad at all.

He especially liked the third song, though the lyrical content was a little heavier than the previous two, this being about an oni who drank to pass the time but confessed that when she thought of her home, it made her fill her sake dish with tears. There was also a bit about drinking girls’ blood from the same dish, but he could ignore that in favor of the fact that all of these songs, with their different stories to tell, all referenced flowers in some way.

When that song finished, the lead singer explained that this would be their last song for the day, which made sense. They were just festival entertainment instead of this being a whole concert. Other things would happen on this stage, including yet another play, which the girl mentioned. She then went on to explain that in keeping with that, her band wanted to present a little play of their own.

At this time, as he heard the sound of piano, he noticed that there was a small girl playing the keyboards tucked into a corner. This band just kept spawning members, didn’t it? Because now there was also another girl with long pink hair who stepped up and began to sing over the keyboard, her high soprano voice sounding very lovely. Hanzo had a feeling that the best piece had been saved for last, indeed.

Even as the guitar started, it was more subdued and complementary to the piece, which was mainly driven by the keyboard. Fascinated, he checked out more of the band, but of course his eyes eventually found his way back to the dancer and the graceful way she floated along the stage. 

It was a lovely and unique performance, with four girls taking on vocal duties. The first was the pink haired girl who had taken the stage in a lovely pink sakura themed kimono, the second was the original singer in her purple kimono, the third was the shamisen player, and finally, there was the tiny keyboard player who wore a black and white leaf patterned kimono with her arm out of one sleeve and her breasts bound by bandages so that they wouldn’t be exposed on that side. Her voice, when compared to the maturity of the others, was more childish sounding, as fitting of the child characters that she represented. In the end, though, after each verse, the bridge and the chorus always went back to the pink haired girl, who was the narrator and central focus of this story. 

Hanzo needed an MP3 of this song. That was decided after the second chorus as the song ramped up, leading to a guitar solo, followed by a beautiful four part harmony of all the singers. At this point, flower petals began to rain down on the stage and the intensity of the dancer’s twirls picked up as she weaved her way around the guitarist, who finished with a solo. 

Standing with intent to clap with everyone else, Hanzo noticed something fall from his lap to the ground. Intrigued, he bent over and picked the thing up. It was a Pachimari that was fashioned to look like it was wearing a light blue yukata. In one tentacle, it had a fan, and in the other, a goldfish pouch. He loved it! 

When he turned, Jesse smiled at him and then started to walk away. Reaching out, Hanzo grabbed his arm and pulled him in the opposite direction, navigating the crowds in silence on the way towards the stage. Jesse needed to come along for this, he decided. He needed the other to know about this bit of Shimada brother history.

When the dancer was on stage and moving about, it was difficult to tell, but when Hanzo approached her as she stood among the band members, fanning herself, it was hard to miss how small she was compared to the others. It was also hard to miss how beautiful she was. When she saw Hanzo, her big catlike eyes lit up and she excitedly snapped her fan closed before bowing twice in rapid succession.

“Hanzo onii-chan! I’m so happy you came!” 

Her Japanese was flawless, but he knew that her English was just as perfect, and so he used that language to address her so that Jesse would be able to understand. “Erika, it’s good to see you. Your talents, like your beauty, have blossomed well.”

“Thank you,” she beamed and then gestured with her now folded fan to Jesse. “Who’s this?”

Turning, he found that the American’s cheeks were puffed a bit. Shrugging it off, he gestured to him as well. “This is Jesse McCree. Jesse, this is Erika Thomas, a family friend of sorts.”

“Of sorts,” she rolled her eyes and opened her fan to put it to work at cooling off. “This one’s cute, Hanzo onii-chan!”

As she winked, Hanzo felt his face growing hot. Turning away, he gave Jesse a once over and found that he couldn’t deny it. For one thing, it seems the boy had denied Genji’s insistence on putting him in green and instead wore a sky blue crane pattern with a darker blue bandana around his neck. He still seemed to be pouting, but a little less so, likely because he had been called cute. Now he offered his hand.

“Pleasure to meet you.”

“You too,” the girl smiled and then turned her attention to just behind Hanzo. “Oh, hi, Genji.”

Hi, indeed. Hanzo pulled out his fan and began to smile with satisfaction as he whipped it open and began to fan himself, taking a step back as his brother approached the girl and kissed her hand. “Erika, you were… I couldn’t stop looking at you. You’re so beautiful.”

“You say that to all the girls, Genji,” Erika giggled and fanned. “Trust me, I know.”

Having the time of his life with this moment, Hanzo’s triumph was only briefly interrupted by a poke in his side and a questioning glance from the cute American at his side. He shrugged for the moment, determined to explain later if it came up again. For now, he watched as Genji stumbled all over himself in a way that never would happen with girls like the ramen shop owner’s granddaughter.

“Would you like to go get sweet ice with me?” Genji was asking her. “I have it -- money, I mean.”

“I’m sure you do,” Erika giggled and reached up to pat his head. “Aww, you’re still fluffy.”

“Oh yeah, that’s me! I’m fluffy!”

“What… the hell is happenin’?” Jesse whispered to Hanzo, who only shrugged.

Suddenly they were joined by a man who Hanzo would only be able to describe as ridiculously handsome. The left side of his hair was braided up his head towards his crown and then swept over to stop just below his ear on the right, while a long tail of blue highlighted hair was pulled from the back into a braid draped over his right shoulder stopping just at his broad chest. With his thick brows and dimpled smile, he was a sight to behold. However, while Hanzo and Jesse were both practically drooling, Genji was immediately scowling.

“This is my boyfriend, Jong-woon,” Erika smiled to the others. 

“It’s nice to meet you all,” Jong-woon bowed respectfully and then turned all of his attention to his girlfriend. “You were so amazing. I have something for you.”

And seemingly out of midair, he produced a long stemmed red rose. That was Genji’s done point. In a huff, he stormed off, leaving a very satisfied Hanzo. It was cruel, he knew, but he felt a bit smug as he said a quick goodbye to the couple and then led Jesse away from the scene, his other arm cradling the pachimari in the crook while he carried his parasol in his hand.

“So um...what was that about?” Jesse finally asked when they made it to a quieter area of the festival, near a bridge heading over the koi stream. “Who’s the girl?”

“That,” Hanzo smirked with satisfaction as the two stepped on and headed towards the middle. “That is the first and only girl to break Genji's heart.”

“Well that ain’t right,” his companion was found to be frowning when he turned to face him. “You seem mighty pleased with it.”

“Because you don’t know Genji the way that I do,” Hanzo shook his head. “You don’t know what he’s done to others and what he would do to get what he wants. But you saw part of it. That girl at the ramen shop? He will never call her again, but he likes to keep them waiting and thinking that he will just in case it does cross his mind.”

“Yeah… figured he was like that…” Jesse spoke quietly. “That Jong-woon sure was handsome, though. I could lose myself in that smile.”

“He’s better looking than any of us could ever imagine being,” Hanzo replied with his smirk of satisfaction returning. “Genji hates that the most. He’s used to being praised for his looks and having girls fall all over him, but he is no match for Jong-woon.”

“Well, he sure likes em older though, don’t he?” Jesse remarked as he leaned forward with his arms on the railing to watch the fish below. “Faye is 19, but he keeps flirtin’, don't he? He heard the age difference and said he don’t care cause he'll be 16 this year anyway.”

“He doesn’t and he will,” Hanzo shrugged. “But Erika is about the same age as you. Her 18th birthday was over the winter.”

“Hey, mine’s in May! You should come spend it with me.”

Hanzo made a pfft sound at this and started to walk away, pausing to make sure that Jesse was coming with him. He was getting hungry now, and his stomach was leading him to follow the scent of many great festival foods. 

“Well, at least you’re hangin’ out with me now,” Jesse replied as he caught up. “That’s a start. Sooo... that girl... you ever wanted to like date her?”

“No,” Hanzo replied bluntly. Thinking it sounded harsh, he began to explain. “As good as it would have been for the family to have her as my wife, I never took that kind of interest. Even if I did, it’s her mother that has ties to our clan. Her mother’s family is almost as old as ours, and even worked under us at one point. Her father, on the other hand, is a British scientist. Even so, Erika came to train with us for a few months in summer of last year, and Genji became her second shadow. She told him that she would never be with someone who could not even match swords with her. Then she became a dancer.”

“So he never got to fight her and prove himself? That ain’t right.”

“That’s how it is,” Hanzo shrugged. “The girls that Genji usually go for are always the type that need to be impressed with his money and him telling them that he’s a ninja and needing to be told how pretty they are and other nice things. Erika has always had money, she knows full well that she’s beautiful, and she took her training very seriously, even though she did become a dancer.”

McCree, who appeared intrigued as they neared a takoyaki stand asked, “But can she beat Genji at swords?”

“I don’t know,” Hanzo shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows if she still trains at this point, but at least back then, she could almost beat me. Almost.”

“I don’t think she could,” Jesse answered with finality. “Naw, she can’t beat Genji. If all she does is dance now, there’s no way. Do you think that guy Jong-woon beat her?”

Hanzo merely shrugged and turned his attention to ordering two each of traditional takoyaki, two cheese, and two sausage balls. Once it was being prepped, he turned back to Jesse and then looked down at the pachimari. “Why did you give me this?”

“Saw you lookin’ at em,” Jesse shrugged. “Thought you’d like one.”

“But why did you bother?” Hanzo pressed, trying to make sense of the situation that he was in the middle of. He couldn’t easily forget all that he had seen, but Jesse was standing here carrying on as if none of it had happened.

The American huffed and then ran his fingers through his hair, “Damn, Hanzo. Ain’t it obvious by now, or are you doin’ this on purpose?”

Looking down, he started to search for an answer, but then his order came up. In need of more hands, he gave his parasol to the other before claiming his food. Then he picked up one of the octopus balls and shoved it at Jesse’s mouth. Surprised, the other nevertheless opened his mouth and bit into what he was offered. His face, however, showed a disappointed Hanzo that he was not enjoying what he was eating.

“What is this?”

“Octopus,” Hanzo answered with a grumpy tone. “You don’t like it?”

“I’m gonna go ‘head and give an honest no so it don’t bite me in the ass later.”

“Hm,” Hanzo sighed as he began to walk away, eating what was left of the traditional takoyaki and then starting on the others. 

McCree quickly fell into step at his side, speaking in a tone that betrayed slight annoyance. “Are you gonna stop talkin’ to me now cause I don’t like it?”

“No one said anything like that.”

“You didn’t say anything,” Jesse huffed. “There’s a whole precedent for you not talkin’ to me for reasons I don’t understand.”

“You weren’t talking to me when you first arrived.”

“Because you implied that I woulda let you fuck me on children’s playground things when I just met you,” Jesse huffed again. “Then you told me you’re not even gay like it wasn’t you on top of me.”

“Fair enough,” Hanzo answered. They were near the pachimari booth now. Holding out the food container, he demanded, “hold this.”

He then proceeded to buy a pachimari in a pink yukata with a cute pink and white flower on the side of its head, which he put in Jesse’s arms after taking back his food.

“T-thank you,” Jesse was slightly flushed now, but Hanzo turned away and headed towards another bridge, where he sat the food down on the rail and picked up a cheese takoyaki ball. “Try this one.”

“Well… okay…” Jesse bit into it and then nodded, finishing it. Then he helped himself to the sausage one and finished that one. “Slightly less hungry now. Could use more food, though.”

“We’ll get food then.”

Hanzo took him around, first getting okonomiyaki, which they shared, followed by sweet ice, and then dango. As they headed towards a quiet area after eating, he felt a hand brush his and decided to just give in to what he thought was being requested. He took Jesse’s hand and found the brunette’s face going alight as they walked together, each holding one of the couple set of pachimaris the way other couples were doing tonight.

Gradually, they found their way in silence back to Shimada castle as night fell. Hanzo led the way through the interior, up a long flight of stairs and to the roof, climbing up first and then helping Jesse up. Sitting up here, they could look over all of Hanamura and the festival, but by the moon and the festival lights, all he could look at was Jesse. That led him to be the one to lean in and kiss the other, who seemed unsure with the first short exchange, but then closed his eyes and put a gentle hand at the back of Hanzo’s neck for the second.

“I… I think about you a lot,” the American confessed when they pulled away. “I tried not to. I tried to stay mad at you, but I spent all that time with you and then I wanted to spend more. Also, I think I lost your umbrella thing somewhere.”

Hanzo’s face felt so hot and his heart just wouldn’t stop fluttering as he spoke perhaps a little too quietly, “I think about you too.” He thought of adding how it caused him so much confusion, but he was surprised out of it by the feeling of Jesse’s head on his shoulder. Without thinking, he lifted his arm and put it around the other. As for the parasol, he had a dozen. It wasn’t even worth addressing.

“I’m really happy right now,” Jesse spoke softly as fireworks began to blossom in the sky, signalling that the festival night was nearing its end. “I know it’s probably gonna be trouble…”

“Me, trouble?” Hanzo craned his head to look at him. “I am discipline. You are the 17 year old outlaw that does whatever he feels like.”

“That is not even true,” Jesse smiled as he shook his head against Hanzo’s shoulder. “I did everything you told me to. I threw out my cigarettes for you, and spoilers, it wasn’t just for the money, either. I wanted to make you proud of me.”

“Why?” Hanzo furrowed his brow.

“What, do I gotta shout it from the rooftop for you?” Jesse huffed. “Cause I care about what you think, that’s why.”

“Hm,” Hanzo found himself smiling. “I suppose I wanted to hear you say it.”

“I wanna hear you say a lot of things,” Jesse replied. “I just like to hear you. Your voice. I wanna lay on your chest and just listen. Is that weird?”

Hanzo continued to smile as he nodded and looked towards the sky, “You are strange, but I think we have that in common. We’re both rather unusual people.”

“Hm,” Jesse hummed and then sat up. Reaching for Hanzo’s face, he gently pulled him into another kiss and then let go when Hanzo turned his body to return it.

He couldn’t guess how long they went on without interruption, pausing only for brief breaths of air. Unlike his dream, Jesse tasted of cherry sweet ice and some mixture of the food they’d had tonight, plus a flavor that must have been uniquely him. As they continued to share passionate kisses, Hanzo felt his body begging for the next step. Drunk on the sensation, he lowered the other to the tiles and then positioned his body on top of his. But as they broke away from their current kiss, Jesse gave him a peck and then gently nudged him.

“I’m sorry,” Hanzo said as he sat up.

“No, it aint just you,” Jesse blushed. “I just want to stop before it gets to where I can’t.”

“I understand,” Hanzo said, reaching out to touch the other’s face. “I… should probably go shower.”

“It’s pretty late, ain't it?” Jesse nodded. But when Hanzo tried to stand, he was stopped with a hand on his arm. “Just one last kiss. A little one.”

“Are you sure?” Hanzo rose his brow, making the other laugh a little.

Jesse nodded, “Yeah, I’m sure. I get hot pretty fast, but I cool down just as quick. A little kiss won’t hurt none.”

“Okay then,” turning his body, Hanzo kissed him gently, using his free hand to caress his neck. He pulled away before Jesse expected him to though, and picked up a pachimari to leave. “Goodnight, Jesse.”

The Jesse in question looked like he had been drinking, which was pretty exhilarating to Hanzo. He had only heard Genji speak of this, but had never accomplished it himself before tonight. Yet here he was about to leave a love interest wanting more. With a flushed face, the other pulled out his fan and put it to work.

“Yeaaah...night, Zo.”

After climbing down from the roof, he smiled to himself as he repeated this new nickname. Not boss but, “Zo.” He liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so what happened was that I hit a block where I couldn't write. Then when the block lifted, I just wrote and wrote, until I realized that I have nearly 30 pages. So I split them off into two chapters and then fussed and fussed at editing this part. Not even 100% satisfied, but I just want to get this up so I can move on. I'm giggling at Jong-woon because he was inspired by one person, but given another's name as a placeholder. Then when I realized what Jong-woon means, which is basically something like gloomy thunderstorm cloud, I knew I had to keep the name. Anyway, I hope you all like this and I can't wait to get next chapter up!


	11. If It Isn't Love ...

Is this what love really felt like? As Hanzo showered and got dressed for bed, he felt a level of happiness that he couldn’t explain. Only days earlier, life had been all about routines and schedules. Now, he didn’t know what he was going to wake up to tomorrow, but he still felt so excited to see the next day. For once, he had a reason to feel this way.

But as he settled down and covered himself with his blankets, uneasiness crept up on him. The question of if he was supposed to be feeling this way found a place in his heart. He thought again of how he had assumed he would grow out of his attraction to other boys as he reached adulthood, and he felt himself sinking. 

Rolling over to plug his phone on the charger, he noticed with a sigh that he had somehow grabbed the wrong pachimari. Jesse was supposed to have the cute girl one, not because he was like a cute girl, but because the pachimaris were meant to be a couple, just like what he wanted deep in his heart to be with that American cowboy. Even if his feelings were bothersome, he wanted the one who was causing them to have the right pachimari so much that he got up and pulled on his robe, meaning to head to the guest’s room. 

Of course, when a defeatist mindset is trained to constantly look for evidence of defeat, it is all too easily found. As he stepped out of his room and headed towards Jesse’s, he had to pass Genji’s room. And of course, that boy left his outside door open, so Hanzo was able to look right in and find Genji in an embrace with none other than Jesse. He immediately felt jealous, but instead of confronting the situation, he went to the guest room and tossed the Pachimari in. Then he went to bed, determined that tomorrow, he was going to stop playing this game with the damn boy for good.

Naturally, he had another dirty dream where his body betrayed his will. This time, he got much further than the last, and when he woke, he needed a shower to get rid of the results. Once he was clean again and dressed in new pajamas, he got back into bed and pulled his blankets over his head.

About fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on the door. He wasn’t sure at this point what time it was, but he did know for certain who that had to be. Playing sick hadn’t worked before. This time, he would just say nothing.

But of course, that didn’t work either. As he turned and picked up his phone to look at the time, his door opened and in stepped the person he was trying to avoid with the pachimari meant for Hanzo. “Oh good, you’re awake!”

“Not for long,” Hanzo grumbled as he turned to put his phone back after seeing that it was 7:30. When he turned around again, there was Jesse under his blankets with him, grinning from ear to ear. Scowling, he asked the bed intruder, “What are you doing?”

“I wanna have breakfast with you,” Jesse poked at him. “And spend the day with you too. Come on, get up! What happened to discipline?”

“No,” Hanzo grumbled. “I have no desire to spend time with you.”

He hadn’t known what to expect as a reaction, but he also hadn’t cared either. Then he saw the other’s smile fade. The brown brows furrowed and the eyes below them narrowed as a frown formed on the now clearly annoyed boy’s lips. 

“You know, this’s gotten real old. Yesterday, we were that close to screwin’ on the roof, and now you’re tellin me you don’t wanna hang out with me? You mind lettin me in on why you're such a jerk to me?”

Oh? Had he made him mad? Good, Hanzo thought as he rolled over, thinking that would make Jesse leave. He was wrong. Jesse rolled over too and yanked all of the blankets right off of their owner.

“What are you doing?” Hanzo growled as he turned over again.

“Not leavin’,” Jesse replied as he cocooned himself. “Cause I know that’s what you want. I ain’t givin’ you the satisfaction. We’ll be miserable together.”

“Why do you keep bothering me?” Hanzo continued to growl. “Why don’t you go bother Genji?”

“Because I don’t wanna be with Genji! I wanna be with you, you asshole!” Being shouted at this way made Hanzo freeze and stare at this livid person in his bed with disbelief. Jesse was so incensed now that even this aggravated him. “Don’t you dare give me that dumb look. I dunno why I keep botherin’ you either. You’re just an asshole, Hanzo. A real asshole!”

And Jesse was piece of work himself. For one thing, he was getting up to leave and taking Hanzo’s blankets with him. Hanzo might be an asshole, but there was something to be said for someone who would scream at you and then take your blankets.

“Jesse,” Hanzo sighed as he put both arms around him to pull him back down on the futon.

“Don’t you Jesse me,” the other’s growl sounded as though he was going to starting biting and clawing. He probably should have let go, but he held on to the struggling Jesse, making him growl again, “Let go! I’m leavin’ like you want me to.”

“I don’t…” Hanzo began and then sighed. “I don’t want you to…”

“Then why are you like this?” The struggler gave up his fight in favor of glaring daggers. As their eyes met, Jesse was proven true in that he cooled down quickly. His expression softened and now Hanzo could see the hurt that the explosive anger masked. “Why do you keep sendin’ me mixed signals and confusin’ me? I cared so much about how you think of me. I wanted to be cool for you, but now I can’t even. You make me feel like shit all the time…”

“I’m sorry, Jesse,” Hanzo sighed. “I’m confused too -- about everything. I’m almost sure of how you feel about me, but then I see you around Genji…”

“Is that what it is?” Jesse furrowed his brow and frowned. “You don’t like that I’m friends with your brother? Cause I know he’s a little shit, but he's still my friend that I wanna be there for, ‘specially now after how that whole thing with Erika yesterday hurt him.”

THAT was why Jesse had been hugging Genji yesterday, wasn’t it? Well, now Hanzo really felt like an asshole, so much so that he didn’t want to bring up the other instances that had caused him doubt. Namely the cuddling. There was probably some reason for that too, and he did not want to feel any more like a jackass than he already did.

“I suppose I was a little… overly happy to see his situation,” he sighed, but then felt like less of a shitty asshole when Jesse nudged his body against his and covered them both with the blanket.

“A little,” the other agreed as he pulled Hanzo’s arm around his body.

It was very presumptuous, but Hanzo found himself wanting to give in to this, even if it was very foreign to him. Pulling the other closer, he spoke gently, “I’m sorry that I keep hurting you, Jesse. I did try to push you away.”

“Why?” Jesse asked as he closed his eyes.

“I thought I would grow out of this,” Hanzo confessed. “These...types of feelings… I thought I would grow out of them, but I haven’t.”

“Geez, you make it sound like an old pair o’ jeans or somethin’,” the obviously very forgiving person in his arms shook his head. “But I get it bein’ confusin’. We’re not gonna talk about all the boys I beat up because I didn’t know how to deal with havin’ a crush on ‘em. Lucky by the time I met you, I figured it all out, hm?”

“Lucky for you,” Hanzo ammended. 

“Nah, lucky you. You get all this sexy body maybe eventually.”

Hanzo couldn’t help but snort at this, “You’re a bean pole.”

“So you got jokes now?” Jesse smiled with his eyes still closed. “I might be skinny now, but give it a few years. You’ll be like, ‘Oh Jesse, you’re so thick’!”

“You’re going to get fat?”

“Pff, you’re still bein’ an asshole to me. Why do I even like you?”

“Why do you?” Hanzo asked in earnest as he dared to begin lightly stroking the other’s back.

Jesse shrugged, “Don’t know. Just do, I guess.”

“There’s no reason?” Hanzo frowned.

“Well, why do you like me?” 

“Who says I like you?” 

The previous reply earned him a snort along with the sarcastic answer, “Fine, be that way. I can go cuddle up with someone else.”

Genji was sadly his first guess at who his replacement would be. In truth, Hanzo had never been much of a cuddler, but being this close to Jesse was nice enough that he wouldn’t risk ending that early by bringing his brother up. The mornings were always a little chilly, but the warm body in his arms made that barely noticeable. And to add to that, he really could think of a list of things he liked about Jesse, having discovered a few of them now. He liked the scent of his hair, and of course, the way his body felt. He liked the way he talked and walked and even the little fits he threw when he was annoyed.

There were, of course, things that bothered him about Jesse as well. Like Genji, Jesse seemed very stubborn about getting what he wanted. But unlike the younger Shimada, the young McCree’s goals and the work he put towards them seemed mostly genuine. The American boy struck Hanzo as someone who would throw his tantrums about not getting his way, but then pick himself up and work harder. This was a stark contrast to a brother who Hanzo always saw as someone who would rather move on to the next easiest goal or love interest when the frustration got to be too much. 

What bothered him most was that he was sure that Genji wasn’t going to give up on Jesse just because something was blossoming between the cowboy and the eldest Shimada brother. In the back of his mind, he was even a little afraid that this growing relationship would never fully bloom -- that eventually the charm of Genji would be the weeds that choked it out. This would cause him to continue feeling uncomfortable and insecure about his brother being around Jesse. Because of this lack of confidence, he somewhat desperately needed to know why Jesse had come from Genji’s room half dressed.

“Jesse,” he started, waiting for the other to respond. When he got nothing, he looked into the other’s face, finding that he was asleep. This was fine too. 

He dozed while holding the other, waking for good at around noon to find that Jesse had rolled to face away from Hanzo and was now answering text messages.

“Should we get lunch?” he poked at the other.

“Hm? Yeah,” Jesse turned around and smiled. “I didn’t wanna wake you. You look cute when you sleep.”

Hanzo felt his face redden a little as he mumbled low enough so that the other couldn’t hear, “Thanks, so do you.”

“Hm?”

“Nothing,” Hanzo shook his head as he got up. “I’ll get lunch for us.”

“Ok, I’ll stay in bed and look sexy for ya, baby.”

Now he couldn’t help but smile as he stepped out on a quest to find a member of the household staff to request food. On his way, he happened to pass his brother, who was coming back with a takeout bag. Seeing the elder, the younger started, “Oh, Hanzo, does Jesse want to…”

“No,” Hanzo spoke shortly as he continued on. Maybe it was mean, but he had made up his mind. Today, Jesse was his. There would be no Genji to interrupt or ruin things. He would not let his brother get in the way of what was happening between them. For once, he was going to be stubborn and relentless about something that he wanted.

At his request, the kitchen made them a nice bento style lunch including spinach tamagoyaki, which it turned out that Jesse really liked. It occurred to Hanzo today that every time it was served to his love interest, the fried egg and spinach roll was always the first thing to be eaten with a little smile. Hanzo also noticed when they sat down that Jesse was wearing cozy looking pajamas. The bottoms were red drawstring pants with a print of tiny cowboys riding horses and throwing lassos, while the shirt was white on the body and black at the sleeves with a red star on the front.

“Were you cold last night?” he asked conversationally.

“Nah,” Jesse shook his head. “Genji took me shoppin’ and I got these pajamas in case you let yourself in my room again.”

“Oh,” Hanzo nodded. Poking at the cherry tomato in his potato salad, he decided to bait the other a little by remarking, “It gets pretty cold in Genji’s room, though.”

“Mmhm,” Jesse nodded while chewing. When his mouth was clear, he added. “I slept in there that one night in my shorts and my legs were killin’ me when I woke up because I was curled up in a ball the whole time. Shoulda just snuck in bed with you. Thought about you all night anyway.”

At that, Hanzo made a small noise of amusement and then covered his face with his hand. He felt so silly and so happy. It was just ridiculous to be this overjoyed. He had seen so many ridiculous school girl crushes in movies and dramas, but he felt like now he was getting it. He wanted to push himself down the stairs so he would stop acting this way.

He opened his mouth to say something completely different, he was almost certain of it. Yet, what came out was, “You can sleep in here any time you want.”

It was contagious because now Jesse was blushing and trying to hide his face. The only thing to do now was set this room on fire because it was too late for both of them.

“What...do you want to do today?” Hanzo asked once he regained his composure.

“Nothing,” was the immediate answer. “Take a whole bunch of naps with you and just be around you. I like it when it’s just us.”

Hanzo smiled at this and then moved his remaining tamagoyaki to the other’s dish. “Me too.”

After they finished eating, just as they planned, they moved back to Hanzo’s bed, but instead of napping right away, they started to kiss. But before it could get too heavy, it was Hanzo this time to pull away and ask, “Should we stop?”

“Yes, probably,” Jesse blushed. “You’re not like other guys who’ve taken interest, but still, I’m just...you know?”

Hanzo nodded. Of course he knew. Genji was one of those other guys who had taken interest. 

“Hey, Zo? I lied,” Jesse said suddenly as he laid down on the other’s chest.

“What about?” Hanzo frowned as he began to stroke his back like earlier, using his fingers to go straight down his spine.

“I do wanna go out with you somewhere. Out to dinner one last time.”

The wording caused a drop in Hanzo’s stomach. Furrowing his brow, he asked, “One last time?”

“Yes,” the other nodded against his chest. “I’m gonna go home tonight or well… early in the mornin’.”

“Why?” his heart was sinking now with every stroke along the other’s spine.

“I can’t stay ‘round here with you forever,” Jesse chuckled. “Got shit to do. Got meetin’s. You want me to go to New York. Things like that. I know New York is huge for you.”

“”Yes,” Hanzo nodded slowly after sighing. “But I want more time with you. If only I had realized sooner…”

Jesse shrugged. “It ain’t just your fault. I shoulda told you straight up just how much I wanna be with you and how much I couldn’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout that one kiss and wishin’ you’d do it again. Just glad you like me too, even if you won’t say it.”

He should have said it -- that he liked him -- that he got jealous when Genji tried to move in too close or angry when his brother managed to interrupt their moments. Instead, he decided to focus on the fact that he had been told that Jesse wanted to be with him. Hearing that and watching him fall asleep in his arms felt like more than he deserved. Fear and his odd sense of pride kept him silent.

They napped until about four, when Hanzo suggested they get dressed so that they could head out for dinner.

“Nothing fancy, right?” Jesse requested as he stood in the threshold of the bedroom door. “I mean we did that whole thing with your father…”

“Nothing fancy,” Hanzo agreed. “Just wear anything.”

He acted very smooth and casual saying this to Jesse and then seeing him off, but once he was left alone with his own wardrobe, Hanzo took a deep breath and tangled his fingers in his hair near the crown. “What am I going to wear?”

At the very least, he knew where he wanted to take Jesse, so he made the call and arranged everything for six. Then he started to ponder his clothing again. They had set the stipulation of nothing fancy, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t try to impress his… well, what was Jesse to him at this point? His boyfriend? No, it was too soon to assume things like that, he decided. It was best to stick to figuring out what to wear for their… was this a date?

Dealing with his hair seemed to be the easiest option, so as he sat down to do so, he pondered his little brother and his overall success with dating. From his observations, if there was one thing Genji was, it was casual. He didn’t get too hung up on things like definitions and what to wear. He was always cool and confident, even with dates years older than him. 

“I have to be cool,” he spoke to his reflection. He tried a smile and then pointed at himself with a wink before shaking his head. “No. Let’s never do that again.”

After fussing with his hair a fair bit, he finally settled on pulling it up on the top of his head into a slightly messy knot -- not too messy, but certainly not perfect. Once that was done, he fought with himself on wardrobe. Thinking on where they were going, he pulled on a pair of jeans that flattered his legs and behind, a pair of grey dress boots, a white button up shirt, a blue slim fit blazer, and finally accessorized with a casual yellow scarf. Looking at his reflection, he thought the only thing that was missing was a cup of to go coffee, but that was more Jesse’s thing. He preferred a matcha latte, which was… well, that was kind of hipster too.

When he stepped out, he found Jesse waiting for him wearing an outfit that was very similar to Wednesday’s except the flannel shirt was a bit lighter of a shade of blue. After giving Hanzo a once over, he started to laugh, “You’re that friend!”

Confused, Hanzo rose his brow, “That friend? What friend?”

“That friend,” the other continued to laugh. “The one when you ask what they’re gonna wear, they say ‘Oh, just wear anything’. Then they come out lookin’ like a GQ model while you’re standin’ there basically dressed like me.”

Hanzo felt his face getting a little hot as he thought on how, if anything, he was maybe a little extra, especially with the scarf. He could have just told the other how much he had agonized over what to wear because he had so wanted to make a good impression. Instead, he bit his tongue and started to walk away, pulling Jesse with him.

“Let's go,” he said, walking even faster when Genji peeked his head out of his room.

“Hey, slow your roll, cowboy,” Jesse snorted a little. “What’re we rushin for?”

Clearly, he hadn't seen Genji, which was more than fine with Hanzo. Tonight, he wanted his brother to be the furthest thing from his maybe date’s mind. 

“Actually, I have a reservation,” Hanzo answered calmly. “Still nothing fancy, but I wanted to be alone with you.”

“I can dig it,” Jesse replied, but he pulled away all the same and then laced their fingers together. “Hope you don’t mind if I prefer this.”

“No, you’re right,” Hanzo nodded. People don’t normally pull their dates along by the wrist. He had better commit that one to memory. 

Though he kept saying to Jesse that they weren’t going to do anything fancy, he found himself pulling from the few items he knew of that would impress someone. This included taking Jesse to his father’s garage. It was a one story warehouse a short walk away from the castle. Hanzo was still trusted with the entrance key, but once they were inside, he left Jesse to admire the collection of cars while he bit his lip, hoping that the code on the lockbox on the far wall hadn’t changed. Luckily, their father seemed to have faith left in Genji. The code hadn’t changed from being 0307-- the months of Hanzo’s and Genji’s birthdays. 

There were 19 cars in here, each beautiful in their own way. However, the one that Hanzo wanted was missing -- that being a sleek, sexy red sports car with a high spoiler. That car would glide along the roadways like a hot knife through butter while purring like a panther. Sighing at the loss, he took the keys to the next best vehicle-- a black car with butterfly doors that made Jesse gasp as they opened and then again once the couple was seated and the doors closed themselves. Once they were in, the huge sliding door of the warehouse lifted and Hanzo drove the car out. Then he programmed their destination into the large touch screen console at the center of the dashboard and leaned back to allow his date to be amazed at the self driving technology. 

“Wow, your father sure has nice cars,” Jesse remarked as he opened a tiny jar and then used his finger to put some of the contents onto his lips. 

“He does,” Hanzo agreed with a nod. “And one day, they will all be mine.”

“I guess I never took you for a car person either,” Jesse shrugged as he put his lip balm away and stretched out. “Don’t know. It don’t seem like you, but I guess it kinda does too.”

He wanted to ask what Jesse meant by that, but seeing him turn to admire the scenery as it transitioned from the calm glow of Hanamura to the bright lights of the big city, he decided to maintain the comfortable silence. They could have this dull conversation of whether or not Hanzo seemed like a car person another time. For now, he wanted to let Jesse enjoy the view.

Jesse seemed to really enjoy the ride, staying wide eyed right up until the car came to a stop on the top level in the parking garage of one of the tallest, brightest towers in the city. When the doors opened, they were greeted by a valet, who took the car after handing Hanzo a tag in exchange for the key. Then they were greeted by their host.

“Good evening, young master Shimada,” the tall, slender man in black and white bowed. “Right this way. Everything is prepared for you.”

They were taken to a private room which, except for the wall housing the sliding door entrance, was filled with large windows overlooking the city. At the center, a small table had been set up for dinner with two large cushions placed on the tatami mats. Once they had their shoes off and were seated, Hanzo noted to his approval that beer and sake had been set out for them, and in the center of the table, a hot plate was going to warm a pot of broth with a bit of kelp in it. 

“This is not fancy?” Jesse rose his brow once they were settled next to each other.

“Not entirely,” Hanzo shook his head with a bit of a smirk. “It’s just shabu-shabu, which makes for a good date dish, I think.”

“So this our first date then?” Jesse smiled and diverted his eyes to his chopsticks. “Explains why you pulled out all the stops.”

Hearing the other agree that this was a date put Hanzo over the moon. He was also proud of how smoothly he had declared the night so. That blush on the other’s smiling face told him that so far, he was succeeding in his endeavors.

“To be fair, Mr. $200 steak,” he began in a teasing tone. “You have had your chance to impress me. It's my turn.”

“Well,” Jesse took his hat off and fussed with his hair a bit before setting the head gear aside. “Well, to be fair to me now, you ain’t the type of guy you just take to Burger King and get 'em a combo meal.”

“Jesse,” Hanzo spoke seriously, pausing until he had the other’s eyes on him. “Jesse, don’t make those assumptions about me anymore. It’s true that I am used to the finer things in life, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate a combo meal. In fact, the next time I am in the States, I want you to take me to Burger King.”

“Well, you’re a surprisingly cheap date,” Jesse smirked. “And to keep up the whole be fair thing, I wasn’t thinkin’ entirely straight cause I needed a glass of water the moment I saw you.”

“Oh,” Hanzo laughed, bringing a hand to his face. “The glass of water thing. It all makes sense now. I tried to get you water, not realizing you wanted to drink… me.”

“Mhm,” Jesse chuckled. “And that sounds real dirty, by the way, but I’m here for it.” 

They fell silent as two waiters entered bringing platters of freshly cut vegetables as well as thinly sliced beef and pork. After two bowls of steamed rice were placed down in front of the diners, the two servers bowed and then took their leave, quietly shutting the door behind them. For a few moments after, Jesse gave the raw meat a puzzled look. Then he turned back to Hanzo. “I’m glad you finally realize it. That I like you, I mean.”

“Well,” Hanzo blushed as he picked up his chopsticks, meaning to show Jesse what to do. “I had my moments of doubt.”

“Is it really that hard to believe?” his date scrunched his brow. “I mean… do you think it’s impossible that somebody might actually like you?”

“I did,” Hanzo finally admitted as he picked up a slice of beef. “Let me interrupt to show you. You cook the meat by swishing it in the broth this way.” As he explained, he began to perform the action. “You’ll test your chopstick skills here.”

“Oh, I can do it,” Jesse spoke confidently as he picked up a slice of pork and began to imitate Hanzo. “Do you realize how much I practiced? I tore up scraps of paper and put paperclips in a bowl and everything. I did all that for you.”

“And money played no part in it?” Hanzo gave him a suspicious glance. 

“Ok, yeah, I like money too, though,” Jesse answered and then shrugged. “But I was happy when you told me I was doin’ good. I was happy just to see you every mornin’. Just not happy when you started randomly pushin’ me away.”

Hanzo sighed and nodded, “Because you're right. I did have a hard time believing that you could like me. Given a choice, everyone flocks to Genji in the end. He knows what to say and do in these situations.”

“Well, good for him,” Jesse shrugged as he pulled out his cooked pork and added it to his rice to eat. After chewing and swallowing, he added, “I don’t wanna talk about your brother. I wanna talk about how part of the reason I decided to leave was because I got tired of how you made me feel. I wanted to try one last time to get you to spend time with me, and you tried to get rid of me.”

“I’m sorry, Jesse,” Hanzo sighed and started to look down. At the last minute, he decided he needed to look at the other’s eyes, and when he did, he felt bold enough to finally speak. “I thought you preferred to spend time with Genji. I know you don’t want to talk about him, but…”

“So don’t,” Jesse interrupted. “I’m already committed to leavin’, so just promise me when we’re together again, we can just be happy and not you mad at me for some reason I gotta guess.”

“I promise,” Hanzo spoke softly, and was rewarded with a kiss.

Jesse began to down his beer, so Hanzo did the same for his cup of sake, draining it and then smiling as the cup was immediately refilled by his date. They ate quietly until they weren’t as hungry. Then Hanzo found himself breaking the silence by blurting, “Don’t go, Jesse.”

“Well, I already told Mr. Shimada I was gonna,” Jesse smiled with his eyes a bit sad. “Told him Friday ‘cause I realized you were playin’ sick to avoid me. I was… I was kinda hurt.”

“I’m sorry, Jesse,” Hanzo gently took his chin and used his fingers to stroke the sides. “I didn’t realize I was hurting you. I thought you didn’t care at all. Now you’re going, and I wish I had just a few more days with you.”

“I’m sorry, Hanzo,” Jesse smiled a little. “Some of it’s my fault too. It’s like a dizzyin’ dance when you like a guy because even if you outright know he likes guys too, it doesn’t mean he’ll like you. I haven’t done this a whole lot, to be honest. Tryn’a date, I mean. This has entirely never happened to me before neither. Never went on a job and caught the feels for the boss.”

Hanzo was so flattered and flustered and other things he couldn’t describe that all he could do was down more sake. He didn’t even notice his cheeks were red until Jesse poked one and then sipped his beer. By the gods, he wished he could get into those bootleg jeans tonight, but it was apparent to him that Jesse needed him to go slow, and he would. This relationship they were beginning to develop, though very young, meant more to him than a few fleeting moments of pleasure.

Together, they finished up most of the pork and vegetables, and all of the beef. Then Hanzo led the way out into the chilly spring night instead of back to the parking garage.

“Where are we going?” Jesse asked as the shorter young man swung an arm around the taller’s waist to lead him along the damp sidewalk. It must have rained at some point recently, but even with the windows in that room, Hanzo hadn’t noticed. All he could focus on was Jesse and food.

“Gelato,” Hanzo answered as he led the way to a small shop that was brightly lit with neon signs. “I can’t claim to have much experience with dating, but gelato after dinner feels right.”

He ordered a big cup of green tea and got only one spoon on purpose. The payoff was that while they ate and walked along through the city, they actually ended up feeding dessert to each other. When they rounded a corner towards the river, Jesse winced at a strong breeze and started to fuss with his collar. Hanzo paused and draped his scarf around his date’s neck. Then they continued until they were in the perfect spot to watch the riverboats cruise by.

“I think we can make up some excuse to my father so that you don’t have to go,” Hanzo spoke as they leaned forward on the railing together.

Jesse chuckled, “It makes me feel happy and sad at the same time that you don’t want me to go, but I gotta. Bein’ the boss man ain’t a birthright for me. If I’m gone too long, some dumb bastard’s gonna think he can take over. Can’t have that.”

“Can I ask you how DID you manage that,” Hanzo turned to give him a curious look. “I’m sure it’s not something that fell into your lap one day.”

“Nah,” Jesse shook his head as he scooped up more ice cream from the cup in Hanzo’s hands. “Had to shoot the last guy that was it in the face. Not that that was the plan goin’ in. You know what everybody says about me? That I look too young to take serious? Well, he thought that was a good reason to not pay me what he owed for a job I did more than well. Probably would have let it go, but where he fucked up was he started runnin’ his mouth ‘bout mi papi.”

This last sentence perked Hanzo’s ears up. Rather than ask too many questions, he decided to just keep quietly listening, hoping that answers would follow. He was not disappointed. 

“That’s somethin’ you don’t do to mi familia into shit, but he did. And I know if he had actually met Papi in person, it woulda been a closed casket service. But, I think the mortician could work with what I left. Don’t know cause I was too busy takin’ over to go.”

Those words sent a slight chill up Hanzo’s spine as he was reminded that Jesse was not just an ordinary American boy that he happened to have feelings for, but someone who had killed and would do it again if the right amount of money was placed in front of him. 

There was only a bit of dessert left, which Hanzo handed over to his date. Then he turned his body so that his back was against the railing so that he could look at that seemingly innocent face. His brow furrowed for a moment as he watched this person contradict everything he’d said by looking joyful as he ate the last bit of gelato. A kid -- that was what they both were. Yet, talking about killing people was this normal to them both. Hanzo found himself questioning if it was really normal, but instead of asking that aloud, he asked, “And so the gang just followed you?”

Jesse shrugged, “Not everybody. Had to change a few minds, but I came in with the connections and the know how to get shit done. Plus, it wasn’t like I was entirely new. Maybe you heard the story of how this little kid went in this office with a brown paper bag and cleaned it out? I mean… I guess it was bad parenting on mi papi’s part, letting me do that. If Dad found out, he would have a fit…”

Papi. Dad. 

Hanzo guessed, “You have two fathers?”

“Mhm,” Jesse nodded with the spoon hanging from his mouth. Done with the last of their treat, he put the plastic utensil in the used cup and continued. “Papi and Dad. They’re…I didn’t deserve them as my dads.”

“Jesse,” Hanzo began as he touched the other’s arm. “Go home.”

He said this because everything from Jesse’s tone to the way he started to poke at the styrofoam cup told Hanzo that this poor child loved and missed his parents. 

Still, the stubborn date of his shook his head. “I can’t. There’s a lot of reasons for it, and...I’d appreciate if you didn’t go digging into them and telling them I was around you, either. I’ve… I’ve had that happen before.”

Hanzo sighed heavily and moved towards a nearby bench, pausing long enough to make sure that Jesse was coming too. “I care about you, Jesse. Believe me, I know about lying to oneself enough that I can see you trying to do it. You want to go home.”

“I dont wanna talk about it,” Jesse sighed as he sat down next to Hanzo. “I have my good memories with them. Just wanna focus on makin’ good ones with you now.”

Hanzo sighed as he put his arm around the other, who shrugged in his efforts to continue lying to himself. “I only brought them up to say I’ve been in the business a little while. Not to brag, but maybe a little, but bet if I told you papi’s name, you’ve heard of him. He’s the best, you know. I leaned on that name a bit -- just long enough until I could use everything he taught me to make sure people started knowin’ my name too.” Jesse sighed and then went on, “I gotta go back, Zo. Palms gotta be greased.”

“I am glad we had tonight,” Hanzo spoke softly. 

“Me too,” the other young man smiled and then turned serious. “But I swear to god and all his angels, if you act mad at me the next time I see you…”

“I won’t,” Hanzo immediately promised. “I mean… at the very least, I will tell you what’s going on. I won’t push you away anymore, Jesse. I promise.”

“Good,” Jesse spoke firmly. 

“Since we’re apparently dating, are you the boss of me now?” Hanzo asked just to tease him. 

“Sometimes,” Jesse answered. “At least when it comes to this. I’ll have to teach you how to behave properly.”

Hanzo couldn’t help but chuckle at the imitation of his own voice. He nodded, “Yes, I’ll need to learn. I hope you’ll be a nicer teacher to me than I was to you.”

“No way,” his date smirked. “As soon as we’re together again, you are Hanzo McCree. The first thing we’re gonna learn is how to eat Burger King with our elbows on the table!”

The time with Jesse seemed to pass all too quickly, especially with their upcoming separation looming in the back of his mind and tugging at his heart. When he had first met this person on a train, and even at the beginning of this visit, he had not anticipated feeling sad to see him go. As the time drew nearer, every smile began to mean more because he knew that it would be a while before they would share moments like this with each other again.

It was around 10:30 when they finally returned to Shimada Castle. As they were on their way to Hanzo’s room, they passed Genji, who immediately ignored his brother in favor of asking, “Jesse, do you want to play a game with me?”

“Sorry, not tonight,” Jesse shook his head. “It’s my last night, so I wanted to spend it with Hanzo. Shut up, Faye.”

“I did not say a thing,” she spoke from just inside of Genji’s room. “I’m just here minding my business and definitely not planning your wedding.”

Now it was Jesse to pull Hanzo along by the wrist as he spoke over his shoulder, “See you at the airport, Genji. I hate you, Faye.”

“Love you too, though,” Faye called back as Jesse hurried them away.

“I never said anything to her about ever wantin’ to marry anybody,” Jesse spoke quickly once they were in Hanzo’s room and the door had been shut.

“Well, it’s a bit soon for that anyway,” Hanzo chuckled as he sat on his bed. “More naps?”

“Can’t sleep,” Jesse shook his head and came over, sitting next to him. He then laughed, “I don’t really wanna go, isn’t that sad? When I told your father I wanted to go home, I did want to. I used to do this when I was a kid too. Tell my friend’s parents that I wanna go home and then when they’re all dressed and ready to take me home, I’ve changed my mind by then.”

“You were THAT kid,” Hanzo nodded and smiled. “Genji was also. The one sleepover we went to, we had to leave because he cried to go home at 2 AM. We were never invited again.”

“It’s hard when you’re really attached to your parents,” Jesse shrugged as he flopped down onto his back. “Or when your friend does something to make you mad, so you want to leave, but then you make up, and you want to stay. Kinda what I’m going through now. Was mad at you. I changed my mind.”

“Do you want me to go tell my father for you?” Hanzo asked.

“Nooo,” Jesse waved his hand. “He’ll never let me stay over again! ‘Sides, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again, right? You can call me and stuff too.”

“I will,” Hanzo promised as he laid next to Jesse and took his hand. “I like you.”

“Hm?” the other turned onto his side and gave him a curious look.

“You said I wouldn’t say it. I want to say it before you go. I like you. That’s why you survived trying to leave my room with MY blankets.”

“I wanted to take a part of you with me,” Jesse answered.

“You made that up just now,” Hanzo turned on his side as well.

“I sure did,” Jesse replied shamelessly. “Wow, we’re really gettin’ to know each other!”

They tried to fit in as much of that as they could for the rest of the night, but morning came swiftly. As they had on the way from the airport, Hanzo and Jesse shared a car, but instead of trying to put as much distance between them as possible, it was as though the two couldn’t get close enough. And then there was silence. Hanzo had come to understand that when Jesse was bothered by something, he didn’t talk much. This made for a very quiet car ride, most of which the two spent cuddling. It felt like that ride only took five minutes.

He barely knew the two Johns, but he said goodbye to them all the same. Then he received his kiss on the cheek from Faye and watched as she did the same for Genji. “Thank you for taking care of us,” she spoke softly. “I hope you’ll have us back again some time.”

Hanzo briefly wondered what had happened with Faye and his cousin, but his mind was occupied with more important things. Jesse was wearing the clothes from their date still, including the scarf. The American seemed to realize this just now because he started to take it off. Stepping forward, Hanzo touched his hand. 

“Please keep it,” he spoke gently. He wanted to kiss the other, but it felt as though the whole world was watching them. In reality, it was probably just Genji. Faye had gotten the hint that this was their moment and had directed the other Deadlock men onto the plane. The Shimada brothers hadn’t brought along bodyguards this time. It had been silently agreed upon that they didn’t need them here between the brothers. Sojiro would have a fit about it when he heard later, but that was something they’d deal with when the time came.

Jesse smiled only a little before pulling Hanzo into a tight hug. Just behind him, Genji smacked his lips and remarked, “You haven’t even known each other that long.”

Jesse must have taken this to heart, because he let go of Hanzo suddenly and then took a few steps back. He waved, smiling again, and then he too left them to board the plane. 

Hanzo didn’t realize he had been holding his breath until he let it go once was the plane was safely in the air, carrying away the one who had stolen his heart. Genji was right to say that they hadn’t known each other long. It was the time they could have had together getting to know each other that the elder brother was mostly longing for. It was also the fact that Jesse, in their time together, had become a part of his daily routine. Now he was going to have to start all over again with trying to find a sense of normalcy as a full adult member of the clan. 

Once he was home, Hanzo got dressed for bed and then put the pachimari next to himself after crawling under the blankets. Then, as he poked at the pachimari, he was finally able to smile. Sure, he was going to bed alone tonight, but he realized that he was no longer lonely. He had someone in his life who was happy just to be around him. Best of all, he knew that the person he was thinking about as he drifted off into sleep was thinking about him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of what was going to be one very long chapter. I'm the nerd writing it, but I'm sad that Jesse decided he had to go home. I'm also like, omg you rude binches, don't just completely ignore Genji! These kids have got to learn on how to get along. I should just write them into a get along shirt, but then that'd be abuse of my power...
> 
> Oh, also since I got a question, if anyone else was curious. When I was describing the character of Jong-woon last chapter, in my head, I was picturing a young Choi Siwon - http://upload.enewsworld.net/News/Contents/20121230/84196891.jpg
> 
> But I stole his name from Kim Jong-Woon aka Yesung. Both are members of Super Junior. ♥


	12. Learn To Fly

It was like living in a daydream, this crush that he had on a cowboy he had met on some train in New Mexico. With him gone, Hanzo had once again to adjust to a new daily routine. Keeping the schedule was easy. Staying focused during it was not. His mind wandered to places it had been, walking along with Jesse hand in hand at the festival and sharing gelato with him near the river on their first official date. It also went to places he had yet to go, showing him long walks on the beach and stolen kisses in the wisteria gardens. The smitten young man always scolded himself for thinking of such things, but he could do nothing about the warm feelings that the thoughts gave him.

He had known from the moment he met Jesse that nothing in his life would be the same, but the effects were surprising. Now he walked past his younger brother, not caring about the giggling he sometimes heard coming from Genji’s room or the trouble that the boy still managed to get himself into. When he found himself once again keeping watch over his brother as he was punished in the garden, the time passed quickly as he thought of New York and the person he was longing to see.

“I could run away right now, and you wouldn’t even notice,” Genji remarked at the halfway point, likely hoping to get his older brother angry.

But Hanzo shrugged, “Do it.”

When he looked up at his brother, he found the rascal to be staring down at him in confusion, clearly unable to process the reaction he had gotten. At length, the younger smirked, “I wouldn’t get myself into trouble over it if I were you. It won’t last.”

That stung a little, but not as much as Genji had hoped it would. Deep down, Hanzo had felt the same from the start of al this. This was yet another reason why he had tried to distance himself, before he finally allowed himself to let go of his inhibitions. Perhaps he was a fool for doing so, but he had decided that for as long as he could, he would enjoy this beautiful daydream, even though he knew it would be painful to wake up.

He would focus on being happy with his experience, and with that in mind, he stood with little regards to his brother and his problems. “I’ll tell father you did the entire punishment,” he spoke as he started to walk away.

Coming from behind, Genji’s soft landing barely registered to Hanzo’s ears. He paused only when he felt a hand on his shoulder, turning to face his very confused brother.

The younger was frowning heavily now, his expression appearing to be slightly concerned, “Why are you acting like this?”

Hanzo took a moment to think on it before shrugging, “I don’t know. I used to care about what you did, but at least for now, I don’t.”

Of course, he knew the real reason, and he smiled about it as he retreated to his room and slid the door shut. Aside from the joy of having someone who cared about him as much as he cared for them, as petty as it was, he couldn’t help but gloat in the fact that this person had expressed a preference for him over Genji. With that in mind, it was hard to care whether or not his brother finished his stupid punishment for... well, he couldn’t even remember what it was for. Not caring about any of it felt so freeing!

For now, his biggest worries were making sure everything went smoothly with New York and the timing of an important phone call. He had put off phoning Jesse for a few days because he didn’t want to seem too eager, and he also figured that there would be a lot of business to attend to back in New Mexico. After that, it had been a question of when the best time to call would be. He didn’t want to wake Jesse up or catch him when he was too busy to talk, and so he kept putting it off, though he often stared at his phone and cursed timezones. They would be quite the hurdle to this relationship, for certain. 

On the day he finally got up the nerve to call, just as he reached for his phone, there was a knock at his door. Not wanting to deal with it, he called, “I’m working!”

With no regard for what he’d said, the door opened anyway, and his father stepped in. Thankfully, Hanzo had been somewhat telling the truth -- only somewhat because while he had his laptop open with a list of places of interest in Times Square, that same window had been up for almost an hour now while the young man alternated between staring at his phone and quadruple checking the time difference between Hanamura and Santa Fe.

“I know you’re hard at it,” Sojiro smiled as he sat down. “But take a break. You seem distant lately. I have become concerned that you might be feeling overwhelmed.”

“Not at all,” Hanzo confidently shook his head as he closed his computer. “I was about to make a call, in fact.”

“Do it later,” his father demanded. “I want you and Genji to join me for dinner tonight.”

“Oh, I’ll get dressed then,” Hanzo began, hoping to buy himself time for even a quick call. 

But his father shook his head, “No. Come as you are. Even though the weather is warming, I have requested a hot pot for us.”

Obedient son that he was, he couldn’t say no to his father -- this much had not changed. Still, he couldn’t help but sigh as he got up to follow to the elder’s favorite room. Upon entering, he immediately grabbed a handful of koi food and dumped the pellets into the pond. Then he sat down at the prepared table at his father’s right hand. A few moments later, Genji joined at the patriarch’s left, and the three Shimada men began to eat in silence. 

In the middle of the table, an earthenware pot on a burner simmered broth filled with vegetables and thinly sliced beef, while each place had been set with bowls of raw, beaten egg and rice sprinkled with black sesame seeds. Like a good son, he saved the larger slices of meat for his father, choosing smaller bits. But, of course, he noticed Genji’s chopsticks time and time again grabbing for the meat that Hanzo had pushed aside for Sojiro. 

‘Disrespectful boy’, Hanzo thought. 'You think you are more important than you really are. When I am in charge of this family, I will teach you your place…’

As if his father and brother could read his mind, Hanzo suddenly felt their eyes on him. Looking up, he noticed Genji immediately drop his gaze while Sojiro put on a smile as he spoke, “It feels as though so long has passed since the last time we sat down to a meal with just the three of us. Of course, the family and its business is important, but this -- the three of us -- is what matters most to me. This is our family first and foremost, though we share the pain of a missing member.”

Hanzo knew that pain because he could still remember her. Most of her face was a blur, but his mind could recall parts of it -- her eyes and her smile. Some members of the family had expressed doubt that he had true memories of her, but he knew in his heart that what he could recall was real. They weren’t there for the poor child who had wandered through the castle in tears calling for his mother. In those days, all he had was his father.

Genji was sadly too young to remember, and now he sat there at the table poking at his bowl of rice while avoiding eye contact with everyone. Hanzo would never assume that his brother didn’t mourn in his own way. It was true that Genji did not have memories of their mother, but he could still yearn for the years that had been lost -- for all of the times that should have been, but were never allowed to be.

As sad as it all was, there was only one conclusion to draw from this conversation -- their father had finally noticed the rift that had grown between the brothers and was now trying to repair it when it was entirely too late, in Hanzo’s opinion. Did Sojiro not know that he was to blame for this? Though they were born to the same family, he had raised his children with two different sets of rules. In the tradition that Hanzo had been raised to revere, the second son should honor and support the first son. Yet, Genji rarely did those things on his own. He had been raised to be the type of son that thought he was entitled to the father’s cuts of meat.

Hanzo started to eat quickly, hoping to excuse himself as soon as possible. He loved his father more than anyone that was still alive in this world. However, he did not want to be put through this tonight -- to be made to feel guilty for something that he believed was hardly his fault. Much like his father, he refused to examine his own behavior that might have contributed to the state of his family. 

And so did Genji. Everything was game or a joke to this boy -- almost nothing was to be taken seriously, most especially his own conduct. This is why he eventually broke the silence by stating, “I met a nice girl, father. I want to bring her to meet you.”

At this, Hanzo rolled his eyes. This one would be replaced within the month; he’d give her that long since Genji was bringing her to meet Sojiro. Speaking of meeting parents, the more he thought about it, the more Hanzo became sure that this was a jab at him. It had to be. Both brothers knew that the eldest would never be able to claim Jesse as his boyfriend in front of their father. This was just one of the many problems that the eldest son was trying to ignore.

“Do I know her family?” Sojiro seemed to be playing along, asking the questions that he should as their father. This is when Hanzo stopped paying attention.

It was just a daydream, and he wanted to pretend that he could have the fairytale ending. Things were still in the early stages, and so he thought to himself that there was no need to worry too much about the future. And as if to confirm this, his phone vibrated twice in his obi. Reaching inside, he felt butterflies as he read just the name he wanted to see.

He had seen Genji do this enough times to know about reading texts under the table. WQHen he opened his phone, he found to his surprise that instead of a plain text, he had been sent a picture message. It was a selfie of Jesse in a grey skullcap and blue flannel with a very familiar looking yellow scarf wrapped around his neck. Hanzo couldn’t make out much around or behind him, but he noted that Jesse was holding up a silver keychain shaped into the letters NY.

A smile graced his lips as he quickly typed the letters ‘wyd’ and sent it. Usually he wasn’t one for text speak, but he didn’t want to be caught messaging someone at the table. 

Just as he started to tuck his phone away, it buzzed again, and so he just had to look.

Jesse had replied, ‘Thinkin bout you.’

‘U 2. Dinner w/father and Genji’, Hanzo sent a sleeping emoji with this and then tucked his phone away with a snort, now more determined than ever to get out of here. His father and brother were still going on about the youngest Shimada’s new girlfriend, and so he wondered if he could just slip away. As his phone vibrated, he turned his back to look, meaning to just stand up once he’d read it.

Jesse had sent him several heart emojis and a request, ‘Call me when you can?’

He wanted to right now -- wasn’t this silly? Before, he had mocked lovestruck teenagers and their behavior, but now he was a lovestruck teenager. Was it too late to set himself on fire?

“Hanzo, what are you doing?” His father’s voice behind him made the young man jump.

“Nothing,” he answered quickly as he tucked his phone away. “I mean, I have to go make that call now because it is about business and… you know… timezones.”

Leaning forward, Genji rested his chin on the top of his hand and asked in a tone of voice that Hanzo would imagine a cat baiting a mouse would use, “Is it McCree?”

“Is it your business?” Hanzo snapped back at him. 

The most surprising thing happened then. Their father turned to the youngest brother and scolded, “Genji, leave your brother be. He is working hard. You could stand to take note of his behavior. Go on, Hanzo.”

This fairytale just kept getting better and better. Not needing to be told twice, Hanzo stood and bowed to his father. Then he made a quick escape, stopping only to request that dessert be sent to his room. This was a dangerous game -- he knew it, but now that he was in it, he wondered why he had taken so long to play.

\------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, sexy. Miss you,” McCree’s voice was like music to his ears, even though something seemed off about it.

“What’s wrong?” Hanzo asked, wrinkling his brow as he put aside his finished plate of dessert and laid on his back in bed.

“I am so sleepy,” Jesse laughed. “I can’t fall asleep until 9 in the mornin’ now, so I’ve been up for like two? Two days, I think, tryin’a get right.”

“It’s almost 7 AM, isn’t it?” 

“In New York, anyway,” came the yawned reply. “Don’t worry bout me, though. I just wanted to tell you that I’m havin’ a good stay. Met a few friends that helped me get settled in and can help me get to places I need to go. I’ll tell you more when you visit.”

“Oh,” Hanzo remarked as he rolled onto his stomach. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. Are you almost ready for me to visit?”

“Mhm, but gimme a little more time.”

“Alright. Let’s keep working hard, Jesse. This will be good for both of us.”

“Of course, darlin’. I always work hard, though I’mma little distracted these days. Been thinkin’ too much bout someone.”

Chuckling, Hanzo reached up to undo his hair and began raking his fingers through as he asked, “Who could that be?”

“Some fella I saw doin’ archery once,” Jesse was practically purring, and Hanzo wanted to pull him through the phone. 

It took everything in his power to hold back the disgusting urge to giggle like a schoolgirl. Still playing with his hair, he asked, “An archer, hm? Is that what you like?”

“I like the skill it takes to fire a weapon like that. Don’t know if I got a chance with that guy, though. Heard he’s real disciplined and I’m just trouble.”

Hanzo couldn’t take it anymore. Flirting was not something he was used to, and so he didn’t know what else to do but cover his face while snorting and blushing furiously. Jesse seemed to be waiting patiently on the other end, and at length, Hanzo came back. “I’m bad at this.”

“Me too,” Jesse snorted as well. “But you don’t gotta try all that hard with me cause I ust like you.”

Continuing to fuss with his hair, he lowered his voice as though suddenly afraid of being overheard, “I still don’t understand why, but I suppose I’m glad it’s this way. Not so much the time difference part of it.”

“Yeah...but we’ll see each other soon, right? Reminds me, I gotta at least try to sleep. Gotta see a guy bout a thing in the mornin’.”

“A thing?” Hanzo wrinkled his brow. “What thing?”

“Don't you worry bout it. Anyway, it's late. You should get some sleep.”

“It's not even nine,” Hanzo reminded him with a chuckle. 

“Riiight, timezones,” Jesse replied. “Anyway, night, sexy! I’ll message you when I’m up!”

“Goodnight,” Hanzo smiled as he hung up.

He sat there quietly for a few moments before covering his face with both hands until he felt the sudden feverish blushing subside. Why was he this happy about something that hadn’t been official for a full month yet? It was hard to answer, but he hoped that he could go on feeling like he could fly for a good while, and that the crash, which he thought was inevitable, would not hurt much.

\-----------------------------------------

Time both crawled and flew as he waited out the days until everything was finally prepared for his trip. The days and evenings spent messaging Jesse back and forth certainly helped, but once the other was sleeping and Hanzo was left to entertain himself, he found that he could barely contain the combination of excitement and anxiety that he felt. Of course, he would not forget that this trip was not just about seeing his special someone. He had a job to do, and so he resumed training on a disciplined schedule. However, he would indulge taking a break here and there to exchange selfies and heart emojis. 

The night before he was supposed to leave, the excited young man did not sleep a wink. Instead, he checked and double checked every little detail. Then he sat on his bed trading texts with Jesse about how excited they were to see each other along with links to videos of food they wanted to try and places they wanted to go. 

By six in the morning, he should have been dead tired. However, he was wired as though he had consumed an entire pot of coffee and was ready to start his day. He dressed simply in a white untucked shirt, black tie and pants, and black shoes knowing that he would probably sleep for most of the flight. As he was leaving, he noticed his father, dressed in a grey suit, also heading for a waiting car. 

“Oh, Hanzo,” Sojiro smiled to his bowing son. “I didn’t know that you were leaving now. Do you have everything that you need?”

“Yes, Father,” the young man bowed once more. “I’ll call once the job is done.”

Sojiro nodded at this and then looked curious, “Are you going alone? Where is Genji?”

“I’m going alone,” Hanzo confirmed. “I’ll be in good hands. Shuichi will accompany me on the flight.”

“Oh,” his father frowned slightly. “I had thought this a teaching point for Genji…”

Hanzo found himself momentarily frozen as his brain sorted through all of the options. He could agree to take his brother for the sake of pleasing their father, but that would require waking him and then waiting for him to pack. Everything was on a strict timeline, and besides, he had no patience for this. Therefore, he would have to chose the option of disappointing Sojiro by telling him the truth. 

“It would… be a distraction, Father,” he spoke in a firm, yet respectful tone. “This is important to me…”

He wanted to add that he was sure that his brother would only mess things up for him, but the patriarch seemed to get the message. Smiling, he waved his hand. “I understand. Your brother is a handful, and you’ve worked very hard to prepare for this. Go on then, Hanzo, and return safely to me.”

The son bowed a final time and then quickly escaped into his car before the father could change his mind. Once the vehicle was in motion, he breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back into the seat. Finally, he was on his way to New York. He could hardly wait to get there, get this job over with, and then cuddle with an American.

As he expected, he slept through most of the flight. However, the last couple of hours felt as though they took forever. When the skyline of New York city finally came into view, his heart began to race. It threatened to leap out of his chest when the plane finally touched down, and it took everything not to burst out of the plane and run. Instead, he calmly waited for his bodyguard to gather his things and then they walked together across the runway towards a shining black four door pickup truck.

It was eight in the morning in New York and a very sunny day, at that. As he approached, Jesse smiled and tipped his hat. Then the two of them stood there like idiots while Shuichi loaded Hanzo’s belongings into the bed of the truck. Without another word, the bodyguard then loaded his own things into a second car and he was gone, leaving the two to themselves. As soon as they were sure that no one was watching, they were finally able to break the tension with a passionate, yet brief kiss.

“Hi,” Hanzo said as he took the hat from Jesse’s head and handed it to the other so that he could appreciate the full view of the russet strands of hair blowing in the morning’s gentle breeze.

“Hey,” Jesse smiled as he leaned forward and kissed Hanzo again. When they broke apart, the young cowboy started to laugh as he replaced his hat. “Look at you all flustered! Never thought I could do that to ya!”

“Don’t assume that,” Hanzo replied as he went around to the passenger side and got into the truck. He waited until Jesse joined him on the driver’s side and they were on the roll to ask. “Where did you get this?”

“It’s on loan from a friend,” Jesse answered vaguely. “Sorry I can’t tell you everything. We’re not s’posed to have secrets, but guess I gotta have a few.”

“We’re not married,” Hanzo pointed out with a wrinkling of his brow. Balancing a working relationship with this whole dating one was certainly going to be interesting, but he was still floating on the feeling of being in a daydream. Wanting to keep the good feelings flowing, he added, “I mean to say that I understand if there are some things you won’t tell me.”

“‘Preciate it,” Jesse smiled. “And same for you. If you don’t wanna tell me, you don’t gotta, but I mean, I hope you feel like you can tell me some things.”

“Same for you,” Hanzo repeated and then turned to look out the window at the waking city. 

Already, the streets were packed with rushing people and pigeons. It was lucky that Jesse found a place to parallel park, but when they got out, after locking the car securely, they had to walk a bit to get to where they were actually going. Talking was impossible due to having to weave in and out of high pedestrian traffic, but eventually, they rounded a corner and into a small tucked away cafe. 

Hanzo was amazed to see how many people were in here already, all having their morning conversations over breakfast and steaming cups of coffee. The couple was seated in a corner nook and asked their drink orders, which were of course coffee and tea. Then they were left alone to decide on breakfast. 

“So what do you think?” Jesse smiled at him.

“That I'll never get my scarf back,” Hanzo quipped, making the other laugh.

“Maybe you will,” this was said with a wink before the American boy gestured around them. “I mean of here.”

“I have been to New York before, so I knew that there would be a lot of people,” Hanzo explained. “However, it was always with my father. Having food catered to where you are isn't the same as going out like this. I'm starting to realize that my life was very sheltered.”

“Well, this can be a new experience for both of us,” Jesse smiled. “By the way…”

Reaching into his breast pocket, the other pulled out an envelope and say it down on Hanzo's menu with a grin. Upon seeing it, the recipient's eyes lit up. After glancing inside, he smiled broadly, “The Mets tickets!”

“Mhm, against the cubs.”

“I know you don't like baseball, but…” Hanzo began.

“Naaw,” Jesse waved his hand. “Besides, I remember our deal. You owe me a Cowboys game.”

“I haven't forgotten,” Hanzo promised as he tucked the tickets away. Then he put his elbow on the table and leaned forward. “What are you getting?”

Jesse chuckled at this and then shrugged, “Don't know. Maybe just this breakfast platter with chorizo instead of bacon.”

“I think I'll have the same.”

He wasn’t sure about the chorizo, but eggs, toast, and hashbrowns were all things that he was sure he liked. Once they had ordered and were left alone again, this time with their drink orders, Hanzo turned momentarily serious. 

“So, you are ready for tonight…”

“Course I am, darlin’,” Jesse made a ‘pft’ noise as he used a spoon to fish ice out of his water to put in his coffee. He did this with about three cubes and then began stirring as he continued. “For as long as this’s a thing, you don’t have to worry or double check. Besides the fact that I’d do anything for you, this is good for my business too.”

With his worries slightly eased, he smiled as he started to imitate Jesse’s putting ice in a hot beverage to cool it faster. “You’ll have to forgive me. It’s in my nature to double check. Besides the fact that this is important to me, I want nothing going wrong that I will have to deal with taking away my time with you.”

After saying this, he laughed at the sight of red cheeked Jesse’s picking at a napkin, “Now who’s getting flustered, Jesse?”

“It’s me,” the other muttered with a smile on his face. “Leave me alone. I’m happy, ok?”

Hanzo only chuckled at this, thinking to himself that he could certainly relate.

Breakfast turned out to be really good. In fact, he could now add chorizo to his growing list of new foods that he enjoyed. After breakfast, they dared hold hands on their way back to the car, and before they rolled, they indulged themselves in one quick kiss. 

Their next stop was a large high rise. Jesse drove the car to the front door and then reached into the backseat to put a long, flat white box with a red bow onto Hanzo’s lap. 

“Open that when you get upstairs.”

“You're not coming?” Hanzo found himself slightly pouting. 

Jesse shook his head, “Nah, I need to meet with someone today about some side business. Besides, I thought you might want to rest and get prepared for tonight.”

“True,” Hanzo nodded. He felt they were alone enough, so he pulled the other towards him and gave him the sort of kiss that would make up for lost time. Then he slowly reached for the door to let himself out. “See you tonight.”

“Tonight,” Jesse nodded.

He contemplated one last kiss, but decided he would never get out of the car if he got started. Once he was outside, he pulled his big rolling suitcase out of the bed of the truck and then swung another longer bag’s strap over his shoulder. Then he headed inside. 

The inside of the tower felt like a museum in how cold it was and the way that his footfalls echoed against the floor. Nearby, an elevator dinged, and off in the distance, he could see another rising rapidly, carrying along a woman and her dog who probably cost the same as his shoes, both being what most people paid for rent in this city. 

As he headed for the elevator, he reached inside of his pocket for a keycard. Once he was in, he scanned it on the reader at the top of the floor buttons. Then he hit 12. Once the doors were closed, he turned to look out of the glass back of the car, feeling memories flood him. The last time he had come here, Genji had been afraid to get too close to the glass, and he had all but screamed at the suggestion to look out. The suggestion had been Hanzo’s moment of fun on a trip that had been all about business. When the elevator doors opened, he stepped as a man into a suite that he had entered each time before in his father’s shadow. 

Everything was just as he remembered. Two steps down, and you were in the living room with it’s black Italian leather furniture and mounted flat screen TV. To the left was the bar, and to the right was the kitchen, while straight ahead, windows stretching from ceiling to floor looked out over the city. 

“I hate it,” Genji had whispered to his older brother as a child while squeezing his hand. “All I can imagine is falling…”

But to Hanzo, it had been like being on top of the world, and that is how he felt now as he abandoned his suitcase by the couch. A short hallway led to two rooms, each with their own bathroom. Opening the first door to the left, he peered inside and found two twin beds. Letting out a breath, he closed that door and went across the hall, opening the door to a room with a king sized bed on a platform surrounded by curtains. He stared at the bed a few moments before going all of the way in to the bathroom and turning on the light, his eyes immediately falling on the large whirlpool tub. 

He should have been exhilarated, but as he loosened his tie and headed towards the shower instead of the tub, he found his heart to have a strange feeling as though someone was missing. Not the lover who had drove him here, but the brother that had squeezed his hand, complaining that this place made him think too much of falling. 

With the shower water running, Hanzo picked up his phone with the mind to text his brother. However, he paused to think about it. Why should he be thinking about Genji and whatever he was doing when his brother was likely only thinking of himself and the next lover he could pursue? No! This was his time! This is what Hanzo had worked hard all of his life to achieve while his brother slacked and had fun and complained that the place was too high. Why should he want him here?

Making a noise, Hanzo headed back to the living room. He picked up his present and then sat on the couch with it. Upon opening it, he discovered a bow. Amused, he pulled at the string and found it to be good. Then he examined the body, discovering that it had a laser sight. It was a bit much, and he certainly didn’t need laser guidance, but he appreciated the gesture. Jesse must have thought that he wanted a bow when he had been asking about custom weapons. Really, Hanzo had been after a sword, but he was pleased with this gift all the same. It reminded him that even if he was not his father’s favorite and his brother only cared about himself, there was someone out there who thought about him. For Hanzo, that was worth all the trouble of his inevitable fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I finished a chapter! I got really distracted because I got The Sims meaning to build a McHanzo house and just got really sucked in. Hopefully I’m back on track!


	13. Touch Like Angel of Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Some drug use and sexual content will occur in this chapter!
> 
> Also, if you're still following this story, hi! I'm sorry I'm a scrub at updating on a regular schedule, but thank you for reading!

Hanzo could not remember the first time he had heard a cello, but he would never forget how the somber melody seemed to fit the sights of the city rolling past his window as he sat in the passenger seat of a car that Shuichi had acquired. Jesse had offered to pick him up, but Hanzo had insisted that it had to be his bodyguard -- a man who rarely if ever spoke. There was a special place that he needed to go before an undertaking like this. Friendly conversation would not allow him to get there. 

On the way, as he stared out at the scenery and let the music lull him into a tranquil state, he recalled everything that he had studied up until this point. In his mind, he could see a picture of a man with streaks of grey throughout his short cropped hair. This person was Takuya Kobayashi, someone who had married into the Shimada family when Hanzo and Genji were small. 

Kobayashi had been abusive to his wife, who happened to be a cousin of Sojiro. After she complained to her cousin of her husband’s abuse, Takuya had been given a stern ‘family talking to’. But instead of heeding the warning to change his behavior, Takuya cursed Sojiro and the Shimada family, but only once he had fled Japan. Now he was hiding here in New York, having embezzled his wife’s wealth to hire goons to help him get into the drug and prostitution business. 

Hanzo pictured his notes in his mind, particularly where he had underlined ‘Does not employ Asians’. Of course such a coward wouldn’t. That lessened the chance of a Shimada sneaking into his fold, getting close, and finishing what had been started years ago. 

Hanzo had passed the hours until nightfall with this sort of preparation and the occasional text to Jesse. When it was time to go, he dressed in black except for a white shirt and a blue tie. After pulling on a long black coat, he’d tucked a keycard into one of the internal pockets. Then he had gone into the living room to grab his main weapons. 

The long bag he had brought along contained his katana and bow. The blue and gold sword was secured at his waist out of view in the safety of his coat. But when it came to the bow, he turned away from it and opened the case that his new toy had come in. 

“Laser sight, hm…” He didn’t think he needed it, but he had decided to give the weapon itself a try because of who it had come from. 

Shuichi took him to the back entrance of a tower that was even larger than the one he was staying in. After calling his partner to let him know that he had arrived, Hanzo gathered his things, and once he was out of the car, he was left alone, as he had requested. A bodyguard was good for his father’s assurance that his son would be safe going to and from certain destinations, but when it came to this job, it was something that Hanzo needed to do without a babysitter. Besides, he had it all under control. A lot of planning and coordination had gone into this, and now it was happening, that is, as soon as he got moving. 

Stepping forward, he knocked twice on a large metal door, which was illuminated by a single yellow bulb in a wall fixture with all sorts of bugs flying around it. When the door opened, it revealed a tall, broad shouldered blonde that Hanzo did not recall meeting before tonight. This man, wearing a white chef’s jacket with a red bandana around his neck and tucked into it his collar, nodded once after letting Hanzo in. Then he went one way while the Japanese young man went the other, heading towards the service elevator. This, he took up several floors, and then exited into a long hallway. 

As planned, he was once again alone. The young assassin took just a few moments to open his bow case, filling the included quiver with arrows and then swinging the strap over his shoulder. Then he took the bow itself and headed down the hall. At the end, he came to a pair of large double doors with a card reader. After a deep breath, he scanned his card, and then pulled open the door on the left to step inside.

As expected, Kobayashi’s suite was filled with drugs, prostitutes, and goons. Before anyone realized he wasn’t supposed to be there, his arrows found their way into two of them while others began to fall as one of the windows along the far wall facing a tower across the street shattered. 

‘This is it...’,he thought as he placed another arrow into the throat of a man who was drawing a gun out of his pants. ‘This is what I’ve trained for all of my life…’ 

And he was the calm at the center of chaos. Scantily clad women were screaming and scrambling past him for the door, while men were shouting questions of who he was and how he had gotten in. Some fell to his arrows, others fell to his sword, but his path was mostly cleared by bullets from the unseen sniper tucked safely somewhere in the tower across the way. 

‘I thought this would feel different…’

Moving out of the main room, he started for the short hall to the back rooms. Hearing a noise, he prepared his bow and fired just as someone jumped out from around the corner of the first room to the right. His arrow went confidently into the large man’s chest, making him drop his gun and clutch for his wound. Simultaneously, there was a loud crack behind him, and the failed assailant fell backwards while bleeding from a hole in between the eyes. Taking a breath, Hanzo stepped over him and continued on to enter a dimly lit office, where his target stood behind a large desk with his back to the wall.

“Hello, Hanzo,” Takuya spoke as the young man entered. “I had thought I would be seeing Sojiro when this time finally came, but I suppose it does not matter.”

“You were never worth my father’s time,” Hanzo replied as he watched the man pour himself a drink from the decanter on his desk.

“No, I suppose not,” came the nodded reply. “I thought he had forgotten me, but I see now he was saving me to train his cub. It’s a pity that…”

The man would never finish his sentence, because in that moment, he sat down and made a motion towards a drawer in his desk. Hanzo was faster than this person had estimated, and so while Kobayashi’s hand gripped the drawer handle, his head fell forward with an arrow sticking out of it. Going around, Hanzo took a peek in the drawer to find that held a gun, just as he had expected.

“Hm,” he remarked as he picked up the pearl handled pistol. He was not a fan, but he tucked it into his pocket anyway, thinking that it would make a good souvenir.

When he returned to the main room, Hanzo found that the suite was now a mess of bodies, some of which were having bullets pumped into them by various cowboys. After all, it was just professional to make sure that everyone was good and dead. He thought it was best to leave that up to the Deadlock Gang, and so he started out. As he neared the door, Jesse, dressed much as he had been on the day they’d met, stepped out from behind the bar and held up a bottle of sake.

“Look what I found, Boss!”

The cowboy’s enthusiasm brought Hanzo back from the completely stoic state he had been in. Now he was able to completely appreciate the luxury that his family’s enemy had been living in. The suite was twice the size of Hanzo’s, but in the end, its downfall was being across the street from another tower with a clear view. 

As Jesse came over and slung his arm around him, the now broken in assassin found himself smiling slightly. The American started to lead him out, a bottle of whiskey in hand, as he informed him that the floor below was easy work. However, Hanzo stalled at the threshold and pointed back towards the bar. 

“Get that sake.” 

Jesse seemed amused as he went back for the bottle. When he returned, he slung his arm around Hanzo again to lead him back to the service elevator, retrieving the bow case on the way.

A black car was waiting for them when they got to the alleyway. The passenger seat was occupied by a guitar case, while the driver was a petite blonde in sunglasses. Once they were on the highway, the blonde pulled off the wig and tossed the glasses, revealing herself to be Faye. With the wig gone, she straightened out the feather in her hair. Then she glanced into the rearview mirror at the two in the back.

“So how’s it going?” She asked casually. “I heard you two are a thing.”

Hanzo had been admiring the guitar case and how clever the owner was, but hearing this statement, his eyes widened as he turned to Jesse, who was putting his legs up on the arm rest as he slouched and lit a cigarette. 

“You told her!” Hanzo accused. It wasn’t the biggest problem, but they hadn’t agreed at all to tell anyone anything. 

Faye started to snicker, “Oh, Hanzo. You just did, you cinnamon roll, you.”

“Oh…” Glancing at Jesse, his response was a shrug. With a huff he started to take advantage of the car’s tinted windows to pack up his bow. Once that was done, he pulled out his phone and dialed his father. When he got his voicemail, he left a simple message, “It’s done.”

When he hung up, he turned to watch as his smiling boyfriend was blowing smoke rings. Raising his brow, he asked the other, “What makes you so happy?”

“Shot that guy that tried to shoot you,” Jesse beamed. “And everything went well, so now I guess you’re officially my boss, right? Can I get some OT?”

“Nope,” Faye interjected before Hanzo could say a word. “Let me hurry up and get rid’a you two. OT is where I clock out.”

“What’s OT?” Hanzo furrowed his brow in confusion, causing the other two to erupt in laughter. He rolled his eyes, “I just killed quite a few men, so don’t call me a cinnamon roll.”

“Oh Hanzo, didn’t we all?” Faye giggled when she could finally stop laughing. “It don’t mean anything but what we’re makin’ it. As for what that is, well, I ‘spect you gone learn today.”

Faye left them at a Burger King, where they got food and then retrieved the black truck that Jesse had driven to pick up Hanzo from the airport. Back at the tower, seeing the other bringing up a large duffle bag was sort of surreal. Never had he imagined doing this -- getting dinner with a boyfriend and seeing him prepare to stay the night -- but it was happening, and he couldn’t be happier about it.

When they got in, while Hanzo unbagged their food, Jesse dressed down into the pajamas he had worn on their last night together. 

“Just so you know, I didn’t need you to shoot that man,’ Hanzo said when he was finally joined on the floor in front of the coffee table. “I knew he was coming.”

“Gee, darlin’, you’re welcome for me havin’ your back and all, but I guess next time I’ll take my time cleanin’ up the goons downstairs so you can get all the glory,” Jesse popped off, though he was still smiling as he decided to wear his hat with his pajamas after all.

“I just… don’t want you to think I couldn’t have handled it…” Hanzo spoke softly as he stood and began to undress so that they were at similar levels of comfort. “He didn’t have the drop on me.”

After saying this, he went over to his suitcase to retrieve a neatly packed cream colored shirt and soft grey shorts. Of course, Jesse watched him get changed, which made him blush. However, he did his best to maintain a serious expression as he returned to the table and continued. 

“I don’t want you to think you have to rescue me.”

“Jesus tap dancin’ Christ, Zo. No one thinks that at all,” Jesse rolled his eyes as he unwrapped his burger and leaned back against the nearby couch. “Just saw it as a I got your back type thing. Didn’t even think about it, to be honest. Just saw I had the shot and I took it. I didn’t think you’d die if I wasn’t there.”

“I’m sorry,” Hanzo began as he also unwrapped his burger. Pausing with it in both hands, he looked at Jesse. “Thank you for being there, and for working so hard.”

“Guess I kinda did play it up in front of Faye,” Jesse shrugged. “But you’re welcome, darlin’. I worked hard cause I wanted to be with you, and now I’m here, so I ain’t complainin’ bout much.”

Hanzo chuckled and bit into his burger, only to frown at the taste. Well, this wasn’t at all like the gourmet burger he’d had in Santa Fe. Why was the meat so strange? He was not going to enjoy this at all. However, he didn’t want to waste Jesse’s money, and so he resolved to eat half of it and half of the fries before pushing everything away.

Remembering something he had brought along, Hanzo stood up once he’d finished and went to his bag, returning with a plastic baggy, which he dropped onto the table next to Jesse. Seeing the green clumps and two cigarillos, Jesse’s eyes widened and he cleared his throat.

“Um...so…”

“I brought this along just in case,” Hanzo cut him off. “I don’t really know what to do with it.”

Jesse quirked his brow as a mischievous grin spread across his face. Leaning back, he looked up at Hanzo and asked, “You wanna smoke with me?”

“Is that what you do with it?” Hanzo asked, eyeing the contents of the bag. “I thought so. This isn’t something I do, but Genji…”

“You got a razor?” Jesse asked, standing up.

“Maybe,” Hanzo answered. “Let’s look in the bathroom.”

Hanzo got up and Jesse followed, bringing along the baggy and what was left of his burger. While the latter looked around, admiring the bedroom and then the bathroom while eating, Hanzo searched through the available toiletries in the bathroom until he found a plastic shaving razor, which he presented to Jesse. 

“Like this?”

“Uhm, yeah, well, I’m gonna have to do some work, but...” trailing off, Jesse left the room entirely, returning a short while later with a zippo and the bag from their food. Flicking open the lighter with a metallic clank, he sat on the floor and began to hold the flame on the head of the razor while holding the later over the bag. “Ok, also, I only smoke this stuff sometimes. When I really can’t calm down on my own.”

Hanzo sat down on the side of the bed to watch as Jesse melted the plastic. “Do you have anxiety?”

“I guess,” Jesse shrugged. “Things get stressful. There’s a lot that normal folks my age just do without thinkin’ bout it, while it’s a bunch’a extra steps for me. Then there’s the gang and all their bullshit. Dealin’ with all those personalities, and more just keep on comin’...”

“So then, I’ll get that bottle of sake and you’ll finish that, and we’ll relax,” Hanzo replied as he stood to go do just that.

When he returned, Jesse had gotten the blade out of the razor and started using it to cut down the middle of one of the cigarillos. Sitting on the floor in front of the other, Hanzo filled two cups with liquor and watched as the contents of the cigarillo were scraped out. Then Jesse began to fill it with the green contents of the bag.

Once the cigarillo was rerolled, Jesse raised his cup in salute to Hanzo and then began to down the contents.

“What did you think?” Hanzo asked him when the cup was put down. 

“Not half bad,” Jesse shrugged. “I prefer a little more bite to my liquor, though.”

“Honestly, something told me you would say that,” Hanzo rolled his eyes. 

“Well, what’d you think of Burger King?” Jesse asked before lighting the cigarillo and then taking a puff. 

“I… didn’t like it,” Hanzo confessed as the smoke was passed to him. Taking a puff, he inhaled and then passed it back to his partner. After spotting an ashtray on the night stand, he crawled over to retrieve it and then plunked down in time to take his second turn. In the meantime, Jesse grinned as he refilled his cup.

“And now you know why I got you a $200 steak,” The cheeky cowboy teased as Hanzo finished his drink. Leaning over, he refilled the older boy’s cup and then took his turn with the cigarillo. 

“Come over here,” Hanzo demanded as he laid back on the floor. Jesse crawled over and then did the same, putting his head close to Hanzo’s while they smoked with the ashtray between them. “I wonder if that’s why we were drawn to each other. Neither of us live quite like others our age normally do.”

“Maybe that’s part of it,” Jesse replied as he let out a cloud of smoke and passed on to Hanzo, who ashed while listening to his boyfriend go on. “I just really wanted to get to know you, especially after doin’ all that research and hearin’ what I heard. Maybe I even built you up in my head a little, so when I finally saw you, I just… I dunno.”

“I was annoyed to learn how young you are,” Hanzo confessed with a chuckle as he passed and then turned on his side to face Jesse. “But I like how even though you play and joke around a lot, you can still take things seriously and work hard. I want to further my relationship with you, both professional and personal.”

Putting the cigar in the ashtray, Jesse carefully closed the gap between them and kissed Hanzo, closing his eyes as the other crossed the distance. When they pulled away, he then smirked, “Careful. Don’t start a fire.”

Hanzo smirked as well and sat up to finish his sake. Jesse did the same, and then poured another round. After toasting, they downed their drinks and then flopped next to each other on the floor with the ashtray above their heads.

“I can’t believe I’m smoking this,” Hanzo admitted with a slight smile . “Aside from an occasional cigarette and a cup of sake…”

“I’m surprised you agreed to it,” Jesse remarked, turning on his side to look at Hanzo. 

“So am I,” Hanzo turned as well. “I suppose what made me agree is knowing that it is something that my brother has done. He’s had all of the life experiences. I’ve had none.”

“You killed a lot of men tonight,” Jesse winked and then reached out to touch Hanzo’s face. 

Liking the feeling of this, Hanzo closed his eyes and leaned into the caress. “There is that. Are you comfortable down here?”

“We could go to the bed,” Jesse suggested.

“Come on,” Hanzo agreed. 

The two of them got up, bringing along the ashtray, their cups, and the sake. Hanzo let Jesse get in first and then followed, placing the ashtray on the nearby night stand once he was settled. 

While they drank, smoked, and enjoyed each other’s company, their idle conversation visited various topics. Hanzo was most interested when baseball came up again and Jesse confessed that he had played teeball for a very short time. 

“Til this other kid started teasin’ me so I started beatin’ the fuck outta him with the bat,” the mischievous young cowboy started to chuckle, causing Hanzo to shake his head. 

“You really are trouble,” he remarked as he tried to pass the cigarillo on to Jesse, who waved it away with a smirk. 

“Seems like you want to get into a little trouble yourself.”

Didn’t he though? The inspiration for such desires was lying on his side with his head propped up, grinning that up to something grin. Turning away, Hanzo put what was left of their smoke into the ashtray. When he turned back, lips were pressed against his own. While he was not shocked that he was being kissed, thanks to the look Jesse had been giving him before he turned, he was pleasantly surprised by how sweet this kiss and the one that followed was. A gentle hand glided along his arm, up his neck, and along the side of his face. Gentle fingers then undid his hair and raked through before the entire arm settled around him, silently begging him to come closer. 

Once their bodies were pressed together, Hanzo began to caress down the other’s back and up to his neck, gentle massaging it and feeling the tickle of the longer hairs. So far, these had been rather chaste kisses, but now he dared to suckle on the other’s bottom lip just a bit before pulling away. The response was Jesse closing the gap between their lips while trying to move his body closer. This made a usually reserved young man feel much bolder, and so when he pulled away again, he moved his lips to Jesse’s neck and grazed it. THe sound of a long breath encouraged him to begin kissing the smooth brown flesh as he breathed in the faint scents of soap and sweat. He felt as well as heard when Jesse’s body shifted so that the other boy was lying on his back, and he instinctively moved his own body to accommodate his partner’s new position. After a love nip at his chin, he returned to Jesse’s lips and was rewarded by the boy’s tongue asking for entrance into his mouth. Hanzo allowed it briefly before gently wrestling the appendage away and slipping his own into warmth that tasted of sake, marijuana, and a bit like disappointing burger.

‘Burger King’, he thought as Jesse pulled him closer. ‘Burger Peasant is more like it.’

This was one of the last few coherent thoughts he would manage as Jesse wrapped his arms around him and managed to wriggle himself beneath his body. ‘I should stop’, was the next thought when he could feel the tell-tale tightness in his underwear and a hard poke at his leg. One more kiss became two more and then three more. Then he felt guilty, thinking that Jesse was going to push him away soon. Before that could happen, he tried to move away on his own, but his partner showed surprising strength in holding him close. Once the message was sent, the grip loosened and Jesse’s rough, calloused hands found their way under Hanzo’s shirt and up his back. 

Now he knew that something was going to happen tonight, but he was not sure what. It was at least for certain that he was drunk on his lover’s kiss and the feeling of his body grinding roughly against his own. He started to do the same, but was surprised a short while after by a nudge. Moving away, he flopped at the other’s side, meaning to ask him if everything was alright and to apologize, if necessary. But Jesse moved just as quickly, tugging on the drawstrings of Hanzo’s shorts to undo them while silencing him with yet another kiss. Once the shorts were loosened, much to Hanzo’s surprise, that rough hand was shoved down his pants and wrapped around his dick, pulling it free of both restrictive garments. 

“Jesse,” he began.

“Shhh,” the other whispered and then kissed him again. Then his hand began to move.

It was as though Hanzo’s body needed a moment to process what was happening. Once it did, the pleasure seemed to hit him all at once and his lover’s hand became lubricated. It took some doing to gather his wits about him, but once he did, he maneuvered his body so that he could reach Jesse and return the favor. 

Having a dick in his hand that wasn’t his own felt strange, but he could barely focus on the particulars. It was all he could do to match the other’s pace and return his fervent kisses. When Jesse sped up, he did the same, and now his lips crushed the other’s in a kiss that was almost painful. The sounds of the room were wet and raw, accented by harsh breaths and low moans. Then finally, a short cry and a moan proceeded Hanzo’s hand becoming a mess. 

Normally, he hated a mess, but this one pushed him over the edge into pleasure that exploded in his loins and then pulsed throughout his body. He made quite a mess of Jesse’s hand. Then he sank back into the mattress, spent but euphoric. 

When he felt settled down enough to move, he turned and grabbed the box of kleenex on the nightstand. He used several tissues to clean his hand of Jesse’s seed, and when he noticed that the other was already falling asleep, his soiled hand resting against his now soiled shirt, he did the same for his boyfriend. Then he pulled him close. 

“Hanzo,” the other muttered without opening his eyes.

“Shh,” he whispered to him as he began stroking his back. He couldn’t help but remember Jesse’s complaints about having trouble sleeping, and that led him to the thought that his boyfriend had needed this. He had as well. There was a pleasant buzzing in his head and his entire body felt relaxed in a way he could never achieve with masturbation. Closing his eyes, Hanzo fell into a deep sleep.


	14. American Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for sexual acts.

When Hanzo woke the first time, he heard the sounds of the shower, as well as someone singing in Spanish. He started to contemplate breakfast, but made the mistake of not getting out of bed to do so. This caused him to fall asleep again. When he woke the second time, the shower had stopped, but he could hear the faint sounds of the television. As he pulled himself out of bed, he also noted, as he shuffled and yawned on his way to the bathroom, the scents of coffee and tea in the air. 

As he would in the days of his training, he kept his morning shower brief. He also decided to skip out on the blowdryer, instead draping a towel around his shoulders to rub against his hair as he went into the living room dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain white tee. His boyfriend was already here, seated on the floor in front of the coffee table, drinking from a large white mug. The deep brown tresses of the other’s hair were also still damp from a morning shower, and there was a towel slung around the cowboy’s shoulders. Jesse had dressed himself in clean pajamas, this time blue pants printed in dark blue stars double outlined in white and a shirt of the same color with a larger star at the center of his chest.

Jesse’s attention had been glued to the television, but when Hanzo entered the room, his eyes lit up as he gestured towards a cup on the table. “I made your tea!”

“Thank you,” Hanzo smiled as he picked up the cup and settled on the couch. 

Then the awkward silence began. 

At least, it was awkward for him. The younger of the pair went back to watching a girl riding a horse in circles around barrels, which left the older a bit curious. Rather than asking what this show was, he curled up against the arm of the couch with his tea sitting on the end table next to him and began drying his hair while slipping into contemplation. 

He had watched and read plenty of stories where, after sleeping together the night before, the next morning one lover starts a conversation with, ‘So about last night…’ Should he do that? Did they need to talk about last night? He had enjoyed all of it, but now he couldn’t look at Jesse for too long without blushing as he remembered the feeling of the other’s hard cock in his hand and that final cry of pleasure. 

In some ways, it felt as though two entirely different people had done all that. Jesse was sitting on the floor looking happy in a way that seemed almost too innocent for such things, while Hanzo was wondering if he had done something wrong by allowing any of it to happen.

“Faye used to be good at this,” Jesse broke the silence before having a sip of coffee. Lowering his cup, he continued to explain, “Barrel racin’. I used to do it when I was little.”

“Did you hit someone with a horse?” Hanzo asked him cheekily as he reached for his tea. 

The lanky boy on the floor laughed as he leaned back a bit towards the couch, supporting the bottom of his cup with his opposite hand, “Nah, nothin’ like that. See, it’s really a sport that girls are better at. Now, gimme a rope and I’ll show ya somethin!’”

“So you really are a cowboy.”

Jesse snorted at Hanzo’s remark as he carefully maneuvered closer to the couch. Once he had his back against the base, he turned his body slightly to look up at the Japanese young man. “The movies kinda play up the outlaw part a bit, but mostly… there’s cows.”

Hanzo’s amused chuckling made the other blush and smile. When the moment had passed, Jesse looked down into his coffee, “I like it when you laugh. Guess that’s weird and all, but I do. Guess maybe cuz it don’t seem like you get to a lot.”

“I’m a serious and boring person,” Hanzo replied, but seeing his lover begin to frown slightly, he quickly appended, “But you make me laugh.”

“Good, cause you make me a lotta things,” Jesse answered and then widened his eyes as he realized what he’d said. “I mean good things! Not that gettin’ hot and bothered ain’t good…”

Hot and bothered, hm? Hanzo could certainly relate, and he thought as much as the other went on trying to correct himself. He found himself thinking about last night again, and wondering what things would be like if he was bolder. He would demand Jesse to come up on this couch with him and leave the coffee. Then he would pin him down and assault his neck with kisses and love bites. His hands would roam all over that twink body before…

“Zo?”

Snapping out of it, Hanzo found his boyfriend to be staring up at him. Blushing, he sipped his tea to hide his embarrassment. Then he asked, “Yes, what is it?”

“I was askin’ bout breakfast. Really hungry for some reason.”

“Oh, I forgot to order groceries,” Hanzo frowned as he got up and headed towards the kitchenette near the bar area.

“You can cook?” A surprised Jesse got up as well and followed, bringing along his cup of coffee.

While Hanzo searched the fridge, the lanky cowboy leaned against the counter at his hip and continued to enjoy his drink. 

“I know how to fry eggs and make miso soup, at the very least,” Hanzo answered as he shut the fridge door. “If you insist, I wouldn’t mind taking you out, but American restaurants give so much food…”

“Well, you don’t gotta eat all of it,” Jesse pointed out when Hanzo trailed off. “But let’s go grocery shoppin’! It’ll be fun!”

“Fun?”

He had his doubts, but Jesse’s enthusiasm was something he found difficult to say no to. And perhaps it was silly, but he liked the idea of them shopping together and maybe even holding hands like a real domestic couple. 

The younger of the couple had poured more coffee into his cup, but Hanzo gently took it away and then pat his arm. “Go on. Get dressed.” 

A pout quickly became a smile as Jesse ran off to do what he was told. In the meantime, Hanzo surveyed the few cabinets to get an idea of what they needed to buy. He made a quick mental list and then went to get his socks and shoes on. 

Jesse returned a short while later, fully dressed and grinning from ear to ear. He kept on the shirt he’d been wearing, but changed the pants out for some bootcut blue jeans, and he’d added an avocado green jacket with two broad pockets on both sides the zipper. 

“Oh no, you need a jacket,” the now dressed cowboy immediately remarked upon seeing Hanzo, and before it could be explained that the outerwear was available but hadn’t been put on yet, Jesse was slinging a jacket similar to his own but in a tan color around Hanzo’s body. “There ya go! Pneumonia weather -- that’s what Papi calls weather like this.”

“That isn’t how pneumonia is contracted,” Hanzo couldn’t help but refute as the pair headed towards the elevator. 

“Are you arguin’ with Papi?”

On the way, Jesse pulled out his keys, and once they were on the elevator, he leaned against the back railing. Hanzo rolled his eyes, “I can’t argue with someone who isn’t here. How many of these jackets do you have?”

The jacket owner shrugged, “Just these two. I like em cause they’re nice and soft, but keep you plenty warm. I came pretty prepared for the weather.”

“And so did I. I have my own jacket.”

The other pouted at this and shuffled a bit away from Hanzo, mumbling, “But I wanted you to wear mine…”

He should have guessed this. Now he felt guilty for how unintentionally abrasive he could be, especially because of all that happened last night. He still felt awkward about it and wondered if they should talk, but the words wouldn’t come to him. All he could think of to do was move closer to the other. To his surprise, that was enough. Jesse put an arm around his waist and kept it there the entire walk to the valet area.

“Let’s stay in today,” Hanzo suggested once they were in the truck and headed for their destination. “Tomorrow is the game, and we can get to all of the other places we wanted to go, but…”

“I understand,” the other glanced over at him before returning his eyes to the road, a smile brightening his face. “I like just being alone with you too.”

Hanzo felt like he was melting and he couldn’t stop smiling. The logic center of his brain tried to warn him that nothing is perfect, but that left him questioning why things between him and Jesse had moments that felt absolutely flawless. These were just passing moments, as there were also times like in the elevator, where he experienced doubt that left him afraid of the moment he was sure would come some day. Jesse, he was sure, would tire of the abrassiveness. Then Genji would pounce on him and snap him up just as he had snapped up those larger pieces of beef that Hanzo had put aside for their father. 

Thinking this way made Hanzo unsettled, and when he experienced that, he had a tendency to become very quiet while staring off at nothing with a furrowed brow. He could have stayed this way for hours if not for the person at his side, who interrupted by asking, “So what kind of snacks do you like?”

“Snacks?” Hanzo repeated as he turned his body to look at the other. “Oh, I don’t often. I might have dessert if I’ve eaten carefully that day, but I don’t often snack. Perhaps rice crackers on occasion?”

“So you don’t like like cookies or those little snack cakes?” Jesse furrowed his brow. “No Doritos?”

“Is that unusual?” Hanzo asked after shaking his head at the last question. Snacking was something he rarely thought about, but now he was being asked about things he’d heard of but never eaten.

“Man, you weren’t kiddin’,” Jesse shook his head. “Your life is super strict. But it’s ok to get a little loose, right? Do things you don’t normally?”

“Like last night,” Hanzo nodded, meaning the marijuana. But seeing the way his lover began to blush, he came to the realization that he had planted a different idea.

“Yeah, I don’t… I don’t normally…” Jesse stammered. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with what we did, but…”

“Who are you trying to convince?” Hanzo thought aloud. Realizing that he’d said it, he bit his lip and turned away. 

Awkward silence settled between the inhabitants of the truck as it was pulled into a parking lot. Hanzo fidgeted with his hands while Jesse found a parking spot. Once he was sure he could get all of his partner’s focus without causing an accident, Hanzo touched his face for attention and spoke gently once he had it, “I’m sorry.”

“What? Why?” Jesse wrinkled his brow. 

“I…” Hanzo began and then took a breath. “I wonder if I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

“Why? Do you regret it?”

The question being followed by downcast brown eyes was like a punch in the gut for Hanzo, who felt as though he deserved punishment as is for the way he had treated Jesse before they started dating. 

“I don’t, but I’m afraid that I will or that you will,” he sighed before speaking honestly. “I am afraid that this can’t last.”

“Please don’t say that,” Jesse spoke as he reached out to put his arms around Hanzo. “Last night happened sooner than I thought. I wanted to make you wait a while, but then it started happenin’ and I… I’m not easy. I think I said that before, but when you brought it up, I was afraid that you thought I was bullshittin’ when I said that before cause of last night, but it’s not like that! I’m glad stuff happened, and I… Please don’t tell me you don’t think it can last… I...I’m afraid I’ll never meet anybody else… like you…”

“Jesse,” Hanzo took a deep breath and moved back so that he could look at the other. “What makes you think I’m so special? I’ve said this about you when in reality, it’s me— I’m trouble. I’m the heir to the Shimada clan, and with that comes responsibilities…”

“So you’re not easy either,” Hanzo was pulled close again and squeezed tighter as these words were spoken. “I know that shit’s complicated. You can’t exactly take me home to your father, at least not as anything but your business associate…”

“I want to,” Hanzo interrupted, touching the anxious face in front of him. “All of my life, he has spoken of the day I will raise sons of my own. I’ve tried to deny what I feel, but I’m afraid it is the one wish of his that I will never be able to fulfill.”

Hanzo could see Jesse swallowing several times, but then the other smiled, “Well, you could always run away with me. We’ll travel and live off the land. Get married in Vegas.”

He gave an amused huff and then kissed the lips that these silly words had come from. “I don’t know what I’ll do, but at least for now, I have decided to enjoy all of this while I can. Even so, I don’t wish to be selfish, Jesse. If you don’t want to be my secret…”

“I’ll be your secret,” Jesse spoke softly. “I think you should tell him some day, but until you’re ready, I’m okay with this being our secret.”

Hanzo’s smile was weak yet sincere as Jesse kissed his cheek and then turned to get out of the car. He did the same and was happy to have their fingers linked together. However, there were so many things nagging at the back of his head and tugging on his heart. It felt as though the conversation should not have ended there -- that there was so much more they needed to talk about. But he didn’t know where to begin or that he even wanted to. For now, he would push it out of his mind and try to enjoy their shopping trip. 

Come to think of it, Hanzo was almost sure this was his first grocery shopping trip. At home, the Shimada family had staff who cooked and cleaned for them, as well as someone who managed their household in general, so he wasn’t even sure how the groceries were taken care of. He knew that they could be ordered online, but that was about it. Even having them delivered was something he had never done. But now here he was, carrying a basket and leading the way like he knew what he was doing. It was moments like this that led him to questioning what Jesse even saw in him. 

But where he was ignorant, his partner seemed to be knowledgeable. Declaring that they needed spinach, the younger of the couple veered off towards the open air case of vegetables, backing away when the misters suddenly activated. Once they stopped, he grabbed a produce bag and began to fill it with bushels of greens.

“How much do we need?” He asked Hanzo, who could only shrug.

“A lot,” was his answer.

This seemed to satisfy Jesse, who filled the bag before moving on to the strawberries. Hanzo watched in a sort of awe as his junior carefully inspected several cartons before settling on one. He must have thought he’d done something wrong, because the young cowboy suddenly blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“They’re probably not even that sweet, but I like em with sugar anyway.”

“I see,” his older boyfriend tried a smile to reassure him that everything was fine. He decided to try one more thing, and so he spoke, “We need green onions. I’ll make ramen for lunch.” 

After nodding in response, Jesse grabbed another produce bag and began to fill it while looking like this was the most fun he’d had in ages. This made Hanzo feel all the more like this all could work. They made such good partners. 

“What about dinner?” He asked the young man happily bagging onions. “What would you like?”

“Are you gonna cook everything?” Jesse frowned slightly. “I mean I should do something’, right? Chip in somehow.”

“You are,” Hanzo smiled at him. “You’ll do the dishes.”

“Yeah, I can do that! Look at us, Zo! We’re like real domestic partners like my folks!”

“I suppose you’re right,” he initially agreed with a smile, but suddenly, he felt like he was being watched. His father had eyes everywhere, so it was possible, but would Sojiro do it? Would he order someone to keep a covert eye on the eldest Shimada son? Had Hanzo inadvertently given him a reason to? And what would they tell his father they had seen? The eldest Shimada playing house with Jesse McCree?

“ZO, what are you doing?” Jesse was now clamoring for his attention.

“Hm?” Hanzo blinked, seeing the basket now filled with more vegetables. “Oh, you got all those things.”

“Yeah, while you were Hanzoned out again!” Jesse made air quotes and snorted.

His boyfriend thought it was hilarious, but it was all Hanzo could manage to give a sarcastic, “Ha” He’d heard that one too many times to be amused. 

“Aw, am I annoyin ya, honey? I can Jess leave you alone!” The pun was already too much, but the finger guns aimed at him made Hanzo want to punch the other.

“Someone wants to be broken up with,” he threatened, but to no avail.

“Aww, honey, don’t bee that way.”

“I’m breaking up with you right now,” Hanzo declared and headed for the next aisle.

But they both knew well that he was in too deep. Jesse followed him and shrugged, “Kay, well, I’m gonna go see if Jong-woon is into cowboys then.”

Hanzo shook his head and tried to sound stern, but Jesse made this too hard and he was cracking. “If threatening to break up with you doesn’t make you to behave, then I’ll have to beat you.”

“Shouldn’t told me that. I’m never gonna behave now ~”

“Oh, Jesse,” Hanzo sighed and shook his head. “I don’t think Jong-woon would be able to handle you. Anyway, why don’t you find your snacks and I will get what I need to cook dinner? We’ll meet at checkout.”

“Kay darlin’”

Hanzo didn’t expect the side hug, but it didn’t feel out of place. His boyfriend was very physically affectionate, he was beginning to learn. That made him think on the cuddling with Genji. Jesse almost certainly saw it as innocent but Hanzo wanted to stop it. Being the reserved person that he was, he felt that this kind of closeness should only occur within their relationship. However, he didn’t know how to approach asking Jesse to alter a big part of who he was. Did he even have the right to, especially this early on? Perhaps if things became more serious, then it would be right to approach it. Either way, he was just standing there holding a package of ramen, which was not going to solve his issues. If anything, he was causing them. 

After apologizing to an old lady who was glaring at him as though he was a common punk, he made his selections and moved on. 

In all of his considerations, he concluded that the best course of action was to take things slow. While he felt he had a good grasp on who Jesse was as a person, there was still a lot to uncover. One does not assume that they know a person when they only have a vague idea of why they ran away from home. Then again, he was sadly sure that he might never hear the real reason if it was left up to Jesse. This lead him to frowning at packages of ground beef. 

“I have to get him to tell me,” he mentally concluded. “If he is in some kind of trouble, I need to know how to help him.”

But first, he needed to feed him. After grabbing all of the meats he needed, he headed for the checkout and found a spot near a closed register to wait for Jesse. A short while after, Jesse appeared with a basket full of junk.

“Okay, before you say anything, I just wanna say that I’m gonna pay for all’a this.”

“You sure will,” Hanzo shook his head.

“You don’t mean with money, do you?” Hanzo shook his head again and Jesse snorted. “I’m gonna burn all this off, ya know. Tall guys need lotsa fuel. Sides, you’re gonna eat it with me!”

“Who told you that?” As they got in line, Hanzo quirked his brow.

“Told myself that and I’m gonna see to it! We’re gonna cuddle and eat all this. You can’t say no.”

“No,” Hanzo spoke bluntly as they moved up a space. 

“Smart ass,” Jesse huffed. “Come on, Zo. You can go back to bein’ disciplined in Japan, but you’re with me. You should get a little loose.”

“And diabetes?”

“That aint’ even how you get diabetes,” the younger of the two rolled his eyes and huffed again. “Why are you so mean to me?”

“I’m not mean to you,” Hanzo gently pat his face. “I just don’t want to eat all of that junk. It’s way too much sweet food for me.”

“I thought about that,” Jesse beamed with pride. “That’s why I got a variety of stuff and not just all sweet things. Whadd’ya think of your man now, baby?”

“That he deserves this for threatening to flirt with Jong-woon,” Hanzo smirked.

“Aww, that’s ridiculous. I wasn’t even serious. Guy’s pretty, don’t get me wrong, but I like my men a lot more Hanzo-y.”

“Oh Jesse,” Hanzo smiled, shaking his head. Reaching into the other’s basket, he started to pull a few things out. “At least do it in moderation. You’re going to get a stomach ache trying to eat all of this. There is no way you could possibly. We’ll get a reasonable amount of things, and I’ll try some of it.”

“Works for me!” After agreeing and once they had loaded the belt with their purchases, Jesse hugged Hanzo from behind. “If I got a stomach ache, would you take care of me?”

“Yes,” Hanzo answered with a nod. “While scolding you the entire time because it would be your fault.”

“Fair enough.”

At this, Hanzo shook his head again. Jesse was a handful sometimes, but he couldn’t deny that there was never a dull moment with him around. He loved going back and forth with him just to hear what he would say. The cowboy always had something. 

Having Jesse around made simple things like frying eggs on a square pan and then rolling it up with spinach inside feel like it was the most amazing thing in the world. When they sat down to breakfast of tamagoyaki, rice, and miso soup, the feeling of accomplishment and pride that Hanzo felt because of the smile on Jesse’s face was great. It made him excited to cook more for him, just to see this smile and to watch the rowdy cowboy’s transformation to a well behaved person as he always remembered his table manners these days. 

“Thanks for Breakfast, Zo,” Jesse said once they were finishing. “I’m glad we did this instead of going out.”

“We should shop together again,” Hanzo nodded. “I can even make you healthier snacks and desserts. For now, I’m afraid that after all of my scolding, I’ve eaten too much. Shall we go nap on the couch?”

“Sure,” Jesse beamed. “I’ll take care of you, Zo!”

And he did. Jesse found blankets, and they wrapped up together with a movie to ignore. They spent much of the time lying cuddled together on the couch and sharing the occasional kiss. Hanzo, for his part, was trying to keep things chaste, as he was still feeling shy about what had happened last night. Granted, he was not a blushing virgin… well not a virgin, but definitely the blushing part. Still, he jumped when Jesse’s hand somehow found its way to his crotch.

“I’m sorry,” the other apologized at the reaction. 

“No, I…” Hanzo began and then blushed. “Do you… want to?”

“Kinda,” it was Jesse’s turn to blush. “I can’t stop thinkin’ about it. I wanna touch you again.”

Hanzo was such a blushing mess that it was a wonder he managed to return the other’s kiss. Still, it did not take long to ease into the moment and take the reigns, moving his kisses to the other’s neck as he pulled him closer.

“Just a little,” Jesse went on softly as his fingers found their way into Hanzo’s hair. “It’s ok if we just fool around a little bit.”

“Just a little bit,” Hanzo agreed. 

He felt his partner’s body shifting, and so he gave him room to move. They sat up together, and then Jesse positioned himself so that he stood on his knees on the couch and gestured for Hanzo to imitate him. Once he was where Jesse wanted him, Hanzo was roughly disrobed with swift motions so that his upper half was bare. His chest was then attacked with kisses and then one gentle bite to the flesh near his left nipple. Calloused hands moved gently along the flesh of his pecs, making Hanzo shiver and then close his eyes with a sharp intake of breath as teeth slowly and almost painfully clamped down on the nipple. As if apologizing, a hot tongue then caressed it, before his lover’s lips suckled on it. Then the same treatment happened on the opposite side as fingertips grazed along his ribs. 

Bruises that began to bloom on the pale flesh of his upper body would be a testament to the pain and pleasure given to him by this Jesse McCree. Soon enough, there would be no space left that was not marked by his lover. Not that he minded too terribly, but he did want more of the marker’s lips. Taking his chin, he lifted Jesse’s head and led him in a kiss that left both of them breathless when it ended. This appeared to be enough teasing for his partner, whose hands began to frantically work on Hanzo’s belt. By this point, Hanzo was ready to be rid of the tightness against his crotch. Cool air felt like heaven against his heated flesh when his fly was finally undone and his lover’s hand roughly pulled out its prize. 

Once he had what he wanted, Jesse’s hand began to roughly move up and down the length of engorged flesh while his teeth tugged on Hanzo’s bottom lip. When he could get his lip away from their pointed grasp, Hanzo retaliated with rough kisses, wrestling Jesse’s tongue into submission so that he could taste every inch of that pretty American mouth. He finished with a nip at the other’s chin, followed by a rougher bite to the crook of his neck. Then he took in a breath of his scent and exhaled his lover’s name.

His hands had been idle, but now they moved of their own accord, all but ripping and tearing away at the clothing on Jesse’s upper body. When there was nothing left, they grazed upwards on the supple brown skin to his erect nipples. But his hands weren’t as interested in being here as they were in sliding back down his body and around to round globes of Jesse’s shapely ass. As he pulled him close, two arms settled around his neck, and they kissed yet again, leaving them both feeling slightly dizzy for lack of good oxygen flow. 

“Jesse,” he breathed out harshly before moving to attack the other’s neck. It started as kisses before becoming gentle bites to leave his own mark on the other’s skin. As he continued with this, he felt a hand on his wrist, and then his own hand was guided to the hardness straining against the crotch of Jesse’s jeans Using his palm to apply pressure, he kneaded and rolled the hard flesh a few times before gently nudging the other backwards as he undid his pants.

“Zo, oh my god, I want...” Jesse breathed out as he managed to lie back. “I can’t…”

Hanzo had a feeling he knew what Jesse couldn’t. The hesitance had been a thing between them since that night in the park. Still, the long arms reached for him and wrapped around his neck as Hanzo lined himself up so that he could rub his throbbing, needing flesh against the length of his boyfriend’s. 

“Yes, this,” Jesse moaned as he wriggled and moved his body in time with Hanzo. “Please… feels good... “

Hanzo only stopped briefly because he needed to kiss that pleading mouth. Then he gripped both lengths of flesh in one hand and worked them together while thrusting his hips in rhythm with Jesse’s body movements and pants.

“Oh, Hanzo. Yes!” the other breathed out with his eyes closed and his cheeks flushed. Hanzo couldn’t take his eyes off of him, especially when he cursed, “Fuck! I’m gonna... Hanzo!”

Poor Jesse got both loads on his stomach, but Hanzo was the type of lover who wouldn’t leave his partner in that situation. Getting up, he got some kleenex, which he used to sop up most of the mess. Then he did something he would never imagine himself doing before. He licked up the rest.

“Holy shit… did you?” Jesse questioned, receiving a nod. The response to this was Jesse putting his hand at the back of Hanzo’s neck to pull him close and lifting his own body to meet him halfway, obviously wanting a taste of their mingled seed. With still flushed cheeks, Jesse then flopped backwards with a satisfied sigh. “Jesus, Zo. Seems like a buncha men just slept on you as a lover.”

“I’m not innocent,” Hanzo smiled a little and then blushed. “I’m just… out of practice.”

“Don’t seem like it,” Jesse smirked up until the moment Hanzo leaned in and kissed him tenderly. When they pulled away, he added, “Maybe it’s just muscle memory.”

“Mm,” Hanzo smiled as he gently laid down on top of the other and closed his eyes. 

Drifting off, he felt fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp and luling him into a peaceful, yet dreamless sleep. 

————

When Hanzo woke for the third time, it was with the feeling of hunger nagging at his belly. Yawning, he reached for his phone to check the time. Then he gently moved himself off of Jesse and headed, while straightening himself up, to the kitchen, where he washed his hands with soap in the sink. Then he started on lunch. 

While chopping green onions, he got an idea that he thought was so ridiculous that he had to dismiss it with a muttered, “I’m not doing that.” Maybe at any other time, this would have been the end of it, but this time, he kept finding himself glancing over at the sleeping Jesse on the couch and entertaining that idea again. 

He had put a kettle of water on, and when it whistled, the noise woke the sleeping cowboy, who came over to the bar counter and sat down with a loud yawn. Even as far as this moment, Hanzo wrestled with himself over whether or not he was going to do this thing. 

With a slight smile to the sleepy brunette, he added the ingredients for ramen into his and Jesse’s bowls, starting with the dry noodle bricks he had purchased for convenience. There was just one thing missing -- the subject of this idea of his. Jesse was none the wiser, yawning again and then returning the smile as he watched Hanzo work. 

Finally, the moment of truth came. Hanzo put the lids on the ramen bowls and then looked at Jesse. “Close your eyes.”

He was slightly expecting the other to ask questions and make a fuss, at which point, Hanzo was planning to change his mind and abandon this silly plan. But Jesse had this habit of wanting to please him that the older young man would never understand, though he appreciated it. When his boyfriend closed his eyes, Hanzo could only smile as he turned to pick up a plate with four slices of ham on it. He divided the slices among the bowls, moving carefully as he replaced the lids so that Jesse wouldn’t hear a thing. Then, when the time came, he sat next to the other and gently kissed his cheek. 

“Open your eyes now, Jesse.”

Jesse did as he was told and smiled, most likely thinking that kiss was why he was asked to close his eyes. But Hanzo had gone through with this silly plan of his, and now he lifted the lids on their bowls, revealing their finished lunch.

His ‘tada!’ sounded a little weak, but he wouldn’t mind because of the way Jesse’s face lit up as he exclaimed, “Now there’s ham! You’re just full of surprises, Zo!”

“I try,” Hanzo smiled and then closed his eyes as his cheek was given an affectionate kiss. 

His brain, which was too used to overthinking everything, wanted to question it all. How could someone be this easy to please? It was such a childish gesture that he had gotten from a children’s movie, but it had delighted his lover. Maybe it was because Jesse was childish? Maybe that was why the American boy kept believing that he was some great person. 

He warred with it in the background even as they chatted over lunch. It was on his mind as he watched Jesse fill up the sink with soapy water and clean up the few dishes from lunch as well as this morning, and it continued to plague him as he watched the other settle down on the floor with a cup of coffee in his hand and a blanket wrapped around himself. 

At first, Hanzo had the thought to turn up the heat, but then another idea occurred to him. Going over, he tentatively sat next to Jesse and lightly tugged at a blanket flap. “May I come in?”

“Yes, please,” Jesse smiled as he held out an arm to encircle Hanzo in warmth. 

“Are you cold?” Hanzo asked as he wrapped his arms around the thin body of his lover.

“Kinda,” Jesse nodded. “But it makes me think about Japan and that time we stayed in bed almost all day. Know somethin’ funny?”

“What’s that?’ As he asked this, Hanzo actually found himself snuggling a little closer. He could get used to this -- cuddling cowboys. Was that a bad thing?

“I was just thinkin’. Used to see all those couples doin’ couple stuff. Wearing matchin’ outfits. Thought it was dumb as hell.”

Hanzo snorted, “That IS dumb as hell. You don’t want to do that, do you? The matching outfits?”

“Well, what if we got matchin’ yukatas for the next festival or somethin’?”

Hanzo mulled it over, and actually ended up nodding, “Yes, I suppose that isn’t the worst idea. Honestly, I do understand what you are saying. Mostly, I never cared about the couples at the festival, but this last one… I did... think about what it would be like to have someone… and then you were there.”

“It was the same for the food truck park,” Jesse confessed and then quickly looked away with a blush as Hanzo looked up at him. “I um… I mean couples would go there, and I would think about it sometimes, ya know. I just… when you told me to take you somewhere I wanted to go…”

Shifting his body slightly, Hanzo kissed the other gently and then smoothed back his hair, looking into his eyes. “I still wonder if you’re sure. Am I the person for you or would you be content just to have a person?”

“I think if you think about that, you know the answer,” Jesse softly replied. “I think you’re like an avocado. All tough skin, but soft on the inside and pretty delicious too.”

“What?” Hanzo covered his face with a hand and laughed. “I think… thank you. Yes, I think that’s the proper response to that.”

“You’re really handsome too,” Jesse went on, smiling.

“Like an avocado?” Hanzo couldn’t help but tease him.

“No, not like a…” Jesse began and then laughed. “Yes. You’re handsome like an avocado.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

It turned out that Jesse really liked avocados, which explained the food analogy. Once they got beyond their cheesy romance moment, they were able to talk of other things, including food and movies. It was a little tough to settle on one that they could watch together -- Jesse wanted a western, but Hanzo insisted on a historical drama and actually got his way. 

Time to prepare dinner actually came quickly, and after a quick kiss shared with his lover, Hanzo barred Jesse from the kitchen and set off to work. 

Every now and then, he would catch Jesse trying to peek, and he even had to shoo him away when the other tried to wander that way under the pretense of going to the bathroom. This was going to be another suprise. He was a little worried that Jesse might not like it because they had not discussed it before, and thus his hands shook a little as he lit some candles and dimmed the lights. 

“Oooh,” Jesse said, looking around at the now slightly dark room. 

Hanzo gestured him over, and the tall young man sat in his spot at the island bar. Hanzo brought over a covered plate, which he sat down in front of Jesse. Then he spoke in a low voice, “Close your eyes.”

“Mm,” Jesse purred as he did as he was told.

Smiling only briefly at the reaction, Hanzo’s expression became serious as he uncovered the plate to reveal that the contents were mushrooms. Taking one, he dipped it into a cup of marina and then spoke again to his boyfriend. “Open your mouth.”

“Oh my ~” Jesse spoke before doing as he was told. 

Gently, Hanzo placed the food inside and then pulled back to watch the other eat. “Hey, it’s not bad. Don’t really like mushrooms, but I can dig it.”

“Oh,” Hanzo spoke with slight disappointment. 

“Nah, but I mean, feed me another. Please.”

He still felt stung, but Hanzo did as he was asked and then smiled slightly as a kiss was placed on his cheek after the food was consumed. “This was just an appetizer,” he explained. “I’ll get the main course now.”

“Well, sure,” Jesse smiled and helped himself to another mushroom while Hanzo went around to the other counter. Returning with two plates, he sat them down in front of Jesse, whose eyes lit up.

“Look at these meatballs,” he gasped. “They’re huge!”

“Go on and bite into one,” Hanzo spoke of the round balls of beef that were sitting atop a bed of pasta and covered in meatsauce.

He watched as Jesse picked up one with his fork and immediately registered the dleight on his face, knowing that he found the surprise. 

“Oh god, it’s really good,” Jesse praised. “Cheese inside! You keep surprisin’ me!”

“I admit, I was a little nervous when you didn’t like the mushrooms,” Hanzo spoke softly. 

“Oh no, it aint that at all,” Jesse shook his head. “I like the way you made these. I just don’t like mushrooms in general.”

“Well, I”ll keep that in mind. At least now I know that you like meatballs stuffed with cheese.”

“That is amazin’;” Hesse nodded. “Where did you learn all this? I never woulda guessed you could cook so good.”

Hanzo blushed slightly as he began to pour white wine into two glasses for the two of them. He smiled, deciding not to tell Jesse that the base of the meatsuace came from a jar, but he would tell him the rest of the truth. “I only know the basics. That, I learned only because I convinced my father it was a valuable life skill. Honestly, my interest sort of waned, as I haven’t had any opportunities or time to practice. It felt nice today, cooking for you. I would like to do it again.”

“Please do, honey,” Jesse smiled as the two toasted. “I like seein’ this side of you. The side that surprises me with meatballs instead of us goin’ out for $200 steaks. I want this to be how it is -- shopping together and even cookin together.”

“I’d like that,” Hanzo smiled.

Because it felt attainable. Watching Jesse clean up after the dinner that he’d made while he sipped tea at the counter felt like a glimpse into a good life that they could live together. Maybe even in this life, they wouldn’t have killed several men the night before. Instead, he could imagine them being college professors or maybe even owning a little restaurant in Santa Fe with Hyacinth growing all around it. A coffee shop in Hanamura would also be nice. The possibilities were endless in his imagination.

If only they could end each night just the way they ended that night -- cuddling up on the couch together under that blanket to watch a movie. Halfway through, he noticed his eyes drooping and looked at the person in his arms, finding him already fast asleep. Getting the remote, he turned everything off and then pulled Jesse a little closer as he let his mind drift off.

In the real world, it probably could not be like this forever, he knew it. Why then, was he so determined to try?


	15. Here Comes A Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I'm losing sight. I'm losing touch. All these little things seem to matter so much that they confuse me...

“Jesse, honey, time to wake up.”

Hanzo thought he sounded like a mom trying to get her child up for school. He ended up feeling like it too when the young man that was his boyfriend turned over and pulled the blanket over his head while moaning and complaining incoherently. They were both to blame for this; even though they’d fallen asleep on the couch at a reasonable hour, the couple didn’t stay that way. Moving from the couch to the bed had led to them doing...things. Those things had kept them up until four in the morning. Now at eight, Hanzo was trying to get Jesse out of bed. 

As tempting as it was to crawl under the covers with his lover, he was still stuck on discipline mode, and that wouldn’t allow him to go back to sleep now that he had seen the time. Also, there was his excitement. It felt a lot like the days when he and Genji would watch the sunrise before letting themselves into their father’s room, diving onto the poor man while screaming about Christmas presents. There was no way he was going to go back to sleep now. 

“Come on, Jesse!”

Moving off of the bed to stand next to it, he grabbed the other’s hand and began to pull, thinking of how the last time he had tried to wake this person, a gun had been aimed at his face. At least this time, the reaction was far less life threatening. 

“Just one more hour,” Jesse groaned as he was pulled into a sitting position. 

“No, no. It’s your own fault for staying up late,” Hanzo scolded as he got behind the sleepyhead and pushed him out of bed. 

“You wanted to do all that stuff too!” The complaints were still coming, but at the very least, the goal of getting the complainer out of bed had been accomplished.

Hanzo was amused as he steered him out of the bedroom and to the cup of coffee that was waiting for him at the counter. Sitting next to him, he picked up his tea and smiled, “Good morning.”

“Aww babe,” Jesse whined as he reached for the coffee. After a few gulps, the sleepy cowboy finally showed a smile. “Guess it is a good mornin’, wakin’ up with you here and all, even though you damn near pulled my arm out of the socket.”

Hanzo continued to smile, “Yes, I’m sorry, but now that you’re awake, we can go to breakfast! I was thinking I would like pancakes, but I don’t really know how to make them.”

“I can make those ones from the box, but I think we can find a place to get you some better ones.”

“Then finish your coffee and come shower with me.”

Showering with Jesse when the two of them had such a tendency to be handsy could be a dangerous game under time constraints, but getting up early had its advantages. Namely, it gave them plenty of time to play. Aside from a few kisses, though, they were actually fairly well behaved this morning. This was fine for Hanzo, who was telling the truth about having pancakes on the brain. His stomach growled every time stray thoughts of their golden deliciousness topped with strawberries and whipped cream entered his mind. The couple couldn’t get out of the penthouse fast enough.

“That coffee you made me this mornin’ was nice,” Jesse remarked once they were in the truck with the GPS programmed to direct them to the nearest pancake house. “What was it?”

Hanzo shrugged, “The same that you’ve been making. What was in the cabinet.”

“Really? Did you do something? Add something to it?”

Why was he not surprised that these were actual questions being asked? Smiling, he turned to look at his boyfriend, feeling fondness welling up within him, “I followed the instructions. Let me guess -- you never read them -- just dumped in any amount that looks correct?”

“You’re gettin’ to know me pretty well, darlin’!”

The GPS had found them a restaurant about twenty minutes away from the penthouse. Jesse parked the truck in a nearby garage, and then the two walked over from there. Once their food was served, Hanzo was a happy clam with a huge stack of pancakes and a side of bacon while Jesse got sausage, eggs, hashbrowns, and toast. Though he did enjoy cooking, it was nice to let someone else worry about it and the dishes afterward as well, since the latter meant more time with Jesse. When they finished eating, they were able to just pay and walk out hand in hand, heading on their adventure. 

Hanzo wanted to do more shopping, so they hit up a clothing store a short walk away. The first thing they did here was grab matching ball caps for the game. Then Hanzo began to look at button up shirts while Jesse wandered after him while texting with someone. 

That his boyfriend was a little preoccupied with whatever conversation he was having didn’t really bother Hanzo at first. This was how it was with his father, and likely how it would be once the eldest Shimada son took over the family. A few days of being able to give their undivided attention was more than anyone could ask. Business and opportunities still happened in the world around them, and men like Jesse and his father needed to be able to respond, even if it was with an empty threat that the reason for the interruption of time spent with loved ones had better be a good one.

Jesse was infinitely better at multitasking than Sojiro, at the very least. Though he seemed very engaged with whoever he was texting, he still took time between messages to smile at Hanzo or rub his shoulders and lean against him affectionately as reminders that he was still there and interested in being with him. When Hanzo found a shirt in light blue tartan, Jesse even put his phone away to look it over. 

“Yeah, I’d love to see that on you.”

“Really?” Hanzo smiled, having the feeling that he knew what the follow up to that statement would be.

“And then I wanna take it off, button by button.” 

And there it was, though Hanzo had imagined his boyfriend saying something a little more like ripping it off. He appreciated that the removal would be a careful one instead.

“Of course,” he smiled as he began to look for jeans to pair with the shirt. “Should we find something for you?”

Jesse shook his head, “I’d like to try avoidin’ it. Can’t ever go nowhere without comin’ back with more stuff than I left with. You know I had to borrow a whole ‘nother suitcase to go home from Japan?”

“You did?” Hanzo chuckled. 

“Mhm, I actually got that green yukata your brother showed me and this red one I liked and another one that your dad gave me ‘cause he said it reminded him of me. Then all the souvenirs and stuff I got.”

“Well that sounds about right. You’ll have to show me what piece my father gave you. I want to see it on you.”

“Oh man,” Jesse fanned his face. “I don’t know. Seems like I should be hangin’ it on a wall at the museum. I got it in my vault as it is.”

“You have a vault?”

“Mhm. Ain’t much in it yet, but it’s there.”

Hanzo found himself nodding appreciatively at this. He liked the idea of a man with a vault because that said to him that Jesse was someone who planned for the future. It also suggested that he didn’t exactly trust the people he dealt with, but Hanzo didn’t want to try unpacking that today. Right now, he just wanted to spend time with his boyfriend and buy things that the other would find sexy on him. When he found a leather jacket trimmed with tan fur, the look on Jesse’s face told him to definitely get it. 

“Let’s go get our hair done,” the cowboy remarked as they stepped out of the shop holding hands. This seemed out of the blue until Hanzo spotted a salon across the street. 

“Why?” he questioned even still. 

Jesse shrugged and smiled, “Why not? I could use a trim, and don’t it feel good when someone else washes your hair? Come on. I’ll pay.”

Jesse was right. Having someone else shampoo his hair felt amazing. As the girl worked her fingers through his hair and along his scalp, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax. Both young men got their ends trimmed and their hair blow dried out. When they were finished and looking in the mirror, it was almost like looking at two entirely different people. On the street, people kept giving them second glances, especially the women. 

“They’re looking at you, Zo.” Jesse teased him. “You look like some Japanese super model.”

“Stop it. I don’t,” Hanzo blushed and chuckled. But when a strong wind blew his hair into his face, he flipped it away and then turned to Jesse finding the other biting his lip

“Mm,” the cowboy remarked as he snapped a picture. “Damn. We better go put our stuff… which way was that garage again? You got me all distracted.”

The game started at 2, so after putting their shopping purchases in the truck, the two headed over to the stadium via subway and arrived just in time to huddle together in a large blanket with hotdogs and beer. Jesse insisted on taking a bunch of pictures, mostly of Hanzo, who couldn’t stop blushing at all the praise of how handsome he was with his hair free to blow in the wind. He really wanted his partner to enjoy this game, and so once everything got started, he tucked on his ball cap and pulled his hair back with an elastic band. 

For him, this was peak excitement. His father had been promising to take him to a MLB game for years, but it had never happened. Something always came up, and at least two of those incidents had been Genji related. Hanzo still wished he could have done this with Sojiro, but at least he could still enjoy today with a special someone. The trouble was his special someone didn’t find this game exciting at all. Throughout, Jesse kept looking at his phone and texting people. This led Hanzo to worrying that this was a mistake. In his mind, the last thing he could afford to be was boring when there was someone so charismatic waiting in the shadows to entertain and excite his boyfriend. It also bothered him that when he felt his lowest, his confident younger brother came to mind to compare himself to. He was even more bothered when he caught a glimpse of Jesse’s phone screen and saw his brother’s name as the recipient of a heart emoji. 

Why do I hate their friendship so much? 

He asked himself this as he slumped down a bit in his seat and watched a runner head for third base. 

I hate it. I hate knowing that their connection and bond began before my own with Jesse. I hate knowing that when I finally do something wrong, it will be Genji that he turns to. No one knows my flaws better. No one would be happier to see me unhappy…

The runner made it safely, but while everyone around him cheered, Hanzo could only sigh and sulk as he noted his boyfriend laughing at his phone again. All of his feelings of joy became replaced with bitterness as he turned his gaze back to the field. 

It shouldn’t be this way with brothers. One should not be glad to see the other fail, but here we are. I can’t say that I wasn’t happy to see the look on his face when he met Jongwoon. I tried to justify my pettiness, but Jesse did the thing I should have done —- he comforted my brother. An awful person such as myself does not deserve someone like Jesse…

In that moment, it was as if his boyfriend had read his mind. Jesse’s arm settled around him and his head dropped onto Hanzo’s shoulder with a yawn. “Sorry I’m not paying much attention. Tryn’a keep myself awake since someone wouldn’t let me sleep.”

“We can leave if you want,” Hanzo offered, mostly because he wanted to leave now. As much as he loved baseball, he was afraid that his insecurities would forever taint the memories of this day. 

“Nah, I just want you to enjoy yourself. Ain’t much point to comin’ out if we just leave, is there?”

“No, I suppose not,” Hanzo softly exhaled. “Thank you for putting up with this.”

“Well we should at least try things each other likes, right? Even if we don’t end up likin’ em too?”

Hanzo realized he hadn’t considered that this was what Jesse was trying to do for him, and now he felt silly. The fact that Jesse was sending his brother heart emojis still nagged at him, but he decided to stop being insecure long enough to enjoy his game with the person that kept melting away at his heart. 

“You’re right,” he smiled as he pulled the blanket around himself and Jesse. “And I haven’t forgotten that I owe you a Cowboys game.”

After the game, they took some time to visit the gift shop and then headed to a pizzeria near the parking garage. Over a large pepperoni pizza and a pitcher of beer, they enjoyed each other’s company and shared stories. Hanzo even started to forget about the earlier texts, as Jesse seemed to be done getting texts for now. 

With only a few slices left and their beer pitcher empty, the cowboy stood and stretched his lanky body. “Can you get us another round? I’mma go see a man about a horse.”

“Oh, I understand that one!” Hanzo’s face lit up. “You have to go pee!”

“God, you’re so fuckin’ cute,” his boyfriend remarked in a tone that sounded more like he was complimenting a steak on how tasty it looked rather than telling someone they were adorable. “Be right back, honeybee. You just stay cute.”

“Ridiculous,” Hanzo muttered to himself as he turned away to hide his blushing smile. He would have preferred to be called handsome, intelligent, or a delicious steak, but since it was Jesse saying it, he supposed he didn’t mind being called cute, so long as it didn’t happen too often.

After flagging down their waiter, he ordered another round of beer and then stretched out his legs to enjoy the ambience of the pizzeria. The scent of the place was what had drawn them in from the street. It smelled even better inside of the restaurant. Leaning back, he breathed in and then paused, disturbed by the sensation of their table vibrating. He looked at it just in time to see Jesse’s phone light up with a new text. After a breath, he reached for it, but then paused with his hand hovering over the device as the logical part of him spoke.

Don’t do it. You’re going to read something you don’t know the context of and then you’re going to over analyze it, as you do. Your whole night will be ruined, and just stop. Just breathe in more pizza smells. 

This was solid advice from his brain, and he almost listened too. But then two things happened. One, he saw Jesse come out of the bathroom and go to the front counter. The lanky cowboy leaned against it while talking and laughing with the girl behind it, which made Hanzo raise his brow. Two, Jesse’s phone vibrated again. 

If logic was a physical being, it would be rolling its eyes right now at the sight of Hanzo nervously drumming his fingers on the table. His heart was racing and he didn’t like the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hated himself for what he was thinking of doing enough to decide he wouldn’t if Jesse came back. But Jesse didn’t. Instead the cowboy went back to the bathroom with the girl from the counter. This left Hanzo to do what he knew he shouldn’t. Reaching over, he picked up the phone enough to read what he could from the notifications on the lock screen. 

“You can put those sexy lips of yours to use. I can think of several things you can do with your tongue too.”

He deserved this feeling of being punched in the stomach — it was a fair price to pay for snooping. But now that he had read what he had, what was he going to do, other than the obvious being miserable for the rest of the night? He couldn’t confront his boyfriend for what he’d read without admitting to what he’d done. His pride wouldn’t let him admit to being a snoop. How could he get onto someone about betraying his trust when he had done something that showed he had no trust to begin with? What could he say — that it was because of Genji?

Hanzo replaced the phone and then leaned back again, closing his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. Maybe it was too soon to feel the things he felt, anyway. Maybe what he needed to do was establish boundaries. Maybe what he needed was to rethink this entire thing through more thoroughly when Jesse wasn’t around to influence him. He wouldn’t get that chance, as Jesse came back just as their beer was being brought to the table. 

“Whoo, sorry about that babe,” the cowboy smiled. “Men’s room was outta hand soap.”

“I know,” Hanzo replied bitterly. “I saw you giggling with the counter girl.”

“I was just bein’ polite,” Jesse shrugged and continued to smile. “And I got us some free cannolis outta the deal. Should be up in a minute.”

Cannolis sounded nice. Sweet food in general sounded like what he needed. Leaving the conversation at that, he filled his glass with beer and downed it in several gulps. Then he reached for the pitcher, only to have it lifted away and more beer poured into his glass by his date. 

“Sweetheart, are you mad at me?” the brunette asked as he served him.

Hanzo looked away with an eye roll, “Why do you ask?”

“Cause while it’s all sweet between us now, let’s not forget that I have a lot of experience with unintentionally pissin’ you off.”

“It is nothing I want to talk about here,” Hanzo replied before lifting his glass to his lips. 

“Well, k then. I’ll get those cannolis to go and we’ll get outta here.”

Before he could be stopped, Jesse stood and sauntered over to the counter, this time keeping upright as he requested the dessert to be boxed up to go. When he returned, he had a white styrofoam box, which he sat on the table while he finished up his glass of beer. Then he gestured to his date.

“Well, come on.”

“You didn’t ask me if I was ready to leave yet,” Hanzo grumbled and took a sip of his beverage. He was in no hurry to talk about what was bothering him, especially because he hadn’t worked out how to put it into words yet. 

“I’m tellin’ you that I’m ready to leave,” Jesse picked up the box again. “Ain’t gonna sit here with you mad at me, even if I’m sure that I did somethin’ wrong. We’re gonna go talk about this like adults so we can move on with enjoyin’ our time together.”

Yes, talking would be the adult thing to do. The problem was, Hanzo was actually afraid of this conversation. He feared it would lead to a breakup, and as weak as it sounded even just in his head, he didn’t want that. Deep down, he knew that he was being a bit extra about all of this. There had to be some context to his brother’s words that he was missing. Hanzo was mostly bothered by the fact that he couldn’t think of what that would be. Even so, as Jesse took his hand and led him out of the pizzeria and back towards the parking garage where they had left the truck, Hanzo began to find himself doubting that Jesse would really mess around on him with Genji. Why would someone who put in the energy of dealing with Hanzo’s moods jeopardize what they were building together by shitting so close to home?

Things made sense when he thought of them that way, but his stupid insecure self kept going back to the heart emojis and the way Jesse kept smiling at his phone throughout whatever conversation he was having with the younger Shimada brother. Hanzo couldn’t let go of those words he’d read. Why would Genji say that?

If only I could read the r-… No. No. Reading things not meant for my eyes is why I am where I am now. Why did I do this to myself? Why do I keep looking for things that I am afraid of finding? Why am I like this?

Turning his body to stare out of the window as the city rolled by, the answer came to him.

Because if I know that it is coming, it will hurt less…

At least he was finally being honest with himself about his behavior, but that didn’t mean he knew how to change it or that he even wanted to. Buried under all of the anger and abrasiveness was a sensitive heart that he was doing his best to protect. The trouble was, he kept pushing away one of the few people that he had allowed into it. He didn’t want that, but he also didn’t want to fall deeply in love, only to learn that the heart he thought he been given in return actually belonged to someone else. 

Not again...

When they arrived at the penthouse, Jesse sat the dessert down on the coffee table and went off to the bedroom, leaving Hanzo alone to wonder if his boyfriend had changed his mind. Perhaps the dead silence they had rode home in had frustrated him. Either way, it was a mistake to leave Hanzo alone with dessert. He picked up the box, meaning to eat only one of the cannolis to soothe the poor mood that he was in. By the time Jesse returned to the living room and flopped on the couch in his pajamas, both cannolis were completely devoured. 

“Well, you’re gonna end up with a tummy ache,” the cowboy remarked as he picked up the remote to mute the TV. Once quiet was achieved, he turned to look at the dessert pig and took a breath. Then he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, uh, since you ate all that without savin’ me any, mind tellin’ me what’s goin’ on? I mean, I got a idea, but I don’t wanna go just guessin’ at things.”

Hanzo took a deep breath and put the empty box aside on the table. He then cast the other a guilty look, “I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to eat it all.”

“Well, that’s fine as long as you feel better. I just wanna talk about what happened now.”

At the very least, during the time he had been stuffing himself with cannolis, he had thought some more on how he should approach this. Meeting the other’s eyes, he spoke in a calm tone, “The flirting -- is it something I must learn to overlook?”

Jesse sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “Yeah, I thought it was that. Bein’ honest, I didn’t mean for it to come across that way, but I guess it did. She gave me her number in the bathroom.”

“She gave you her number?” Hanzo rose his brow and crossed his arms.

“Yeaaah,” the sheepish cowboy rubbed at the nape of his neck. “It was pretty awkward for me, but my own fault too. I’m not even aware I’m doin’ it apparently, but it’s no excuse. I’m sorry. I’ll behave myself better.”

Hanzo was surprised with how this was going, but he also felt emboldened. Keeping their gazes locked, he replied, “And so that means no more cuddling with Genji.”

“Oh,” Jesse replied as he reached up to fuss with his hair some more. “Yeah, I… guess I gotta stop that too…”

Why did he sound so disappointed?

“I never meant anything by it,” the cowboy went on, looking down and dropping his hand into his lap. “I never meant to make you think there was somethin’ goin’ on between us. I guess, lookin’ back on it, maybe that’s why you were mad at me all the time?”

“I…” Hanzo began, at first thinking that he would lie by saying no. But hearing the way Jesse was trying so hard to be honest with him, he felt that it was time for him to do the same. “Yes,” he spoke softly. “I was jealous. Every time I was sure that you were interested in me, something would happen with Genji that made me believe that things were happening between the two of you.”

“I’m sorry, Zo,” Jesse looked down at his hands. “I’m really sorry. I don’t know what else to say, ‘cept I’m dumb and I don’t deserve you.”

“No,” Hanzo reached out and guided his chin upwards so that they could look at each other again. “It was my own fault for not being open and honest with you. I just couldn’t believe that, given the option of being with Genji, you would choose me.”

“There was never a choice to make,” Jesse smiled as he reached out to caress the other’s cheek. “I was yours from the first time I saw you.”

Giggling like a schoolgirl was never Hanzo’s thing, and so he covered his face with a hand until the urge subsided. Then he pulled Jesse close to himself. “I should apologize to you as well. Up until this very conversation, I kept searching for reasons to doubt you because I was afraid of you breaking my heart.”

“I’d never,” Jesse answered, squeezing him tightly as the two fell backwards on the couch. “Jesus, specially not with Genji. I just kinda always wanted a little brother, but Dad and Papi ain’t exactly on the right side of the law to be adoptin’ these days, and I don’t think Papi wants to ruin his figure.”

Hanzo snorted at the joke and then took in a breath of happiness as he started to run his fingers through Jesse’s freshly trimmed hair. There was no doubting now that he had fallen in love, but he decided he would wait a little longer to declare it. For now, he had something else he wanted to talk about.

“Jesse, what are you doing for your birthday?”

“Gettin’ older,” the smartass replied and snorted. “Naw, I dunno. Nothin’, more than likely.”

“You’re doing something now. Come with me to Spain.”

“You serious?” The other asked with slight suspicion in his tone. “Cause I recall you not wantin’ me to before.”

“That was before,” Hanzo smiled and moved some of his boyfriend’s hair away to kiss his forehead. “Things have changed. All I want these days is to be with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, raise your hand if you watched Reunion and you're still screaming about it. I got so excited that I powered through this chapter and couldn't wait to put it up just so I could scream at you guys about finally getting a McCree short! Also, cute girl with a big gun -- did not see that coming. Lol, my poor Faye. That said, I don't really plan to involve Ashe in this right now, at least not until I get more of a feel for her. She might come up some time in the future or at the very least be referenced. Like a ton of fic writers, I am breathing the sigh of relief that the short didn't go too much into lore that I don't have to go back and change major things. Also this is an AU, and even so, there are hints that Jesse was still considered a leader of the gang or at the very least a founder? IDK how that works and it's up for debate, but I have AU shield anyway! ♥
> 
> PS. If you haven't gotten to watch it yet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKYVvPNhRR0


	16. Chocolate and Strawberries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for explicit sexual acts and angst. Lots of angst.

If he wasn’t careful, he could get too used to waking up in bed with a warm body in his arms. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the scents of Jesse’s hair — sweat and the shampoo that the salon had used yesterday. Then he exhaled as his fingers began to run along the bumps of the other’s spine. Sunlight that crept in through the curtains formed a rectangle of illumination on his lover’s sleeping face. Hanzo wouldn’t be as cliche as to compare it to that of an angel, especially because the cowboy was anything but. Still, as he looked down at him, he had to admit that this face took his breath away. 

The fact that this morning was especially cold made Hanzo want to get up even less. He did try once, only for his still sleeping boyfriend to mutter the word no as he curled himself up even more on Hanzo’s body. There seemed to be no way to escape without waking the sleepy cowboy, and so what ended up happening was that Hanzo nodded off and woke up again at the sound of his name being called. 

Groggy himself, he replied, “Yes? Are you awake now?” only to be met with silence. Shifting his body, he looked down to confirm that the other was sleep talking again. 

Jesse was probably dreaming about him — such a thought made his boyfriend’s face turn beet red . What if it was a naughty dream? Well then, he would just have to make that dream into a reality, wouldn’t he? Of course, Jesse would have to wake up first. 

Nature was calling, but it was not so urgent that Hanzo would want to interrupt what could be a sexy dream. Instead, he let himself drift in and out of a light doze as time got away from him. 

If we ever live together, we’re going to be late for everything… 

This is what Hanzo thought to himself as he woke for a final time to the comforting weight of Jesse’s body on top of his. Smiling, he started to run his fingers along his boyfriend’s lower back, and was surprised by a yawn. 

“You finally up?” Jesse asked at the tail end. 

“Finally?” Hanzo repeated with an amused huff. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up this entire time and falling asleep again each time because you won’t let me leave.”

“That’s fair,” his lazy lover replied as he shifted so that he could trace circles against Hanzo’s chest with his finger. “I had a dream about you.”

“Was it a dirty dream?”

“Huh,” Jesse snorted. “Went pretty quick from not bein’ sure I liked you to bein’ sure you’re the man of my dreams, didn’t you?”

“You’re one of the few men I’ve met lately that has good taste,” Hanzo chuckled as his fingers trailed up to begin stroking the deep brown strands of hair that covered his lover’s head. 

“You said I had bad taste,” Jesse reminded him. 

“In clothes. Not in men.”

“I know you dig cowboys. You don’t have to pretend for my sake, darlin’.”

Hanzo playfully scoffed at him, “The cowboy look isn’t the problem. It’s your not cowboy fashion that needs work. I wasn’t into that look you had in New Mexico when we went to the food trucks.”

“Those were good times.” The way Jesse sighed, one would think they were old men now and that outing had taken place in their long ago youth. In some ways, it did feel as though the New Mexico trip had taken place a long time ago. A lot had changed since then, and surely there would be even more changes to follow as time went on. But at least the changes for now had been pleasant. It was nice to be cuddled up with someone he had wanted to strangle only a couple of months ago, teasing him about the way he dressed himself when he wanted to blend in. 

“So you gonna pick my clothes for me then?” Jesse smiled, closing his eyes and yawning again afterward. “Guess every relationship’s gotta have one partner that does it.”

“No,” Hanzo shook his head. “I want you to pick your own clothes, but do a better job of it.”

“Aww, you’re so mean to me, darlin’,” nuzzling into Hanzo, the cowboy continued to smile. “Don’t know why I put up with it.”

“It turns you on,” this was the first answer to come to mind, and it did not go unappreciated. 

“Mm,” Jesse said as he moved his lips to the other’s neck and kissed. “You got me. When we do it, instead of talkin’ dirty, can you whisper in my ear that I dress like trash?”

They chuckled together and then Hanzo gave an apologetic kiss to the top of the other’s head. “I need to get up.”

“Yeah, ok,” Jesse said as he rolled himself onto the bed with a flop. “I’ll get up too . I mean, I got no problem with us stayin’ in bed all day, but there’s some stuff I wanna do.”

“Like what?” Hanzo asked curiously as he sat up on the edge of the bed. 

After he slid himself closer, Jesse’s arm snaked around Hanzo’s body and began to rub at the morning wood to be found in the black silk shorts that the Japanese young man had slipped into. 

“Like,” he began as he started to kiss along the other’s back, “You ever watched any shows that take place in New York?” 

Nature was about to knock the door down at this point, but her host found himself spreading his thighs a little wider for Jesse’s touch. This could probably lead to a mess either way, so he was determined to get up, but first, he wanted to hear his boyfriend out. Because he hadn’t watched any of the indicated shows, he shook his head and gently put his hand on top of the other’s meaning to stop him. 

“I like shows like that,” Jesse spoke in between back kisses. “Like ones where they solve crimes in New York and stuff. Anyway, they always go to a hotdog stand, so I was hoping’ we could try to find one today for lunch and there’s this other place I was thinkin’ we could go since you ate all the cannolis last night.”

“Ok, we can do those things,” Hanzo agreed as he gently took Jesse’s hand away from his crotch. “First, I have to go to the bathroom. You can continue when I come back if you want.”

“Mm, sounds good,” Jesse agreed as he rolled onto his back. “Hurry!”

Hanzo definitely tried, but he decided while he was in the bathroom, he might as well brush his teeth so that he would not be assaulting Jesse with morning breath, and after doing that, he decided to wash his face and brush his hair as well. When he finally finished and returned to the room, he expected to find a naked cowboy waiting in bed for him. Instead, the bed was empty and he could hear noises coming from the kitchen. 

“Changed his mind, I suppose,” Hanzo remarked as he pulled on a robe before heading to join the other. 

In the kitchen, he found Jesse pouring water into the coffee maker. As he sat at the counter, he remarked to the cowboy, “I thought you wanted to continue.”

“I did, trust me,” Jesse smiled as he shut the lid of the coffee maker and turned it on. Then he started to add water to the tea kettle. “I got a call, though, and so I came in here and decided might as well get our mornin’ beverages started while I was talkin’ and we could screw around after. Then I saw the time, and that made it make sense why I’m hungry. I don’t like doin’ it on an empty stomach. So I guess can we mess around later?”

“I’m fine with that,” Hanzo smiled and rubbed at his own muscled abs. “Now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m famished myself. What time is it?”

“12:30,” Jesse answered. 

“Hm,” That was pretty late, but not surprising. They had been robbing each other of sleep quite a bit this trip. “That was a fast call, though. Is everything alright?”

“Oh yeah, just fine,” Jesse nodded. “It was just a heads up that someone wanted to talk to me bout a job, but I already relayed the message that I ain’t available right now.”

Hanzo frowned at this, “You’re not declining work because of me are you?”

“Nah,” Jesse waved his hand and leaned against the counter, giving Hanzo a full view of his body. His sexy cowboy had put on shorts, but only shorts, so Hanzo’s eyes traveled down the brown flesh of the V leading to an area he wanted to get his hands on. Better to just look at the other’s eyes, he decided as his boyfriend went on. “The people callin’ me know they’re gonna have to work with my timeline if they want me. You’re the only one I’ll ever jump up and move things around for, but don’t go spreadin’ that around. Folks might get jealous.”

“Somewhat on that topic, Jesse,” Hanzo began and then awkwardly poked at the counter. “About your gang… aside from Faye… I mean… how should I act?”

“Me likin’ men ain’t a secret, I don’t think,” Jesse shrugged and then turned to get two mugs. Coming to the island counter, he put a teabag in one and then turned back to check on the coffee pot. “Honestly, don’t think the gang cares who I go to bed with so longs we’re makin’ money. In fact, pretty sure if they knew it would make us more money, they’d have a suggestion list of people for me to screw.”

“Do you only like men?” Hanzo asked out of curiosity. 

The kettle was done now, and Jesse brought it over to pour water over the teabag. He shrugged, “I’ve only ever done fooled around with men, but I like to think I’m open to everybody when it comes to love. I just want to mean somethin’ more to somebody than bein’ a warm hole and a hard cock, you know?”

“Yes,” Hanzo smiled as he played with the tag on his teabag. “That’s how I feel.”

“Though, all that said, I really like messin’ around with you. Touching you… feeling you touch me…”

“This is why we never get any sleep,” Hanzo blushed and looked away from the other’s devious smirk. But now it was on his mind. The taste of Jesse’s lips. The feeling of his body against his. Those deep, low moans of his name. Fussing with his hair a bit, he replied, “Don’t talk about it if you don’t want to do it now.”

“You’re right. I’l behave,” the reply was heard over the sound of pouring coffee. “And I’ll make it up to you tonight.”

They changed the subject to television shows, which felt safer, while they finished their beverages. Then they got dressed and headed out on a walk to try to find a hotdog stand. While they were searching, they did some light shopping and enjoyed each other’s company. 

The last place they tried was the park, and they were in luck. The man running the mobile hotdog stand had the typical New York accent and wore a cabbie hat from which salt and pepper grey hair peeled out from underneath — just as Jesse had described from one of his shows. 

Once they had food, they settled down together on a bench to watch the joggers. 

“So, do you like women?” Jesse asked.

“Back on that subject?” Hanzo shrugged, “I don’t know. Honestly, I’ve never been with one or tried to either. I had all of my sexual experiences with a boy a few years ago.”

Jesse nodded as he bit into a potato chip. It was funny that the reserved young man that was Hanzo would have hated this before, but he was surprisingly fine with it when Jesse began to speak with his mouth full. “I guess it was more confusin’ for you? I kinda always knew— I mean I had a lot of crushes on boys, but I told you that.”

“So did I,” Hanzo confessed, feeling a little lighter. He had never really talked about these things with anyone, especially not Genji. It felt so good to have this conversation with someone who would understand. “I had a crush on one of my tutors and some… rather dirty thoughts of things I wanted to do with him, but I tried to bury those thoughts because I was always told that I needed to marry a woman and produce an heir to the clan.”

He paused her to bite his hotdog and chew, as well as to appreciate the taste. It had been a long walk just to find a stand, but it was worth it so that he could enjoy good food and even better company while they discussed his past bad luck with love. 

“I went to one of my father’s parties once and met another boy who was next in line, like myself. We talked a lot about the pressures of being the eldest son, and I really felt he understood me.” When he paused, his listener nodded and swallowed some soda while keeping his eyes fixed on the storyteller’s face. It was almost too embarrassing to be telling a story like this, but in the interest of finally speaking of these things with someone that he felt would understand, he continued. “Of course, one thing led to another and… well… That was when it became hard for me to deny my...interests. But, I thought it was a phase that I would grow out of, especially when it ended in my heart being broken.”

“I’m… sorry, Zo,” Jesse said, scooting closer to him. “I hate to think of that… of someone breakin’ your heart. I never wanna see you hurt.”

“Hm…” Hanzo spoke quietly as many thoughts came to the surface. Pushing most of them away, he decided to focus on his boyfriend. “What about you? What happened with the boy you were with?”

“I don’t...wanna go into details…,” Jesse shifted uncomfortably. “But I guess let’s just say because of what happened, it made me hesitant about bein’ with other people. In fact, I have to admit you’re the first person I’ve been with since then. I feel like you would never…”

“Jesse… what…” Hanzo began after the pause stretched on, only to be cut off. 

“Come on, let’s change the subject! We’re together now, and I’m gonna have all your babies.”

“What?!” Surprised by this silly statement, Hanzo laughed and shook his head. “The world needs to be thankful for that being impossible. Could you imagine our children?”

“Genji said that too. That we’d make horrible babies, but I dunno. I think our babies would be cute! Tiny little cowboy ninjas, Zo! And I’d quit the gang to be a stay at home dad, and we could live a quiet life on a farm.”

“You want to live on a farm,” Hanzo chuckled, putting his free arm around him as his boyfriend shifted to put his head on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, why not? A bunch of horses and chickens and lots of other animals, and me and you and all our baby cowboy ninjas, and a cornfield. If things get bad, let’s run away to a farm, Zo.”

“Ok,” Hanzo chuckled and kissed his forehead. “We’ll run away to a farm and have baby cowboy ninjas.”

It was a cute joke between them to lighten the weight of the moment, but Hanzo still felt like there were bricks in his stomach. The thought of someone hurting Jesse made him want to gather the taller young man into his arms and hold him until all things hurtful ceased to exist. At the very least, he could be there now for him, making him smile by playing along with his silly games. That’s what he wanted to do most, he realized. Making his boyfriend smile and laugh felt good. 

When they finished eating, Jesse glanced at his phone and then grabbed Hanzo by the wrist, excitedly pulling him away from the bench, “Come on. We got a ferry to catch!”

And here was yet another reason to do his best to bring joy to this wonderful person in his life -- anything could become an exciting adventure with Jesse. They were only going to a bakery to get sweets (though they really didn’t need more, in Hanzo’s opinion), but this involved Jesse taking him on his first bus ride ever. Using public transportation was something that Hanzo would have never thought of doing back home. He didn’t even know how it worked because he had never needed to. Even here, a quick call could get them a car to wherever they wanted to go, but it was more fun to do things his cowboy’s way. It also allowed him to appreciate how resourceful the young American boy was.   
While following the GPS on his phone, he led the way for several blocks before they arrived at the right bus stop in front of a deli. They waited here about fifteen minutes before the bus arrived, and then Jesse paid for them to ride while Hanzo clung to his arm, feeling nervous at the idea of them becoming separated. Thankfully, they found a seat together on the packed bus. Once they were settled, Jesse gave him a thin, colorful card with a black stripe at the top. 

“Don’t lose that, darlin’. That’s your bus pass.”

“Oh, ok,” Hanzo said as he carefully tucked it into one of his coat pockets. 

Along the route, the bus continued to collect more people. A lot of them were having loud conversations, and someone was coughing their head off. Yes, this was definitely not something he would enjoy without the person by his side. Jesse had agreed to let him have the window seat, and so he looked out while holding the other’s hand. In a lot of ways, the scenery that rolled by reminded him of one of the bigger cities of his home country with how busy and full of the strange and interesting characters the streets were. Mixed among the regular people were superheroes and cartoon characters, but his favorite by far was spotted when they came to a stop at a red light. 

Pointing out of the window, he exclaimed, “Look, Jesse! He’s a better cowboy than you!”

When Jesse looked out and snorted, Hanzo knew that he had spotted the blonde man wearing nothing but a cowboy hat, a guitar, boots, and a white speedo that read in red letters on the butt, “Naked Cowboy”. 

“He better than me cuz he naked?” With the southern accent, the word ‘naked’ sounded more like ‘nekkid’, which amused Hanzo even more. While he had his chuckle, his the clothed cowboy moved closer to speak into his ear, “I can do something about that tonight. Bet I can get even more nakeder than him.”

“I bet you can,” Hanzo smirked as his neck was nuzzled into. 

“How is he not freezin’ his tits off?” Jesse asked as the bus started rolling again. 

“I don’t know but I’ll be sure the suite is nice and warm tonight. For the sake of your tits.”

\------------------------

The last stop on the route was at a station that was filled with buses everywhere and people scrambling about to catch them. As they stepped out into the huge crowd, Hanzo once again clutched at the taller boy’s arm. Jesse led the way towards the riverfront, where they found several ticket booths and kiosks. While he waited for Jesse to complete the purchases, Hanzo looked around and spotted a sign that he pointed out to his lover once they both had ferry passes in hand. 

“Jesse, can we do that?”

“A two hour riverboat cruise, huh?” His partner read aloud. “Well, tonight I want you to myself, but we could do it tomorrow night for dinner. Anyway, come on, honeybee. Ferry time!”

Being from Japan, Hanzo was used to ferries, which were used to travel from island to island. This ride was across the river was short, but memorable because of who he was with, of course. But really, the most excitement of it was passing the flock of seabirds on a rocky islet. 

The dock they exited at was flanked by apartment buildings and was currently occupied by two river boats. There was also a stand where Hanzo got them two bottles of water for a price that his boyfriend called highway robbery. 

“It’s just a short walk from here, darlin’” Jesse promised as he once again took Hanzo’s hand and they started to walk away from the docks. “Are you tired?”

“Not really,” Hanzo shook his head. “Mostly thirsty, but I think I’ll sleep well tonight. I’ve never been out in the public this much.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry you were shut in a lot…” 

Hearing the sympathetic tone, Hanzo smiled a little, “Well, aside from walking to the coffee and ramen shop sometimes, I never got to experience things like this. Going on a bus and a ferry and to the park to eat hot dogs… I feel… like a real person. Thank you for taking me places, Jesse.”

“Aww, Zo,” the couple moved out of the walkway and into a storefront, where the shorter of the two was wrapped in the loving arms of his boyfriend and tenderly kissed. When they broke for air, Jesse looked down at him while they stood holding each other at the waists. “I wanna go around Japan like this some time too. Can we?”

Hanzo frowned and gently pulled away, “I don’t know, Jesse. I don’t know if it can be exactly like this. I worry less about being seen here…”

“I understand,” Jesse replied softly as he took Hanzo’s hand again. “It ain’t fair, though. Your father don’t care who Genji dates.”

“Welcome to what I’ve been saying my whole life,” Hanzo found himself chuckling. “That it isn’t fair that my brother gets to do what he wants when he wants, while my whole life has been studying, training, and preparing. I will only have such freedom when I’m head of the clan, but I am in no rush for that for obvious reasons.”

“Oh...yeah…” Jesse replied softly.

“Well, it doesn’t always happen the way you’re thinking,” Hanzo assured him with a little squeeze of his hand. “My father took over when my grandfather became too ill to work. If my father for some reason becomes incapable, I will take over without the need for his passing.”

“I hope that’ll be the case, that he becomes incapable,” Jesse began and then rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, that sounds horrible now that I think of it.”

“Not at all,” Hanzo shook his head. “This is the life of the Shimada clan. What others call horrible is sometimes the best that we can hope for.”

“Well, offer’s still on the table,” Jesse smirked. “Run away and start a corn farm.”

“Do you know how to grow corn?” Hanzo asked, smiling at their reflection as they passed another store front.

“Nah, but we’re pretty smart. We can learn.”

Hanzo thought to himself that if he had a farm, he would rather grow tea, but in his mind, it wasn’t worth discussion. It was just a game. He wouldn’t really consider running away with Jesse or anyone because his family was his life, and it was all he knew, though he was having new experiences all the time. 

The shop they walked into smelled like heaven, or at least how he imagined heaven would smell; tscent of baked goods was definitely a part of that. With such a long line, he was given quite a while to just breathe in and appreciate the scent of guilty pleasures. According to someone ahead of them, this was a slow day. He couldn’t imagine what a busy day looked like, but at least he didn’t feel as rushed to make decisions when their turn came. 

The big display cases that the line moved in front of were filled with all kinds of desserts, and on the walls behind the cases were beautifully decorated dummy cakes in display cabinets. He didn’t think they could or should get an entire cake, but his mouth watered at the thought of a pretty strawberry shortcake. When his eyes fell on the tartes, which were covered in glistening berries, it took all of his discipline not to drool all over the floor. An entire tarte might be a bit much, he decided and moved behind Jesse to let him choose. 

“I’d like four cannolis, four lobster tails, a dozen chocolate covered strawberries and,” he paused and poked at Hanzo. “See anything you want?”

He wanted everything, that was the problem! Some of these desserts, didn’t have names for, let alone the capacity to digest as many as were available. Stepping forward, Hanzo once again considered his options before deciding to go with something simple. He pointed to a tray of several round cheesecakes about the size of his fist, each one topped with strawberries and drizzled with strawberry glaze. 

“Ooh individual cheesecakes,” Jesse approved of his choice. “Two of those please.”

Their choices were packed into two flat white boxes and then rung up. Hanzo reached for his wallet when they got the total, but Jesse beat him, producing a credit card with a name on it that was definitely not Jesse McCree. He thought it better not to ask whose card it was, though he was now trying to remember if this was the first time he’d seen Jesse use it. He supposed he shouldn’t worry that much since it wasn’t declined, which meant no one would be calling the cops, but this did remind him again that his boyfriend was a bonafide delinquent. Everything in Hanzo’s wallet was legit, which he supposed came with the privilege of being born into a wealthy crime family as opposed to one that was just making its name. He pondered this a bit on the walk and ferry ride back, but once they were on the bus with the boxes stacked on Jesse’s lap the cowboy poked him. 

“You’re being quiet. Like more than usual.”

“Just thinking about things,” Hanzo replied.

“You know what I think? You think too much.”

Hanzo smiled right up until the moment their lips joined. It was a brief exchange followed by a longer kiss that promised better things to come. Hanzo turned his body slightly, but those boxes were in the way of his goal of getting closer to Jesse. Luckily their stop came up soon. Once they were off the bus, they kissed once more and then started back towards the penthouse. 

When they got in and got their coats off, Hanzo began going through his purchases while Jesse grabbed a big blanket and spread it on the living room floor. He turned the TV on to a movie and then flopped down in the middle of the blanket with the boxes of junk. Seeing him, Hanzo smiled and turned off the lights. Then he joined Jesse on the blanket. 

“Is this dinner, then?”

“Might as well,” his smirking boyfriend shrugged. “How often do you get to just pig out on desserts?”

“Not at all,” Hanzo replied as he opened one of the boxes.

The inside was filled with the chocolate covered strawberries, which filled the air around them with the scent of sin. Jesse picked up one and bit it in half. Then he held the half that was left to Hanzo’s lips. Closing his eyes, Hanzo took a purposefully slow bite, letting his lips slide along the other’s fingers. While barely done chewing, he felt his lover’s lips briefly touch his and then pull away. Blushing, he opened his eyes and removed the lid from the other box.

“What movie is this?” He questioned as he picked up one of the small cheesecakes and then offered the first bite to his companion.

“Dunno,” Jesse shrugged before biting, and then continued with his mouth full. “Never put anything on I wanna watch when you’re around. I’m just gonna get distracted lookin’ at you.”

“Why do you say things like that?” Hanzo’s face continued to heat up and he averted his eyes in the sudden hope that there were napkins left over on the nearby coffee table. There weren’t. He meant to get up to find them, but he made the mistake of allowing his gaze to meet Jesse’s, and so he continued in the tone of someone who is falling into a trance, “You talk as though I need to be told that I’m pretty…”

“I don’t think you need to,” Jesse shrugged as he leaned back with a lobster tail. “I just like flirtin’ with you and seein’ you blush.”

Hanzo was giving Jesse just the reaction he wanted to see, and it was true about the movies. They had attempted to watch several this entire trip, but never ended up finishing them. Whatever it was they had going on now was being watched by no one because they were too busy watching each other.

The two of them finished the cheesecake together, followed by Jesse’s lobster tail. Grabbing another, Hanzo bit into and then noticed his lover giving him a look that triggered more furious blushing. 

As the cowboy leaned in, he spoke in a low voice, “Oh, you got a little…” Instead of finishing his sentence, he stuck his tongue out and trailed it up Hanzo’s face along the corner of his mouth. Then he slipped his tongue between the surprised, yet pleased young man’s slightly parted lips, kissing him as Hanzo put both arms around him, one hand still holding dessert as he pulled the cowboy closer and laid back against the blanket. 

Hanzo wasn’t wearing that tartan shirt he’d just purchased, thank goodness. He would have had complaints later about the way that Jesse tugged and clawed at it instead of undoing the buttons like a civilized person would. While the other worked, Hanzo presented the lobster tail for him to bite and followed with a kiss. The button holes were stressed by the way that Jesse pulled and forced the shirt apart. He got about halfway before completely ripping the thing off and tossing it. Then he began to move his thumbs in circular motions along the darkened skin of Hanzo’s nipples while licking up the center of his chest. 

Closing his eyes, Hanzo let out a deep breath and then gasped as one of the roughened pads that made up Jesse’s thumb was removed and replaced with teeth. Something cold was placed on the center of his chest, and when he felt a substance being smeared, he guessed that it was either chocolate or cream from one of the pastry treats. Whichever it was, Jesse’s burning hot tongue slipped up his body from navel to neck, cleaning up the mess he’d made and ensuring it was gone with slow kisses. Next, he felt something being placed on his navel, and when he looked, Jesse was nibbling on a strawberry placed there while starting to undo his fly. 

“Jesse,” Hanzo began, only to be shushed. 

His lover didn’t even have the patience to pull Hanzo’s pants away from his body. Instead, he reached inside to pull out his cock, immediately sinking his mouth on it when it was free. Though he had been shushed, Hanzo couldn’t help but call his lover’s name as he moaned and grasped for the now messy brown hair. The suction was almost more than he could stand as Jesse’s mouth slid up and down his length. Just when he thought he could take no more, the hot mouth was taken away with a wet slurp and then an equally heated tongue licked up the length while Jesse’s rough thumb was used to spread open the dribbling eye of Hanzo’s cock and smear the clear fluid out all over the head. 

Normally Hanzo was not one to play with food, but he was not going to tell Jesse to stop, especially when this most sensitive organ in the other’s grasp was smeared with cream from one of the pastries. Was it cannoli cream or lobster tail cream? Did it matter?

Squeezing his eyes shut as he gripped the blanket in a fist, he let out a string curses as Jesse licked up the side of his shaft and then sucked the rigid skin. Again, he experienced warmth and wetness settling over his tormented member, and he couldn’t help but reach for Jesse’s hair and thrust up while cursing and moaning. 

They were getting used to each other’s bodies, which was good, in Hanzo’s opinion. Only a few days earlier, he wouldn’t have felt bold enough to fuck Jesse’s mouth, but as the cowboy finally began tugging his jeans down, he abandoned all nicety and did just that. This felt amazing, but his mind wandered to more. He wanted to put Jesse on his back with those long cricket legs of his up in the air and then plow into the hole that wasn’t his sweet mouth. He imagined the cowboy riding him in one of those tartan shirts opened to reveal his chest, which would be covered in all kinds of love bites. It was too much. 

“Jesse, I’m…” he began, but it was all he could manage before thrusting deep into Jesse’s mouth and letting go. 

For a few moments, he was stuck with his back arched and his pelvis raised against Jesse’s mouth. Then he dropped back to the floor panting and with the sensation of something crunching and then squishing against his back. That lobster tail. How did it end up back there?

He barely had time to think of it because Jesse was crawling up his body and kissing him. The cream that was in his lover’s mouth definitely didn’t come from a pastry. He had tasted this once before with another partner, so he didn’t complain about swallowing what Jesse had left for him. 

While they kissed, Jesse’s hips swiveled against his own, and Hanzo grabbed two handfuls of the other’s ass, squeezing and lifting. As Hanzo massaged and kneaded, their tongues danced and wrestled against each other, and Hanzo found sweet remnants of pastry cream and the bitterness of his own brand. Now he began to tug at Jesse’s belt, his fingers somehow forgetting how these things worked. Somehow, he managed, and when he found himself with enough room, his fingers explored as far in as they could go, teasing as much as he could touch of the entrance that had gone untouched by him until now.

“Hanzo,” Jesse whispered, closing his eyes. 

Rolling his body so that he was now on top of Jesse, he began to quickly rid the other of clothing. He was spent, but he had fingers and a mouth, and as soon as Jesse’s skin was bare, he moved his attention to the best place to tease that he knew -- that sensitive area that contains a strip of flesh that looks like a seam traveling between a man’s sack and his hole. He kissed it first, making it slow, sweet, and torturous. Then he trailed his tongue along it in a motion that was equally slow. 

“Oh fuck, Hanzo. I never thought you would…” Whatever Jesse was going to say was cut off by a moan as Hanzo continued his upward trail and then sucked in some of the skin of his sack. “Fuck,” Jesse gasped.

Taking his mouth away, Hanzo began to use just his hand on his lover’s until now ignored hardness, sitting up to look at Jesse. There was no denying that this was a sight he liked to see -- his lover squirming and moaning, faced flushed, eyes closed, and mouth hung open. In normal conversation, he was almost demure when it came to sexual situations, but Hanzo found that once he got started, it was like a whole other side came out of him -- a side that liked to be in control -- a side that wouldn’t mind hearing his lover beg. This side of himself was fine with taking some of that cream on his fingers and smearing it with painfully slow motions along Jesse’s taint and to his hole. He dared push a finger inside and was delighted with the whine as the other arched his back from the floor. 

“Ah, Zo… please…” 

There it was, and he had barely done anything to get to this point. He couldn’t help but smirk as he settled his body on top of Jesse’s, mostly to keep him from moving too much while he worked a second finger inside of him. Moving them back and forth, he put his lips against the other’s neck, but instead of kissing him, he breathed out hot air against it and asked, “Please what?”

“Don’t stop,” Jesse panted. “Please don’t stop.”

How far could this go, Hanzo wondered as he kissed down the other’s neck to his chest and sank his teeth into his nipple. Jesse arched up again and let out a whimper that shot signals straight to Hanzo’s dick. He didn’t think he could get it up again so soon, though, and there was the fact that he usually liked to be a little safer than this. But there was nothing wrong with a little teasing to get them both in the mood for something a little different. With a little more dessert cream between them, rubbing on each other would be a fun, messy affair -- the one time he wouldn’t mind getting absolutely filthy, for sure. 

Sitting up between Jesse’s legs, he rubbed a single hand up the tightened muscles of his abdomen and then back down again to grasp the swollen length with its almost purple head. “You’re cute like this,” he teased while slowly moving his hand up and down and twisting. 

“God, you act like you’ve never done this before, but look what you’re doin’ to me! Fuck!” Jesse’s cheeks were like two tomatoes now and his chest was rapidly rising and falling as he looked up at Hanzo with an expression that could be mistaken for anger. But Hanzo was experienced enough to know what a look like this meant -- he was the one in control. 

“I told you I’m not innocent, my sexy Jesse,” he chuckled at the other, feeling himself becoming aroused again. “There’s a time and place for everything. Now is the time and place.”

“I don’t even know what the fuck you’re talking about right now,” Jesse whined as he closed his eyes and covered his face. “This is so embarrassin’...”

“Do you want me to stop?” Hanzo asked, taking his hand away.

“No! No, fuck!” Jesse cursed sitting up quickly and tackling Hanzo. 

“Oh, you just want a little control,” Hanzo chuckled as his body was met with the soft blanket below. Something else squished beneath him, and he spared a passing thought for the fact that they were definitely going to have to throw this blanket in the wash. Hopefully Jesse knew how to work the machine, because he had never done laundry in his life. 

“Fuck you,” Jesse cursed, blushing as he sat up straddling Hanzo. 

“Is that what you want?” Hanzo asked, looking up at his lover. Maybe he had pushed a little too far? Great, now he was starting to second guess himself, and that would lead to him slipping out of this role and back to his demure self. He didn’t want to hurt or scare Jesse, but maybe all of this was too much too soon? It was obviously surprising to have Hanzo suddenly acting this way. Heck, he was even surprised with himself, but not too surprised. To borrow a phrase Jesse might say, this was definitely not his first rodeo.

The cowboy didn’t answer verbally, instead he attempted to silence the other with a kiss while grinding his hips. Well, he clearly wanted something, but surprisingly, Jesse was the one being shy about this. Though he was playing at being the one in charge here, Hanzo realized that he needed to step back and let Jesse dictate how this was going to go. He was fine with pretty much anything at this point, but if Jesse really did want to fuck him, he was going to insist they put this on hold and find a drugstore first. That could work out well because it would give him a little more time to wind down from his first orgasm so that he could really enjoy what his lover had to offer. 

They kissed more with Hanzo stroking Jesse’s back. When Jesse began wriggling his lower half, Hanzo got a better idea of what he wanted and gently stroked along his backside before inserting his finger again. 

“Yes,” Jesse whispered with his lips against Hanzo’s. 

While kissing him, Hanzo continued to move his finger back and forth and Jesse wriggled into it as warm fluid dribbled onto Hanzo’s body. Feeling sure that Jesse was enjoying himself, he added a second finger and drew an appreciative moan from his flush faced partner. 

“H-Hanzo?” the other called.

“Yes?”

“Am I still cute?”

“Always,” Hanzo said, craning his neck upwards to kiss him more deeply. 

He shifted his body and Jesse moved with him, so that the flustered cowboy ended up lying back against the blanket. With a sigh, he let his arms drift above his head and he spread his legs open, waiting. Hanzo took this as a good sign as he sat up looking for more cream. A lobster tail would be fine for this. He held it to Jesse’s lips, letting him bite it first and then took a bite of his own. Then he scooped up the filling with his fingers and spread it along Jesse’s taint again before settling with his head between the other’s legs to clean it up. 

“Tease,” Jesse breathed out. 

“Indeed,” Hanzo said before kissing him in this forbidden place. Sitting up again so that he knelt in between the other’s legs, he looked down at him and then leaned over to trail kisses along his stomach. Now was the time to do what he had imagined, and so he positioned himself. He meant only to rub against Jesse as a tease more to himself than anything because that drugstore run was still on his mind. What happened was that Jesse felt more of a poke than intended, though it was against his taint instead of his hole. It must have been close enough. 

With a gasp, the cowboy shot up and was halfway across the blanket in a blink. 

“Jesse, I’m sorry,” Hanzo immediately apologized. “I wasn’t going to… are you ok?”

As the other nodded, Hanzo crawled over and put his arms around him. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to…”

“It’s ok,” Jesse smiled, but Hanzo could feel him trembling in his arms.

“Let’s stop,” he suggested, feeling more worried about Jesse than he was turned on at this point. 

“No, it’s ok! I-I was just surprised. I can do it if you want to. Let’s do it.”

“Is that what you want, Jesse?” Hanzo asked, hugging him. He wasn’t surprised at all when Jesse shook his head. 

“I’m sorry,” Jesse said softly. “I don’t want to stop. Just… not that… I’m not ready yet. I’m sorry…”

Hanzo spoke firmly as he gently took the other’s face, “Stop apologizing to me. I don’t want to hurt you or scare you, and right now, I’m not sure I’m in the mood to continue. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“I’m ok,” Jesse insisted. “I just got nervous, is all. You know I’ve only had one lover before you. Gotten a couple blowies and handsies, but I don’t know if that counts as lovers or anything. It wasn’t like… intimate, you know? It was just gettin’ off. It wasn’t like this. And… you know what you’re doin’ more than I thought you did and I… I’m like not even a whole hand’s worth of times away from bein’ a virgin. I’m sorry… I just... acted cool and like I really knew what’s what. I just do stuff I see in porn.”

“It’s ok, Jesse,” Hanzo spoke softly to his now slumping boyfriend. He really needed him to know this because it was beginning to sound too much like Jesse was going to cry, and that was the last thing Hanzo wanted. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if that happened. “If I’m ever moving too fast, you have to tell me to slow down. Remember how you made me promise to talk to you about why I’m mad at you if I’m mad? Please promise me that you won’t do something with me that you’re not ready for.”

“I promise,” Jesse smiled a little, as he gingerly reached for Hanzo’s hand and put it between his legs. “Here, just finish me, please, ok? I’ve been in the mood to fool around all day, and I know for sure that I like it when you touch me.”

“Come here,” Hanzo said before pulling him into a kiss. While their tongues gently caressed each other, he used his hand to gently stroke Jesse until he finished with a soft moan. 

They both flopped down on their messy blanket, and Jesse sighed, “So there you go. You’ve got your naked cowboy.”

“Doesn’t count. You’re not wearing the hat.”

“You’re so mean to me, but I like it,” Jesse snorted at the teasing remark as he curled into him. 

Hanzo turned his body and then kissed his boyfriend’s forehead once he was settled on his side, “Well, I want to do things for you that you like,” 

“You know what I’d like now?” 

“What?”

“A bath,” Jesse chuckled as he sat up. “I’ll run it and we can take a bath together! I really need one cause I think there’s pastry cream up my butt. Don’t think I’m s’posed to leave that up there.”

“No, you’re not,” Hanzo shook his head and then sat up with a nod. “Alright, I’ll… do the best I can with this mess out here.”

 

They shared one last kiss before parting, Jesse heading for the master bedroom and Hanzo gathering up their dessert boxes. 

“I wonder if I should throw some of this out,” he spoke to himself as he looked into the box of strawberries. They had been touching each other’s intimate places while eating this food. He wasn’t sure what was tainted at this point, but the sad thing was that there were at least half a dozen berries left. For now, he put the lids on the boxes of leftovers and then gathered up the blanket. As he moved, he could feel why Jesse thought a bath was a good idea. There was definitely food smashed into his back and in other places. A bath and a movie before bed sounded like a good idea. 

“Now does this place even have a machine,” he asked this aloud as he carried the bundled up blanket towards the hall. He couldn’t recall ever seeing one, come to think of it, but he was sure the linens were washed by somebody. “Oh, here,” he spoke aloud again when he came across a pair of sliding double doors. He dropped the blanket on the floor and opened them to reveal the washer and dryer set. 

From the looks of things, it was pretty self explanatory. He put the blanket into the washer tub and then read the back of the detergent. The instructions said to add two pods for large loads, so he did. Then he closed the lid of the machine and stared at the buttons. While he was doing this, Jesse appeared. 

“Bath’s runnin’. What’re you doin’?”

“Do I want this blanket to be permanently pressed?”

“Probably not,” Jesse shook his head. “Let me.”

The machine made pretty chiming noises as Jesse hit the buttons to get the washer set up. Then he turned the large button in the middle that turned out to be a knob before turning to Hanzo with a smile. “All set. Let’s go take a bath!”

The suite had good enough water pressure that the bathtub was already at a nice level when the couple returned to the bathroom. Jesse had added some bubblebath he found. Now he started to unwrap a bar of soap. In the meantime, Hanzo flipped the wall switch to turn on the water jets. Then he joined his lover in the tub. 

“I made such a mess of you,” he remarked as he slid behind Jesse. “Let me clean you up.”

Jesse immediately started to relax as Hanzo used the soap to caress lather across his brown skin. Funny, they’d been intimate more than a handful of times now, but he had never really taken in the other’s physical form like this. Jesse was skinny, but he had good muscle definition. Also, throughout his mane, some of the hairs were more of a light golden brown than the deep chocolate brown that presented over all. 

Once Hanzo had cleaned the other’s upper body to his own satisfaction, he carefully guided him into kneeling with his arms resting on the rim of the tub. Then he used his fingers to try to clean out as much of the cream filling as he possibly could. 

“Funny, this ain’t as sexy as it was out in the livin’ room,” Jesse quipped.

“Well, I would say that water isn’t a good lubricant to begin with, but I remember what I’m trying to clean in the first place. I’m not sure why either of us thought that was a good idea.”

“It was spontaneous! We made do with what we had!”

Hanzo shook his head with an amused noise, “I think you’re clean now. Do you feel better?”

“Loads,” Jesse nodded as he settled down and moved around Hanzo. “I wanna wash your hair now.”

Hanzo agreed and Jesse started with dampening his hair with handfuls of water, stroking gently from the hairline and moving back along the silky strands of jet black. This was relaxing enough, but when Jesse began to lather, he found his eyes slipping closed as fingers that had pulled the trigger of a gun that killed more men than he could count just this week began massaging soap into his scalp. 

Jesse’s magic fingers were going to put him under if they didn’t talk about something. But what? Hanzo’s thoughts went back to asking about Jesse’s parents, but he was afraid of prying too much too soon into that topic. Also, he was still quite worried about how things had gone tonight. He could believe that it was just that Jesse was out of practice and nervous about a particular sexual act, but given all they had talked about and avoided talking about so far, he was worried that there was a deeper reason. 

At length, he spoke up, “Jesse, I want you to know that the offer is on the table. If you wish to… penetrate me…”

“Jesus, penetrate is the least sexiest word anyone could think of,” Jesse interrupted, long fingers still massaging shampoo into Hanzo’s scalp. “Besides, I think tonight showed how it’s gonna go when it goes, if you know what I mean. Not to say I wouldn’t be into it if you wanna do it the other way, but I was the one that gets done, not the one that does the doin’, so just… expect me to be nervous about that too.”

“I want to do whatever makes you comfortable,” Hanzo replied. “But if either thing is going to happen, we’ll need to pick up some items. I hadn’t anticipated these things happening at all on this trip, and so I didn’t bring anything for it.”

“Yeah,” Jesse sighed. “Well, it’s a little late for it now, but I keep condoms in my wallet. I mean, not like I’m a ho and just assume I’m gonna suddenly get the dick and have like an emergency supply or anything.”

“What?” Hanzo asked, raising his brow.

“They’ve been in there like three years. Maybe longer. I don’t know. Dad gave em to me when we had the talk. It’s maybe time to get rid of em…”

“Probably,” Hanzo agreed. “I don’t think you’re supposed to keep condoms in your wallet to begin with. It damages them or something, I think.”

“Really?” Jesse asked as he finally began to gently rinse Hanzo’s hair. “Good thing I haven’t used em then. I’ll get rid of em.”

Finished with Hanzo’s hair, he started to caress soap into the other’s skin while the Japanese male continued to relax and fight the urge to fall asleep. “Mm, Jesse, your hands. I would love it if you washed my hair all of the time. The rest of me as well.”

“I will if you let me,” Jesse replied. “Secret I never told anyone, I used to play with dolls cause I like hair. I never understood why action figures can’t have real hair like dolls do.”

“You can brush my hair too if you want,” Hanzo chuckled at his cute boyfriend. He had a feeling Jesse would love the idea, and he wasn’t wrong at all.

“Ok!” the other said immediately. “I love your hair! I mean your hair isn’t the only reason why I love you, course.”

“No, of course not,” Hanzo chuckled, but then paused as he fully processed what Jesse had just said. 

And Jesse seemed to be just now processing it as well. It felt as though time stood still in that bathroom. Hanzo thought at length that he needed to break the silence, but what should he say? The thing was, if Jesse had really accidentally confessed his feelings, the worst thing would be to downplay it or make it seem in any way like it was wrong. At the same time, Hanzo didn’t want to say it back in case Jesse didn’t really mean to phrase things that way. 

The pondering must have taken too long because he was suddenly alone in the tub. Jesse, with an entirely red face, was hastily wrapping a towel around himself while muttering that he needed to go put the blanket in the dryer. Then he was gone, leaving Hanzo to drain the tub and turn off the water jets as a way to kill time. He just needed a few minutes to gather himself, and he was sure that his poor darling needed it as well. This was a huge moment, and he was considering texting his little brother for emergency advice because he was afraid that he would screw it up otherwise. 

What he decided on as his next action after draining the tub and then misting it down with the anti mildew spray was to return to the living room and have a seat on the sofa. Jesse seemed too involved with getting dryer sheets out of the box to be bothered with a conversation at that moment. It was better to let him concentrate. 

At length, Jesse went into the kitchen and got a glass of water. But the drink went untouched as he sat at the bar counter just staring down at it. Well, this was bad, and it was also clearly up to Hanzo to do something. 

“Jesse,” he called softly as he walked over. 

“I didn’t mean to say that!” the other quickly shouted, looking up at him and then down at his hands again. “I’m sorry. Forget I said it.”

“But why?” Hanzo asked him. 

“Everybody says you’re supposed to wait six months at least,” Jesse began talking quickly. “And that was the worst timing ever and... I just… I’m sorry. Please forget I said it.”

This relationship was just full of surprises. Hanzo, being the awkward person that he was, had thought that if there was to be any awkwardness when the L word finally came up, it would be on his end. What he was beginning to understand was that his boyfriend could be just as awkward and prone to anxiety as he was. Jesse fought a little harder not to let it show, that was all. But now, for the second time that night, it seemed as though Jesse was going to cry. Sighing, Hanzo sat next to him and touched his hand. “Jesse, I’ll forget it if that’s not what you meant to say.”

As the brunette shifted in his chair, the verbal panic began anew, “It’s not! I mean, I love you, but not like LOVE LOVE you like...cause I can’t right? We haven’t even been together long enough for that, but I love you like when you love your friends, but not like that either, I love you more than I love my friends, but not like… LOVE LOVE you…”

“You’re making yourself upset,” Hanzo gently interrupted. It felt ironic to be saying this to someone else, but he could say he definitely recognized this pattern. “You’re overthinking all of this. I know this well because I overthink things all of the time. But right now, I’m thinking that we both have very dangerous lives. I would rather we share our feelings now than to wait for some special moment, only to lose you before that moment gets a chance to come. I love you, Jesse.”

“You do?” Jesse asked with his eyes glistening. He wiped them and then looked down again. “I’m… sorry I’m like this. It’s just... I’m sure everybody would say we’re just kids and we don’t even know what love is yet.”

Hanzo shrugged as he took the other’s face into his hands and gently wiped moisture away from the area below Jesse’s eyes with his thumbs, “People will say that and a lot of things about us. Maybe it is too soon to say we’re in LOVE LOVE, as you call it, but I think that if we aren’t now, in time we will get there. I can’t say I’ve ever seen what real LOVE LOVE looks like, but if that’s not what we feel, I can say that at least I feel some type of love for you -- the type where I want to make you happy and I never want you to cry, so please comfortably tell me that you love me from now on.”

“I love you,” Jesse said softly. “Even if it’s maybe too soon for LOVE LOVE, you’re the person I love the most. I think… that’s good enough for now, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Hanzo smiled as he moved towards him to kiss his forehead. “Do you still want to brush my hair?”

“Of course!”

A few minutes later saw them on the bed in the bedroom with Jesse gently brushing out Hanzo’s long dark tresses. “Zo, I have a confession. I freaked out because I thought you would get mad.”

“You thought I would get mad because you love me?” Hanzo questioned.

“Yeah,” Jesse let out a slow breath. “I just... you keep surprising me. I mean, I saw a whole new side of you tonight when we were doin’ it.”

“I surprised myself,” Hanzo chuckled. “I know that Genji must have told you that I’m a boring person who hates fun. Actually, I’m sure I’ve told you that as well.”

“I don’t think you’re boring,” Jesse replied as he put his chin on Hanzo’s head and hugged him. “And maybe I shouldn’t say that I thought you’d get mad. What I meant is… I saw myself months down the line giving this speech about how you don’t have to be afraid this won’t last…”

The conversation from before the grocery store -- Hanzo recognized it as a reason for Jesse’s anxiety and felt a pang of regret for just a moment. They had needed to have that conversation. Hanzo had been and still was genuinely afraid that his position as the heir to the Shimada clan would be the ruin of their relationship. He had needed to make Jesse aware of how possible that outcome was.

The brunette continued, “Nothin’ bout us is going the way I thought it would. Things keep happenin’ before I mean them to, and I don’t know what that means, but I get scared of how that must make you think of me.”

“You’re still afraid that I think you’re easy,” Hanzo remarked with a gentle tone. “I never thought that. Please remember that I have a brother who jumps into bed with a new person almost nightly and has played at love with more people than I can count, and my father explains it all away by saying it’s hormones and because he’s young. You aren’t like that. I think it’s good that you worry so much if things are moving fast. It says that you respect yourself and that you want more than what my brother goes looking for. I want that too. And also, we have hormones.”

“Yeah,” Jesse laughed, smoothing Hanzo’s hair back with his hands. “Guess… maybe we can just go ‘head and blame hormones. I’m glad we talked about this! Feel better now. Where’s those strawberries?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so much fun to write because I finally got to really dig into how I see Jesse. He very much strikes me as someone who presents as having no rules, but in reality, he is very much an idealist. Retribution in particular left me with the impression that he very much clings to ideals of how situations should go and how others should behave, and when things and people don't meet those expectations, it sets him off. 
> 
> Also, this chapter was fun because I revisited some of my own travel memories and dug up old photos. I doubt by the time OW takes place, the actual Naked Cowboy would still be alive, but we can imagine maybe someone else took up the er... mantle? Speedo?
> 
> Finally, I wrote A LOT. This chapter was going to be 30 pages long with more still being churned out, but I eventually decided to stop where I was and split it up, so hopefully will update soon!


	17. Love and War

Overall, Hanzo would say that he had very little regrets when it came to his New York trip, even when including the fact that he ended dessert night having to get a belly rub because he started to feel sick from eating so much sweet food for dinner. He rose the following morning feeling as happy as a clam, and he thought he must be the luckiest person in New York to once again be out exploring the city with his beloved Jesse, wearing matching jackets and his hair pulled back into a braid that his cute cowboy had done for him that morning. The couple had felt like they didn’t have enough pictures, so they went sightseeing, and he was actually not that embarrassed about asking random people to take pictures of them together in front of landmarks with a digital camera Jesse remembered he had brought along on the trip. As he scrolled through while they sat in a coffee shop together for a rest, Hanzo came across his favorite picture and showed it to Jesse. It was the cowboy with a big smile as he sat on a bench hugging a giant Hello Kitty doll.

“I want a print of this.” 

“I’ll make one for you when I get home,” Jesse promised him. “I’ll make you a whole photo book if you want.”

“Oh, yes please,” Hanzo smiled as he resumed scrolling. 

As he reached for his latte, he felt vibration in his pocket and his stomach dropped. No one ever called him because he didn’t have friends. That meant this could only be one person. 

“What’s wrong?” Jesse asked, seeing his face. 

“It’s probably nothing,” Hanzo replied and then shrugged, beginning to feel boldness returning to him. “Yes, it’s probably only my father, but I can call him back later.”

“You sure?” the other rose his brow and reached for Hanzo’s drink. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Hanzo replied as he casually spanked his boyfriend’s hand away. “Drink your coffee, and hurry so we can get to the museum.”

It was no big deal, he told himself. His father was probably worried because Hanzo had never been away from home this long. He would catch up with him later. For now, he was concerned with dropping off their shopping purchases and then getting to the museum. 

It was a good time, holding hands with his favorite person as they strolled along a few paces behind a high school class. Jesse especially loved the Samurai exhibit, and seeing the representation of his country’s warring states period was fascinating for Hanzo as well. 

“We actually have some old armors at the castle. I’ll show you next time you come,” he promised Jesse. 

They got souvenirs at the gift shop before they left the museum and then headed back to the penthouse suite, wanting to change into fancier clothes for their planned romantic dinner on a riverboat cruise. But when they got in, they found Shuichi and another black suited Shimada man waiting near the bar. 

“Young Master, I’m here to take you home,” Shuichi apologised, moving toward him.

“What?!” Hanzo exclaimed. “Did my father…”. As he asked this, he got his phone out of his coat pocket, finding that he had three missed calls. He had to have accidentally put it on silent with vibration set to off, which made sense when he thought about how strict his life was. Of course his father had called again and again, and when he couldn’t get his son on the phone, he sent his henchmen after him. That there was a second man present wasn’t even surprising. He should have known there would be a backup sent on this trip to watch over Hanzo in secret. What had this other man seen?

“Tell my father I will come home tomorrow,” Hanzo spoke as he started for the living room. “No, I’ll call him now. What time is it in Japan now?”

Going after him, Shuichi seized his boss’s son by the arm, “I’m sorry, young master. You may call him from the car if you would like, but we have strict orders to bring you home now.”

Before he could say anything more, there was the sound of a gun cocking. Turning, he found Jesse aiming at Shuichi’s head. 

“Jesse, no,” Hanzo pulled away and gently forced his boyfriend to lower his arm. “It’s ok. I have to go home now. I’ll just...get my things together.”

He would have to ask later where Jesse had been keeping his revolver, as it seemed to have been drawn from nowhere. With all of the hugging and cuddling they’d done today, Hanzo was sure he should have felt it, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it. 

Jesse swallowed several times as he tucked his weapon back into his coat. 

“It’s ok,” Hanzo spoke softly to him. “I’ll...call you when I can.”

His feet didn’t want to move in the direction he was trying to go because his heart wanted him to go to Jesse and pull him into his arms, but he couldn’t. That they were returning to the suite together would be suspicious enough, but he could hide under the guise of them being business associates. With the way Jesse had behaved right now, he could even claim that the boy was acting as his bodyguard. For now, it all he could do to protect the reality of their relationship. 

There was a lump in his throat as Hanzo packed up his things. He moved quickly, but with his hands shaking, it felt like it took forever. This was not how he wanted to leave -- without one last kiss or even a hug. The two men went onto the elevator before him with Hanzo following while Jesse stood near the doors looking down. 

“Bye, Jess.” Shortening his name was as close to affection as he dared get. His heart broke when his boyfriend looked up at him and waved with a half smile. Those brown eyes were shimmering too much. Hanzo mouthed, “Don’t cry.” Not because he cared how it would look if it happened, but because it would kill him if Jesse cried when he couldn’t be there to comfort him. 

The further he got towards the elevator, the heavier his legs became, but once the doors were closed and the carriage was moving, he found his strength in anger. When they arrived at the lobby, he stormed out to the car, leaving the family servants to deal with his luggage while he slid into the backseat and immediately placed a call to his father. But now it was his turn to make multiple calls. The only conclusion he could come to was that his father was busy. It was a little after 5PM in New York, which meant it was 9 in the morning in Hanamura. His father would likely be in a meeting. 

Sighing, he noticed he had a new text message and opened it. The text from Genji read, “You’re in trouble” followed by an emote that was laughing with tears in its eyes. Of course he would find it funny. That’s what little brothers are for. 

Hanzo arrived home just after midnight and retreated to his room, hoping to sleep. However, even tucked under his blanket in his pajamas, he just couldn’t. It was only a short time that they were together, but he had gotten too used to sleeping with his beloved Jesse. It was hitting him all at once that he missed him. 

Sitting up again, he made a call, thinking he would just leave a voicemail. Instead, the sound of his boyfriend’s voice made his heart skip a beat. 

“Hi, I can’t sleep, Jesse,” he immediately complained.

“Me neither,” Jesse sighed. “Slept for a bit on the flight back to Santa Fe, but… are you ok? Is everything ok?”

“I don’t know,” Hanzo sighed as he began to stroke the braid that his hair had been so lovingly woven into. “It’s late here, and so Father is likely sleeping. I think Genji might be awake, but he’s finding all of this hilarious -- the possibility that I might be punished.”

“Punished,” Jesse groaned. 

“It will be worth it,” the cowboy’s lover replied, lying down again. “But don’t worry about me. This won’t be my first punishment, and it likely won’t be the last. I know how to take it by now.”

“I thought you were the good son,” Jesse’s tone was teasing. 

“I am,” Hanzo replied. “I am because I’m the one who is actually punished when he steps out of line. Genji gets a slap on the wrist and then asked for the details of what he did later. Anyway, I… I’m sorry for how I left.”

“I understand. Sorry I was about to shoot your bodyguard.”

“Well, if you had, we would’ve had a real reason to run away to this corn farm of yours. We might not have much, but at least we would have all the corn we could eat.”

“Yeah, I don’t even like corn.”

“What the heck, Jesse?” Hanzo laughed, rolling onto his back. “Why are we growing a crop that you don’t even like?”

“Profit,” Jesse chuckled. “Ain’t you never heard don’t get high on your own supply? Not that you can get high on corn. I mean, you probably can, but I wouldn’t try. You get the idea.”

“Oh Jesse,” Hanzo gave an amused sigh, thinking of how much of his time was now going to be spent missing him. “My Jesse… are you alright? You looked so hurt.”

“Well, I was, but it ain’t your fault. It would’ve gone better if I’d known you were leavin’, but it just happened so fast. I ended up just nibblin’ on cheese fries for dinner and then goin’ home. Cleaned up the place a little and put that blanket back too.”

“I’m sorry,” Hanzo sighed. “I should have called my father back right away, and it wouldn’t have happened this way.”

“It’s ok, but I’m gonna go to this little pow wow here, ok? I’m holdin’ it up even. Just wanted to talk to you a little when I saw it was you callin’.”

“Yes, thank you for answering. Have a good pow wow, Jesse. I love you.”

“Love you too, though, darlin’! See ya.”

At least his mind was at ease about one thing, but now he had to think of what he was going to say to his father when they met face to face. In all honesty, he did not know what to expect because he had never done anything quite like this before. For the most part, his father had always kept him on a short leash. There had been visits to his former lover, but Hanzo never stayed away from home long enough to be missed. Not that he thought he had been missed at all while he was in New York. 

He went to bed feeling a little bitter, and woke feeling mild annoyance. In any other family, the length of his trip wouldn’t have mattered because he would not have been the Shimada heir. His father would have been too busy worrying about keeping Genji happy to care about where Hanzo went or what he did there -- this is what the eldest son truly believed. 

“I won’t play the waiting game,” he told himself. “After breakfast, I will go down to see father on my own.”

The sooner he got on with his punishment, the sooner he would be able to move on to other things like daydreaming about getting out of here. This thought shocked him almost as soon as he’d had it. Was this really what he wanted -- to leave his home? Duty and honor had always been so ingrained in him that he could not have imagined another life, but it seemed that Jesse’s talk of corn farms had gotten to him. The life that he began to imagine with his boyfriend was all a fairytale, and he knew it well. Yet, he found himself yearning to escape into it as he picked at his bowl of rice. 

What a life it could be! Instead of eating breakfast alone, he could be sharing it with the one he loved before they headed out to do… corn things. He was still not sure how corn farming was supposed to work, but this was alright. It was a fantasy, and so everything would just work out. But did he really have the courage to leave, even in his imagination? Such a life meant saying goodbye to his father and brother, which was something that he still couldn’t imagine doing, no matter how hard he tried. Shimada Castle was home, and he was not ready to leave it for good yet, despite how lonely he began to feel as he finished breakfast and started to get dressed. As he was brushing his hair, having undone Jesse’s work in order to wash it, there was a knock at his door. 

“Come in,” he called. 

Seconds later, Shuichi entered and tipped forward in a quick bow. “Forgive me, young master. There was a miscommunication. I’m to take you to Hong Kong.”

“My father’s orders, I suppose,” he sighed. And what if he didn’t want to go to Hong Kong? Was he going to be dragged there the way he had been all but dragged away from New York? Leaving this family once again found its appeal, but as he stood to get prepared upon his bodyguard’s nod, he acknowledged that he was being a bit childish. His life of privilege came with certain responsibilities that had been known to him all of his life. If he wished for his relationship with Jesse to be seen as acceptable, he couldn’t start disobeying his father and abandoning those responsibilities now. He had to show that love would not make him lose sight of his place as the next head of this clan.

But it was hard getting on a plane again when he had just gotten off of one the night before. At least this flight was shorter; he landed at around one in the afternoon, and he was immediately escorted to a restaurant where he would be meeting his parent and sibling. 

A private room had been set aside for the Shimada family to convene. He joined his father and brother at a small table set with an assortment of dumplings and tea. Genji was looking smug as he helped himself, but Sojiro smiled a little as his son sat down. 

“Finally, we see you again, Hanzo. I had thought you’d forgotten us.”

This threw Hanzo slightly off guard, but he quickly remarked, “I didn’t think that I was gone that long. Forgive me, father.”

“And you only called me once,” Sojiro went on complaining, clicking his tongue as he used his chopsticks to pick up a dumpling. “I was beginning to think you had run away.”

The fine hairs on the back of Hanzo’s neck stood on end as he gripped his chopsticks. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his brother looking pleased. It was best to ignore him. Instead, Hanzo kept his focus on his father’s face. 

“I wouldn’t do that, father.” No, he could only daydream about what would happen after he did it, apparently. “I am sorry that I neglected to call you or to return your calls. There was no need…” He paused here, trying to choose his words carefully so that he could bait his father into revealing if his spy had seen anything interesting. When he didn’t continue right away, his father took over the conversation. 

“I know that you were having fun,” the Shimada family head spoke. “And you can’t be faulted entirely for that when your work was done. However, we must not forget your role in this clan. Duty must always come before pleasure.”

“Yes, father,” Hanzo replied and looked down at his bowl of rice while thinking to himself that he had indeed been childish to first ignore his father’s calls and then to daydream of running away from his family and responsibilities to his family. Looking up again, he promised, “I will do better, father. I hope that I can ease your disappointment.”

“You’re doing a good job, Hanzo,” his father smiled. “I trust that you will use good judgment and continue to work hard for the family, and I am happy to have you home with us again. You were gone for so long.”

“I wanted to familiarize myself with the city,” Hanzo explained.

His father smirked, “And to party a little?”

“I…” the son began. “Well, only a little, if eating too many pastries and becoming ill is considered partying.”

His father chuckled and Hanzo smiled, ignoring the daggers of death that his little brother was glaring at him from his side of the table. Both of the Shimada brothers had expected this to go an entirely different way, but it seemed Sojiro was not so angry after all. 

“I should have expected something more similar to that,” their father spoke in an amused tone. “And what about our new retainers? Do we have them?”

“Oh, yes,” the now relieved eldest son nodded. “In fact, McCree wanted me to tell you personally that we are on the short list of people he would actually clear his schedule to do work for.”

“Oh, I just bet he would for you,” Genji replied in a bitter tone.

Now Hanzo started to glare at him, but their father remained jovial, raising his teacup in salute before drinking from it. “That gang will do wonders for us, especially as we expand into the United States. It’s amusing to remember that you didn’t think much of McCree at first.”

“Well, I’ve taught him not to do things like throw water on the floor,” Hanzo chuckled, looking away from his salty brother. “At heart, he’s still a child, but when it comes to work, he thinks and acts with the mind and guts of a man.”

“Have you grown fond of him then?”

Those fine hairs stood up again, and Hanzo felt as though he was on stage with a bright spotlight beaming down on him. He used eating as a chance to mull over his words a bit. Once he swallowed, he shrugged, “He is a good person, especially to act as my bodyguard and somewhat tour guide while I was in New York. I wouldn’t mind spending more time with him. In fact, since I was planning to tour Spain for a week in May, I was thinking of taking him along. He speaks fluent Spanish, did you know?”

“No, I didn’t,” his father shook his head with an unreadable expression on his face.

“I can take care of myself,” Hanzo shrugged as he reached for another dumpling. “But you always insist on someone going with us when we travel without you. Since the Deadlock Gang are technically my men now, I thought I would put them to work.”

“Oh yes,” his father nodded slowly. “I suppose that makes sense.”

Thank goodness it did. It was a move so bold that the executor had been shaking with the urge to hide under the table. What he had just done had either eased suspicions or created new ones, but the eldest Shimada son was playing on the fact that his father had done similar things in the past. A group of Japanese men moving together was far more conspicuous to a target than a few Americans would be. Or in this case, one Japanese boy accompanied by a super adorable cowboy would draw less attention than if he traveled with two of his father’s men dressed in black suits the way they always were. 

“I still want Shuichi to be there as he was in New York,” Sojiro went on. “He doesn’t have to shadow you, but I want him on hand in case you need him.”

“OH, that reminds me,” Hanzo raised his cup to his lips. “Father, did you have Inoue there to spy on me? Didn’t you think I could manage?”

The look on Genji’s face seemed to be screaming ‘BOI’. Hanzo was playing with fire, but it was a little exciting to test the limits in a way that he never had before. He knew all too well what Genji could get away with, but now it was time for him to strike out on his own rule bending adventure.

“No, no,” Sojiro waved his hand. “He wasn’t there initially, but when so many days went by without a word from you, I sent him to touch bases with Shuichi. He was not...following you around.”

Was his father lying? Had Inoue seen something that now Sojiro could not remark on without admitting that he had sent along a spy? Did Hanzo need to be more careful with Jesse in public or did it now no longer matter?

“Anyway, you will take Shuichi with you to Spain and keep him on hand in case, do you understand?”

Before Hanzo could reply, Genji huffed, “Father, why does he get to go on ANOTHER vacation? What was all of that time in New York then? I get punished for everything, but he gets rewarded with another trip.”

‘And he gets to take Jesse.’ Those were the words that Hanzo was sure his brother happened to be leaving out. He hadn’t forgotten that the younger Shimada would snatch up that cowboy at the first chance he saw. This meant that the brothers were trying to do the same dance for their father of keeping Jesse as close to the family as possible without revealing the true nature of their desires.

At any other time, his brother’s thirst might have been funny to him, but in this moment, Hanzo saw his plans to spend Jesse’s birthday with him in Spain in danger. Turning on his brother, he snapped, “You are never punished for anything! Not at all! Even when you are given a so called punishment, I end up being punished with you even though I had nothing to do with your stupidness.”

“Hanzo,” Sojiro began.

But Hanzo turned to him and cut him off with his voice lowering into a pleading tone, “Father, I never ask for anything like this, and I NEVER intentionally misbehave or break the rules. I’m just asking for this one thing!”

“If he gets to go, I should get to go!” Genji was really throwing his cards on the table now, but Hanzo would not have it. 

“No!” he yelled. “You promised! You promised me this one time I wouldn’t have to babysit Genji! That’s all I ever do every time he’s in trouble. You promised!”

“Why should he get to disobey and still be rewarded?! Why can’t I go?!”

“I hate you!” Hanzo yelled at his brother.

“I hate you more!” Genji screamed back.

“Hanzo! Genji!” Their father roared above their bickering. Hanzo looked down, but Genji -- ever spoiled and defiant - kept his gaze on their father. “The two of you disappoint me. I’m sending you back to the suite. You’ll go to your rooms, and I don’t want to see you or hear you until either I decide on a suitable punishment for the both of you or I recover from the painful disappointment that you have caused me today. Go!”

The lump in his throat quickly grew painful as Hanzo followed his brother out of the restaurant and to the car that was waiting for them. He held it in the entire way to their hotel suite, but once he was alone in the room set aside for him, he curled up on the bed and called Jesse. As soon as his boyfriend’s sleepy voice answered, he broke into crying. 

“My father is going to say I can’t go to Spain, Jesse, I know it! Because of Genji! I said I hate him, and I don’t know if I didn’t mean it. I wanted to kill him!”

“Well, don’t kill your brother over me, honeybee. You only got one of those. And don’t cry, darlin’. You’re breakin’ my heart. All I wanna do is hold you right now, and I can’t even.”

“I’m so stupid,” Hanzo sniffled. “Genji did this on purpose. He knew I would lose my temper, and I played right into it. What kind of clan head can I be when my little brother can outsmart me?”

“Naw, honey. I’m sure Genji was just bein’ a little asshole and you gettin’ upset was just a bonus. Anyway, this is partly my fault. I thought it was clear that I’m in love with you and that I don’t want that kinda relationship with him. Maybe I needa tell him we can’t be friends.”

“No,” Hanzo shook his head, sniffling yet again. “Don’t do that to him. I don’t want to ruin your friendship. I just want to be with you.”

“Look, I’m gonna talk to him, ok? Tell him that hurtin’ you and fightin’ you over me is no bueno.”

“Don’t stop being friends, though. He’ll blame me for it, and anyway, I think you’re his only friend that isn’t his friend for his money.”

“Well, there you go, honey. You don’t hate him at all. I’m gonna make sure he understands that even if you and I break up, I’m not gonna be datin’ him. If we stay friends is up to him, though. If he’s only friends with me because he hopes he can fuck me, that’s not really a friend I want. So I’m kinda doin’ this for me too.”

“I’m sorry you’re in the middle of this, Jesse,” Hanzo sighed, reaching for a kleenex. “I… hope you still think I’m cool even though I… cried like a baby.”

“Means you love me, don’t it,” his boyfriend chuckled. “But don’t cry, honey. If we can’t get to Spain, then I’ll come to Japan or something. Everybody’s heard of a guy sneakin’ into his girlfriend’s window, but they ain’t ready for me sneakin’ into my boyfriend’s ninja castle! If that ain’t bad ass, I don’t know what is.”

“I love you, Jesse,” Hanzo smiled, wiping his eyes and then cleaning up his nose.

“Love you too, though, Hanni. I’ll call you later.”

Talking with Jesse helped him feel better, but poor Hanzo still felt a bit wounded. Words that brothers should never say had passed between the Shimada siblings, and now he was alone with the pain he had inflicted on himself by saying such an awful thing, as well as the pain of having that sentiment returned. What’s more, their beloved father had stood in the crossfire and had received double the wounds of his sons. Now that it was over, it was easy to fault himself for becoming so angry. If only he could have achieved this clarity of mind in the moment before letting his tongue become a sword. 

There was nothing to do now but wait -- wait to hear from Jesse again, wait to be punished, wait for a chance to try to make as much of this right as he possibly could. He was sure that whatever was left of the friendship between the brothers had been murdered here tonight, but the least he could do was make sure that Genji knew that hate was not at all what Hanzo felt for him. Their bond had been destroyed, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t possibly build a new one. The question was, could they when they both desired the same person? In thinking of this, he was reminded of the day when Genji had lost his coin and looked to Hanzo to give up his treat. It wouldn’t have been enough for the little brother for Hanzo to throw it away and not have a treat at all. Genji wanted to take what he couldn’t have from his brother. In the end, this is what it always came down to.

Hanzo fell into a troubled sleep, and when he woke again, it was to his father knocking on the door and ordering him to come out for dinner. They were staying in for hot pot tonight. The table was already set, with Genji being the last to arrive. Most of the meal was taken in silence until their father finally cleared his throat. 

“Hanzo, a promise is a promise. I promised you a trip of your choice if things went well with the Deadlock Gang, and you have done an exceptional job. It would be going back on my word, and thus dishonoring myself, if I took that away.”

“Thank you, father!” the young man bowed twice. 

Surprisingly, Genji continued quietly eating with his eyes on his bowl of rice. His expression was unreadable, but Hanzo knew that the youngest brother was unhappy at the moment. It left him to wonder how the conversation with Jesse had gone.

But their father interrupted any further thought by continuing, “When you return, Hanzo, you’ll come back here to Hong Kong and oversee business here. Genji will accompany you, and it will be your responsibility to see to it that he behaves and learns from you.”

“But father,” Hanzo began, only to be cut off when his father raised his hand with a stern expression. 

“You want to go to Spain, don’t you?” When Hanzo nodded and swallowed several times, the father went on. “Genji, you WILL behave and learn from your brother. He will report to me periodically, and whether or not you are punished or rewarded will be based on those reports. Am I clear?”

“Yes, father,” the boys spoke in unison and bowed. 

“As for the things the two of you have said to each other tonight,” their father paused with a sigh. “Well, I think that hearing your own brother say such words is punishment enough. I feel that I have done my best as a father to encourage you two to treat each other with love and kindness. The only thing I can demand is that you treat each other with respect. If you can’t find it in your hearts to love one another...that is a burden I will no longer carry...”

Hanzo had gotten what he wanted tonight. It did not explain why the lump in his throat was so hard to swallow.

Victory should have felt like soaring through the clouds on a warm day. Instead, it was bitter and cold. The guilt became even stronger when, late that night, he got up for a glass of water. On the way back, he heard the unmistakable sounds of sobs coming from his brother’s room. Opening the door a peek, he found Genji curled up in a ball on the bed crying. A part of him wanted to go to his brother, but didn’t Genji hate him now? And whose fault was any of this? Jesse had never deserved to be fought over like the prize in some silly game. He had every right to choose, and even though Hanzo had tried to push the cowboy away, in the end, the eldest Shimada brother was the one who had been chosen. Why couldn’t Genji accept that?

After closing the door slowly, Hanzo returned to bed and began distracting himself with lists of things to do in Spain. Dwelling on it wouldn’t fix any of this. The only thing to do here would be the impossible, and that was going back into the past to teach Genji that sometimes he would be told no. Since he couldn’t do that, he would focus on planning his trip with his boyfriend.

Jesse called that afternoon and seemed a little less upbeat than usual. When asked what was wrong, the cowboy sighed, “I never wanted this to happen. We were just friends at first, and that meant a lot to me because I’m… surrounded by people, but not really friends. Just Faye, and she don’t understand everything, so I was happy to have met Genji. Then I went to Japan, and things just got...I didn’t want this. At first, it even seemed like he wanted me to date you, so I just don’t… I don’t understand… and it hurts…”

“I’m sorry, Jesse,” Hanzo sighed. “You don’t deserve to be in the middle. If you want to step back…”

“No!” Jesse interrupted. “No, I… we’re not… friends anymore. I can’t lose you too.”

“I’m sorry, Jesse,” Hanzo spoke softly. 

“No, I just… soon’s I got on with him, he said I must be callin’ him to yell about you. I feel so… I thought… we were best friends. All he wanted was to fuck me. He gave me advice about you, so I thought… but he just wanted…”

“Jesse, I wish I could hold you. I...I shouldn’t have told you about what happened here.”

“No, you shoulda told me cause now I know that friendship ain’t never meant nothin’. I’m just a fuck hole to him, like I kinda was afraid of. But, I’ll be ok. I cleared out my schedule to sneak into your castle and everything.”

“You won’t have to, darling,” Hanzo smiled a little. “We’re going to Spain.”

“Well, that’s the best news I’ve heard all day! Let’s have a call in a few minutes so I can spam you a buncha links and stuff.”

“Ok,” Hanzo chuckled at how funny language was. They were technically on a call, but Jesse meant over the messengers on their computers, of course. “I’ll hang up and get my computer now.”

“K, darlin’! See your sexy face in a minute!”

Other couples had it so easy, Hanzo thought to himself as he began to set up for a video call. To say that others did not face obstacles would be naive, of course. Other couples had distance and time zones to battle. There were others who faced a jealous third party, such as a brother, and of course, there were others who were faced with one or more parent who wouldn’t approve. Hanzo and Jesse had all of these, as well as the possibility that homophobia might come in to play. As he logged in to his computer, it occurred to him that he had never discussed things like sexuality and gender identity with his father. They had never even had ‘The Talk’. Hanzo had just been stumbling through all of this on his own. Now he wondered how things would play out if he walked into his father’s room and told him the truth that Hanzo had come to embrace about himself -- that he was gay. Sadly, he had a feeling that this would be acceptable coming from Genji, but Hanzo’s coming out would lead to despair. 

Hanzo didn’t know if he could deal with what would happen on the day he came out to his father, but when he saw Jesse’s smiling face on his screen, he decided that whatever happened would be worth it. He would take as much time as he could to build up the courage, and then the truth would have to be known because he couldn’t imagine his future without this smile in it. 

As for distance and time zones, they made it work. Hanzo was grateful for video calls and messenger chats every day, as they helped to make the distance between himself and the one he loved feel a little less vast. He could still have the little things, such as I love yous that made a terrible day feel a whole lot better. 

The Shimada family stayed for two days in Hong Kong before returning to Hanamura. Then Hanzo found himself swept up into meetings and conferences, all in preparation for him to take charge in China. Time couldn’t pass fast enough, but eventually, the long awaited May evening came where he started to pack his bags to fly to Spain. While he was getting ready, his door slid open and the air in his room became a little colder. 

Hanzo was sitting on the floor near his bed, looking over his list of things to be packed when Genji entered and stood over him. The younger brother, who was dressed all in black, took a breath. 

“So, you are… headed to Spain… with Jesse.”

“Yes, I am,” Hanzo spoke carefully. The brothers had not spoken to each other until now, so it was surprising that Genji was here. It was also unnerving because the last thing the eldest brother wanted before his trip was another fight. 

Genji nodded and then tossed a box onto his brother’s lap before turning and walking away. “Have a good trip,” he called over his shoulder. Then he was gone, leaving Hanzo to look down at what the youngest Shimada had given to him. 

It was a box of condoms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry 3 days after Christmas, everyone! I hope you all had a good one! Thank you to everyone who left comments on last chapter. I'll get to replying to them ASAP! I'm so happy people are enjoying this when this was just a crazy idea I got while talking with my best friend. 
> 
> I really missed having Genji around, so it kind of sucks that the brothers are on worse terms than ever, and poor Jesse is just in the middle. These damn kids. Hopefully, I will be able to update soon. I'm writing a kind of prequel that goes along with this fic that I'll start posting when I'm further into this one, as well as a totally unrelated thing that you guys should check out if you like Pokemon. So we'll see!


	18. Sun of San Sebastian

Your little brother, who has been your rival for the affection of the man you love, gives you condoms before your romantic couple vacation. Should you throw them out? Should you take them along and use them? Is there somehow hot sauce or something equally painful that penises should not come into contact with inside of them? 

Hanzo’s initial reaction was to throw the condoms into his luggage and take them along. At the time, he’d had too much on his mind -- namely finalizing his plans with Jesse and trying not to worry too much about how things would go in China. Thinking too much on what Genji was up to was not a luxury he’d had at that moment. However, once he was in Spain, seated on the bed in the master bedroom, he got to overthinking. 

Unlike in New York, the Shimada family did not own property in Spain, so Jesse had picked out the most romantic cottage on the beach that he could rent for eight days. Since the rule was that Shuichi had to be available and on call, Jesse had put up the Shimada man in a nearby hotel. He had also brought along Faye under the pretense of being his personal bodyguard. Mostly, she had come to throw Sojiro off of their trail, but she had also brought along a special someone of her own to share a room at the hotel with. That left the cottage all to Hanzo and Jesse, complete with 200 feet of private beach. 

It was a beautiful flower surrounded house from what Hanzo had seen, but he hadn’t explored too much yet, as he was wanting to share the full experience with Jesse. And so, here he was on the bed, beginning his vacation by worrying about his brother’s intentions while looking over this crazy box of condoms. 

As one might expect of Genji, the box was decorated with little cartoon condom characters, and upon tearing one of the products open, Hanzo found that the latex was green. The box promised that these things would glow in the dark, but he wasn’t that interested in testing it out. The house was filled with bright, cheering sunlight, so he didn’t want to have to step in a closet in order to play with a condom. Instead, he sniffed it and checked the inside. When he found nothing out of the ordinary with his test subject, he checked the five remaining condoms for holes in the wrapping. 

“What would be the point of that, though?” he mumbled as he put the contents back into the box and tossed it on the bed. 

What was the point of gifting condoms in the first place? Was it some sort of strange peace offering? Furrowing his brow, he wandered over to the nearby window, meaning to look out. Before he could open the blinds, however, the voice that would always make his heart beat faster than it was supposed to called out. 

“Where is my sexy boyfriend?! Mi amor?!”

The blush on his face would tell of how he was still not used to these things that Jesse would say. In his excitement, he rushed for the door, only to bump into the person he was looking for. Somehow, the couple ended up falling on the carpeted floor while laughing like idiots in between kisses. Jesse straddled him and gave him one last long kiss. Then he stood and pulled Hanzo up. 

“Look at you,” the elder of the couple smiled as he began to brush his boyfriend off with his hand. Jesse looked good in that sheriff’s hat he’d worn frequently in Japan, a cream colored shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a slate grey vest, tan jeans, and tan cowboy boots. Around his neck, the cowboy had draped that yellow scarf from their first date. Seeing it, Hanzo gently tugged it. “I’m never getting this back, am I? And this outfit -- don’t you want me to make love to you for your birthday? How will you enjoy it if I can’t tease you about your clothes?”

Jesse turned red and all but giggled at this as color flashed in his cheeks, “If you want somethin’ to rib on, I didn’t even dress myself. Faye did. I hung out with her at the hotel while I was waitin’ for you to get here.”

“You look good,” giving him a kiss, Hanzo then boldly took two handfuls of his lover’s butt and gave it a firm grasp.

“So do you, like always,” the lanky cowboy returned and then admonished just before their lips met in a brief kiss. “Don’t turn me on, now!” 

Hanzo made a ‘pfft’ noise in answer to both statements. His outfit for today was a black t-shirt with a roaring tiger’s head drawn in pink and orange, dark brown pants and chelsea boots, and a pink blazer. His hair hung down his back, secured towards the end with a white hair tie. 

As they shared a longer kiss, Jesse plunged his fingers into this hair and let them trail through gently. When they pulled away, the cowboy’s voice was husky as he tried to remind the shorter young man, “Lunch. I made a reservation, so we can’t mess around right now.”

The hardheaded ninja was too busy pretending like his hands were on fresh dough, and he was about to make dumplings out of Jesse’s butt. It was so easy to get his partner excited, and Hanzo loved that about him. 

The cowboy was pouting, but not trying his hardest to get away, though he whined. “I’m serious, babe! We gotta go. We got just enough time to look at the house. I wanna see cause I just got here.”

“Alright, I’ll behave,” Hanzo smirked and gave that butt a little slap before taking his boyfriend’s hand to lead him out of that room. 

“Aww,” Jesse whined. “You’re so mean to me. I’m all hard now.”

They were in the hall now, standing near the balcony overlooking the beautiful, sunny living room. Turning, Hanzo rose his brow at his boyfriend. “Just that fast?”

“I liked what you were doin’ with my butt,” Jesse answered.

Again, the shorter of the two rose his brow, “Am I to blame for you enjoying a little massage too much?”

“Yes,” the reply echoed slightly above the sound of their footfalls as they headed for the stairs leading down. “And we both know that was more than a massage!” 

No arguments there, but a mischievous smirk found its way onto Hanzo’s face as they started to explore their vacation home. The house was old and weathered, especially on the outside, but still very beautiful, both inside and out. The floors were all clean white tile made to look cozy by the use of area rugs in the living room and bedrooms. As for bedrooms, there were two traditional spaces in addition to a third, more open space set up in a loft above the dining room. 

The kitchen was small and cozy -- just enough room for a cute couple to cook together, with a small round table that would seat four just outside of it in the dining area. When they entered the kitchen, Jesse opened the fridge with happiness spreading all over his face as he showed off the stock. 

“I paid extra for the owner to go grocery shoppin’ for us! There’s a grill out on the deck. I’m gonna make your dinner tonight!”

Hanzo had stopped near a basket with a selection of coffee and tea pods for the one cup machine on the counter, and he looked on with a smile at his excited boyfriend, “Why are you spoiling me?”

“Because it’s your vacation,” the brunette cowboy reminded him. “Our vacation, I guess. I wanna make food for you tonight. It’ll be so romantic with the beach and everything!”

“Oh yes, the beach,” Hanzo gently took the other’s hand and pulled him along towards the door leading out to the deck. “I’m looking forward to this evening. Beaches are the most romantic at night.” 

Jesse agreed with a nod and a big smile as the couple stepped outside together. Even as soon as the door was opened, they were greeted by a warm breeze that smelled of ocean waves and flowers. Just as Jesse had promised, there was a portable barbecue grill right there near the door. A few steps away, there was a round patio table with four chairs and a big blue umbrella planted at the center to provide shade for all the seats. Along the railing that faced the beach, there was another place set with two chairs and a small cocktail table with another big umbrella. A citronella candle and an ashtray sitting on the table made Hanzo imagine himself and Jesse sitting there, having drinks and maybe smoking together as they unwound at night. Straight ahead, just past this setup, there were three stairs leading down from the wooden deck to a sandy path surrounded by tall shrubbery that flowered in pink. Hanzo immediately pulled towards this path and led Jesse down, noting to their right a tree with feathery leaves that appeared to dance on the wind. Straight ahead, the ocean waves called loudly enough that he was sure he could find his way to them with his eyes closed. 

It was a very short distance before they were stepping onto white sand on the shore of a beach with the bluest water Hanzo had ever seen. “Wow,” was all he could manage to say. 

After gently parting hands with him, Jesse put his arms around Hanzo’s waist from behind and rested his chin on the shorter young man’s head. Hanzo heard him exhale, and then speak, “It’s like paradise, ain’t it? When I thought of Spain, I thought of like bulls and matadors, and I dunno.”

“Not really the beach, hm?” Hanzo chuckled, reaching up to stroke the other’s face. 

“Not really, but when I saw this place, I knew it was the place we had to get.”

“I feel so happy,” Hanzo confessed in a soft tone. “Right up until the moment that the plane landed, I was afraid that something would ruin this and I wouldn’t be allowed to come here, but I’m here with you.”

“I just wanted to see you,” Jesse answered before kissing the top of his head and breathing in. “Hm, yup. It’s you alright. No one here’s dreamin’.”

Turning in Jesse’s arms, Hanzo smirked up at him, “I still think that you are trouble.”

“That so?”

“Mm, but you’re worth all of it.”

Their lips touched for the briefest of moments before Jesse pulled back and grabbed his phone. “Oh, sorry, darlin’, that’s Francisco. We really gotta go now.”

“Right, the reservation for lunch,” Hanzo said as his hand was taken. 

In truth, he would have been fine staying here with something as simple as a bowl of ramen, watching the waves while he ate with Jesse, but his boyfriend loved making plans like this. Hanzo was at least sure he would enjoy whatever it was they ended up doing. 

Francisco was going to be their chauffeur/ tour guide for the trip. This had to be explained by Jesse because the man didn’t speak a word of English, and Hanzo’s Spanish needed more practice than he’d thought. He loved hearing the language come from Jesse’s lips though. All those rolled Rs made him think too much about what that tongue of his could do. His date was delightfully oblivious to how sexy he sounded as he spoke casually, first to Francisco. and then to the staff of the rooftop restaurant they were taken to for lunch. 

While Jesse made sure everything was perfect, Hanzo relaxed and took in the scenery. Their table had a perfect view of the water and the white sand shores littered with shells. Some of the other tables had a view of the city, but Jesse had gone out of his way to get this particular view, he would explain once they were left to sip on glasses of cold red wine. 

In Hanzo’s opinion his partner had every right to be wearing the proud of himself smirk on his face. Reaching across the table, a calloused hand touched his and their eyes met, “What’re you all red for?”

“Am I,” the obviously blushing young man pretended not to notice. “Actually, I was just thinking that your Spanish is very nice.”

Jesse quirked his brow and smiled, “Really? Well if you’re interested in learnin’, I can give you some private lessons.” There was just a slight pause before the last two words, and this horrible flirt in front of Hanzo finished with a wink. 

“What are you doing?” The recipient of this couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I’m tryna be sexy and you’re laughin’ at me,” his boyfriend pouted, but Hanzo knew better than to take him seriously. By now, it had been well established that Jesse liked it when Hanzo played with him this way, and they were both aware that Hanzo was hungry for a little more than lunch. 

But as it turned out, lunch was worth the delay. The sight of the dish was food for the eyes -- baked into a shallow pan of golden yellow rice were large shrimps, mussels, and gorgeous red peppers. The entire pan was placed on their table, and when Jesse lifted a spoonful to put onto his plate, Hanzo could hear, above the sounds of several other quiet conversations and the waves, the crackling of the rice crust on the bottom being lifted out. 

“It’s called socarrat,” his well versed lover explained. “That’s the sign of a good paella.”

It was a great paella, or so he would say in his limited experience. After eating it and having a few more glasses of wine, they would discuss it a bit as they had a walk together — a slow walk, of course, as they were still digesting. 

The city smelled of flowers and the sea, scents that he tried to commit to memory. Even though he was barely an adult, he knew from watching his father how these things often go. We always promise ourselves that there will be a next time, and because of this, it is too often that we don’t fully appreciate our experiences as we have them. His father had promised that baseball game for years, and though Hanzo didn’t blame him, he took a lesson from that experience, and it was that next time, soon, and one day are more than likely never to come. So he wanted to appreciate everything here — all of the sights, sounds, and smells. He could taste the salt in the air, and he wanted to remember that as much as he wanted to remember the experience of eating paella and drinking cold wine. 

They lost track of time just strolling along without words. At this point, they barely needed to speak. Everything that needed to be said could be felt in the way they clasped each other’s hands or the looks they exchanged. They stopped at a railing overlooking the sea, and the slight reddening of Jesse’s cheeks said that he wanted what Hanzo did. He kissed his boyfriend with the beautiful backdrop of the sun on the waves, and then they headed back to meet their car. 

When they got back, they walked along the beach for a bit, picking up shells and tossing rocks they found at the waves. There was no rush for now. Besides, Hanzo was thinking he wanted to save everything for tonight. Candles don’t have the same effect when they’re competing against daylight. 

It was nice just to sit on the private beach with Jesse’s arm slung around him while they swapped stories. His favorite of Jesse’s was related to how he grew up bilingual, but one of his fathers hadn’t realized just how well the kid had learned. 

“So here he is, spellin’ out to Dad what it is in Spanish, thinkin’ I won’t understand. I still remember the look on his face when I shouted, ‘We’re gonna go see cowboys?!’ Ruined that birthday surprise, but I enjoyed it anyway.”

“You were a handful, it sounds like,” Hanzo laughed and then asked, “What is the word? What did they spell?”

“Vaquero,” his lover answered and perked his brow. “Did you just wanna hear me say it?”

He smiled a little and nodded, “I won’t deny hoping there would be an R sound.”

It wasn’t quite dark yet, but a little kissin’ never hurt nobody, as Jesse would phrase it. A little nibbling on the ear was just like an appetizer, as were a few neck kisses. As long as he kept his hands to himself, things didn’t have to get too hot too soon.

At least that’s what he thought, but he had failed to consider how quickly his lover could get heated up. When he pulled his lips away from the bruise that was now forming on Jesse’s neck, he noticed that it looked like his vaquero’s zipper was about to break. He wanted to touch him, mostly out of guilt for getting him all excited for the second time today, but he also didn’t want to run the risk of ruining how he imagined tonight going. This needed to be special, and that was something it would not be if sand ended up in all of the ‘please no’ places.

“I want you to touch me so bad,” Jesse whispered as though he had read the older’s mind. 

The kiss that Hanzo gave him was brief and apologetic, “Can you wait until tonight?”

“I can,” the reply was given with a small sigh. “I’m gonna go see about food for tonight.”

Poor Jesse, Hanzo thought as he watched him get up and head for the house. They had gotten very used to exploring each other’s bodies in New York, only for the nightly physical contact to come to an abrupt end. During their time apart, the eldest Shimada had tried not to think too much about the pleasure he had experienced on that trip, and now, with a somewhat heavy heart, he thought of how he would have to conduct himself much the same when he returned from this one. The business in Hong Kong would keep him busy during the day, hopefully to a point where he would be too exhausted to think much of sexual pleasures at night. Hopefully, Jesse would find his own distractions. 

Hopefully not with someone else…

No. He was not going to do that. Rising up from the sand and heading for the house, he made the decision that he was going to do something else to occupy his mind instead of leaving it to wander to the places it did, where it would bring up a person he should not be thinking of. His insecurities wanted to make a boogeyman of someone his boyfriend was not even on friendly terms with. It was past time to stop worrying about that.

Instead, he started to flip through the channels on the television, hoping to find something he could make slight sense of. In the meantime, Jesse worked in the kitchen and eventually went out on the patio. 

The sun had set and the sky was beginning to darken when Jesse called Hanzo outside. The smells had made their way into the living room earlier, but nothing compared to stepping outside to the meal that his boyfriend had prepared. It wasn’t five star restaurant fair, of course, but with the citronella candles and torches going, it was rather romantic. Jesse had set places for the two of them so that they sat by each other’s side. On each of their plates, there were burgers of a pretty decent size, and in the center of the table was a bowl of french fries that were obviously hand cut, judging by the way that some were fatter than others. Once they were seated, tonight’s chef began using tongs to load up Hanzo’s plate with fries.

“Say when,” he instructed. Hanzo let him pile it up pretty high before holding up a hand to stop him. Jesse served himself and then turned to his boyfriend with his brown eyes full of anticipation. “Well, go on.”

The recipient of this fine meal decided that he would start with the fries. Unlike the ones from the restaurant, these were rather soft, though not to a point of sogginess. He drizzled the remainders with ketchup, and then he picked up his burger, noting out of the corner of his eyes that Jesse was pretty much holding his breath. It was still so cute to him how hard this cowboy tried to impress him when it really should’ve been the other way around. Still finding it hard to believe that someone could love him, Hanzo often thought that he should be the one pampering and spoiling the cowboy. The fact that his boyfriend’s birthday was tomorrow was a compelling argument for this as well. Hanzo decided that he was a terrible boyfriend to Jesse, and then he bit the burger with a second decision to lie if it wasn’t good. 

But it was good. It was damn good. A little spicier than he was ready for, but he had no complaints other than that. The second bite was what got him, as it was probably too soon after the first. He had to have a few sips of beer to cool his mouth down, but it was worth it. 

“This isn’t beef,” he noted. “I like it, though. What is it?”

“Chorizo,” Jesse beamed with pride. “And on top of that -- shrimps. I saw it on the interwebs and decided I had to make it for ya, so… do you like it?”

“I love it,” Hanzo answered, and then wondered if he’d laid it on too thick. He really did like it, but he didn’t want Jesse to think he was blowing sunshine up his skirt -- which was another phrase he was sure he’d heard Jesse say at some point. Or maybe that was a line from one of those cowboy movies he’d ended up watching with him. 

“I’m glad, cause that was totally my first time makin’ that,” the cowboy continued to glow with pride. “I wanna make somethin’ else for you.”

“But no more on this trip, ok?” Hanzo bargained. Resisting the pout, he added, “This is OUR vacation, and it’s your birthday. Let me make you happy.”

“You do all the time, but ok,” his lover replied. 

Their eyes barely left each other’s faces as they ate, Hanzo while feeling especially sentimental. His last request was more than just words -- he wanted to make Jesse happy. The cowboy did a good job with presenting a cheerful face, but the older man in this relationship could see the sadness that crept into his eyes whenever talks of his parents came up. Just from the stories, he could tell that Jesse was especially fond of “Papi’ as he called him. Hanzo knew better than to try to fill those places in his boyfriend’s heart, but he was determined to keep him smiling as much as possible for as long as he possibly could to try to drown out some of his pain.

“Well, I had better scrub down the grill,” Jesse said when they finished eating. He stood, reaching for Hanzo’s plate, only for the Japanese young man to pull it away. “No. You cooked, I’ll clean. You go do something else for a bit.”

“I’ll shower, I guess,” Jesse shrugged and smiled. “Thank ya, darlin’.”

Hanzo kissed his cheek and then sent him on his way. He wasn’t used to doing chores like washing dishes, but he wasn’t completely helpless either. Washing their plates, the serving bowl, their glasses, and all of the utensils was the easy part. The pot of oil and the grill… now those were the parts where he was almost defeated. He at least knew enough not to pour the oil down the sink, but what to do with it? Jesse had left the bottle it had come from on the counter, which solved part of the problem. After searching the drawers, he found a funnel that he was able to use to get the oil back into the container. The pot itself was very not fun to scrub down because the oil seemed to smear all over instead of coming clean. It also made the dishwater disgusting, and so he had to make a new sinkful. Thankfully, doing so and making the water a little hotter seemed to help. Then there was the grill. 

He.Hated.It.

It wasn’t too much of a mess because Jesse had put down a layer of foil before cooking the burgers, but the grill itself was cumbersome to get into the sink and had to be flipped all around so that he could clean all of it. To make it worse, there was grease, most likely from another cooking, caked into the corners where the long bits of metal joined the... circle part -- he didn’t know what to call it. It was just gross and needed to be thoroughly scrubbed. 

By the time he finished, all he wanted to do was crawl into the shower. Up in the bedroom, Jesse had already dressed down into his pajama bottoms and a red and grey raglan shirt, and he was unpacking while playing some music from his phone. Hanzo gave him a peck on the cheek just to say hi, and then headed for the bathroom. “I’m going to have a quick shower.”

“Aww, too bad I already did or I’d join you,” Jesse replied. “Don’t worry. Just gonna hang out here.”

He’d had a feeling that Jesse was going to stick around, and this he was fine with. There was a single window in the bathroom next to the shower stall, and from this, Hanzo could see that it was finally dark out. Good. No more sunlight to compete with his candles. His shower was hasty because of this. His hair was still damp, and all he wore was a towel around his waist because he felt he didn’t need clothes to light candles. He exited the bathroom, stepping into the room with the intention of getting everything ready. What happened instead was that he had a surprise waiting for him. 

The lights were out and candles were lit on the night stands, but this was not what immediately grabbed his attention. What he couldn’t take his eyes away from was the sight of Jesse lying at the center of the bed, naked except for a cowboy hat covering his crotch with one of those atrocious green condoms dangling from his lips. When he could stop staring, he crossed the room, dropping his towel to the floor on the way. He carefully laid himself out on top of the other, removing the condom and kissing his lips. 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” He whispered gently when he pulled away.

Jesse nodded, “I can only do this with someone I love. Yes, I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, it feels so good to finally get this up! I just hope some of you all are still with me! Between the holidays, illness, and writer's block, I wasn't sure when I'd get back into the swing of this, but I knew that I would never abandon it completely. I think about these two too much to leave this unfinished. And the good news is that parts of next chapter are already written, so I hopefully won't be taking nearly three months to update again!


	19. Brisa Floral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter contains sex scenes and also a discussion of a non-consensual sex.

Jesse had said the words -- that he was ready. Yet, Hanzo found himself hesitating, using each kiss between them to silently ask his lover if he was sure. Each returned gesture of affection was full of certainty and confidence. Yet, the archer was more nervous than he would have imagined being when this moment finally came. It wasn’t as though this was Hanzo’s first time, but that experience was different. It had mostly been about finding the orgasm while experimenting in the realm of intimacy between men. Not much thought had gone into the other’s pleasure, and he was sure that his partner back then had been equally unconcerned. Jesse was different, of course. Hanzo worried about what his expectations might be enough that he let his mind become preoccupied with meeting them. Tonight was more important than the brunette cowboy would admit, and so the one who loved him tried to convey his feelings of deep affection every time their lips met, and he whispered the words in his ear before gently nibbling on it. 

When their bodies moved as one, turning onto their sides, he remembered the hat smashed in between them and pulled it away, tossing it somewhere in the room with only a passing thought for the candles. Jesse hooked one of his legs around his waist as if trying to draw him closer, and he sensed impatience in the tensing of the limb. Still, Hanzo insisted on going slow. After all, tonight was special for him as well. Not his first time, but his first with someone that he was in love with -- that meant a lot to him, and he did not want to rush the moment. 

Jesse had other ideas. 

The archer tried to kiss the stubborn cowboy breathless while his fingers roamed the curve of his spine. The leg around him squeezed, and he let his fingertips trail the damp skin so lightly that it made the other shudder. They worked their way around the curve of his rear before forming pincers to firmly grasp it. Here, Hanzo pulled away, meaning to ask just why this area already felt slick, but before he could form words, his lower lip was gently seized by his lover’s teeth. His brain couldn’t even process a reaction to this before he was being nudged onto his back. Jesse slid on top to straddle him and then leaned over to kiss him, apologetically nuzzling the assaulted bottom lip with his own. When he had enough, he moved to the other’s neck and began to trail down his body slowly. 

Hanzo somehow managed enough coherency, even as Jesse’s tongue slid up the rigid skin of his cock, to think to himself that it was perhaps for the best to let his lover take the lead. It was true that things were moving along faster than he would have liked, but in the end, he was concerned first and foremost with Jesse having a comfortable and enjoyable experience. Once he’d managed those thoughts, he proceeded to let himself melt into a puddle of pleasure on the bed as his most sensitive member slid slowly into a hot, wet mouth. He closed his eyes, letting his toes curl as he reached out to grip the bed sheets. It was almost like a punishment when the pleasure stopped abruptly. At least he was not left wondering what was happening for very long. His ears registered the sound of ripping paper, and oh no.. That’s right. He had left those ridiculous condoms on the bed earlier, and now whenever he thought back on tonight, he would also have to remember his glow in the dark dick. Perfection.

At least Jesse didn’t seem to care. He carefully rolled the latex down over Hanzo’s erection and fluffed the tip. Then he leaned towards the Japanese young man, reaching under one of the pillows and coming back with a round bottle. The lube that was squeezed out from that bottle smelled like strawberries and champagne. Jesse coated Hanzo’s cock well and then lined it up before slowly lowering himself down onto it. Once he was seated, he began to move slowly, rocking upward while his legs hooked under Hanzo’s body. Wanting to do something to help his lover’s pleasure, Hanzo grabbed the hard length between slightly hairy, sweaty thighs, stopping it from flopping up and down. Then he began to move his hand to the rhythm Jesse had set. 

This was not at all how he had imagined this moment going, but he was sure enjoying the hell out of the outcome. The opened mouthed swoon of pleasure and the way Jesse’s hair swished about his face, all illuminated in soft orange by the candles around the room was a vision he would not soon forget. His lover’s hand caressed his, silently begging him not to stop. It then squeezed and encouraged him to go faster as the cowboy himself picked up the pace. Hanzo complied and Jesse’s hands were both placed on his stomach for leverage while he rode the archer like he was a bucking bronco. 

With his free hand, he caressed the inner corner of Jesse’s thigh, drawing a long moan from him. That he was enjoying himself was evident. The brunette threw his head back and moved his hands to Hanzo’s thighs behind him so that he could change the angle that the dick entered him. This clearly hit the spot, as the noises Jesse made grew louder and more frequent. 

Hanzo had to say that it was a lot of fun being ridden by a cowboy, but he wanted to touch him more and kiss him. He wanted to be a sappy romantic and look the other in the eyes while speaking sweet words to him. Isn’t that something that Jesse, the hopeless romantic, wanted as well? The way this was happening felt so unlike him. 

But it was hard to dwell on it or anything for more than a few seconds right now when his name was being moaned. He happened to notice the bottle of lube and grabbed for it, squeezing a substantial amount into his palm and then returning to smear it all over Jesse’s now dribbling cock. 

Jesse bit his lip and let out a squeak. He could only bounce up and down a few more times before leaning in for a ravenous kiss. Meanwhile, Hanzo’s hand kept going. The way that Jesse panted and moaned into their kiss made it clear that he wouldn’t last much longer. Hanzo wrapped his arms around him gently and rolled, putting the cowboy on his back. After a little shuffling, he angled them so that one of the other’s legs draped over his body, and he entered from behind with his body slightly turned so that he could easily kiss his partner. Now THIS was more like it. 

The cowboy moaned in between kisses, only to cry out when Hanzo’s still lubricated hand touched him. It wasn’t long after that this hand became a mess as Jesse gave one long cry of “Fuuuuck!”

Hanzo wasn’t quite spent yet, so he sped up his pace, rushing to find his own orgasm before his partner wanted him out. Not long after, he was giving a long moan as he filled the condom inside of his lover. After a brief kiss, he pulled out and rid himself of the thing, tossing it into the nearby trashcan after wrapping it in a few tissues that he’d used to clean up. 

“Fuck,” Jesse cursed again, this time quieter as he curled up against Hanzo and promptly fell asleep. 

He must have needed that release, Hanzo thought as he put his arms around him. The moment had come and gone, but while he was happy about it, he couldn’t help that he had a few questions. Now was definitely not the time to ask though. His lover looked thoroughly satisfied as he slept in Hanzo’s arms. The room smelled of strawberry champagne and musk now, and it was getting a little chilly. Sighing, Hanzo gently maneuvered the cowboy so that he could burrito them both in the blanket. Once they were settled, he let himself drift off with a bit of a smile. They would talk soon, but until then, he would sleep happily while cocooned with the person he loved. 

———

When Hanzo woke again, pale blue light was sneaking into the room through the tiny spaces in between the blinds. With a yawn, he rolled onto his side, stretching his arm out with the intention of draping it around a warm body. Instead, he found the spot where Jesse should be empty. The cowboy had at least covered him up with the blanket before going, but his lover was more concerned with the fact that he had gone. Did this mean that he wasn’t able to sleep? Could it be that he had regrets?

The think too much habit kicked into full gear as Hanzo stretched and shoved his hand under one of the pillows. It wrapped around something that was correct in shape, but too squishy to be a dick. When he pulled it out, he saw that this is what it was though — a green, strawberry and champagne scented dildo with realistic veins and a bit more girth than Hanzo had. Now he had a million questions. 

His brow was heavy as he got out of bed and found a pair of cotton drawstring shorts to get into. Not bothering with socks, he padded along barefoot, stopping at the railing overlooking the living room to see if Jesse was here. No such luck, but he did smell coffee. He headed into the kitchen next and found the main door to the patio open. When he stepped out, he was frowning, but then Jesse, who had been leaning against the rail to look out over the beach, turned and smiled as a morning dew scented breeze played with his hair. That made him smile. 

“What are you doing out here?” Hanzo was met halfway by an outstretched arm, which pulled him close once he was in range. 

“I think we went to bed too early,” Jesse answered after a brief kiss. “I woke up and started thinkin’ bout things and now I’m too excited to sleep, so…” As he trailed off, he nodded his head towards a cup of black coffee sitting on the rail. “Sorry if I woke you.”

“I woke up without you,” Hanzo corrected him. A stronger breeze swirled his hair around his body and tried to waft it into his face. Shoving it back with his fingers, he looked at the cowboy, realizing that he was out here in his birthday suit. It made him turn red, and he opened his mouth to scold him before deciding against it. This was their vacation, and there was no one around to see. Besides, he had never gotten a chance to really look at Jesse’s full body in a relaxed state. Jesse had a lot of hair. There was only a little on his chest, and there was an average amount on his arms and legs, but his crotch was like a jungle with a fat brown snake dangling out. 

Jesse had said something, but Hanzo was too distracted with staring. Blushing, he looked away and mumbled, “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”

“Just said sorry again,” Jesse chuckled. “It’s ok. You can look at my dick. Long as I get to look at yours.”

“You did become rather acquainted with it last night,” Hanzo reminded him. 

“God, I know,” the cowboy smiled as he picked up his coffee. “But what the heck was that condom, honey? That thing made me feel like I was gettin’ done by a glow stick. I ain’t one for raves, but if that’s how you wanna party…”

“No,” clicking his tongue, Hanzo gave him a playful shove. “Genji gave me that. I assume he gave you a present too?”

It was risky, but the archer felt he needed to take the chance to segue into this conversation. As open as Jesse could be about most things, he also held back on a lot of other things. Perhaps it was foolish, but Hanzo hoped that since the cowboy had put himself in a vulnerable position last night, this meant that their relationship had shifted into a place of greater trust. 

Jesse was blushing now and fussing with his hair. “Um, well, I guess you saw it then, huh?” When Hanzo nodded, the other began to nervously play with he handle of his cup. “It don’t mean nothin’. I mean it’s nothin’ like...he never used it on me or nothin’. It was...he got it to help.”

Hanzo shook his head, “I’m not accusing you, Jesse. I feel that we are in a good place where I am no longer afraid that I will lose you to Genji, and hopefully, you feel that you can trust me enough to talk to me about things that are hard for you.”

“Aww, honeybee,” Jesse wrapped his arms around him and squeezed. Then he sighed, still holding on to the shorter man. At length, he stepped away and sipped his coffee. Then he started for the table, only to look at a chair and go back to the railing. He fidgeted in place a bit and then began to blush furiously. All the while, Hanzo waited patiently.

“It’s embarrassin’,” Jesse grumbled.

“Tell me, please,” Hanzo insisted, touching his hand. 

“Kay well,” Jesse took a breath and began. “Truth is, I wanted last night to happen in New York, but I got so nervous about it and kept textin’ Genji for advice, so...he sent me that thing before we stopped talkin’. Told me to just practice by myself, so that’s what I did. And… last night, I got warmed up by myself… cause…”

Reaching up, Hanzo touched Jesse’s face, “Do you trust me not to hurt you? I am not asking about last night or any time before this moment. I am asking about now. Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” Jesse smiled a little. “I trusted you then. It’s not you. It’s me. I was… scared that no matter how gentle my lover is, it’s still gonna hurt. I...I needed to get past that on my own, darlin’. It wasn’t you.”

“Jesse…” Hanzo began and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Please tell me who hurt you and what they did.”

The cowboy stopped smiling and bit his lip. He pulled his hand away, but Hanzo grabbed his chin before he could get away and held it gently. “Jesse, no matter what happened, it was not your fault. I will not let you go on thinking that it was. You deserve to heal.”

Bringing a hand to his face, Jesse shook his head and made an amused noise as he closed his eyes. He opened them again and then looked at Hanzo with his gaze shimmering a little more than his lover would have liked. “It makes me feel so pathetic. I hate to talk about it. Only my dad knows it happened, and that’s cause I panicked.”

Hanzo decided not to push again just yet because he had a feeling that Jesse would speak up if left to his own pace. Sure enough, the brunette sipped some coffee and began staring off as if watching the event from his past unfolding before him. 

“I met a boy in my GSM support group at school,” he started slowly. “He was sooo handsome, and really charmin’. Felt like butter whenever he’d talk to me, so course I fell hard for ‘em. My dads knew cause I couldn’t shut up about him, and they had no problem with him coming over. All they ever said was be safe.”

Hanzo nodded slowly, thinking to himself that Jesse had good parents. He could have never gone to Sojiro for advice about something like sex, even if it did involve a girl. Where Genji learned things, he could only imagine, but he was sure that most of it involved the internet.

His poor darling cowboy, though -- he was struggling for words in a way that left a pit in the archer’s stomach. At length, Jesse managed to continue while his fingers worried the handle on the coffee cup. “He was ok at first with just handsies and blowies, but I knew he wanted to um… penetrate. God, that’s an awful word, ain’t it? A-anyway, one day, he just really got tired of waitin’ for me to be ready. I mean, he said as much. Said I always told him no after I got him all turned on. So I just gave in.”

At this point, Hanzo put both hands on the railing and tightened his grip. He wanted to kill someone because he had a feeling that he knew where this was going. The words that were spoken next caused tiny aches throughout his heart that merged together to form a larger one. 

“I wasn’t ready yet,” his lover spoke softly as he gripped his cup while his brown eyes stared far away. “I was scared. But… I loved him, so I didn’t wanna… I didn’t wanna not do it. It… all happened so fast. Like… one minute, he was kissin’ me and makin’ me lay down, and the next, I was on my stomach, and it was... he was… I cried… the whole time. He didn’t even use a condom. I asked him to. I gave him one, but…”

“Jesse,” Hanzo’s voice was soft, but there was rage behind it. He pulled the other into his arms and squeezed him. Then he stepped back so that they could meet eyes. “It was NOT your fault. If you ignore everything I say except for one thing, please let this be the one thing you listen to.”

“I just feel so stupid,” Jesse made laughing noises, but a tear was running from one of his eyes. He swiped at it and tried to laugh again. “I was stupid. Got a sore throat a few days later and panicked and told my dad that I had unprotected sex ‘cause I thought I had some STD or somethin’. Never told him all the details. Just him hearin’ that I asked the guy to use a condom, but he didn’t... My dad went and punched in the hood of the guy’s car. That was… a thing that happened. Broke up with me sayin’ it was ‘cause he was scared of my dad. I think it was ‘cause I cried the second time too.”

“Oh Jesse,” Hanzo hugged him again.

“It’s ok! I’m ok! For a long while, I thought I just couldn’t be with another man that way, and anyway, I’ve messed around a little, but heck. I thought I was in love with that guy. I never even knew love till I fell in love with you.”

“I love you,” Hanzo said, taking his hands. “I have to ask this, I’m sorry. Were you… ok last night? Were you comfortable?”

“Yes, of course,” Jesse smiled sincerely. “It was better than I imagined it could be. And I know I should’ve told you sooner about this. I feel better now I told you. Thank you for tellin’ me it wasn’t my fault. Sometimes, it’s a little hard not to think that it was...”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Hanzo reiterated as he began to stroke his back. “And I want you to promise me that if you ever feel uncomfortable or scared or it hurts or you changed your mind or you want to stop for any reason, you will tell me.”

“I promise,” Jesse spoke softly, looking into Hanzo’s eyes. 

Hanzo kissed him gently and began caressing circles into the skin of his bare back. After a moment, he spoke casually, “Happy birthday, love.”

“Oh yeah, that’s today,” Jesse grinned. “Thank you!”

“Mhm,” Hanzo smiled. “You’ve done all of these things to make me happy, when it should have all been for you.”

“Cause it makes me happy makin’ you happy,” Jesse grinned sheepishly. 

“Well, it’s your birthday and it’s our vacation. Speaking of, since we’re awake, we can get an early start. Let’s dress comfortably today. It will be warm and we will be doing a bit of walking.”

“Right! I’ll go shower!”

As his lover passed, Hanzo indulged himself by giving that bare butt a slap. Then he headed inside to make tea. His cowboy must have been pretty excited because by the time Hanzo had his cup of tea, Jesse was back in a white tee with a print of some sort of map in tan, dark blue jeans, and black sneakers that laced in clean white. His hair was still damp and pulled back into a little twist with the shorter hairs at his neck sticking out, and he had a dark blue denim jacket slung over his shoulder. 

“Good. Casual.” Hanzo approved. “I will go get dressed now and then we are ready to leave.”

Hanzo did his best to keep his shower brief, but having such long hair made it nearly impossible. By the time he joined Jesse in the kitchen, dressed in a white t-shirt, blue jeans, and a cream colored jacket printed with paisleys in a dark blue ink color, the cowboy was divvying up eggs and potatoes between two containers. To finish, he folded two tortillas into each container and turned to Hanzo with a smile. 

“There! A quick breakfast that we can eat in the car since we’re gonna have a long travel time before we can eat again, right?”

“We are,” Hanzo smiled as he kissed his cheek. “And I love how you think to prepare ahead this way. Are we ready then?”

“Yup,” Jesse nodded. “I called Chico, and he’s waiting outside.”

The cowboy handed over the two containers, each with a fork on top, and got four bottles of water from the fridge. Then he and Hanzo started for the front door with the latter asking, “Who is Chico?”

“Oh, Chico is a nickname for people named Francisco. He told me that on the phone earlier-- not the Chico thing, cause I knew that. He said it’s ok to call him that.”

“Oh,” Hanzo shrugged. 

As planned, they ate their breakfast in the car, and around the time that they finished, they were arriving at the train station. The sun had fully risen as they boarded their train with a promise from Chico that he would take care of their dishes. If he had been traveling with his father, Hanzo would never have dreamed of eating in a luxury car that way, but he was with Jesse. With his boyfriend, anything and everything could happen. 

Jesse let him have the window seat, but it didn’t matter much to him. They ended up leaning into each other and having a nap once the train got going anyway. The couple only bothered to look out of the window once they were close to their destination. An elderly couple was seated across from them, bickering a little about ‘biscuits’, which Jesse would bring up later as something that always confused him since they were talking about what Americans call cookies. Hanzo was a bit distracted with imagining that one day, that old couple could be them, though he was not sure which one would be the one to scold the other for eating too much sugar, since they both liked to indulge.

When they stepped out of the train station at their destination, they were immediately met with the scent of flowers carried on a warm breeze. This made Hanzo feel slightly guilty, as the experience reminded him so much of Hanamura that their destination felt to be more of a treat for him than it was for Jesse. But his boyfriend immediately grabbed his hand and started walking with his eyes full of excitement. They had planned this together, so they both knew exactly where the cafe they would have lunch at would be. The flowers all over the building bloomed in shades of red and pink that Hanzo didn’t even know existed, and they smelled like sweet perfume. They were seated out on the patio and then given lots of delicious foods with names Hanzo didn’t think he could pronounce correctly. But, coming from Jesse’s lips, they sounded beautiful, naturally. 

The couple ate until they could hold no more, and then had a few drinks and relaxed while digesting a bit. Once they felt that they could walk without stomach cramps, they resumed their adventure. 

Every year, the people of this city would decorate the patios of their houses with lots of flowers and then have a contest for the best decorated patio -- the couple had read this together during one of their late night video calls and decided that they needed to see it. Of course, there were loads of other tourists who had come to see the same, but the couple was content to patiently follow the flow in and out of the residential gardens. Jesse had brought along his small camera, and he used it to take lots of pictures. It was a little embarrassing when he insisted that Hanzo should be in a few of them, but the young man complied, knowing that it would make his boyfriend happy. 

Visiting all of the homes took them well into the afternoon. They stopped briefly at another cafe to get refreshments and use the restrooms. Then they were off to their next destination. A beautiful courtyard filled with orange trees and gorgeous fountains took them to a cathedral that had been built around a mosque hundreds of years ago. 

“Why didn’t we just book a place in this city again?” Jesse asked as they took in the beauty of the intricate wood carvings and statues throughout the cathedral. 

“Because we wanted to stay on the beach, remember?” Hanzo teased him. 

“Oh yeah,” Jesse smirked. “I brought my shorts too!”

Their sight-seeing took them into the early evening. They got a light dinner and a few drinks. Then it was back to the train. On their way, they fell asleep again, and they dozed a bit in the car. By the time they arrived back at the beach house, it was one in the morning, and neither was sleepy. They decided to end the evening with a pitcher of sangria and a late night snack of cheese and fruit out on the patio.

“Can I tell you somethin’ else?” Jesse asked once they were a few glasses in. 

“Anything,” Hanzo nodded. 

“Genji started to scare me,” this confession was so surprising that Hanzo barely knew how to process it at first. Yet, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense, especially when Jesse went on. “We were friends, and yeah, I thought he was attractive, but he started in on tryin’ to get into my pants, and that scared me…”

“In his defense, I don’t think he would have hurt you,” Hanzo begrudgingly agreed. “But that doesn’t matter. You have a right to feel comfortable, Jesse.”

“I know,” Jesse hung his head. “I feel so stupid. My dads talked to me about safe sex and consent all the time. That’s why I think it was my fault sometimes, what happened. I could’ve beat the shit outta that guy, but I just froze and let him take charge of me.”

“No, my Jesse,” Hanzo spoke softly. As he reached out to touch the other’s hand, he saw that his eyes were glistening. “You’re blaming yourself again. It’s not your fault.”

“I’m sorry, Hanzo,” Jesse spoke softly. “When you were… being mean to me… I did flirt with Genji a little. I’m not innocent. I made out with you in the park that time and let you believe I wanted to…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Hanzo reached up to touch his face. “All I’m hearing is that you were hurt by something that should have been amazing, and it made you afraid of it. Jesse, it’s ok to flirt and it’s ok to change your mind. I’m so sorry that my brother scared you, and if he crossed any lines with you, I will…”

“No, no,” Jesse shook his head, cutting Hanzo off. “He never crossed any lines. I was just scared of the idea of anyone wanting to...be with me that way. I don’t… even know if I can blame my ex for all of it. I mean, we watched all that porn. They just go in, don’t they? No condom. No lube. Nothin’. I knew better, but it’s no wonder he thought he just could, you know?”

“No one talked to him like your parents did for you,” Hanzo nodded and then gave his boyfriend a serious look. “But that doesn’t excuse that he hurt you. You told him what he needed to do, and he ignored you. It’s his fault that you were hurt, Jesse. Please listen to me. You were a victim, and you deserve to heal.”

“Do you think…” Jesse began and then fidgeted with the stem of his glass. “You think… it’s bad enough that maybe I need to talk to somebody?”

“I think that it could help to give it a try,” Hanzo nodded. “If you need me to go with you, I will.”

“No, no,” Jesse waved his hand. “Listen, let’s not talk about this anymore this trip, ok? I mean, I know I brought it up again. I just... dunno.”

“You needed to talk about it,” Hanzo began stroking his hair. “I’m glad that you’re opening up to me.”

Jesse began using one thumbnail to pick at the other as he looked down at his hands. He started slowly, “Then… is it wrong that… I want to try to talk to Genji again? I know that he hurt you, but…”

“You were hurt by Genji the most,” Hanzo reminded him. “He was your friend, but he was willing to throw that away because you wouldn’t sleep with him. I understand now more than ever how delicate of a subject physical intimacy is for you.”

“I never told him about what happened,” Jesse shook his head. “I never gave him a real reason why, other than I just wanted to be friends.”

“That should be good enough,” Hanzo spoke in a tone that was soft, yet stern. He continued to stroke Jesse’s hair, wishing that he would look at him. “I’m not going to tell you what to do. I might have before when I was scared that he was going to take you away from me, but I feel that we are beyond that now. I just want you to be happy, Jesse. I want you to heal and to know that you do not deserve to be hurt.”

“What about Genji?” Jesse asked softly. “And you? I want you both to be happy. I wish… I mean… I keep wonderin’ why you two don’t get along. I mean...is it...cause of me?”

“No,” Hanzo shook his head immediately. “No, our relationship has been strained for a long time now. We should not have fought over you the way that we did because you deserve better than that. We have been fighting for so long that I think we don’t know how to stop.”

“Will you… tell me what happened to you?” Jesse asked. “Please?”

Hanzo sighed as he acknowledged that it was his turn to share. He had a little more of his drink and then refilled both glasses from the pitcher on the table while his partner waited patiently. After a short pause, he took in a breath and began, “My responsibilities and the expectations of me increased as I grew older, as they do when one is the heir of the Shimada clan. The second son, by design, has a much easier life than the eldest. Genji was expected to train and learn all that he could in order to support his older brother, but he never had a need to learn all of the things that I did. He had more free time to play the games and read the books that I didn’t have time for. He made friends that I didn’t have time to make. He had experiences that I didn’t get to have. So we became unable to relate to each other.” 

Or I became unable to relate to him… 

Pausing to frown down into his drink, he remembered again how he had stopped caring to go to festivals while holding his little brother’s hands. All of the toys and games had felt too childish when he was still a child in age. 

“At first,” he resumed in a quieter tone. “He felt childish to me, but that changed when he became sexually experienced while I was still a sheltered virgin. I would hear the rumors, and I would feel embarrassed and that he was shaming the family. There was a rumor that the head of another prominent family caught his son and a bunch of other boys having sex with each other. One of those boys was rumored to be Genji.” 

Remembering this time, he couldn’t help but shake his head before glancing at Jesse, who was looking at him as though he was telling the most compelling story in the world. Shifting his gaze back to his glass, he went on, “Father was so ashamed of it that he hid his face for months. I don’t know if it was true or not, that rumor, but the shame was in the fact that it did sound to my father and myself like something that Genji would get into. It changed the way that I looked at my brother, but I think on it now, and I realize that I became a hypocrite. I often called him shameful while attempting to suppress my curiosity about my own sexuality. I was afraid of my own desires, and so it was difficult for me to know that my younger brother was out there doing these things…freely having these experiences before me. Even with girls. They lined up for Genji. I don’t think anyone ever noticed me...” 

Admitting to someone else the feelings of jealousy that he had garnered towards his younger brother was new and also cathartic. He was a bit ashamed of it, but when he looked into the brown eyes of the person next to him, he saw nothing but sympathy. A hand reached for his, and when it was squeezed, he squeezed back. 

“My father and Genji would talk about all of the pretty girls and whether or not they were potential wives for my brother. Meanwhile, when talk of my marriage to a woman would come up, I would feel… wrong. Genji did try to introduce me to a girl once, but I… couldn’t… so he did. That’s how it was. If anyone did notice me at all, they would change their mind and fall for Genji soon enough. It was… confusing. I didn’t want to admit that I felt relieved, especially with the young women. All I could do was wonder why he could like girls, but I couldn’t. I just kept thinking that maybe when I got older... maybe... I didn’t care about sex yet, and he was the strange one to be experienced so soon. 

Either way, the rift grew and we couldn’t understand each other. Then I met a boy…” Hanzo started to smile here, but he wasn’t entirely sure why. This was not the happiest of memories -- even Jesse realized that, evidenced by the gentle squeezing of his hand. Still, Hanzo kept smiling, and he took in a breath before continuing, “For the first time in my life, I felt… right. Like I was doing something that I wanted to do, and it felt so freeing. We’d spend hours and sometimes days experimenting with each other. I was excited by doing something that I thought was dirty and bad. It felt like rebelling. And I began to think I was in love. The only person I told was my grandfather, but he said to me to come back when I was older and he’d believe me then. So I stopped believing it too, I guess. I told myself it was just fun. Then I came home early from a trip with my father. I heard noises coming from Genji’s room that sounded like he was being hurt. He wasn’t being hurt. He was being fucked by that boy I convinced myself I didn’t love. ‘Close the door’. That’s all they had to say to me. ‘Get out, and close the door’.”

“So Genji is that type of person,” Jesse spoke softly when the story was finished. “He could hurt you that way... He would even use me to hurt you. I’m not going to talk to him.”

“Somehow, it feels wrong to ask you that,” Hanzo shook his head. 

“But you’re not,” his boyfriend disagreed. “I’m makin’ this decision on my own. After he fucked me a few times, he would’a just thrown me away all happy that he took another person that you wanted to be with. I’m glad you’re the one that I fell in love with. I’m just sorry for all the times you were hurt, and all the times I helped him hurt you.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jesse,” Hanzo spoke softly and smiled as he smoothed down some stray brown hairs on the other’s head. “You know, I am happy that we talk to each other so much. In my first relationship, if you can call it that, we never talked. We didn’t discuss at all what any of it meant to us, and we didn’t set any boundaries. It’s no wonder he ended up in bed with Genji. What right did I have to assume that we were exclusive?”

“We talked in my last relationship, but it was mostly about how he wanted to fuck and he wanted me to hurry up and give it to him,” Jesse shrugged. “It’s different with you because, I dunno, sometimes, it feels like you tell me so much without even sayin’ a word at all. I trust you, and.. I want you. Will you warm me up this time instead’a me doin’ it myself?”

“Of course,” Hanzo smiled. 

He wasn’t new to it at all, using a dildo to pleasure his partner. But in past experiences, it had been a rough job meant to draw the loudest noises possible out of the recipient. Tonight, it was all about making sure that he was gentle -- about reading the signs of pleasure from his lover while caressing him in the most sensitive of places. He wanted tonight to be about Jesse and his pleasure -- he wanted him to know that there was no good reason that making love should be something painful to endure while praying that it was over soon and that his lover would still love him when it was done. So when Jesse begged him not to stop, even though his cock ached to be inside of him, he kept going with the toy until his lover’s cheeks turned bright red and he exploded all over himself. 

“Shit,” Jesse cursed as he came down. “I didn’t meant to… just from that.”

“It’s ok, my darling,” Hanzo reassured him. “This is your night, so I will only do what you ask.”

PIcking up the dildo, Jesse’s entire face grew red, and he seemed so shy about what he was clearly going to ask that Hanzo thought he was going to get a cavity from the sweetness. “Can I…? To you?”

“I would enjoy that,” Hanzo nodded.

And he was happy lying spread eagled and exposed to his cowboy -- the person he loved and trusted more than anyone in this world. It felt amazing just to let go -- to not care about roles and defined labels, but to experience pleasure at the hands of someone who made his heart beat a little too fast with just three words. All that mattered to him was that they were with each other, so when Jesse pulled the dildo out and rubbed his erection against his slick entrance asking, “Hanzo, can I?” there was no hesitation in his yes. He wrapped his legs around his darling’s body, and their pace matched each other in a dance of pleasure that ended with their cries of mutual pleasure and a glow in the dark condom being tossed on the floor. He would get that in morning. For now, he just wanted to sleep while holding the cowboy that had stolen his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, this chapter was hard to write, but I'm glad that I got through it. I feel like Jesse and Hanzo have hit a really great point in their relationship where it's strengthened for the things that are to come. Heheheh ~ I do have a lot of next chapter written. When I finished this chapter, I just kept right on going until I reached a stopping point to edit all of this and also work on other projects. SO, if all goes well, I should update this again soon!
> 
> A little OT, but apparently, Camay makes a scent of soap called Brisa Floral, and you can buy like 12 bars for $20 on Amazon. I considered buying it, but what if I hate the scent? Then I'm stuck with 12 bars of soap that I hate.


	20. Vice Chairman Shimada

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for descriptions of masturbation. I should mutate my tags at some point.

Hanzo prayed that time would go slowly, but it sped by like the bullet train they’d taken to Córdoba. There were so many places to eat and to see in this country, making their days seem to go quickly because they were having so much fun. Jesse had to unload his camera of pictures and videos onto his laptop several times because of all the sight seeing they did. They also spent a lot of time on the beach. Both were good swimmers, but most of their time in the water was spent holding on to each other and chatting in between kisses. Their conversations weren’t very serious after their second night, which was fine with Hanzo. There were still things that he wanted to know, but he decided that he would try for them when they weren’t enjoying their vacation. Though they were young, the two of them were burdened with pressures and responsibilities that a lot of adults could not handle. Hanzo thought that this is why they matched each other so well, and it was also why they needed this escape. 

In his case, the knowledge that he was being shipped to China loomed over his head and gained a greater presence as the days of their vacation were ticked away. He mostly thought about it during their downtime, such as the fifth night while Jesse was transferring pictures to his laptop from his camera. 

“I wrote about my time in Japan and New York,” he had sheepishly explained earlier in the night. “It actually did well, so I was thinkin’ that I would write about my time in Spain.”

“Will you mention falling in love?” Hanzo teased him. 

“I might, actually,” the cowboy blushed. “But don’t worry, I use a pen name. That Joel Morricone one. I gave you a name too. You are Hiro Terada.”

“I love it,” Hanzo chuckled. “I believe Hiro-san should have his own ID for buying liquor in the US.”

“I’ll make you one,” his delinquent of a boyfriend grinned. “I’ll have it ready for you the next time you come.”

He hoped that this would be soon because the more time passed, the sooner it would be until he was separated from Jesse again. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to do it without crying. Never in his life had he imagined loving someone this much. It was like a fairytale without a godmother to wave a wand so that everything was made easier with magic. Life in the real world meant that Hanzo was going to have to eventually explain to his father that he was homosexual and in love with a gang leader from New Mexico. He didn’t know how he was going to approach it, but he had at least thought enough on the timing to decide that he would do his best to establish himself in Hong Kong first. Once his father saw his success there, he would be a little more open to what was going to be a discussion about changing tradition.

The day he dreaded came in the blink of an eye. He and Jesse couldn’t sleep at all that night, so they made love several times and talked until sunrise. They decided to part ways at the hotel. Hanzo needed to pick up Shuichi, and Jesse needed to retrieve Faye. Of course, neither were surprised that Hanzo’s cousin Kotaro was also there with a suitcase, needing to hitch a flight back home. What did surprise the couple was how close he and Faye were -- hugging tightly and growing emotional when it came time for them to say goodbye.

“I guess you aren’t the only Shimada breaking tradition,” Jesse laughed with glistening eyes. 

“I guess not,” Hanzo agreed.

He was too sad to think of speeches, so reminding his boyfriend that he loved him was all that he managed. Jesse returned it, and once Hanzo was in the car, he shut the door for him and gave him a sad wave. 

“You too, huh?” Hanzo asked his cousin when they were rolling.

His cousin sighed, “Yeah, me too. At first, all we talked about was games and stuff. Then we started talking about how to see each other again. My mother is NOT going to approve.”

“Neither is my father,” Hanzo snorted. “But at least you chose a woman.”

————

Almost the second Hanzo arrived home in Hanamura, he was instructed to pack quickly while the plane was being refueled. He would be taken immediately to Hong Kong, where his father and brother were waiting for him. The poor, lovesick young man had only slept a little on the plane, and so he was exhausted and had been looking forward to crawling into his bed. Instead, he hurried through a shower and then dressed in a dark blue suit and tie. By the time that he was dressed and packed, the plane was ready to fly again.

He napped a bit on the flight, but before he knew it, they were touching ground. From the plane, he was whisked into a car, which immediately took him to the large tower that served as his family’s Chinese headquarters. From there, he was pulled into a meeting. 

While assassinations and espionage were a big part of the Shimada family’s income, they were invested in several public facing businesses. He would be overseeing the Hong Kong branch of their bank. Being named as Vice Chairman meant that he would mostly be attending meetings, signing checks, approving budgets, and making day to day decisions. The bigger decisions would still be run through his father, but in a way that would make it appear to those who didn’t know better that Hanzo had called the shot.

After the meeting, his father personally escorted him down to what would be his office. A pair of glass doors led into the reception area, which held several chairs along the right wall, and a glass desk that was manned by a beautiful young woman in a dark blue skirt suit and a light blue blouse. Her makeup was very modest, and her dark hair was pulled up into a neat bun. 

“Good evening, Vice Chairman Shimada,” she bowed to him first and then to his father. “Chairman Shimada, good evening. Hot tea is waiting for you on your desk, Mr. Vice Chairman. My name is Chunhua. If you need anything more, please call for me.”

“Thank you, Chunhua,” Hanzo spoke in his best business tone. Inside, he was chuckling a little bit, thinking to himself that Jesse was going to have fun with that title. 

The new Vice Chairman led the way into his office, which took his breath away. The walls on either side were filled with shelves of books from floor to ceiling. A large blue rug traveled up the center area, leading to his desk, which was at the far end of the room. His desk was huge and amazing. It was set up with dual monitors, and of course, he had his fancy business phone. But what he loved most was the fact that the entire back wall behind his work area was windows that overlooked the city. There were blue curtains bunched together in the far right corner, but he couldn’t imagine ever drawing them. In awe, he wandered towards his desk and saw that a door to the left lead into his private bathroom. Along this same wall, a table was set up with a one cup machine, and there were already pods of several tea selections. In theory, he would almost never have to leave this room, as he had a secretary that he could send out after food. As soon as he got some coffee pods, Jesse was going to have fun with this too.

“This was my office, but now it’s yours,” his father spoke proudly as he put a hand on his shoulder, interrupting further thoughts of what fun his boyfriend would have. “Feel free to change anything that you want.”

Hanzo shook his head and then smiled, “It’s perfect.”

After seeing the office, Sojiro decided that the two of them should go out for dinner. Genji had already ordered pizza to his room by this point, which was a relief to Hanzo. The things that he and Jesse had talked about were fresh on his mind, so he felt that it would be awkward seeing his brother.

They found a place for dumplings and drinks, and had a good meal together with idle conversation. Sojiro wanted to know about the trip, so Hanzo told him the safe details, leaving out the fact that he had done all of these things with Jesse. After that, Sojiro talked about what he had been doing, and informed Hanzo that Genji seemed to be in a relationship. This conversation made the older brother especially uncomfortable because he had a feeling where this would all go next.

“She is pretty, isn’t she? That Chunhua?” his father asked at length. “I understand that she comes from a good family as well.”

“Then why does she work as my secretary?” Hanzo asked stiffly. 

“Well, I don’t know, but I’m sure that she has a good reason,” his father answered.

“Father, I can’t date my secretary…”

“No, of course not,” Sojiro waved his hand with a laugh that was a little too forced. “I wasn’t suggesting that at all!”

Except that he was, and this frightened Hanzo enough that he brought it up to Jesse that night over their video chat. “You should… also know that usually marriages are arranged for the first Shimada son. So far, it hasn’t come up, but I have to assume that my father has someone picked out.”

“Maybe this Chunhua girl,” Jesse frowned. “What’re we gonna do, Zo? Does your father expect you to marry soon?”

Hanzo sighed, “Marriage typically happens soon after 18, but there have been past heirs that delayed things, one as long as three years. My father was twenty when he married my mother, but it was because they requested to court each other for a year, and then they wanted a certain date for the wedding. Leeway is given as long as the heir finds a bride and produces Shimada sons. I am going to propose to my father a situation in which I will not be producing sons…”

 

“I mean, we could always get a surrogate, right? Or adopt? I mean... I am assumin’ that you would even marry me...”

“Well, you’re a strong candidate,” Hanzo smiled at him despite the serious nature of their discussion. “But honestly, I’m not ready yet. Even now, I have my father’s rules to follow. It feels as though I would be going right from childhood to adulthood having barely experienced either. I want more adventure with you, Jesse. I want to go to LA and San Francisco and New York again, but to be in Times Square for New Years. I want to go to Paris and London and Venice during the carnival and any place at all in Germany…”

“Zo, can I ask you somethin’ honest? Do you… really wanna take over the clan?”

“OF course I do,” the Shimada heir answered quickly. “But I want to see the world and to truly experience it before I do, not just to go to these locations for business, but to really experience them like we did in Spain. My father… he had been promising me that we would go to the Mets for years, but things always came up. That will be my life once I am the Shimada head. Before I settle into that life, I want to live.”

“Then you should tell your father that,” Jesse suggested. “Tell him that you want to see the world and enjoy it without him breathing down your neck with time limits and rules. Even with Spain, we only had the week, and Shuichi had to come. We had to swear him to silence about everything.”

“I know, Darling, I know,” Hanzo sighed. “We will talk about this, and I will ask for him to be lenient, but please be prepared for anything. After all, I will be the first Shimada son to ask to marry his male lover. In the past, men in my position would marry a woman and father the expected sons. Then they were free to live a happy life with their lover, but it was never spoken of openly when it happened that way. Their true loves were the husbands and wives of secret.”

“I will be that.”

“What?”

“I will be your secret husband,” Jesse spoke softly, but with determination in his eyes. “If you have to marry a woman and have a son, I’ll wait to become your secret husband.”

“Jesse, no,” Hanzo began and then sighed. “No, let’s not… let’s not resign ourselves to that yet. We’ll wait to see what happens. I’m going to talk to my father before he leaves for Hanamura and try to find out where his head is. If he isn’t even thinking of marriage for me yet, I don’t want to accidentally put it into his head.”

“You’re right,” his sighing boyfriend agreed. “Don’t get him thinkin’ bout somethin’ he maybe wasn’t before or thinkin’ bout it even more if he was.”

“Right, so I will talk to him tomorrow.”

Hanzo was determined to do so, in fact, he spent most of the time he should have been sleeping thinking of ways to approach his father about this. He was going to have to come out eventually, but he wanted his father to understand that he was also not ready to be married so young, even if it was to Jesse. Moreover, he preferred a definite say in who he was going to spend his life with. Divorce was not something that the Shimadas believed in, so he wanted more than anything to go into this with the right person. 

The only right person he could think of was Jesse. 

Of course, there was no way he was going to get a traditional wife out of that cowboy, and he was more than fine with that. He liked cooking for Jesse, but he would love cooking WITH Jesse. His thoughts went on a slight tangent after he decided they should do that more often -- cook together. Then they’d clean the kitchen together and have post dinner cuddles together. Shouldn’t all couples be this way? Isn’t marriage supposed to be about becoming a team? It felt like he had come across the perfect co-captain, but maybe it was too soon to know. The point was, he wanted the freedom to find that out. 

Perhaps in another year or two of dating Jesse, he would be ready to marry him. Hanzo had a feeling they could make it for the long haul, though he often worried that the distance would be a strain. And how would Jesse feel about a husband that would sometimes have to miss dinner to a kill a man or two? A wife picked by his father would tolerate it all, but he didn’t want tolerance. He wanted a special someone to make happy, and again, it all led back to that cowboy if his. He just wanted to make Jesse happy. 

By the time he was finally too tired to think anymore, he only had a couple of hours left to his alarm. Luckily, determination to speak to his father was like coffee for him once he started his day. He also felt a sense of genuine excitement. His future seemed uncertain, but he didn’t hate it. While he still believed that some things should be carefully planned, he felt that some room should be left in life for the things that aren’t planned. He had never planned to fall so in love with that crazy America kid who had thrown water in the floor, but he was glad that he had. Before, he would never have thought to question his arranged marriage or even to follow the desires of his heart. Everything had been for the clan, but this was going to be for himself.

Unfortunately, things often don’t go quite to plan. It turned out he barely had alone time with his father that day. In all of his planning, he had completely forgotten that Genji would be around. Hanzo found himself in back to back meetings as well, and then there were things to sign, and more people to meet, and a press conference to attend, and there was the tailor to measure the brothers for more suits, and being shown Genji’s office, and on and on. By the time it all finished, his father was on his way to the plane back to Hanamura. 

That evening, Hanzo found himself in front of his laptop on a video call with Jesse trying his best to enjoy the sexy sight of his boyfriend leaning back in a chair with his legs in the air while pleasuring himself with a toy. This time, it was a glass one that Hanzo had ordered online for him because he didn’t like the idea of his boyfriend pleasuring himself with a gift from another man. Pleasuring himself for Hanzo to watch had been Jesse’s idea, and Hanzo certainly didn’t hate it, as evidenced by the boner that he was idly stroking. But his thoughts kept wandering enough that eventually Jesse caught on. 

“What’s wrong, Honeybee?” He frowned, sitting up and dropping the toy onto his lap. “Is this too much? I know we never done this before, and I’m sorry. All I could think about is that I want you so bad. I didn’t think…”

“No, I’m enjoying this,” Hanzo reassured him. “And I’m sorry this is how we have to be together for now. It’s… I didn’t talk to my father, and now he’s back in Hanamura.”

“Oh,” Jesse said softly. 

“But maybe this is better,” Hanzo piped up optimistically. “Let’s just focus on us and not worry about him until it comes up.”

“Well, ok,” that same soft tone was taken. 

“You’re not happy,” Hanzo sighed. 

“No, I am… I mean…” Jesse stammered and rubbed a hand through his hair. “No, I just… I meant what I said. I’ll be the side husband or whatever if I have to. I just also don’t wanna have to. I read this story once ‘bout a man who was cheatin’ on his wife with another man, and she said she was ok as long as it wasn’t another woman. But I thought, it’s still cheatin’ ain’t it? Don’t matter what gender, it’s still another person that you have to share someone you love with. So… I’m sayin’ that it wouldn’t be the happiest situation for me if it came to that, but I would do it to be with you cause I understand that it’s not like you had a choice. I knew when I got into this that bein’ with you came with complications.”

“Jesse, listen to me. I will not let it come to that. I will not have you as my side anything. I will not allow you to be unhappy that way. If it seems that things are going to be that way, I will do what I have to do so that you are never put in that position. Please, trust me.”

“I trust you,” Jesse spoke softly. 

“Thank you, Jesse,” Hanzo smiled. “Do you want to continue?”

“No, I already went soft. Think I’m just gonna go to bed,” Jesse answer quietly. “Goodnight, Darlin’.”

Jesse wasn’t happy -- this became evident over the next week or so. It was easier to notice in their video chats, of course, but even the cowboy’s texts failed to convey the usual excitement and enthusiasm that was so characteristic of Jesse. When they spoke over their calls, while his boyfriend smiled and tried to act as though everything was ok, Hanzo didn’t miss the fact that he was quieter than usual. Jesse didn’t have a lot of stories to share, and even when he did bring up a food they should try or a place they should go, it was Hanzo that found himself carrying the conversation. It worried him. 

He didn’t think that Jesse was giving up on them. More so, he could see how his partner was trying his hardest to be happy, but couldn’t quite manage it. Jesse was either worried that he would end up being the secret lover or that he would be completely cast aside. Hanzo couldn’t fault him for that. Too much of his life had been out of his control, and Jesse knew that well. He knew enough of Hanzo’s history to worry that his darling was going to be forced into something. 

“Jesse, I won’t let it happen,” he spoke to him after this had gone on for more than a week. “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, and… I know it’s hard, but please believe in me, ok? I will not give you up without a fight.”

“Honey, I’m sorry,” Jesse sighed. “It’s not just that. Spendin’ everyday with you in Spain was a huge high to come down from. I crashed pretty hard, and then all this with your father and marriage came up. I’ll be ok. Sorry I didn’t warn ya that I’m a crybaby sometimes.”

“You are a giant baby,” Hanzo spoke with a teasing smirk. “But you are mine to love and cherish, as cliche as that may sound. And, I think it would have been better for you to have known sooner about the possibility of my arranged marriage…”

“You tried to warn me,” Jesse interrupted. “And Genji did tell me that it might be like this. Then he said that I make you happy, so…”

“Genji said that?” Hanzo was surprised to hear this. 

“Mhm, when I was trying to get advice and all. He said somethin’ long the lines of how I shouldn’t let myself fall too hard for you because you are the heir, and the heir is expected to continue the family by havin’ sons. I asked him what if you had all daughters.”

“Oddly enough, that has yet to happen,” Hanzo smiled a little, thinking it would be just his luck to end up having all daughters. He wouldn’t mind, but several members of his family might rupture a vein. Getting back on subject, he met Jesse’s eyes as best as he could in their situation. “Jesse, please try not to worry too much. I want you relaxed. In fact, where is your toy?”

Jesse’s response was to turn red as he stood up and slid his boxers down. He stepped out of them and then sat down again, angling the camera just right and then pulling out a long velvet pouch. With that placed next to him in his chair, he began to stroke his dick while speaking casually to Hanzo.

“I wanted to tell you I’ll be in Switzerland for a while. I might not be able to do… this, but I’ll try to at least say goodnight.”

Hanzo smiled as he undid his pants and reached inside to rub himself with a pace that matched Jesse's. “Thank you for telling me. When you arrive safely, please let me know.”

“I promise, darlin’,” the cowboy smiled as he got the lube and lifted his legs to apply some to himself.

Hanzo hated that this was as close to making love as they could come while separated, but he had to admit that watching Jesse pleasure himself really did turn him on. He would have to ask the cowboy to do it at least once in person. Even though he was doing everything to himself and using a toy to do it, Jesse always moaned his Japanese lover’s name as if they were truly together, and when he came, he always looked at Hanzo in a way that made the recipient want to fuck him into the mattress. 

Once Jesse got started, they didn’t talk -- not with words, but their eye contact said everything. They wanted to touch each other -- to taste and even smell each other, but the technology was not sophisticated enough for that yet. 

The cowboy finished first, leaning back red faced into his chair and then gently sliding the toy out of himself. He then watched as Hanzo finished while giving himself a few strokes every now and then. 

“Hey, next time we do this, you should play with a toy,” Jesse smirked at him.

Hanzo blushed at the idea, but nodded, “Well, I’ll order something new tomorrow then. For now, I should get to bed.”

“Okay, I love you, darlin’. I’ll let you know when I get to Switzerland ok, ok?”

“Yes, please,” Hanzo smiled. “I love you, Jesse. Be safe.”

There would come a day where he would look back on this and similar conversations and he would realize how innocent they were. Neither assumed that something could go wrong. Dangerous missions in far away countries felt about the same as sending your lover off to an office job in the morning. 

He was in the middle of dinner the next night when he got the requested update from his boyfriend. “Here. Love you.”

“Pictures. Love you too.”

—————-

Whenever he thought of Switzerland, Hanzo always thought of snow, mountains, and skiing, so he was surprised when later on that night, he received a picture of Jesse dressed much as he had been in Spain, but of course, he was wearing that yellow scarf of Hanzo’s again. At this point, he decided that Jesse should just have the thing since he loved it so much, but he wanted something of Jesse’s in return. One of his shirts would be nice. That flannel he’d worn when they’d gone shopping for the festival had looked nice and warm. Hanzo decided to bring it up the next time they talked.

But other than a quick “I love you”, he didn’t hear much of anything from Jesse over the next few days. Of course, he knew that his boyfriend was probably doing jobs. The Deadlock Gang was only on retainer to the Shimadas, which meant that they would only be called when they were needed. So far, Sojiro hadn’t found work for their American connections. Anything that Hanzo needed done in Hong Kong, he sent out to the family’s Chinese retainers, since it would be an obvious insult to them and a waste of time and resources to call in Jesse’s gang. Because of this, it made sense that Jesse would take other work, though Hanzo would point out if asked that the retainer fee that the Deadlock Gang got paid monthly happened to be nothing to sneeze at. He could imagine that they just liked the action. For that, he couldn’t blame them. Sitting at a desk all day got to be boring at times. When he’d been training for this, he’d thought he was going to be doing a lot more killing himself…

“Mr. Vice Chairman, the Chairman is on line 3.”

It was a typical day at the office, including a call from his father. Hanzo was doing a good job— everyone said so. Even his father had said it, but he also kept calling to check on his son at least once a day. The eldest Shimada son was beginning to suspect that his father was feeling a bit of empty nest syndrome since his favorite baby bird was also in Hong Kong. Surprisingly, Sojiro didn’t ask much about Genji when he called beyond questions of how he was behaving. 

Genji was actually doing fine. It turned out that he had a real head for numbers, and he liked when Hanzo gave him the expense reports and other accounting related things to look over. The brothers weren’t talking much outside of business pleasantries, but their work relationship was going rather well. Even more surprising, the youngest brother was not going out or partying much at all. Some nights, he was even in bed by 9. Hanzo thought that the early hours must have been responsible for that. All in all, there wasn’t much to report to his father at all when it came to Genji.

But Sojiro still called, and now that he was on the phone with his son, he was insisting on flying in for the weekend. 

“I want to see how messy the flat is,” he chuckled. 

Hanzo was going to get the last laugh because the boys were employing a maid, for one, and they were both pretty good about keeping their spaces neat and organized. That night, Hanzo even took pride in putting some spare bed linens into the washing machine to freshen them for their father’s visit. The boys were actually living like independent men!

They took their father out for dinner when he arrived that night, and he was impressed and very happy as Hanzo repeated the same things he had already been telling his father about his brother. “Genji does really well with the expense reports and such. He works surprisingly hard, and is always on time for work.”

“Is this true, Sparrow? Or is Hanzo saying that to make it seem like he’s keeping you in line,” their father’s eyes twinkled a bit, making it obvious that he was teasing, but Hanzo was slightly insulted anyway. 

Genji shrugged, “I am doing what I should as the second son by supporting my brother. Hanzo works hard, so I do what I can to lighten his burden.”

“I’m proud of you,” their father beamed like the sun. “I’m proud of both of you.”

The bit of negative feeling that Hanzo had melted away hearing these words. Their father was proud of both of them! Even though a rebellious spirit was beginning to rise up in him, he was still the type of son who found great joy in his father’s approval. 

They chatted a bit about other things, and then the subject turned to Genji’s coming birthday. Their father wanted to have the party back in Hanamura, but Genji dismissed the idea, saying that he just wanted to have a quiet dinner this year. Hearing this, Hanzo began to piece things together and came to a conclusion that he was not entirely sure of what to do with.

“Well, we can have a dinner then, but we must invite the family. 16 is an important age for a Shimada, Sparrow,” their father tried to convince him, but the youngest Shimada brother did not seem enthused at all by the idea of getting older.

“I know,” Genji sighed as he poked at his food. 

Of course, the brothers understood this tradition well. In the old days, 16 was the age when a young man of their clan would have a celebratory ceremony in which they would receive their adult name, which would replace the name they had used throughout childhood. Though the tradition of childhood and adult names had faded, the family would still have a large celebration where the young Shimada would be given his “adult dress”, which was typically just a very expensive kimono, and he would also be given a new sword. 

Hanzo remembered his own ceremony being a huge affair with so many relatives and acquaintances of the family coming from all over the world that they would have run out of rooms in the castle if a group of aunts hadn’t agreed to share. Because Genji was a second son, many of those people wouldn’t care to show up. If there had been a third Shimada brother, next to no one would attend. It would likely just be that son’s friends and whatever family members weren’t busy. 

Their father began to discuss venues that they could rent out for what was still sounding like a party, but with a change of locations. While he was going down a list of people who would attend, he also mentioned that they should invite The Deadlock Gang even though they wouldn’t understand the tradition. It was customary to invite family retainers to at least the eldest son’s event, but Sojiro often insisted on holding up Genji as if he was a second first son. Sometimes Hanzo wondered what life would be like if the birth orders were reversed. 

He didn’t get much time to muse on it, as his father moved on to a slightly different subject, “Speaking of, how is McCree? I heard a rumor that he’s going into surgery today?”

Hanzo had never felt more panicked in his life. In fact, he was so worried that he nearly dropped his phone into his plate due to trying with trembling hands to text his boyfriend. He hadn’t even noticed that his father was asking Genji and had pretty much forgotten his eldest son. 

The youngest was shrugging now, speaking in a dull tone, “How should I know? We aren’t friends. Ask Hanzo. It’s his boyfriend.”

Hanzo saw himself diving across the table, tackling his brother, and strangling him until he forgot how to talk. The only thing that saved Genji from this fate is the fact that he had pushed the call button next to Jesse’s name instead of the text button, and now a female voice was coming from his phone, repeatedly saying, “Hello?”

Getting up from the table without a word, Hanzo went all the way outside to have this call. By this point, the person on the other end had hung up. He called again, and when she answered, he nearly damaged her hearing by shouting into the phone.

“FAYE, WHERE IS JESSE!”

“Jesus Hector Christ, boss! He’s getting put under right now. He told me to…”

He didn’t hear another word because he hung up and called his secretary to shout in her ear next. “Chunhua, it’s Ha- I mean, it’s Vice Chairman Shimada! Listen to me, I need you to get me the very next flight to Switzerland!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah, I updated! And I have the next chapter almost done! I am really excited about where we're at in this story. That said, I'm sorry if it seems rushed in places, especially with them leaving Spain. Up until now has been about developing their relationship. From here on out, let's put it to the test!


End file.
